Pet peeve/rant/Is It Me? STUFF!!!

Smile and nod, then take it directly to goodwill or the dumpster. They are asking you to get rid of it because they don't know how/ want to/ afraid of offending someone. If they ever ask about the stuff, tell them the truth. If they don't like it, they'll stop giving it to you.

In my family people seem to handle it differently. Most of the "stuff" comes from my 91-year-old grandma who sincerely thinks she's doing us a favor. I generally smile, take it and donate what I don't want/need. Sometimes I ask her if she wants it back and sometimes she does. My brother usually issues a "No Stuff" proclamation. He hates stuff! Although he has "played nicely" with Grandma at times and follows my "smile, then donate" policy. I admit to being guilty of passing on "stuff," but I usually ask first if they want it and I think (at least IMO) it's pretty good "stuff." For example, I used to sell Discovery Toys, many of which I've saved. They are great toys and hold up well. I've passed some on to my niece, but I washed them first, passed on the age-appropriate ones and asked my SIL about it first. My SIL was thrilled, but perhaps my brother thinks it is old "stuff" from my basement! The value of "stuff" is often in the eye of the beholder. I have actually gotten some good finds from my Grandma, it just takes a lot of sorting the wheat from the chaff. (-:

Why sort and purge. Just take the box/container as is to a thrift store drop off. They'll do the sorting. You will be providing work for those they hire to do that. Everyone wins.

They hire and train people who are out of work.

LOL! I think that the sentiment must be "One person's junk is another person's treasure". However, it seems like you never get treasures.

Here's what I would do if I were in your shoes. I would say thanks, (no notes, good grief!) and leave the box/bin where they left it. The next day, look through it and see if there's anything you want. Then throw the rest out or take it to Goodwill. There is no reason to feel that you must keep ANYTHING that you don't want. If they ask "Where's grandma's such-and-such?" then you just say "Oh, it's around somewhere..." and change the subject.

To be honest, A., some people just collect a lot of what I consider to be junk. That's a subjective view, too. What is junk to me is great to someone else. When we're young, we tend to accumulate things. When we get older and are tired of taking care of so much STUFF, we start purging. At some point we start looking much more critically at what we buy and end up not buying anything unless it's real quality and something we really need.

I did a huge purge a year and a half ago, sold some stuff on Craigslist, and gave the bulk to Goodwill. I am not one of these people who lives in the same house for a long time, so I've had to schlep all my stuff all over the place and I know how much work that is. So I have given away my kids' clothes, toys and books as they have grown out of them. My husband and I have gone through our own closets, and we've even pared down our kitchen stuff. It feels great, to be honest. You asked what my secret was. Well, it's partly getting rid of stuff I haven't used in a long time and partly knowing that I don't really need everything I've got. I let go of stuff until I feel good about it. Another secret is that you don't fill up your space. You have what you want and need and you fit it into the space, not the other way around. You know you've done it right when you aren't always having to get rid of more and your life is better because of it.

Every single season, get rid of all the toys that no longer are appropriate for your kids. Get rid of all clothes that are too small for your youngest. Have clothes that are "too big" stored in boxes according to sizes and separated by seasons. Put them up where the kids can't reach them. Don't have too many clothes for the kids. They don't need 20 outfits. The less you have in their drawers and closets, the less mess they make. Same thing with toys. Put up part of them so that they aren't all out at once. Maybe change them out every 3 or 4 weeks.

As far as friends and family is concerned? No, I don't tell them no. In fact, I'm gracious about it. I just do exactly what I detailed above - look through it after they've gone and then throw away what I don't want. It makes them feel better and I don't have to worry about hurting their feelings. Quite frankly, I think that the responsibility is on me to have the strength to not keep stuff, rather than to tell them not to give to me. However, that doesn't mean that I will let anyone guilt me into promising that I'll keep anything. That's important.

You know they make 50+ gallon trash bins, right?

Is it because it's stuff or because it's old?

In our family we don't mind giving/receiving things as gifts that aren't new. I'm very thankful because my budget is so tight that it says, "Ouch!" when I look at it. Books, clothing, toys, many other second-hand things are considered fine gifts within the family - and sometimes the bargain is part of the gift.

On the other hand, maybe your vent is about stuff that is just stuff. This is what I suspect, because if there were a book you always wanted and somebody found a copy at the Goodwill store, you wouldn't complain, right? Or that fancy-name sweater that some lady shelled out big bucks for and then decided it didn't look good enough on her?

My mother (who would be 108 now if she were still living) could not throw stuff away. She wasn't a hoarder - she wouldn't have qualified to be on the show - but she did accumulate things. She'd resolve courageously to cut down on the, um, inventory in her apartment. But she just couldn't manage to "throw good things away." She also had a hard time giving them away to charity - not because of the charity or the getting-rid-of, but because in her later years she couldn't haul things downstairs and outside to the curb.

Her solution? She mailed them all to me!

Yes, it's crazy. If it crosses your mind to imagine how much she must have paid for shipping, you may laugh. But she was willing to do it. She would send me all those things, knowing that I would go through the boxes, keep what was useful for my family, and give the rest away to... charity.

(She used to pack things in liquor boxes the booze store had discarded, because those boxes were big enough to hold a lot but not too big to become impossibly heavy. The UPS delivery man and I recognized each other by sight in those days. Once he came to the house with six boxes and said, "I'm getting worried about how much your mother must be drinking.")

It worked for my mama. She didn't have to do the giving away! And I didn't mind. It was a way of helping her.

If it's possible, can you change the attitude from, "Ugh! All this junk..." to, "Come on, kids - we've got more boxes and we can have a treasure hunt!"?

Or maybe this comment will just make you laugh hysterically, and a laugh can be good for anybody....

I'm the purger - I'm not very good at it but I give it a go.
My Mom is mailing me her entire household one box at a time.
Don't get me started!
My Mom will buy anything she has a coupon for whether she needs it or not.
When she runs out of packing peanuts, she'll get a box of Cheese-its, remove the plastic bag of crackers from their cardboard box and use the sealed bag of Cheese-its to fill in the space.
She likes to send me International coffees and has sent me every flavor - EXCEPT FOR THE ONE I ACTUALLY LIKE!
My husband takes stuff like that in to work for the coffee mess.
Some things are great but most things I wonder why she just didn't throw it out to begin with instead of wasting the price of shipping it.
If what is being sent is no family heirloom - go over what's inside the box just to check, the write down the contents for your donation list and put the whole box right into your donation pile.
For other things that need to be purged - if you recognize what it is (that it's only something that will collect dust for a few years or help fill a closet before you end up tossing it), then don't let it in the house.
After I get the mail my first stop is the outside recycling bin and %99 of the junk mail goes right into the bin.
Good luck!
And if you ever get your house effectively purged then you can come over and help me purge mine!

I would love to be on the end of receiving 'stuff'. I'm at such a different place than most of you. I'm an empty nester, both parents, all grandparents, all aunts are deceased. My two sisters are estranged. My best church friend is dying of cancer. I live thousands of miles from where I was born and raised. Life is so tender. Take the 'stuff' and be glad that you are on someone's mind. Then drive to the Goodwill.

This post really made me laugh, coming from a family of wanna-be hoarders (though not as bad as what you see on TV).

My grandmothers came through the Depression and NEVER threw anything out. Somehow it seeped down to my parents and then my generation.

I do not EVER give someone a box of stuff without being very clear that it's something they need or want. I've even begged my friends to be honest whether they really do want something I'm purging.

I don't accept purged stuff anymore, though I do have an Eiffel Tower sitting in my living room that our builder just gave us after he bought a condo property at auction (and the Eiffel Tower was left behind).

Sigh.

I do not have this exact problem, but I do sympathize.

My husband, likely much like your ex in this regard, has traveled the world. Thus, we have loads of souvenirs in the basement. Can we get rid of the paper Balinese shadow puppets no one plays with? What about those sandals from Kenya? The Masai leather shield? What about those rugs from wherever? That chair from great-grandma's... oh, yes, he's also the receptacle for the family 'treasures' that his downsizing parents don't have room for any more... I have a Russian Samovar I will likely never use. Who can drink that much tea?

Plus all of the collections. We have one full room with upwards of 200 cribbage boards as well as myriad antiques. A wooden valet, for example. Will you hang your jeans on it? No... he'll put them on the dining room chair overnight.

I have to laugh at the astounding stupidity of it all. I teased him once about that t-shirt collection which takes up a *whole dresser*. "I'll turn it into a tee shirt quilt for you one day!" The reply was akin to "and you'll be sleeping with one eye open if you do..." Guys and their stuff!

My only advice is to ask people for consumables at this point for gifts. When people ask me what he wants, I often point to our favorite pub for a gift certificate, or some other sort of outing. He enjoys a nice beverage or fine bottle of port and I don't have one more thing to dust or deal with!

I say all this as reformed collector of sorts. I have purged all of my old preschool stuff (I had a classroom's worth of furniture, props, toys, books, etc.) I've been systematically letting things go. Besides garage sales, I'm finding opportunities to give things away. Kiddo's friend's little sister loves dollies? "I have a great doll crib... would your family like it?" etc. etc. Some of it I try to freecycle, donate to shelters, donate to goodwill, offer in a freebox... and really, some of it just needs to go in the dumpster!

Yes, I'm with you on this one. My mom is a shopper..she loves to buy buy buy. She can't help herself. Whenever I visit she has me go through boxes and boxes of stuff she has bought over the years and she forces stuff on me. 10 Mexican blankets! Why? WHy in the world would you keep buying them year after year. Especially when I've never even seen her use one. All kinds of knick knacks. When she visits she brings stuff for us. Tshirts she no longer wants...clothes that don't fit her...whatever. She brings me things from my grandma and great grandma. She finds great sentimental value in ALL OF IT. I might want one or two small things to remember my grandma, but not all the things she lovingly passes down to me. No!!! I hate having a cluttered house. I get rid of some of the stuff she gives me and some of it I feel like I have to keep bc she actually checks on it when she is here. I have made the mistake of throwing something out that she found out about and she got depressed about it for about 2 years. So...basically when my mom passes away there is a bunch of stuff that is going to goodwill.

My mom knows of my love for animals and was constantly picking up animal-themed knick-knacks for me. She stopped when I explained to her that while I appreciated the thought, with all the real animals in my house, the figurines just collected lots of dust, or got knocked over and broken by rambunctious beasties. She appreciated me letting her know.

I couldn't read this all the way through-it reminded me of my exes family-if you were lucky, gifts were from St. Vincent de Paul-they weren't destitute-just "thrifty". Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

When my mom visited she'd ask me where such and such was. I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't keep the stuff sitting out where she could see it. I tossed it all when she died.

my in laws didnt really give us to lots of junk..although my own parents are very organized. They dont actually want to throw away their junk so they bring it to my house..nice things..but i dont want it.

i wont throw away family photos..and i am very sentimental but i also like a clean organized house. J.

My MIL does this. She is very sweet and I love her dearly, but she can't seem to pass up a garage sale or thrift store to save her life. Luckily, she doesn't ask where something is once she gives it to us. My standard answer is - oh, we have so little living space, it's packed away. The truth is that the item gets "packed away" in the outside garbage bin before it even makes itself at home. I don't want to insult her, but I just don't have room for all the stuff that comes my way.