My son is friends with twin boys that are in his class at school. One of them was in his class last year, but he has gotten a lot close with the other one this year and has recently asked to start playing with him. Due to schedule conflicts right now it hasn't happened. While he is still friendly with both boys, he specifically asks to play with just the one. For those of you that may have twins, how do you feel about this? I know it's probably normal to not always have both kids do a play date everytime but I'm not sure really how to approach it. TIA for your help!
Thanks for the replies so far. A few clarifications...BOTH twins are in my son's class this year. It was only one (and not the one he's closer to now) that was in his class last year. They are all 7 years old. While I understand that twins develop their own friendships I think what makes it complicated (for me) is that all three boys are in the same class this year. It's not that my son doesn't like them both--he just seems to have bonded more with one. I guess that's a testament to the fact that twins ARE individuals too. Please keep the input coming...thanks!
I have twins and while they are a "package deal" in many respects, that's not necessarily the case with friends. Because their personalities are different, they attract different friends and I would never expect one to be invited somewhere just because the other was.
As a mom of twin daughters, my suggestion is to talk to the parents and ask them. I can't speak for all families with twins, but for our family we try to approach it a lot like how parents would with different-age siblings - sometimes they'll have playdates together and sometimes not, and if sissy A has a playdate at a classmate's house, we'll try to arrange for sissy B to have a different classmate over. They've been in different classes since kindergarten (our choice - their temperaments and learning styles are different and it's better for *both* of them if they're in separate classes) so we've assured many classmates' parents that yes, we understand and it's fine if your child wants to invite one but not the other to a playdate or even to a birthday party.
My son has a twin in his class and the other twin is in another class and barely knows my son. Every time we invite the twin my son is friends with, both boys will come. I find it to be a bit annoying since we always only invite the one. My son barely knows the other boy, so I think it is odd that he comes to every playdate.
I'm a twin and we are very close, even when young. That being said we had friends that we were both friends with and we had our own friends too. We were always going to friends play-dates without the other and didn't feel bad about it and neither did our parents. Siblings need time away from each other regardless if they are twins or not. I actually think it is quite rude of parents of twins to expect both kids to go to a play-date when only one is invited. That is not the way to raise independent, happy kids. As I said I am very close to my sister - BFF's!!! :-) but twins have to learn that they are individuals too. :-)
A twin is 2 individuals.
They are not a package deal.
They/the parent, has to understand, that "both" twins cannot always just go somewhere or with someone, if one is friends with someone and the other is not.
It is not, a package deal.
My friend has twins... she said that each twin has their own friends. She did not, expect EVERYONE they played with, to invite BOTH girls each time. It is a burden, for other kids to think that and for that other parent too. And it is presumptuous... to think that both twins, has to be at all outings, even if one was invited and the other was not. ie: each twin is an individual and has their own friends. So she knows that and did not in any way, 'expect' invitations to ALWAYS be for BOTH twins. Each of her twins, has their own activities/interests/friends.
If I were you, I would just invite "Johnny" to a play-date. Just say to the Mom "My Son would like to invite Tommy to come over." Then as needed, just explain... that your son 'Johnny' is closer with Tommy than her other twin Jimmy. And bonds more with that one.
It is nothing personal.
It just is.
We have separate friends for both girls. Yes they get along with just about everyone, but they do have their "preferred" friends each.
A friend of mine who has twins was just talking about this the other day.They're 8 and it was the first invitation when one was invited and the other not. The mom let the one girl go and took the other out on a mommy/daddy date. The girl that didn't go was upset the whole day, and the girl who went to the party said she didn't have fun (whether that's true or not, who knows) because she missed her sister.
I have 4 children and my 2 oldest are 15 months apart. If any of my kids gets an invitation from someone who doesn't say I can bring all my kids, I don't go.
As a mom of twins, I think it's a good thing to have a playdate with only one boy. I look for opportunities to separate my boys and do different activities, even though they're only 2. You don't have to feel like they're a package deal because they're not. If your son is better friends with one, have only that boy come over.
You didn't mention their ages, but I probably would have a play date with both of them, since he has been friendly with both, even though it's been at different times - it's not like the one of them was a bully to him or anything. Keep in mind that sometimes it's harder though for 3 kids to play together than 2 or 4. But I don't think it would be fair to invite one boy over and not the other. You could always discuss with the twins' mom and see what she says.
That's a tough one. I don't have twins but I have two friends who both have same sex twins and I think it depends on the parent, I think they both might react differently for a separate invite, so I do think you should probably approach the mom first. I went to school with a set of twins though and when we were in school they both had separate groups of friends, even in elementary school. I know they both did things together but they also did things separately and were included with their closer friends separately a lot of the time.
How old are they? That plays a huge factor in my answer.
I am not a mom of twins, but my son was in the same situation as yours. The mom was delighted that only one was invited. She wanted them to each have their own friends. IT also allowed her to have time alone with the one that was not invited. We are still friends with that family and often have both of them over, but now they are teenagers, and my son is close to both boys.
I would just invite both twins, i hate to think of a child feeling sad and left out because of me!
I think you can ask the M. how she feels about it. Maybe you dont feel up to having all 3 kids at the same time, but wouldnt it be nice if twin A had some really fun one on one time with M. while twin B is at your house? I think every child needs some special undivided attention from parents no matter how many siblings they have, twins, triplets or otherwise.
my twin nieces did everything together & if one of them didn't like something....they both avoided it.
I'd hate for your son to be the one avoided if that other twin doesn't learn to like him, too! I think the connection your son feels here....is simply based on the fact that he was with just one of them this year.
Don't request just one of them! My SIL would have blasted you for it!
