Playdate Etiquette - Indianapolis,IN

I think it depends on a few things, including the age of the child - some people, myself included - are uncomfortable with other people driving my child (at least the younger ones) since I know that not everyone takes things like seatbelt/carseat safety as seriously as others. My 5 year old is still in a 5-point harness (she only weighs 34 lbs) and a lot of people's kids don't use them anymore at that age so I don't assume that they have them. I always feel awkward sending my child to someone else's house if we are not friends who have been to each other's homes before. Maybe meeting new friends at a neutral location (playground, McDonald's, etc) until the friendship is better established, both with the kids and the parents...

Around here, most parents do their own driving for their kids until the parents get to know each other very well. Alot of parents get nervous having someone they dont' really know picking up and driving their kid somewhere. For the most part, I drive my 2 & 4 year old to their friends' houses with a couple exceptions - families we've known a few years will pick up my kids from preschool to take them home to play for a few hours and I do the same for them (giving each other breaks). If it's the first time a friend has been over to our house, I invite the mom to stay if she wants - about half do.

It does get easier. My 7 year old just rides his bike through the neighborhood to get to his friends' houses. Heck, even my 4 year old will walk by herself to the house directly across the street (new family/kid just moved in a couple months ago). When my kids were younger I was driving them all over town for playdates... now I realize how great it is to just become friends with the families in our neighborhood (tons of kids) since those are the kids they'll go to school with anyways. And age doesn't matter... in fact it's better for kids to have friends of all ages. My 4year old's friend across the street is an 8 year old girl -- they love playing together despite the age difference.

Dear D.,
I don't know the correct answer but I can share what I do. We have moved a lot so I initiate a lot of the play dates and invite them to our house. I usually offer to the mom that she can stay for tea if she wants or just pick up her kid whenever she wants to. Since we are also trying to get to know people I usually offer tea when she comes to pick up and sometimes the mom stays for 15-20 mins., sometimes they have to go. If I host I usually don't offer to do the driving unless I'm already out but let them know I'm flexible.
Hope this helps, I hope you feel welcome in your new community.

IF it's a drop-off playdate (we still have many that are parent-hangout-type - age 7, although we also do the "trading a few hours free" type as well) ... if it's at their house I drop off, if it's at our house they drop off. If it's at a park, we meet. AKA we transport our own children.

We're just getting into play dates that require drop offs as our son is 3.5. Previously, we would simply meet-up with friends/neighbors (mostly on weekends and evenings since we both work) and chat amongst ourselves while the kids played.

One of our son's friends from Day Care wanted to get together. Originally we were going to go to their house (we would have dropped our son off), but the parents asked if we could switch locations, so they dropped their son off at ours and picked him up a few hours later.

I don't think it matters - I'd just ask what is most preferable. I'd probably say something like, "What time would you like me to come by?" and see how they respond. Personally, I'd rather drop off and pick-up my own child, but I'd not be offended if they wanted to come get them either.

Hope that helps.

I have not had a drop off playdate yet. We tend to go places still. I would assume that if the playdate is in your home I drop off/pick up

Well, I think a good way to start is to ask the child to come to your house. The parents will most likely drop off. If it's convenient for you to take them home, you can offer, but agree on a time for the play to end. (We do a lot of taking home b/c the other kid usually has younger siblings and it's just a time saver for the other mom.
Most llikely, the parent will reciprocate by asking your child to their house the next time.

Hi, it's one of those case by case things. Usually, for us, if we do the "inviting", the other parent brings the child to our house (as they've been "invited"). The pick up depends on what works best for that particular situation: "We're heading in that direction later anyway, so it would be no problem to drop off your child at your place later on" or "We eat dinner around 6 so would you be able to pick up your child by 5:30 or would you prefer she stay and have dinner with us?" or just simply "What time would you like to come by and pick up your child?". If the playdate is at someone else's house, unless the other parent says something like "we can swing by and pick up your child after my daughter's soccer practice", I assume I'll be taking my child to their home. If it's a new friend, I prefer to drive to and from so I can meet the parent at their house and do a little recon on what kind of people they are. And again, unless the other parent offers to drive my child home because it's convenient for them, I assume I'll pick them up after the playdate.

Absolutely set up playdates for your child, absolutely! It's the best way for them to find which children they're comfortable with. I just moved across the country and have found the playdate "etiquette" is pretty much the same here as it was in my last city. It probably is in your town, too. Since you're new to the area and don't know too many people, I think it's fine to tell the other parent "Why don't you and your child come by around 1pm. If you'd like, stay for a few minutes yourself to make sure your child is comfortable. I'd love to get to know the parents of my child's friends, so maybe we can chat for a few minutes before you leave." If your child is young, chances are the other parents are also new to drop-off playdates and may have the same concerns as you. There's nothing wrong with telling the other parent "we're new to this whole drop-off playdate thing, so please bear with me". Common sense, simple courtesy and friendliness will help you set up good playdates for your child. And don't get offended if once you have a playdate at your house, you don't immediately get invited to the other child's house for a reciprocal playdate. People are super busy these days and sometimes it is a real hassle to have a playdate at their house. It doesn't mean they don't like your child or they're being rude on purpose. My son has friends who've been to our home many, many times and he's never been to theirs. I know that both his friend's parents work fulltime, sometimes weekends, they have activities, and a dog (which my son is allergic to) and another daughter, and a very small home. Coordinating a playdate at their house is really troublesome for them. My son likes this kid, so I have no problem having him over to our home and don't expect a return invite. Hope your child has many many successful playdates and you get to know a bunch of parents!