Pay It Forward - Antioch,TN

Updated on June 16, 2008
S.D. asks from Antioch, TN
4 answers

My sons play on the high school baseball team. Their school does not have a baseball field because the city built a community center and a park on the land that used to be the high school baseball field and football field. As a result, the baseball players have to drive across down to a city park 10-15 minutes away for baseball practice. The football players drive to another school 10-15 minutes away to play FB with the other school. My older son was a Senior. He has driven our younger son and his best friend to FB and BB practice every school day for two years. His brother's friend has never offered him a dime for gas. When my son has money he pays for his own gas. When he runs out of money I buy his gas. His friend used to get in the car every afternoon and kick the back of the seat and tell my younger son to move his chair forward. My younger son is tall and the seat is moved back to have room for his long legs in that little car. Every day my older son had to say, “stop kicking my seat.” Towards the end of the school year my older son got mad at his brother's friend for kicking the seat every day and never offering him anything for gas. He refused to let the "cheapskating freeloader" ride with him any more. Gas had gone up to $4 a gallon and I think he felt taken advantage of. He drove them to all the practices, home games, and the away games, which were as far as an hour away. He was driving him somewhere that he was already going. But, he also would take his brother’s friend home if his parents were running late and in rush hour traffic he lives about 30 minutes away from our home. During summer football he drove his brother’s friend to and from practice every day. They had a falling out over the seat getting kicked. My older son refused to give him a ride any more. He told him to ride with one of the other BB players. The friend got a ride with someone else the last couple of weeks of the season.

Now, here is my issue. My younger son's mom and I are friends. We have been sitting at BB games together since the boys started on the high school team as 8th graders. We have vacationed with their family on spring break BB trips. His mom has asked me and asked a mutual friend (another BB mom) what the problem is. Why won't my older son give her son a ride? We were at one of the mom's night out dinners the other night and she was talking about the older boys giving the younger boys rides to games and how much she appreciated it. She said that when our younger boys were 8th graders that they had ridden to games and practices with one of the Seniors. She said that this Senior would never take any money for gas. He told the younger boys to "pay it forward" when they are old enough to drive. And she seemed to be under the impression that none of the boys should pay any of the other players for giving them a ride to practices and games. My son was filling his car up twice a week during the school year--once in awhile when they had too many away games that were far away he filled up three times a week. At $4 a gallon it costs $50 to fill up his car. He doesn't make $100 a week in his part time job. My younger son will be driving to school next fall. His friend does not have a car. How do you suggest we handle this delicate situation when summer FB practice starts?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.L.

answers from Nashville on

I think the pay it forward is fine IF this kid will eventually be driving but if he is going to continue to ride with someone else, yes he should chip in towards the gas. However, as far as him being a freeloader, your son offered him a ride to a place he was already going and would still going whether or not this kid went. On the occasions that he takes this boy home yes, the PARENTS should give him some money for gas. Did your older son ever ask this kid to pitch in for gas or did he just assume he was a freeloader because he never had the courage to ask him for money? I think that the best way to handle the situation would be straight up, if the kid asks if he can ride with son #2 to practice, son #2 tells him, "Hey Man, I don't mind giving you a ride but I need some help with the gas because it has just gotten so expensive I can't afford it."

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.P.

answers from Nashville on

I agree with the previous comment - it's as simple as stating that you'd like some help with gas. The "pay it forward" sounds great, but unless this was agreed upon and talked about then I think it's perfectly fine to just ask for a little help with gas money. Times are tough. I think he should alwo address rules of the car. I'm happy to give you a ride but you can't kick the seats, etc...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.C.

answers from Nashville on

Very delicately! First of all, YOur friend might not realize how her son is behaving. I would talk to your friend about her son's behavior and how he mistreats someone else's stuff (kicking the seat, rude behavior) and how he did not show apprciation for the rides-but more like he took them for granted. If her son should appologize for his actions and behavior and show apprciation for the rides, he can start riding again. But also tell her you and your son cannot afford these car trips all the time. Ask if she can throw in $20 here and there once a week or whatever until the gas prices get under control. Same for all the kids your son gives rides too. (why isn't there a school bus to bus these kids around?-small suggestion to talk to the coach about!)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

W.M.

answers from Nashville on

I would tell your friend that you spoke to your older son and he stated that with gas as high as it is now, he just cannot afford to continue to drive the boys to the practices. You can tell her that you think that once your younger son starts driving that you are going to give him $ amount each week toward gas and you think that anyone who rides with him should pay the same. You can tell her that if she will give $10 a week, you will give $10 a week...or whatever you see fit. Anyone and everyone knows that gas is way too high for anyone to be driving anywhere that is more than work. I think your older son DID pay it forward for two years and what an amazing kid to do that. I do not know any teen boys who would do that for their brother or friend, especially for two years. If your younger son does not have a job, I would offer your older son some gas money for all the times he did that and saved you from taking your younger son. A gas gift card would be a nice "thank you" gift that you and your friend could go in on to tell him how much he was appreciated. She says she appreciated it but never seemed to show him. You may even want to tell her that they had a falling out, you could say, "kids do that sometimes and I think that on top of the raising gas cost just was enough for him".....surely she will understand. You don't have to blame her son, you can say that they just needed a break. Gas is the main issue so maybe once your younger son starts to drive, it will be much easier to say that they split the gas! Ridiculous for her never to offer!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions