My husband and I were talking about certain personality traits that our parents had that when we became parents, we swore “I will never be like that!”. My Mom was very controlling so I’ve always had that in check. Although I admit to be controlling at times which is a pet peeve of my husband’s, when he points it out I will relent. My husband’s father was selfish and VERY judgmental (still is) so my husband has always kept that in check but he too admits he can be selfish and can be judgmental at times. We are good about pointing these things out to each other and admitting when we are wrong. No one is perfect but when we can admit fault, we feel better!!!
What personality traits did your parents have that you, since having kids, have thought “I will never be like that”???
Do you have a personality trait you hope your kids will not possess?
Just curious and thought maybe some of you would like to share =-)
My Mom and my MIL were both yellers. My husband and I try very hard not to be like them. It is hard sometimes but we fight it (I do a better job at fighting it than my husband does haha)
My mom always called me "Princess" and said "Oh, get over it". My girls are still babies right now but I vow to never do that to them. Not really a personality trait but something I hope never to say to them.
One other thing- my mother always (even to this day) felt that she knew me better than anybody else because she gave birth to me. She never has broken the mold so to speak. While growing up it was implied that no matter what I SAID I was feeling or thinking, her opinion of what I was feeling/thinking was more correct/accurate because of that thought process. I was never even right about my own feelings or opinions.
I don't really know what that's called, but I will always try to give my girls the ability to express themselves and their opinions without negating their words or actions.
My mom was a yeller & I have been doing my best to keep that in check.
My dad broke many promises when i was a kid & I refuse to do that to my children. If I make a promise I stick to it, unless an absolute emergency comes up.
Also, because my mom was a yeller I became a compulsive liar to keep the peace. I have been keeping that one in check for many years (I self corrected that problem). I never want my kids to have that problem & they know that they get into more trouble if they lie to me then if they tell me the truth.
God bless!
My mom was a screamer and, while I know I inherited that trait, I'm REALLY trying to keep it in check. She also hated (still does) housework and was always kinda lazy, often delegating all the cleaning to me and my sisters. I often felt like the only reason she had me was so that she didn't have to clean. While I do expect my children to pick up after themselves and contribute to the household chores, I will NEVER sit around while they're doing the heavy cleaning.
My husband's parents, while well-meaning, STILL call to make sure he's eating properly and stuff like that. If he tells them that he's going to do something, the first thing they say is 'be careful' - he's almost 30! I know it bugs him that they try to be SO involved, especially now that he's a father. He encourages our girls to be independant and try new things.
My dad is a jovial pessimist (I know that seems like it doesn't makes sense but he is generally happy until a situation arises and then he thinks gloom and doom and that the end result will be bad). I can be like that sometimes but I am more of a realist than a pessimist. I am a huge, huge procrastinator as is my husband. I hope our children don't inherit that (if it is even inherited...nature vs. nurture). I also have a tendency to get my Irish up about some things but my temper is fleeting. I don't stay angry long which I think could come across as confusing to my children. Still, I would rather have a temper come and go easily than stew and hold grudges.
My mother was an EXTREME worrier -very anxiety-ridden. There were times I felt, even as a very small child, that I was walking on egg shells around her. I learned to lie well at an early age just so I could do things every other normal kid did but she didn't want me doing because she worried so much. She knew she worried too much too. My father and I honestly think the stress of worrying about everything constantly played a big roll in the brain tumor that killed her. I think some of it was an inherited trait that some of her other siblings and her mother seemed to share, but thank God I didn't get it! That was my biggest fear -is turning into some crazed worrywart filled with anxiety over my kids' every move. So far so good! I'm certainly not lax in their care or watching over them, but I'm not a helicopter parent.
We HAVE become our parents with a slight twist (lol). The best thing about it is that we KNOW what the traits are and we are trying keep it in check. I think most (I said most, not all) women tend to be more controlling and most men tend to be selfish. I think in the end you need both. It's the obsessiveness of any one personalities that makes life miserable for each other.
My mom was a yeller as well and my dad has a bad temper and is set off easily. I refuse to be that way in general, but especially with my future kids. My dad also broke many promises, especially about things like trips to Disneyland, other trips, etc. My mom also is very defensive and will get upset over the smallest of things even if they were said in a joking manner or were not even meant to be negative. She also nags and can be very overbearing. I feel like the yelling, bad temper, and breaking promises are things that are easy for me to control. I think since I grew up hating those things I learned to not do them early on. I have never been a yeller or had a bad temper, and I don't make promises I can't keep. Sometimes I catch myself nagging, so I try my hardest to stop it! These aren't personality traits, but my mom is a smoker and my dad is a drinker, so those are things that I have also grown up hating and have learned not to do.
I could have written this part of lesley's post:
My mom was a screamer and, while I know I inherited that trait, I'm REALLY trying to keep it in check. She also hated (still does) housework and was always kinda lazy, often delegating all the cleaning to me and my sisters. I often felt like the only reason she had me was so that she didn't have to clean. While I do expect my children to pick up after themselves and contribute to the household chores, I will NEVER sit around while they're doing the heavy cleaning.
I'll also add that my Mom never EVER let us listen to OUR music in the car and I vowed that I would let my kids. Most of the time, my 9 year old controls the dial, but I draw the line at hip hop/rap or heavy metal and he knows that.
She also was completely laid out debilitated whenever she was the slightest bit sick, and that drove us NUTS that we had to wait on her. So I think I've done the pendulum swing and rarely "give in" to being sick. I just power through.
Sounds like I really hated my mom - but she was a single parent back in the day when it was extremely rare. She gave up a LOT for us and we all turned out pretty good in spite of her quirks! LOL! :) (I miss her - she's been gone 8 years now)
That is a very god question. I never really grew up with my real dad although I do see him at times. I have all his traits, he is very kind and sweet. He would give you the shirt off his back so long as no one made him mad. He would give his last dollar to you as well. I am very proud to have all his traits. Now my mom is another story. She's a compulsive liar, stealer, abuses prescription drugs, smokes, and if you have something she wants she will find a way to get it. She has a nasty attitude of jumping to conclusions. She is very manipulative, and she cheats on anyone she's with. Thankfully I don't have any traits like that but my sister inherited her traits. Think of it this way Real dad+mom= Good Kid (me) Step dad's best friend + Mom= identical twin of mom (my evil little sister) :)
My mom was very controling as well, she died in 2004, but she used to always say, as long as you are living in my house you will do what i say. i swore i would never say that to any of my kids, they are 27, 23 and 21 and to this day i have never said those words or anything like them to my kids. J.
Afraid of change. Made mountains out of ant hills and were not risk takers. Over analyzed everything so that it would paralyze their decision making.
