Patience with a Two Year Old

I'll trade you, you can have my sixteen year old, smart mouthed, know-it-all daughter!!!
She's potty trained, but the LAST thing she wants to do is cuddle (unless you're a hot seventeen year old guy.) Oh and you need to pay for both her cell phone and car because if you don't, you know, she'll be riding around with whoever, and you'll have no clue where she is.
I hate THIS age :( :( :(

I'll take him! Can he drive out here?

Don't use tricks. They don't work in the long run. Just be the boss. Even with all of your son's stubbornness, he needs *you* to be in charge.

I have a granddaughter about that age, and she's fascinating. Sometimes I think she has a quota of "nos" she must say every day! It's often as if she has to complicate matters because it's her job description, not because she likes doing it. I've never seen a little girl get so tied in knots about what pajamas she should wear!

Keep calm (I know, I know), keep a sense of humor as much as you can, and talk to your son a lot. Let him know in advance what you all are are going to do. "This morning, Billy, we're going to the library." "Billy, in thirty minutes we're going to go to the library." "Billy, it's time to go to the library. Let's go." Try to have everything handy so you don't have to hunt for a shoe or a jacket.

Try to anticipate what *might* make him balk. Maybe he can take the toy (singular) that he's playing with along with him in the car. Or maybe he can choose a book to "read" to you while you're en route. In any case, think ahead about what might come up. You've experienced this before, so try to think back.

Don't give him a choice about doing something he must do. Give him a choice about what jacket to wear (if appropriate, and chosen ahead of time), but don't let him decide if he's going to the dentist's or the grocery store.

Two-year-olds are wonderful people, but they teach their parents humility. You don't want to model bad temper for your boy - he can figure out that stuff himself. Remember that you're there to meet your son's needs; he's not there to meet yours.

Oh, I LOVED this age!

They are so smart and learning more and more everyday! Inquisitive and everything is new to them! My favorite of all ages, by far!

I agree not to use 'tricks' just be the boss!

Good Luck!

I thought it was a great age - they are learning so fast and becoming their own people. And they should be - that is their job. My job was to help DS become his own person. My job was NOT to be the boss. It was/is to set safe boundaries so that my son can learn and grow. It really helps to be on the same side. I do not 'trick' my son. I wouldn't want him to manipulate me, so why would I model that behavior? I also don't 'train' my son. I trained my dog. I didn't care if my dog developed a sense of self and internal motivation. I don't hit my son - I won't teach him 1) that hitting is ok 2)big people hit little people and 3) the people you love hit you. I never saw the point of time outs - I am fairly sure if I had to sit for two minutes when I was ANGRY, I would just get MORE angry.

I did try to make it fun. Making getting dressed a game helped immensely. I tried to give DS choices - anything that didn't really matter to me he could decide - which color shirt, shirt on first or pants on first, run to the car or hop. I tried to say yes as much as possible - yes we can play, just as soon as we clean up. We did things together - we need to clean up - let's do it together - do you want to do the blocks first or the crayons? And I absolutely sympathized with him when he was mad. Being a toddler must be incredibly frustrating. They have so little power in their lives and yet so much intelligence and curiosity. Giving him words for feelings and an outlet (stomping his feet, walking away until he could come back calmly) also helped a lot.

tell him you can do it by yoruself or i can help you. so for example, you can walk to the car or i can pick you up and take you to the car. i usually give to the count of 3 and he'll do it at count 2. if he ignores, pick him up calmly (no talking, no yelling) and just take him to the car. once he realizes you're serious, he'll start doing it on his own.

My youngest will be 3 in March. Isn't it fun!!!

There are a couple of things that I notice really help. Of course I usually notice these things in retrospect :-)

First, make sure he's getting enough sleep. Overtired 2 year olds are so emotional and frustrated. Nothing pleases them, and you just have to be insanely patient to get them to finally calm down enough to relax and allow themselves to get some sleep. I hate it!!! It is often unavoidable, but we do try to make sure he always gets his nap. Everyone is happier when he gets his nap.

Second, "feed the monster" is a common phrase in our house. There are certain behaviors, not too different from the overtired behaviors, that make us start looking for food. Seriously, make sure he gets something to eat every couple of hours.

Finally, stay as calm as you can. Yes choices are important, but there are times when they really aren't possible. When I know I can't give him a choice, I say very matter-of-fact and without emotion, "It's time to get in the car," or "It's time to go inside." When we're at the grandparent's house and need to go home, it's usually, "Let's go home and see Daddy," or "Let's go home and see the cat," if Daddy is with us.

I do give 5 minute warnings. "We need to leave in 5 minutes," or "We're going to get out of the bath tub in 5 minutes." Not that he can tell time, but it gives him time to adjust. It's not even always 5 minutes. Sometimes it's really 2 minutes or something distracts me and it's 10 minutes. Right now, he doesn't notice. Eventually I'll have to be more accurate, but it works for now.

Hang in there!!! You're not alone :-)

Aw it's a good age. They are learning about the world.
E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g is new & interesting.
They are trying to gain independence.
This is a very normal part of learning & growing.
I give my son a little advance notice letting him now we will be going somewhere.
(As an adult, if I never had ANY notice, I would hate it. If my hubby just turned the TV off? I like to know what is going on so........I tell him my child "we are going to so-and-so place today after this cartoon is over etc.)
If I give him choices of clothing, I pick 2 weather-appropriate pieces of clothing.
Lastly, that's what 2 year olds do. They ask, try to do things themselves, tell you what they want/need, exert their newfound independence.
It is our job to "teach" and "guide" them.
So, while is a trying age, try to be patient. Take a deep breath and know that your child is at exactly the developmental stage they are meant to be at.....at this age.

I hear so much about too many mom's are afraid to say no, but I'll never forget my dad's advise. He told me to say yes as much as possible. That way when I had to say no, they would be more ok with it. I have to say, for the most part my dad is right. I do try to say yes whenever I can, and I find that, while we do have our moments when someone does not like hearing no, that they do tend to accept it better.

This is such a frustrating age for the 2 year old as well. He might be using 4-7 word sentences, but don't confuse that with comprehension. I don't mean that he doesn't understand what you're saying or you don't understand him. I mean he doesn't always understand what he's feeling or why he's upset. He's still really learning that. A very close friend, who has been a huge mothering mentor for me, told me to really empathize with my child at that age. She'll get down to her son's level and say, "I know you're very upset that we have to leave the library. You must be really angry. It's no fun when you have to leave the library. Maybe we could come back next week. Is that a good idea?" Helping him to find the words to describe what he's feeling can be a huge help.

Above all, you just have to take deep breaths and try to remain calm. That will be a huge help in getting you through this.

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I never tried to trick my kids. I said this is what you are to do, or what we are doing and they were expected to do it or I punished them if need be or sent them to their room or whatever. They will test you and know if you mean business so don't say it unless you mean it and then follow through.