Hi M.,
I'm sure my answer won't help, but just to give you a couple of other thoughts.
First of all my husband and I, both college graduates do not feel we owe our kids anything but the opportunity. I am still the only college graduate in my family and had to work my butt off to get through. I didn't aspire to go to a big university, but went to the local community college, got my associates then finished my bachelor's degree after my husband and I were married. When there is a true will, there is a way!
My in laws did initially pay for my husband and all his sibling's education. But only 1 out of the 4 went all the way through the first time. So he too finished after we were married.
We have a 19 year old and a 15 year old. The 19 year old has already partied his was home from the university and is now at the community college which is where we wanted him to start in the first place. We knew he wasn't ready. Socially he was fine, but he is not focused or self-motivated and couldn't stay motivated away from home.
Our 15 year old on the other hand is very motivated and focused. Unless something changes in the next few years, we really are not worried about her being ready for college.
I have friends who had "saved" for their kid's college but with the downturn of the economy their situations changed. One friend has told her daughter they will pay for the equivalent of an in-state tuition. If she chooses to go out of state the rest is on her own. Another friend of mine, both parents are professionals with good incomes and savings until. . . were thrilled that their daughter did so well in the good public school that she is getting a couple scholarships to the in state university.
And just to throw another thought into the discussion. We supposedly live in one of the best school districts in the state. But we have chosen for a variety of reasons to send our kids to a private, independent school. We are fortunate to be able to do that, but essentially are paying double. Taxes and tuition.
Should you have already been saving money for college? Maybe. I agree with all the questions Rebecca asked below but would add. . .
will your daughter be ready for college? Socially and academically?
A good school will help with the academics but there are a lot of other things to consider when sending a kid off.
Good Luck.