Lookin for Advice on Best Time to Have a Second Child

Hi!
My name is G. and I have 2 sons who are only 13 months apart..my advice is, if you want them close and you are up for it..have another child as soon as you can! My boys are wonderful and it is really all about balance. My 16 month old is on a pretty strict schedule so it makes it a lot easier for me to get things done. I am able to spend time with the both of them and when my youngest (Caleb) gets to where he can move around, he and his brother Gabe can play and keep themselves occupied :) It isn't easy but but definitely worth it. Good luck to you !
-G.

A. - I just would like to offer you my opinion. My middle sister and I are 15 months apart and we are best friends whereas my oldest sister and I are 4 years apart and we don't even speak. So i think that maybe the time is now. Good luck.

Hi A.;
I always wanted my children close together as well, but my desires were side tracked for a few years. My first is an 8 year old boy, and I was blessed 2 years ago with my second, a girl. My 8 year old can now do things to help me. It's always nice to have a second pair of hands when you have children!
Best wishes -- Lisa (single mom of Gareth, 8 and Emma, 2).

Literature says three years is optimum. Mine are a little less than that but I do agree it gives everyone plenty of time to be "the baby"!! Good Luck!! ps you probably already know this but breastfeeding is one of mother nature's forms of birth control.

Hi there,
As a mother of 6, soon to be 7, I can tell you that there is no right answer to this question. We have some 1 1/2 years apart, and some 3 years. Each spacing has had its own challenges, but every baby has been a blessing, whenever they arrived. And in my opinion, there's no greater gift you can give your child than siblings, no matter the spacing. The better question is what is right for you? It sounds like you already know what you want, but just haven't been able to get there yet. One thing you might take into account is how often you are still breastfeeding, as this can interfere with ovulation and prevent pregnancy. Every woman is different in this regard, but for me, I didn't ever ovulate until at least 11 months post-partum. When I started to wean my babies, that's when my cycle started to kick back in. The more often you're nursing, the less likely you are to ovulate. If you're really serious about trying to get pregnant, check out Natural Family Planning, which is a method that teaches you to read your body's signals and let you know when you are ovulating. You can find out about this through your local Catholic church, even if you are not Catholic, or from the Pope Paul VI Institute (you can find their website by googling Natural Family Planning. Good luck.

A....

Deciding when (or if) to have a second child is an exciting, albeit scary proposition! I was petrified of having another. I had suffered tremendous post-partum depression after my 1st child and had a brutal physical recovery. I was afraid and could only think of what could go wrong. But I knew I wanted a second child...i just didn't know when...maybe after #1 starts pre-school? Maybe Kindergarten...College??? like you, I was concerned about spacing and the feelings/wellbeing of my 1st born. Then in May, after a vacation, God had made up our minds for us when I found out I was pregnant...surprise? Kind of...Anyway, my girls are 2 years and 7 months apart (it would have been 9 months, but little one came early). I have to say, our second daughter has truly brought out the best in everyone. I have seen my often crazy, self-centered pre-schooler melt into this gentle, caring little angel, actively helping to care for and love her little sister...I have mellowed out considerably as a more experienced Mom and my husband is happier simply because I am happier...is there a perfect time? No. We were going to wait and have 4 years between our two kids. As I said, the universe had other plans for us and it worked out great! And as for jelousy, it is normal, and it doesn't matter how close or far apart your kids are, #1 is bound to feel a bit slighted. My sister and I are 7 years apart...her arrival was a complete upset to my existence...I was not a happy camper...and I was 7! Best of luck!

now ... my kids are 8 years apart i would not advice
it becomes harder to do anything together when they are older
it might be hard or first couple of years but it will save a lots of hassel later

Hi, For us we also wanted our kids close in age but it took over a year to get pregnate once we decided to try. It is the best thing that could of happened. Now we have a 7yr and a 4 year old. The first child gets a lot of attention and then they are a little older and can understand they might need to wait. Also they can be big helpers plus then they go off to "school" and then you have more time with the second one.
Plus my 7 year old passed down stuff to the 4 year old.
Everyone if different, but this worked for us.
Good luck!

My girls are 22 months apart and it was somewhat unexpected that they would end up that close in age. Knowing your age, I'd enjoy your first as an "only" as much as you can because going from one to two is WAY harder than going from zero to one, in my opinion! Now that my oldest is going on 3 (will be 3 in July), I can honestly say that I think the ideal spacing is between 2.5 - 3 years for kids. You might have your oldest potty trained, you can definitely talk to and explain more about a new baby to him, and he would be more developmentally ready to be a "big" brother than being just an older baby himself.

Of course, I say all this because it's my own experience... you really should do what you think is best taking everything into account - your work schedule, finances, what you and your husband want, and then peoples' opinions last. I'm going on what I think is the perfect world scenario, but there is no perfect. I think it happens when it is supposed to for lots of reasons, some of which you don't learn until afterwards. So relax, enjoy, and take it as it comes. You'll feel when it's the right time!

I was aiming for 2.5, thought that was perfect (was what me and my sister were) because there would be two separate lives (far enough apart in school - but close enough to play). But I ended up with 4, couldn't control it. Anyway, my older is a great older brother, is helpful, can understand and even wait when I am with the baby. Anyway, what I am saying is that you will find reasons why any age gap is a good one.

I think it all depends on your famiy. Some families function well with children close in age and others prefer to have a bigger age gap.
If your a stay at home mom,the finances are fine, your comfortable with the way your life is now, your child is pretty easy going and you have the desire I say go for it.

On the other hand, if you have to put 2 in daycare, that is a HUGE expense to consider. You would need to figure out if you working would cost more than staying at home. That alone is a HUGE transition for some families. If you prefer to work or have to work because of the finances, it might make sense to hold off until your son is in preschool(or even kindergarten if your willing to wait that long)
Another thing to consider is what kind of child do you have. Some kids require more attention than others. If your son is the kind that doesnt transition well to new things,wants your undevided attention most of the time, and is going through the "terrible two's phase", you will want to consider if its the best time to get pregnant. Dealing with a tantruming toddler and being pregnant isnt much fun. Toddlers eventually get over the stage(around age 3 or so)and become their angelic selves again and would make being pregnant a very calm and relaxing family experience.
THere is alot of pros and cons to every age gap. I had my first two children 18 months apart and the next was born when the youngest was a little over 4 years old. My preference is the bigger age gap. I just felt as though I was so busy with 2 under 2, that I missed out a little on all the stages and milestones. With my youngest, I am relaxing and spending time with and really enjoying being a mother. Since its just her at home(the other 2 are in school) I am not so stressed about the work load at home with a toddler. I can enjoy her and handle any behavior problems that come up. She is an easy going child but has her moments. Like i said, its all comes down to how your family works and what you think you can handle.

The best timing is when you get pregnant and have a healthy baby! Don't worry...there is no best time. It seems that many people go for the "2 year plan" as i call it...I was shooting for 3 years...got five...it makes no difference. You will love them, and they will love eachother no matter what!

Is There Ever A Good Time? (lol) it all depends on what your needs are..do you want the kids closer together? (before 5 is best or they are kind of too far apart) or $$ concerns..my brother waited until they paid off their car before they went for the 2nd child.

If you want your son to keep BF until 2 then start trying then. (my son went for 14 months) if you start now they will still be close together..I think the 5 years different makes it really hard to get along..but with him being two, he will be only close to 3 and that is a good age difference..it is not as much fun as you may think to have 2 in diapers! lol

Good Luck

Hi,

I have my children 3 years, 11 months and 2 days apart. It's awesome having that much of an age difference. I wasn't planning on it as we had a miscarriage but oh well, it's worked out for the best.
My mom had us very very close together, my brother and I are 18 months apart and my brother and sister are 14 months apart. It was horrible. Sometimes I think there is such a thing as too close.
Just my opinion. But I have found 3-4 years a good age difference. Right now my daughter is 4 1/2 yo and my son is 7 mo and they love to play and laugh at each other.

E. P.

A.-

You have to decide for yourself an d your husband what will be right for you. My daughter and son are 2.5 years apart. I thin that is a good spread. My youngest is a toddler now, almost 2 and he is in to EVERYTHING. We can't go anywhere becuase he is all over the place. Even going to our parents houses is a nightmare because it isn't childproof and so one of us ALWAYS has to follow him around to make sure he doesn't get in to anything. So it is nice to have one that is past that stage that we can relax about. If we had 2 like that right now I think I would go crazy! I don't know how people do it with twins, triplets, etc. My husband and I both always wanted 3 kids, but after these 2 we are both good with just 2, we are both ready to get back to being able to go to family/friends houses and actually enjoy ourselves instead of chasing after our little munchkin!

Good luck! i hope it all goes smoothly when you do start trying!

A.

Hi A.

I have read somewhere(can't remember where) that it is best to have your second child either before your first is under 2 or over 4. I guess between the ages of 2 and 4 children have the most difficulties with excepting their sibling. I just had my second 4 months ago, and my son is 4 1/2 yrs. old. He is absolutely wonderful with the baby...and displaying no signs of jealousy or behavioral issues. Good luck!

Hello,

I too wanted to have my kids close in age however that time line didn't work out for me and my girls are 4 years apart. I like their age difference as my older one is able to be my "big helper" and she is great at being able to understand how to be gentle and she is a little mommy to her younger sister. She is completely involved with her and is always wanting/willing to teach her things. The downside to having them 4 years apart is that my 5 year old can have a hard time with attention. She feels some days that she is not getting the same attention as the younger one, which isn't true, it just may feel that way to her because my 14 month old started walking about 2 months ago so we both know how you have to be on top of their every move once that happens. She is a great big sister though and I couldn't ask for a better relationship between the two of them. Good luck with whatever you decide. I guess ultimately you have to think of how much can you handle right now, do you want your 15 month old to be a little bit more independent before getting pregnant again, do you want them both in diapers, formula, etc. Hope this helps some. :) Take care.

Whenever you feel you, as parents, are ready for twice the work :-)

My son is 6 and we just started trying again.... so don't feel pressure to have them too fast or too slow.. You do what feels right to you! :D There is no right or wrong.

I have a 14 month old that still nurses and I know for me personally, I wont be ready until she is successfully weaned (and maybe potty trained, ha ha).

As for when you are ready.... You will know. If you are questioning it now, might not be the right time.

Either way... good luck!

If you are looking to have them close together my advice is to start trying now!! We started trying when my son turned 1 and got prego than had a miscarriage and almost 9 months later we still aren't pregnant even though we've been trying since so you never know what might come your way or how long it can take (or you also never know and it could happen right away)... Good luck!

I don't think there is a right or a wrong answer to this question. I think when your husband and yourself are ready well, thats when your ready.

Personally, I always thought two years apart sounded perfect...

My eldest child was six when her brother was born, so she was more of a helper than a friend to play with...

I wanted to have one more two years apart to give my son a playmate, and I got my wish almost to the day... She was born June 9th and my son turned two on June 30th...

When I nursed her, he would cuddle up on my other side and lay his cheek against my breast and watch her... He was very interested in everything she did... And as she got older they began to play together.

Now she is about to turn two, and he four, and they are best friends. I can't even offer one of them a cookie without them asking for another to give to their sibling... Its really cool.

I think babywearing helped me alot. If she was in the sling or mei tai, then I could play with my son more...
Which is why I don't have trouble when we are doing errands and things, I've been wearing my younger daughter when we go out so that I can focus on my very active son...

I've been wearing her when we are out and about since she was born, and that works well for us...

Hi A., My sisters sons are 2 1/2 years apart, and they are best friends. My sisters were two years apart, and they were not... You never can tell - some of it is the personality match, not just the spacing - I wouldn't plan too hard. And, if by saying it hasn't worked out is that you've been having trouble conceiving, it might be the breastfeeding - it lowers your fertility (kind of like nature's insurance that you don't have them too close together). --S. H.

Mine are 17 months apart. I knew lots of moms who had kids that close and it seemed like a great idea for the kids to be that close. However, I didn't know how committed I would be to breastfeeding and attachment parenting. I nursed through the second pregnancy and tandem nurse my boys, who are now 2 and 3.5.

It's very hard to be an attached parent with two so close together. I usually have two in bed with me, two want to nurse, two wanted to be in the sling all the time. I felt that the older one had to be a 'big boy' too soon. I love them and wouldn't change a thing, but I wanted three close together, and now I know I will wait at least a few more years before I consider another.

Just take some time to think through all the plusses and minuses. In the short-term it's super-tough to have them close together, but in the long term, the kids have siblings close in age.

Let us know what you decide!

We you and and your husband want another baby, that is the time to do it. My babies are 5 years apart and I love it. I was not ready to share my son with anyone else for several years. When we decided to have another baby, he was 4 years old- old enough to be excited, old enough to understand why I couldn't pick him up at the end of my pregnancy, I didn't face 2 in daycare ($$$$), he was a huge helper, and really relished the role of big brother. I had time to devote to the new baby and jealousy was not a factor. Now they are 7 and 2. The 2 year old worships his brother and follows him everywhere- 5 years was a happy split.
Good luck!

Mine are 16 months apart (both boys) and it is SO HARD! I have an awesome husband who helps a ton, but I can't go anywhere alone. They go in separate directions and it is just so hard. I'm sure someday it will be fun with them being so close in age.....but I feel like I didn't get to enjoy my oldest as much since he was only 8 months old when I got pregnant with my next. Thank god I have a great husband and a dad who likes to come with me everywhere so I can handle it! For the longest time I didn't go anywhere with both because I just couldn't handle it. So, it all depends...it's really hard now, but I bet it will be better when they are older!

Close is definately nice (my opinion)..
The issue that could occur (from my own experience) is in our case the pacifier ... (your case breast-feeding) . while having just weaned the 1st one from the pacifier ,soon after bringing the 2nd child home with a pacifier, created another dilemma! Rivalry .

My suggestion. if it were me I would probably nurse up until about the age of 2 .. after all teeth have developed, Moms' antibodies for 2 years (good thing) "If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned." (AAFP 2001) http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html#n...
and weaning before 2nd comes along , giving him / her time to adjust . (at least 10 months > 40 weeks > full pregnancy term)
Best wishes on whatever you choose to do, and when you choose.

I don't think there's any magic number. My 2 kids are 5 years apart. I didn't have trouble conceiving, I was just happy with one child. You're young and probably have lots of energy so two kids close in age may not be so overwhelming, but it really can be. Just because they're super close in age doesn't mean they'll be best of friends. Maybe they will, maybe not. If you're ready for another then by all means keep trying. Good luck to you.

I really do not think any specific time is the "right" time. For us we had our girls 3 1/2 years apart. It was nice because one was out of diapers and a little self sufficent when the baby needed me. My sister had her's 5 years apart and I can see that it would have been better to be a little closer.

It all depends on when you feel ready to take on the challenge of having 2 children.
good luck