Picky Picky Husband, My Dinnertime Woe!

Stop trying to please him. Make what you want, and let him get his own damn dinner. That's what's happening anyway, so you may as well stop stressing over it.

I'm going to give my husband an extra hug for not being a picky eater and never complaining about my meals.

Hope you find a solution

Cook. Himself. End of story. Who has time for that?! He's not setting a great example for kids either.

Your hubby is a brat, the very definition of brat. We all eat things we don't prefer, but we all take turns doing so. It's called being a part of a family!

I will admit to not cooking broccoli as much as I'd like because hubby isn't a fan, but when I do make it, he eats it! Getting fast food!? That's a level of disrespect we don't allow in this house.

Seriously, you hubby needs a kick. And the example he is setting for your kids about how to treat the cook, about eating, is terrible. In our house, we thank the chef, and if we don't like it, we push it aside politely and go to bed hungry--out of respect and love of the chef!

Sometimes my husband doesn't like what I'm making (cultural differences) and if that's the case he just makes himself a sandwich or a frozen pizza, or heats up some leftovers.
It's too bad your husband actually goes to get fast food for dinner, yuck. I mean, we eat fast food sometimes but it's more for convenience, like when we're traveling or out running errands, I can't imagine leaving the house for it! Plus what a bad example that sets for the kids.
No advice, I guess, just sympathy. By BFF's husband is similar and his waistline shows it, more and more every year. Just keep making good, real food and maybe someday he'll grow up and stop eating like a college student.

While he's on the fast food run, I'd change the locks.

Have him cook one night a week, with rules. Must have 2 veggies, one starch, and a protein. No fried. Give him a budget.

It will either give him an idea of how hard you are working to feed the family, or give you ideas of other foods he will eat.

Oh, you are a patient woman. I don't think I could do 'petulant eater' husband. I'm the more restricted eater (due to health reasons) but *I* do the cooking.

Sounds like your husband needs to start doing some cooking for himself. How hard would it be for him to grab up a couple pounds of ground beef at the store and make a bunch of hamburger patties to keep in the freezer? Just put waxed paper between the patties. I promise you, it's not hard.

The reason I suggest this is because the meat you get at the grocery store will probably be better than what's served at fast food restaurants. It's a bad habit to get into, fast food. And kind of setting a weird example for the kids in regard to eating well as well as use of funds. I know fast food is cheap, but do we teach them "if I don't like what's being served, I go buy something else"?

Honestly, if it were my husband, I think I'd be inclined to let him make his own dinners if necessary, but have a weekly budget because eating out --even fast food- adds up.

PS: I love quinoa and some of the other 'hippie' foods out there; the trick with quinoa is to cook it in stock/broth for a little more flavor. It's too bad he's not willing to try new things-- I would have missed out on so many amazing foods if I limited myself that way.

My husband will go on and on about how picky the kids are, yet he is just as bad. He will only eat soup for lunch, so I don't bother making it for supper, unless it is French onion with lots of cheese. He only eats a handful of veggies-peas, corn, broccoli, cauliflower and green beans, so I always serve two veggies, one of which he will eat. He is pretty good about eating salad, as long as it is Greek, Caesar or a basic tossed, but I need to have a protein (such as chicken, but he won't eat breaded chicken) and bread on the side. He also won't eat mayo based salads (cole slaw, potato salad or macaroni salad.) He loves peanuts and tree nuts, but not in anything. I could go on and on. I think the key thing for me is that I do not deprive myself of things just because he doesn't like them. I still make turnip, brussel sprouts, beets, lamb, brownies with wal-nuts, potato salad etc, and if he doesn't want to eat them he doesn't have to.

I like how one person suggested that if he must eat fast food, have him eat it before he comes home from work so the kids don't know he is eating it. However, that is not the ideal situation. The ideal situation is for him to stop eating fast food, eat your food, and lose weight.

I also like someone else's suggestion for him to make himself a PBJ sandwich. Or he could make himself a turkey/cheese sandwich, or eggs, etc. Something easy if he refuses to cook.

Your husband is behaving like a baby, and it needs to stop. So sorry you are going through this. Good luck!

Yeah, I second everyone who said he is really being a pain. I am pretty anti fast food though so that would drive me nuts. I would point out that he is setting a poor example for the kids both related to manners and health.

It seems like you guys need to make a plan, ie. he cooks a healthy, inexpensive meal he likes a couple nights a week and you guys come to a fair consensus of maybe a list of things he really can't handle eating.

Maybe it's because I'm an old married woman and too cranky to put up with that situation...but I think you need to say to him what you said to us about him:

"{I DO make stuff you like a few times a week but I have a really hard time maintaining my weight and the options you likes are just not great for that. And I feel like you are setting a bad example" for the kids.

He's going to hate it and get defensive. But he needs to be a grown-up here. You should not have to do separate cooking for an adult -- how many times have we all heard and read: "If your child is picky, don't cater to it by cooking your child a separate meal of the foods the child likes! Have the child eat what the family eats." That applies to everyone. It's not like you're forcing steamed quinoa down his throat three times each week or shoving broccoli at him every day.

Tell him it makes you feel "dissed" when he does this. When he says "Chicken patties are meant to be eaten with a bun and cheese, not on salad," tell him coolly: "Fine. The store is five minutes away. Feel free to get yourself some buns and cheese and then you can put your patty on them. I don't have them on hand but you know where the store is. In fact, to prevent this from becoming a 'thing' since I feel you always have to have another meal -- why don't you start doing your own shopping and cooking, and I'll do mine and the kids'. That is what is happening anyway and there is no need to duplicate effort. I want you to be happy, so that makes you happy and full; on the weekend, you can shop and plan you meals for the week."

Because that IS what he is doing -- you make one meal, he cooks pancakes. It's very rude to you, it's a horrid example to your kids, and it's a refusal to ever, ever compromise. I would wager that he sees food as comfort and wants precisely the comfort he craves, with no thought to the work you put into the meals. (I also wonder if, when you discuss this, he's going to do what some spouses do and pull the "I'm so stressed after work, I need to come home to the food I want". That's a tough sell if you both work.) I also would guess that he was either raised by a mom who let him have whatever he wanted and catered to him, or raised by a mom who controlled food strictly. Either way, he's living that out now.

I would be much madder than you are. But I'd try to stay downright chilly as I told him that this isn't working for you any more; YOU also have a full-time job so he cannot say "Well, it's your job as the wife to shop and cook" (he has the same amount of time to do this that you do). Smile and tell him how you want him to be happy. Then: Follow through. Actually do it: Prepare meals for you and your kids. Period. Tell him you really do mean it: He tends to end up cooking his own stuff anyway so honey, let's make this official since it happens most nights. And tell him over and over: I see you're unhappy with my food. Be happy. Cook your own.

He's disrespecting you and your efforts and being self-centered to the max. I'm not sure why you are doing all the cooking anyway, if you both work full-time. When my husband and I both worked full-time we both cooked; not taking perfect turns, but he never would have refused to eat anythiing I cooked (or vice versa) because each of us knew the effort the other put into it.

Are there other ways in which he's this set on always having what he wants, no matter whether it is inconvenient or disrespectful to you? I would wonder if there's a bigger picture here.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh but he is being a brat. ALL FOOD is an aquired taste. It sounds like he ate poorly as a kid and has continued into adulthood. He needs to learn to eat healthy food. He is right on the road to a heart attack or stroke.
I have never allowed anyone to say anything like "yuk, I don't like that" in front of my children or grandchildren. I told them I cook healthy food and if you don't like it too bad, eat it any way and smile about it.
My kids tried the I don't like this routine when they were little but a few nights of falling asleep at the table were enough to make them understand I wasn't backing down and they learned to eat their dinner. Today they all eat fruits and veggies and so do my grandchildren. There are a few things they won't eat liver, I like it but didn't push it. They eat aspargrus, broccoli, green beans, peas etc. They all eat salad. They eat it because they were told from little on yummy this is so good.
IMO pasta is not that unhealthy. If you make Spaghetti with tomato sauce and a salad once in a while it is good for you. Science has proven that cooked tomatoes help prevent cancer. I personally do not like spaghetti sauce over squash. My mom made it once and I could barely choke it down.
Time for you to have a sit down with hubby and tell him 'try it, one or two pieces'. If for no other reason you are concerned about his health. Hopefully, he does get some form of exercise.
My friend's husband who is in his late 40's refuses to eat healthy or exercise. As a result he has a belly and in November he had 3 heart attacks and then back in the hospital for pneumonia. He has had to have a couple of back surgeries, the man is in horrible shape and getting worse.

OMG tell him to cook his own food!
Good grief!

My Husband is a man's man. BUT he WILL cook his own food! And does not grumble about it!
He is doing a Vegan way of eating now... and HE WILL COOK what he wants, if he wants something different!
And he makes his own home lunches.
AND he does not grumble about it!
He is not a baby about it.

He's addicted to the MSG and other non-food ingredients in Franken-food. That would be my guess. If he's overweight he's also likely wanting that bad sugar/fat "hit" that you get from junk food.

As someone who has struggled with this herself there is not much you can do. He has to *want* to change. Hopefully he will see the light at some point. I know I did - health issues with one of my kids is what really woke me up.

Good luck.

I went through this when I was married. And reading it makes me glad I am divorced.

My suggestion would be to sit down and make a weekly menu together so that your husband knows what to expect he will be served for dinner. Suggest that if he wants a fast food alternative that he eats it before he comes home so that the kids aren't influenced by his pickiness.

As my grandma would tell adult and child alike - you have two choices; wear what I bothered to cook you OR eat it.

Well, if he doesn't like the family dinner then it sounds like it's time for HIM to start making dinner!
I am very thankful that my husband will eat whatever I put in front of him and be grateful for it. I would be so pissed if he ran off to get fast food. What a waste of money.
L.

Honestly I would probably offer to make him a pbj which is what I offer my kids if I know I am making something they don't like. But my husband pretty much eats what I make. I am not willing to prepare a second (or third) meal. I do the meal planning and the shopping and most of the cooking so I decide what to make. I take suggestions/ requests when I am making my weekly menu. If nobody says anything then they are stuck with my picks.

If I were you I would probably stick to simple meals...a meat/protein, a starch, a veggie, a fruit. If broccoli is what he will eat, buy a few bags of frozen and that is what he gets every evening. You and the kids can have whatever veggies you like. I know I said I'm not willing to cook a separate meal but I would be willing to throw a bag of broccoli in the microwave.

I honestly didn't read the whole post or everyone's answers, but from what I did read I think I would tell my husband to take over the cooking a couple of days a week that way he can be sure to get what he likes. Who ever said the woman has to do all the cooking?

My husband USED to be a picky eater. His family life growing up was pretty sad, he took care of himself and ate what he wanted when he wanted. Not developing an adult palate until later in life made him hard to please in his 20's.

I think the key is that your husband has to want to broaden his tastes himself. Eating exactly and only what pleases you in the moment is usually really unhealthy and pretty immature. My husband would never leave the house after I served dinner and get his own fast food meal. To me that is just really rude, it's a bad example for the kids too.

My advice is to get him more involved. Maybe he could cook dinner a couple times a week. It might help him to understand how much work it is and how hard it is to please everyone. As far as what you're making, keep it really simple. Sit down and have him help make a list of dinners he will eat. Then maybe add a few things he's not totally against and try those recipes.

I am a vegetarian from California who is a bit of a foodie and I don't want spaghetti squash in place of my pasta, quinoa or healthy "substitutions". I just think the jump from fast food to what you like is way to far. Start with simple, healthy meals like pasta, tacos and fish. Get a few more dinners on that list of what he likes and SLOWLY add new stuff. As long as he's willing to try it you're bound to find some middle ground.

If he isn't willing to try what you make and not openly complain (especially in front of the kids) then I don't know what to say. Good luck!

Wow. In our house, he who doesn't cook doesn't get to criticize. We both work, so we both cook. We both believe we need to set a healthy eating example for our son, so all meals include vegetables and generally whole grains. Why is he not cooking? Also - he is not just eating for himself. He needs to realize he is setting a life time example for your kids. I am sure he does not want them to be obese, suffer from Diabetes, heart disease and/or other obesity related diseases and die a premature death.

So - what I would do would be discuss it and then let him start preparing 1/2 the meals (of course you do need to be willing to do the dishes on those nights). It would be reasonable to set some rules - fast food does NOT qualify as cooking on his nights. All meals must have some redeeming nutritional qualities. He can ONLY pick the vegetable (apparently lettuce and broccoli) on nights he is cooking and he eats what is for dinner (how on earth can we expect kids to eat what is cooked when an actual grown up can't do it).

ETA - nothing you have listed is 'crazy' or granola-y. They are normal foods that I absolutely expect my 8 year old to try and mostly eat. Potatoes are really not a vegetable - they are a starch.

I find it odd that there are people who discover their food incompatibility AFTER they are married. I am certain I would have noticed if DH was not open to trying any new restaurant (ethnic, veggie, sushi, anything) or cooking any new recipe back when we were dating.

Mine used to complain incessantly about my "healthy junk". He is also a meat and potatoes kind of guy. I just ignore it and cook my healthy junk.
The kids are also similar to yours-but they don't care if I use ground turkey instead of beef for sloppy joes, etc.
So, for two years now I've been listening to his mouth at dinner and now he's starting to say I like your meat better (turkey or chicken). And I catch him using my (%100 whole wheat) bread. He's slowly coming around. There are a lot of meals that he loves that I tweak-like stuffed cabbage with turkey meat.
Hopefully he will come around. If not-get an under the counter cd player and crank it up when he starts to complain!!

I have a very picky hubby & SD so what do I do now? I make what they
will eat over & over. When they complain that we eat the same things I
explain why & keep making it because they will eat it.
Here's what I've learned to do to help me:
-I use the crockpot. Make meat & potatoe meals (stew etc).
-Use ground turkey. Low fat but you can still make yummy things like
tacos, spaghetti, lasagna, shepherd's pie, hamburgers etc. You can lose
weight using this & eating well rounded, delicious meals.
-Keep things on hand for YOU to eat but don't make what I'll call weird
dishes that you're pretty certain are healthy (you'll like) but he won't.
-I can't make anything in this house that isn't common (squash noodles)
or God forbid you'd think I made a meal from dirt.
-My husb works a lot so he likes very filling meals. I make them for him &
eat light the rest of the meals when I am home w/the kids (salad etc).
-I, also, eat exotic foods when I dine out w/friends so I get my fix.
-Make standard staples when he is home. You can accentuate w/diff side
dishes.
-Save the chicken patties for your quick lunch possibly.
-Tell him you are wanting to make healthy meals for the family. Ask him
what he would like to eat (most often you can make a healthier version
w/o straying too far off the meal itself.)
-Don't make things that are too far "off the beaten path". Hang in there mom!

Sorry but that is super annoying and sets a really bad example to your kids. Cook what you want and he can eat it or get himself food. Healthy food is very important and setting up good eating habits is important to your family but you can't make your husband do anything. All you can do is try to encourage him so he feels and looks better. I cook healthy meals and my family will eat it or be hungry. They just eat it or eat the parts that they like and are content with that. I don't make seperate meals unless it's something I know my kids just do not like. My husband eats anything I make or he can make himself something.

Love your So What Happened. My husband and I eat different meals, using the same protien as a base. I need to be a low-carb eater and he is a plain-food, don't let it touch on the plate, meat and potatoes man. Each day we agree on a protein for dinner, and then suggest sides that will work, no matter who is doing the prep that night. I always make sure there are lots of easy salad and veggie preps for me, and he's easy-peasy to serve plain frozen veggies and plain starch. Given a healthy protein, it all works out, and he's gained an appreciation of some of my veggies, by eating just a bit. Never, ever, did he suggest that soup could suffice for a dinner. :)

Christy is right. You can cook healthy without doing all the exotic. My family gags if I try to serve quinoa. Forget spaghetti squash. However you can do baked or grilled chicken, ham, turkey, beef, fish, shrimp, scallops. They won't know the difference about regular or wheat pasta if you put the sauce on at the stove. We do a wheat pasta with meat and sauce and a little mozzarella melted on top. Can't tell the difference noodle wise. Don't make a big deal about it just do it and throw away the boxes.

Oh and just a side note you can't blame maintaining your weight on him. Make healthy food and eat it. If you cater to his likes he will be more likely to eat with you and the kids. So if that means making some burgers then make them with lean meat and baked fries as opposed to fried fast food ones. Make the pasta as healthy as you can. Make deal with him that you will do the junk food twice a week if he will eat at the table with the rest of you the other nights.

Omg, that is so hard!! Does he cook? Can u get him on a health kick?

It is my fear that my son will be like this one day. Like other people have said, I would have a talk with him about how this is disrespectful, bad for his health, AND sets a very bad example for the kids. Then watch some of those food movies with him….they are very motivating. Fat Sick and Nearly Dead. Fast Food Nation, Fast Food, Forks Over Knives, and Food Fight. These are all very good and might make him start to see things in a different way.

Galaway Girl-

Here's my suggestion. Cook what he likes, then cook what you like and what you'd like your kids to eat. Then plate according to your preference. so he like meat and potato. Cook that, and brocoli. When you plate for you and the kids, just make sure that the plate is 2/3 veg, and 1/3 meat and potato.

Good luck.
Best,
F. B.

I don't like what your hubby doesn't like either for the most part. I cook more like mac and cheese and stuff. I do happen to like veggies but I'm the only one that will eat them for the most part.

If hubby doesn't like what you fix then he's an adult and he can seriously go have what he wants. Seriously, if he doesn't like it he is an adult and can either fix himself something else or go grab a burger.

My friend has 2 teens and a hubby and none of them eat the same foods for any meal. She cooks like a short order cook. She says people should have a choice as to what they eat. If they don't like it they won't eat it so it's wasted. I agree and I cook what my family will eat.

Funny you posted this now. My sister's husband is a royal pain in the rear and won't eat a lot of things. I wanted to bring them some food for just having their baby (they live 8 hours away) and I couldn't because he's SO picky. I woudln't deal with it. Whereas my sister caters their meals to his likes and foregoes hers. No freaking way.

Last night I made stuffed peppers, but I don't stuff the peppers, I slice them and sautee them on the side...that's just how we prefer it. It's the Paula Dean Red Stuffed Peppers recipe. I sent it to my sister and she said her husband won't eat rice or peppers, so she wasn't going to make it. I told her it's really good and she should make it for herself then (stuffed peppers were one of he favorite's growing up!!). My husband wasn't a huge fan of it, but our 3 kids gave me high fives for a really yummy dinner.

When my husband complains about the food I make I tell him to suck it up. He won't go get other food, but he might make himself a sandwich after the kids are in bed. Sometimes when I make food I know he won't eat, I'll make him a portion on the side. (For example, he doesn't eat Taco's in a Pasta Shell, so I leave taco meat on the side.) But I did tell him last night I was a bit tired of him being rude about the food I make and he could start planning and making his own meals if he was going to be so picky. He ate the stuffed peppers then.

Ok, I know, no one can understand what you are going through and so let me tell you what I have learned.

First of all you will need to tell your husband your goal is to set an example for the children of the "best practices" for "their health". That means vegetables and good food choices. Our goal is to have our children grow up to be better than we are. Smarter, healthier, kinder and people that make even better choices than we have.

That is your priority. So you will need him to support that. But if he wants to eat the foods he wants and he wants you to prepare it, you will need a bigger food budget and you will need for him to admit to the kids his choices are not really healthy.

And you need him to praise the kids for doing what he is not able to do. They are able to to eat the healthy and good foods their wonderful mother prepares. He needs give them praise and he needs to thank you for keeping the kids healthy.

He is not t make faces or ugly comments. He is to set an example of a man with a weakness, but he wants them to do better.

I have 2 people in my life just like your husband.
One man is in his mid 60's and all he will eat as a meal is a hamburger.
I have posted about him before. He is my "first" stepmothers, brother.
He is a grown man. He is a successful CPA, they have children grandchildren and all look normal. But he will only eat hamburgers. And they have to be either Fast food or he has to have them made in a skillet. Not grilled..

They buy those bags of frozen meat patties and cheap hamburger buns on a regular basis and HE prepares them himself. He is not allowed to ask anyone else in the family to prepare them for him.

I cannot remember what he puts on them, but it has in no veggies and no cheese. I THINK he eats cold cereal for breakfast. He and his wife have been married since they graduated from college.

And then I have a friend that her husband is "meat and potatoes man" also. Every meal has to have meat and potatoes. He really does not care for leftovers, but she has found if she makes a potato in the microwave he is ok with that every once in a while.
He will eat fried food like fried chicken, fried catfish, chicken fried Steak,

He will eat BBQ and grilled steaks, but not grilled chicken or seafood.

He will not eat a green salad or a fresh fruit salad.

He will eat Tacos, with cut up steak in flour tortillas.

He eats cheese enchiladas as a side dish. He says they are not a "main dish"..

He likes coleslaw, potato salad, macaroni salad with miracel whip, but not mayo and it has to be prepared a certain way.

And so his wife cooks a lot of Steaks, Roasts, and fried chicken and makes extra so he can eat the leftovers.

He does not believe in spaghetti unless it is a side dish. A hamburger is fine for a lunch, but never "Supper".

He will eat chili, but only when it is just made. He does not like it as leftovers. You get the deal.

This couple has also raised a family and now has a grand child and they have been married over 25 years.

These poor women have decided over all their husbands are worth the effort and they have compromised for these guys.

I do not like everything my husband and daughter like to eat and they do not like everything I like to eat. We try to eat as healthy as possible. If that means that one of us does not like what the majority of us is eating, that is fine. We try not to make comments, we prepare our different meal and we go on.

Your children are still young, you are the main cook, so you get to make up the menu. We cannot force people to eat what they do not want or like. But we can provide healthy choices for our children so they feel like they have healthy options.

I am sending you strength.

Wow, and I thought mine was picky. I have sort of the opposite problem, though. Mine is "meat and veggies/potatoes and/or salad"... healthy, healthy, healthy. Keep the starch to a minimum! If we have potatoes, we do NOT have bread, or corn. Or any sort of breaded anything. In fact, we don't eat much of anything breaded, and NO prepackaged meats. The closest to that is Mrs. Paul's fish filets (not the fish sticks, the filets).

He will eat a normal sized portion, then get up and go to the fridge. Usually, it is for a Healthy Choice ice cream bar, or a greek yogurt for dessert. Sometimes it's for a Kashi cookie, or a Zone bar (if he feels he didn't have enough protein). But he always gets up immediately and gets something else. It's dessert, right? So I'm okay with that most of the time.

We don't eat a lot of pasta, unless he isn't home for dinner. He doesn't care for it unless I make spaghetti pie (with lots of meat and cottage cheese in it). And that is frowned upon if I make it too frequently (more than once every few months).
He PREFERS grilled. Grilled chicken. Grilled Steak. Grilled fish (in restaurants--I don't do that at home except for salmon). Grilled pork chops. Grilled hamburgers/hotdogs (when my parents visit from out of town this is a tradition).

He would be thrilled to eat a big salad with some grilled meat thrown on top every single night of the week. Seriously.
Do you know how labor intensive salads can be?? Ugh. I like them, too... but come on. I don't trust the "prewashed" lettuces, so they still get washed if I buy those. It's better to buy just hearts of romaine or something that I can tear up myself. But then, bell peppers, onions, cucumbers, olives, cheese, tomatoes, boiled eggs...
I mean, they are great! I love them! I even make a taco salad with hamburger meat and taco seasoning and use salsa and sour cream for the "dressing"... but I get tired of it. I like "comfort" type foods that can be made in one pot and simmer on the stove without a lot of attention. There are only a few of those that are not starch laden... So I can't make those too often, either, or we get tired of them.

What he is doing to you, though, is rude and unfair, and IS setting a terrible example for your children. I'd call him on that last one for sure. Does he really think it is ok to criticize your meals and then get up and go buy fast food and eat it ?! Wow.