Planning Second Child, How to Prepare 3 Year Old

Hi G.,

As the mom of a 12 yr old, 4 yr old and 18 month old all boys. I can tell you that no matter what you try there are going to be times when she will feel left out. I can suggest getting a baby doll and you holding and changing and doing things you would do with a newborn and involve her, but don't let her play with it. Include her in doctor' appointments and when the baby comes, bring her to the hospital. Once home just let her help and be involved to a point. It took a couple of days but he adjusted very well. He was 3 when the baby came, so you shouldn't have to hard of a time.

Good Luck!

S.
SAHM of 3 boys 12, 4 and 18 mths

I have an 8 month old son and a 3 1/2 year old daughter, so I know what you are going through. We told our daughter that mommy was going to have baby and that she was going to be a big sister and she didn't quite know how to act, we had to tell her that this was a good thing. Through all the baby making decisions we asked our daughter her opinion. When it was time to start picking names we made sure that she could says his name and when we were picking out bedding we let her help. We also bought one of the home heart monitors so that she could hear her brothers heart beat (and she went to all my ultrasounds). She even helped me pack my bag for the hospital and picked out what special blanket her brother would be wrapped in. Now, she has become a little mother, and we have only seen little hints of jealousy (if we play with him on the floor, she wants to be on the floor too). She helps with everything from getting bottles from the fridge to folding his clothes when they need to be put away. Just make her feel like shes part of all the decisions and she'll probably be more ready then you are.

My advice is to keep your first child as involved as possible so she knows that it's her baby also and her brother/sister. My son was a little over 2 when we got pregnant with our second and I involved him in every way. He went with me to all my appointments, the ultrasound he was really excited to see the baby.... i had him always try to feel her kick in the belly, or have him try and listen and kiss it and rub it and talk to the belly. He grew really attached and loved her from the start. We also talked to him about it a lot and explained repeatedly what it meant having a new baby and sister in teh house and made sure he understood it, and understood that it didn't mean we would love him any less, and that the baby would need lots of attention because she's not big like him and can't do things for herself. Basically, all sorts of stuff like this and just keeping him as involved and as reassured as possible about everything. When she was born, he was really excited and still loves having her as his little sister (yes they fight now as she's 18 months old now) but he loves her to death and she loves him just as much. He never once had that toddler moment of saying he wants her to go back to the hospital or anything like that. I"m due now with my third and he's goin to be 4 1/2 when our son is born.... and he's just as excited. Just be honest with her and talk to her lots about it "once" you are pregnant, and i'm sure she'll be fine with it all and love and be excited about her sibling just as much! Good luck!

My daughter was 3 when we had our second child. She came to all my prenatal visits and got to hear the baby's heart beat. She was there for the sonogram, which we played several times at home. We checked out many books about becoming a big sister and how babies grow inside a moms belly. We talked a lot about how the baby would need lots of attention and how she could be our "big helper". She was there at the birthing center for the entire time of my laboring and sat near my shoulder as I gave birth. She has since been very attched and loving to her baby sister.

To be completely honest with you, it's not as hard as you think it is. I have a 2 y/o and when I was pregnant with my 4 month old twins, I was so afraid it would take away from my daughter and she was going to be so upset and jealous. Boy was I WRONG! It is such a valid thought, you don't ever want your special 1st child to ever feel like they are put on the back burner...but if she is anything like my Abby...she just LOVED it! Her first reaction was...mommy, I have 2 babies! She loves helping me bring them diapers, and feeding them (if you bottle feed), burping them...everything to do with them. She loves them and I think she is so much better off having them in her life. In the future, your child is going to be so happy to have a sibling around to share their life with. I have heard some children get jealous...but I think girls take it better, they have a natural maternal instinct. I think it's going to be so much fun for you, your husband and your daughter! : ) Congratulations to you all!

My son turned 4 just before his brother was born. He went to most of my Dr appointments with me, so he saw the ultrasounds and heard the heartbeat a lot. Those things helped him realize there really is a baby in mommy's belly. We kept him involved in everything we possibly could. After the baby was born, we still kept him involved with feeding and teaching him how he has to be careful and he's never felt like he was left out. Now the big boy is very protective of his little brother. We had to remind grandparents and other family members that the big brother is there too, so he wouldn't be left out from them.

Hi G. my name is A. and I myself is a mother of 2 my son is 2 1/2 and my Daughter is now 4 months old. I know it is going to sounds silly but I bought a small little baby doll and I taught my son how to treat it like it was a real baby. we took it everywhere I even pretended to feed it and also change it. I had him help me with everything when it came to tending to the baby doll. He Loved it!!! Instead of them feeling like they are being left out or replaced they feel like they are doing something really good by always helping mommy with the new baby. Hope I was some what of help to you let me know how it goes. Good Luck to you!