Moms with Well Disciplined Toddlers and Kids - How Did You Do It?

Beat em!! Often!! They have no memory before the age of two anyway. They will not remember WHY THEY ARE AFRAID OF YOU!! DO it!!
hahahaha!! Jusk kidding, but really you have to discipline.
Be Consistant always! They need expectations and they need to know what will happen if they do not behave.
I have one teen left, my boys are in their twenties. They will all tell you, when mom gives you that look, you better straighten up.
I was tough but I was also fun. It is a fun time. Remember that!!
Talk, laugh and LOVE. It will pay off! My kids and I are very close!
Good Luck!!
Blessings!
D.

I have a daughter about the same age (she's just over 20 months). This is a trying age, isn't it? I would say that whatever type of discipline that you choose, stick with that, but don't do something in the heat of the moment because you're mad, or you'll just teach him to lash out when he's mad. It's not easy, is it? Sometimes I literally have to shut my eyes and take a few deep breaths or talk to myself ( for ex., "she's just two, she's not trying to drive you crazy, she's just two).
I have been using 1-2 minute timeouts for really serious stuff, and otherwise just follow-through for the rest (for ex., if you won't hold my hand, you have to ride in the cart, or if you don't stop throwing food, the food goes bye-bye).
Good luck!

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. You have to have a tremendous amount of patience.

You are right in the middle of a difficult / wonderful age.
He can walk run, climb, speak react, make choices.. That means he is his own little person..

He only has about a 2 to3 minute attention span.. Keep this in mind.. 2 to 3 minutes,, then he wants to move on and do something else.. You need to help with this. books, toys snacks, engaging him, making him a part of the situation.

Make sure he is rested. Make sure he is not hungry or thirsty.. Remember, just because you are eating lunch, does not mean he is hungry today like he was yesterday. He is his own little self. He has his own needs and wants. You need to know him well enough to understand what is going on with him.

To HELP him learn the RULES of behaviors takes dozens of times telling him and reinforcing these rules and expectations.

Children love rules. They like knowing you are aware when they break the rules and they like when you notice they did a good job with the rules.

Some children need to be told these behaviors are for all of the time, because they cannot understand.. "At home we do not run" also means, Oh yea.. we don't run in the store either. Oh and not the library..

Instead the rule needs to be.
"We do not run inside."
When we go outside in the yard, you can run in the yard. When we go to the park you can run in the playground.

This means every time.. until he is old enough to understand.. yes, you can run inside the gym.. Yes, you can run on the indoor playscape.. But right now, the rule is "We do not run inside." Say it over and over.. Make sure you and dad also follow this rule.

"We use inside voices. No screaming, no yelling inside."

This means even at home, even at the mall.. we use a inside voice.
You and dad also need to remember, we do not yell across the house. We walk to the person to speak with them.

"You need to hold my hand or ride in the basket. "

These are the only choices when you are out in public. When going into the store. you need to hold my hand in the parking lot. Do you want to ride in the grocery cart or hold my hand? Our rule was children always ride in the grocery cart, so they will not get hurt.. This is up to you.

When shopping, you have to hold my hand. Or you have to hold onto my shirt, pants, skirt.. whatever you are wearing.

Melt downs, disobeying is pick him up and leave.. Every time. You can either leave the store and have a conversation in the car or you can decide if he just needs to be taken home.

There were many times at this age, our daughter really just could not handle sitting for a 2 hour meal in a restaurant.. Just not going to happen..

I also used to make sure before we left the house she was prepped with what behaviors were expected. What we would be doing. And what was going to happen if she did not behave as expected.

Before we went any where that she was not going to be able to run and play, I let her run around the yard. Thy have a lot of energy that needs to be expelled.. If you can allow this beofre you leave, it will help them keep control while out.

The Most important part of all of this.. Is to Compliment him on following the rules. Do this at home as well as being out in public. Try to to this more then getting after him.. Children are pleasers.. they want you to be proud of them.

"Thank you for remembering to hold my hand!"

"I like how you are using your inside voice."

"I Iike how you are looking with your eyes and not with your hands."

"Thank you for letting mom talk to the lady. I like how you gave M. your patience. "

You have gotten a lot of great advice, so I'll only add three things:

After twenty years of working with youngsters, one thing stays in my head-- until they are about two and half years old, they are likely not 'misbehaving', they are learning about their world. It's our job to change their environment. For example, if your son dumps his milk, find a cup with a sippy lid to go to on it. This changes the activity completely.

We did not go to restaurants when my son was this little. We took a break and got take-out for a while. This felt like a common sense approach to Mr. Wants-to-run-around. (when we started going to restaurants again, I was very clear with him that *any* misbehavior meant that we would leave, right away, and we followed through. It only took a couple of times to make a very clear impression.)

One book you might benefit from is "The Science of Parenting" by Margo Sunderland. Despite the big name, it's an easy read, and will help you know what to expect at his age and beyond.

Lastly, and this is SO important, when you do need to correct or discipline, do it with a calm demeanor and matter-of-fact way. If food is thrown: calmly "Oh, I see you are done eating." Get him down and say NO MORE ABOUT IT. Nothing. This is not a time when he needs a hug or comforting. He needs to know that it's just a fact of life: throwing food means you are done. Running away means you need to sit in a stroller (buckled in) or you will have to be 'connected' to M.. (I always encourage parents to hold their upper arm if they have fretting runaways instead of holding their hand. This gives us more control of their body.) Running away ANYWHERE means sitting buckled up in the stroller.

The more you are able to use corrections as an emotionally-neutral "fact of life" consequence to their actions, the more those actions will be corrected. If they see us becoming emotional and giving them lots of attention, the bigger the 'payoff' for the misbehavior. Quick correction and no emotional response will show them that these actions offer nothing to gain for them.

I'm really glad you posted. Good luck!

The key thing and the most important thing is:
To monitor what you expect of your child... AND knowing what age-related development is... cognitively/physically/emotionally.

You really need to monitor your own ideas about what you want out of your child. What if your child can never do, what you want? Then what?
Not all behavior of a child, is "naughty."

If you expect a 25 month old, to behave and listen and perform like a 6 year old, then the parent will be always frustrated, and then the child too.

You need to keep expectations, age appropriate.
And per your child's cues.

At this age:
their emotions are not even fully developed.
Their impulse-control is not even fully developed.
Their listening is not even fully developed.
Their deductive and inductive reasoning, is not even developed.
They are not talking yet accurately nor articulately.
They don't even have the vocabulary to express themselves.
They don't even know about feelings... or what they are feeling, and don't even know the vocabulary for saying how they feel.
They are not self-reliant at this age.
They are not independent at this age.
Their motor-skills and mastery of their gross motor skills and fine motor skills are not even fully developed yet.

Kids this age and older, also make mistakes. And they do things repeatedly because they are still learning.
They do not, think 6 steps ahead... per their actions.... nor have much hindsight.
They do not have the ability to always DO what is in their minds. ie: they may see how to ride a bike... but may not be able to do it accurately yet.
They are not experts at following direction or sitting still.

They cry and get frustrated... because they are. But may not know why.
Nor can they tell you accurately.

They are impulsive and runaway. So at this age, you need to really monitor them. They do not know concretely, abstract concepts of... what is safe or not safe. For example.

They do not have sophisticated linear logic.
Hence, they need to be monitored.
And as their sense of independence grows, they do things. And you need to keep Toddlers monitored for safety.

To be more patient: remember... that he is so young. At this age they don't even have social skills yet either.
And keep in mind, that they are still, developing.
Kids do not hit a certain age and then know everything.
This age is full of mistakes and learning. And repeatedly doing certain things. All of childhood is this way.
Even "good" kids.... are this way.

Also keep in mind, that punishments or discipline alone... does not "cure" the every behavior of a child. Because, until they can fully UNDERSTAND the deliberate connections between their behavior and the why's of it... they will not think or do, like an adult.
Even Adults.... are not so perfect.
So, when you look at your child, and have the frustrations which all Moms have.... remember that this is just what learning is. A kid, does not just get it, and that's it. All through childhood, they make mistakes, push the envelope, ask questions, are not still as statues, are noisy, are not quiet, and they are forever curious and inquisitive.
But you continue to teach them and guide them.
And it is for their entire childhood.

Put it this way, even some adults are like that. Even we are not perfect at listening or behaving and make mistakes.

The ages of 3 and 4 and 5, are not easy either.
Then the Preteens.
Then the Teens.
Each age, has its own developmental phases and learning to do.

At 25 months old, with my kids, I would have them drink with a straw cup that had a lid on it. That way, they didn't spill and I didn't have to sit right there with them as they drank. If they did spill, so what. Its just liquid. And we have kids. And there will be spills. But I have just taught my kids how to HELP M. wipe up after. And to try their best.... I never expected them to be "perfect." And each of my kids are different. So I know that. And I adjust to who they are and guide them according to that.
My kids are kids. They are good kids.
You guide them and teach them and teach them rules.
At each age, they will get it more and more.
Teaching them does not mean, just punishments everyday for every little thing. It is also guiding, the child. Teaching them the why's of life and everyday things.

The human brain, is not even fully developed until 26 years old.
A 2 year old, will not be spot on. Nor be spot-on all the time, nor even 99% of the time. And everyday is a different day and per their moods or needs or stages of development.

My kids aren't always well behaved...but there are 3 things that REALLY help...

1 - Stay Calm...my kids feed off of M....and I swear sometimes they're like dogs that can sense fear (or frustration, in my case) and attack! Earlier today, my 4 year old was just having a hard time...I told him once "we don't treat people like that." He was just frustrated and ornery so I picked him up and put him on his bed and pleasantly said, "You sound really tired, when you are ready to behave nicer you are welcome to come out." He came out a minute later - obviously not ready. I just picked him up and put him back on his bed and said, "Oh, you're not quite ready yet...maybe looking at a book will help." You want to give him the skills to help himself calm down....but trying to reason or teach them such skills when they're worked up...is completely pointless.

2 - Consistently control what you can control...not what is theirs to control. The safety thing always kind of freaked M. out...so my kids know that if they are not obedient when we are out and about (ie. library)...we leave. I don't try to get them to listen or not run...or whatever. I just pick them up and leave. We have periods now and then where we do very little...but for the most part I can take my kids (all 4) to the zoo, park, store, or library with little frustration...MOST of the time :p. If they are playing with their food/drink - I don't try to explain to them why they shouldn't...I just remove it. Most of the time I don't say a word...they know. With my 18 month old I will sometimes say, "We don't hit." or "This is food, not a toy." etc.

3 - Use more actions and less words. They don't need to be all that old to know that hitting is not right...they don't need a lecture on kindness every time they hurt you or someone else. It opens the door for more frustration on your part...and more arguing on their part as they get older. Our family rule is "You hit, you sit." They know it...I don't have to explain anything...and that includes, hitting, kicking...etc.

Good luck...keep trying your best...we all have some days that are better than others :)

Wow. You have some amazing responses here. I hope you realize that you are a great M., and asking for help will only make you a better mom. :)

I taught elementary for years before I was blessed with my girls. My youngest is your son's age. I get what you are going through.

I was fortunate to be trained with how to deal with children before I had my own. That helped a lot!

I wanted to throw is just a couple of things I learned, that haven't been mentioned (sorry if they have!).

*Children need positive discipline. It shows them that you love them. Remember that when it gets rough. Follow through with it. You would still put your son in a car seat even if he didn't want to, right? Disciplining (correctly) is the same thing.
*Don't ever threaten a child with something you can't produce or do. My brother would treaten, "Santa ain't comin' if you do _____." Really?
*Treat your child as if he were someone else's and you were on video. Would you ever want to watch someone else treating your child poorly? What about watching yourself do it? Keep that bug in your ear when you become really frustrated.
*Language is a POWERFUL thing. Instead of using, "You never ____." "YOU need to listen!" Use, "WE don't act that way in a ______." "WE need to listen to M.." I also say when the girls are doing something dangerous, "Don't _____, you could fall down and go bump, and I love you too much to let that happen." Or "I love you too much to let you do _______. You could really get hurt." "The rule is ______."
*Catch 'em being good and tell them about it!!!!! When I taught, I got all the kids who were a real handful. Some of them couldn't do ONE thing right long enough for the compliment to come out. So, I flubbed what they were doing right and gave them the compliment anyway. "Chris, you are doing a great job walking in the hallway today." That is while Chris is almost walking (nearly jumping, touching the walls, trying to step on another child's shoelace, etc.). The second he got the compliment, he straightened up, and walked the way he was suppose to for about 8 feet. Later in the day, I paid him another compliment for doing a better job going into the library. (It wasn't perfect, but it was BETTER because he didn't run, climb on the shelves, hit anyone, trip anyone, scream, or collapse into the wrong chair.) Pay the compliments and give praise for doing a BETTER job, or for that split second your kiddo does it right. IT WORKS WONDERS!
*Be consistent with your rules, and keep him on a tight leash. I don't let my girls act like crazy people at home, and especially out in public. If it means I have to leave, I will.
*Use the backpack thingy if you have a runner. I don't care if I get the crappy looks from the nonparents. If I leave at the end of the day with my kid, it was worth it. IMO, it gives them independence and freedom to walk without the worry of harm. A stroller is more confining, yet people don't have a problem with that, do they?

Good luck mama. It really is do-able. Keep in mind his developmental levels, your patience and stress levels (because you may be the problem that day -- I'm a nasty person if I haven't eaten), and make a plan of action and stick to it. Maybe start with one concept at a time and build?

ETA: I just noticed you are in St. Paul. You should look into ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) classes for you and your son this next fall. THEY ARE AMAZING classes. I only know of MN having this program. You sign up for a class that meets one day a week for an hour and a half. The class has no more than 12 children in it. You have free playtime with the other kids and moms for about 10-15 minutes, then circle time for about 20 minutes, then you get the kids washed up, sit them down for snack, and the parents leave for 30 minutes. The parents sit and talk as a group about parenting concerns, issues, development, etc. The group is led by a trained facilitator (to keep the train on the track and to organize the topics to be discussed). We moved a year ago, and I really wish I had that for my youngest. My oldest really matured by being around other kids her age, and has a wonderful concept of school and learning. I loved having the other parents to talk to, because they were in the same boat at the same time as M.. I have lifelong friends from there. I found lots of moms with similar parenting styles as M., there. You may also look at what your local county has for over the summer. Ours had drop-in playgroups 1-2 times a week. Gosh, I miss having that resource! They charge on sliding fee schedule, but will not deny anyone if they can't even pay that. They go all the way up to preschool. Ours was connected to the school district, and was much more affordable than private preschools. --- just something I hope you look into. I wish we had something like that down here. :(

Well, part of it is that some kids are easier than others at that age. My oldest wasn't a daredevil, never ran out in traffic, didn't hit or bite, and stayed by M. in the store. My two youngest were / are a little more challenging.

It's also difficult I think because this is the age when they are trying to be more independent and are more interested in learning how the world works. What you need to do is to take a step back when he does something inappropriate so that you get out of the habit of yelling and spanking. It wouldn't hurt to decide what you can do in certain situations before they happen. My son just went through the pour the liquid out of the cup phase so instead of yelling, I made sure he only had water unless he was sitting and eating a meal. If he dumped it, I handed him a cloth and told him to clean it up - I didn't expect perfection, it was the fact that he had to help clean up a mess he made. If we are in a store and he doesn't want to stay by M., he goes in his stroller or gets belted in the cart. He HAS to hold my hand in a parking lot - no exceptions - and if he won't, he gets carried.

Also, make sure your rules and expectations are age appropriate. And don't forget that if he is misbehaving (hitting, throwing toys, not playing safely) you can always just pick him up and remove him from the situation!

Most importantly, be consistent! And don't get so overwhelmed by housework and your to-do list that you forget to spend a little time with him to read a book or crash cars or fingerpaint. My son loves to be my helper, maybe yours would too - let him help you put the dishes away or hold the dustpan for you.

Best of luck to you!

After having my third I was much wiser and calmer! I've learned screaming does not help at all! Don't get into that habit. Make sure you have realistic expectations, Kids that age will run, spill milk and throw food. Take away the cup or food the FIRST time he throws it or spills on purpose, he will not starve he will learn. Take them places where they can run, If he runs away from you in unsafe places he will HAVE to ride in a stroller. Please read Dr, Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block, great book, great advice for each stage 12 months thru 4 yrs! and makes us understand toddler hood! Another good book is 1,2,3 Magic which reminds us not to talk too much, kids this age don't benefit from long explanations. You've already told him the rules, No throwing food, no running away from mom, now you dont need to repeat them, loudly or quietly or screaming, dont repeat. Repeating them will not help, 1, 2, 3 he doesnt stop it's time out.(go to car if needed) You will need to work on this for a few weeks but think of it as training, it would be easier not to do anything differently, but if you spend the next few weeks being super consistent, stopping and taking him to the car for a time out even more frequently, then the next 16 yrs will be easier! Daring kids like that do not mind spankings like the more sensitive ones do so spankings may not help at all! My daring one told M. he prefered spankings to Time outs, cuz kids like that HATE sitting still more than they hate a small swat!

Sorry this is going to be so long.

My DIL has a good friend whose son is an escape artist. Even when he's with a group of children at a playground - well-supervised, and with a lock on the gate - he will get out by opening the lock. If he can undo locks at age three, what does that say for his possible career choices later on? It's just an ability he has had ever since he could use his hands purposefully. Aren't children fun?

One thing two-year-olds do very well is assert their growing feelings of independence by being defiant. It isn't the sort of defiance that happens when they're teenagers or adults. It's the kind that makes Billy think, "Hey, I could say no to this. Wonder what Mama will say if I do. She might have a great reaction and I might get some attention. Time to start the Billy show!"

So you don't play those games. You're teaching him good things, but don't expect him to remember and do them all the time. One time in ten will be pretty good. The rest of the time, you get to teach him some more. That's just the way it works.

When he pours the milk on the floor, that's the end of the milk (and maybe of the meal, because if he's playing around he isn't hungry). But that's not because Mama is angry or upset, so don't be angry or upset. "Too bad, Billy. No more milk."

When he throws food at a restaurant, you take his food away. If he persists in the behavior, you may have to take him out of the restaurant (you and your husband need to know in advance that this might happen). "Too bad, Billy. We'll have to go home now. Maybe next time you'll listen to Mama and Daddy, and keep your food in your plate."

If he's running away from you, especially in public, that's definitely not a game to play. If he won't hold your hand, he has to be in a stroller or attached to you somehow, and that's that. It's not because you're upset; it's because it's your job to keep him safe. You can tell him that.

Hitting back? That's another definite no-no. But that teaching will work better if you don't lose your own cool.

You can't explain a whole lot to a toddler. They don't listen to reason very well. You have to be in charge, expect there to be difficulty, and take action. As you take action, you can use just a few words to teach him. But most of it is action.

I have a granddaughter who will be three in August. She knows what to do, and sometimes just will not do it. It was harder, in a way, a few months ago, when she was not as verbal. There are times when she will just simply not do what her mama says. When her mother (the DIL I mentioned above) says, "Are you going to obey M. or are you going to take a time out?" she will sometimes say, "I'm going to take a time out." Then they will go to the time-out spot - or, if they're at my house, the most boring spot in the house - and she will stay there for a couple of minutes. It actually works for her; it helps her settle down. But that's for later for you, not right now.

You might start to play a name game with your son. "Billy, here is a new game. My part of the game is that I call your name. Whenever I call your name, your part of the game is to turn around and look at M.. If you turn around and look at M., you win!" Then do it, often! Make it fun. Call his name when you're in the house or out of the house. Call his name when he's with you and when he's busy doing something else. Say it loudly, say it softly, say it in a funny voice, sing it. Let him get the idea of turning around and looking at you whenever you call his name. Then, when that game is fun, you can add something: "I'm so glad you stopped and looked at M.! Now, make a silly face." "Thank you for looking at M.. Can you count to five?" That holds his attention a little longer.

Expect to "major" in this kind of teaching for quite a while. It's just part of a Mama's job.

You're not a bad mother if your child tests the rules or the boundaries. That's what children do! If you know this is the way it always goes, it might help you be more patient. You don't need to lose your cool; your emotions actually have nothing to do with the situation. You are simply teaching your boy, and you're probably handling things better than you think. Your son isn't against you - not really - and nobody worthwhile is saying, "Tsk, tsk - look what a bad mother she is." They may be saying, "Does that ever bring back memories! My children were two years old once."

1. Reinforce CONSTANTLY. W/our "pleases" and "thank-yous", I literally remind DS (30 mos) every single time and now he's starting to use them unprompted.

2. Keep things age-appropriate. For example, my son liked to drink out of a cup also, but if he spilled because he was playing, he didn't get an open cup - just a sippy. I would explain that he had to use it so it didn't spill. We gradually phased the cups back in, but slowly and w/supervision. These measures don't hold them back - they have the skill, but need to develop the impulse control. Also, right now, he really wants to do more on his own, so whenever possible we give him the opportunity to develop his independence - within reason! - and this fends off many meltdowns.

3. Decide what you'd like to do for discipline and stick with it. Don't allow yourself to reach your breaking point and just snap - that's not fair bc he cannot know when that "magic point" is and it will make him insecure bc he won't know where he stands with you. Give fair warning, ex: "Sweetheart, if you do that again, you're going to sit in time out".

4. Know his limits. We can fend off many meltdowns by trying to set him up to be successful. Don't try to attempt trips out, etc when he's hungry or tired - and if it can't be avoided, be prepared with a snack, etc. Watch the diet, too (sugar, artificial colors/flavors). Sugar crashes can be a behavior disaster. Try not to expect him to sit through things or stay quiet at this age. We've had to make our peace with leaving shows early, etc.

5. Allow natural consequences to play out. If he flips out about wearing a coat in the rain, he gets wet. If he doesn't eat dinner, he may be hungry later. If he breaks a toy bc he was playing too roughly (and was warned), it doesn't get replaced. If we say he may pick three stories and he picks four, one has to be traded.

Don't get M. wrong - we're not perfect and every toddler has his/her moments, but on the whole, DS is happy, well adjusted, sociable and well-mannered. His personality (like mine) is such that he thrives on structure and routine, so knowing what to expect is very effective for him. He seems to find security in it and it keeps him happy.

Good luck!

You need patience because the ARE just kids, BUT you have to set boundaries and punish quickly, effectively and consistently, and before you know it, you are raising little angels rather than little devils.
You are the captain of your ship, you have to be clear with them so they know the end result of not minding is a place they do not want to venture into.

Hi there -
You've already gotten some good advice, and I only have a few things to add. First, one of the things that helped keep M. sane was just reminding myself that he is only two. Although some of the things he did might have been "naughty," most were just about experimenting in his world. Your son may simply not be ready yet for the "responsibility" of a big-boy cup, so keep him with a sippy and give him the real cup in six months. Second, I am a big fan of setting limits for two year olds, but also to make sure that the environment does not provide too much enticement to break those rules. Finally, if he is running away from you in public spaces, consider keeping him in a stroller or using one of those backpacks with a strap that let you hold on to him in public.

Love Denise F's answer: "beat 'em". Made M. smile. :)

Watch the "1-2-3 Magic" video. It will teach you how to gain control of your life & your child's discipline.

A couple of points jumped out in your post: the housework getting to you, the feelings of frustration, & your screaming. Time to take a step back, get control of yourself....before you can expect your child to behave better. I know you are being reactionary to him, but he can't perform better until you provide positive role modeling.

In no way am I saying you're a bad mom. You simply are asking for help, & I applaud you for that! Good job....that's your 1st step towards changing your home life!

Couple more thoughts: I think you're allowing him too much freedom, too many opportunities to push your buttons. In the case of the milk.....one chance! That's all he gets. You just need to be quicker & grab it before he dumps it. Another way to handle this would be to place a treat on the opposite side of the table. If he uses his manners all the way thru the meal (accidents allowed, tho'), then he gets the treat. A few rounds of this....& you'll all be happier during mealtime.

Again, in the case of the milk....sitting next to him....may be part of the problem. He is feeding off of your emotions, & you're letting him. By using the treat method, he has to work for his goal. It just might help!

With the running off in public: don't give him the opportunity! Strap his little bottom into a stroller & stand firm! Don't let him get the chance to misbehave. Any & all public interaction should be on your terms....you are the adult!

When you break it all down, you need to be proactive as opposed to reactive. You are currently responding to his actions....& it should be the opposite direction. He should be following your lead & responding to you. Hope this helps! I sincerely wish you Peace!

Oh, & I raised 2 sons....& currently have 3 2yo boys in my daycare. All freakin' day long.....& we're all happy. :)

Jennifer, am very sure I'm going to sail in the same/similar boat myself soon, with a very feisty and willful 20 mos old. You saved M. a question, thank you! :)

Just wanted to thank all other posters for so much advice. I'm going to make my husband read all the replies....then he and I can try and be on the same page while dealing with ours. Do keep them coming please! :)

Toddlers are suppose to push bondries. Its how they learn limits and he is also making sure that no matter what he does you will still love him. My son went through a food throwing stage around 18 mnths. Everytime he did we would pull his chair away from the table to the other side of the room. We told him that when he could eat nicely he could come back to the table. Usually we only had to pull the chair away twice for no more then a minute at a time.

I used to put my daughter in time out and then sit her down to talk about it after it was through. My pediatrician advised M. that the lecture I gave her actually reinforced the negative behavior. In essence, at two, my daughter really wants my attention so when she misbehaves, she's actually getting lots because I talk to her a lot about it. Now, when she misbehaves, she gets put in time out for two minutes (I set the timer so she hears the buzzing go off). When it goes off I tell her that time out is over and that's it. I don't hug or talk as I don't want to give extra attention.

"warned multiple times"

That was the phrase that caught my attention.

No matter what discipline style you choose, one thing has been a constant. Consequences.

Consequences must be SWIFT and CERTAIN. That means every time, every infraction.

It sounds tiring and even hovering - but it's not. The corrections only last a few days, and the behavior generally disappears. It'll reappear as he pushes boundaries, and we swiftly discipline and it's over.

Stickers, spanking, logic, time-outs - whatever it is - none allow "Multiple warnings". I think that's your downfall.

Don't ask. Don't repeat yourself.

My son gets told once, and then is corrected if he does not immediately correct his behavior.

Turn the sippy right side up. If not obeyed IMMEDIATELY, I take the sippy.

If I tell him to get out of the street, I do not want to have to repeat myself 4 times, shouting while a car speeds toward him.

Swift and Certain. (we used the Babywise series - but I know there's a ton of books out there)

keep the same rules, no matter where you are, what you are doing, no matter what and have the same punishments as consequences. every time. dont flake out because you are 'tired".

Ex. it doesn't matter to M. if we are at home or at a relatives. My kids are NOT to say play with toy guns. If I catch them with toy guns somewhere else, they are still grounded. twice over to boot. one for playing with the guns, and 2. for not using their OWN brains and following a bad influence.

You all can say I'm strict, but I also do NOT have behavior issues with my children.

What constitutes appropriate discipline? When should you administer discipline? While there is no one right answer to fit every family and every circumstance, there are some general guidelines that are recommended.

First, let’s cover why a parent disciplines his/her child. The immediate purposes of discipline are usually twofold: to help a child learn what behaviors are ok and what behaviors are not ok, and also to punish a child for exhibiting behaviors that are not ok (”misbehaving”). The ultimate purpose of discipline is to ensure that the child does not repeat the misbehavior. This may be to ensure the child’s safety, to bring the child in line with societal expectations, or for any number of other reasons.

With that in mind, what constitutes appropriate discipline depends on the age and mindset of the child, the culture in which the child is being raised, and the gravity of the behavioral violation at issue. For example, if a two-year-old child has loudly voiced her displeasure in the middle of a nice restaurant, her parent may remove her to a more private setting (for example, her parent’s car) where she can receive a two minute time-out, be told how to express more appropriately what she is feeling, use that information (hopefully) to express her feelings according to the proscribed boundaries, and experience the love and patience of her parent without simultaneously receiving validation from her parent about her misbehavior. If, however, the child is eight years old and the errant behavior is playing in the middle of a busy street despite repeated parental instruction to the contrary, her parent may remove her from the street and take her to a more private setting (for example, her room) where she can receive an eight minute time-out, be reminded of the dangers of playing in the middle of a busy street, be provided options for alternate locations for play, be grounded for one full week, and experience the love and patience of her parent without simultaneously receiving validation from her parent about her misbehavior. During the week of grounding, the parent may take the child to a local emergency room’s lobby where the child can observe people coming in with major injuries so that the child will see how serious and painful accidents can be. Note that the length of the time-out is proportionate to the child’s age. (Typically, the length of the time-out is one minute for each year of the child’s life. So, a four-year-old will experience a four minute time-out and a nine-year-old will experience a nine minute time out.) Punishments should be age-appropriate. Punishments should also be appropriate for the mindset of the child. One child may be very emotive while another is very logical. A parent needs to select punishments that work for the unique nature of the child. Punishments should be culturally appropriate. For example, in our culture, physical punishment is typically considered inappropriate at this time. Finally, punishment should be proportionate to the misbehavior: stronger punishment should be reserved for recurrent or serious misbehaviors.

Once the method of discipline is chosen, timing should be determined. Ideally, discipline is administered immediately following the misbehavior. If there is a delay, the child may lose the connection between the misbehavior and the punishment. This is true even when the parent explains the connection. Typically, acceptable delay occurs only in taking a child to a private location. When a delay is necessary, a parent should quietly state to the child, at the time of the misbehavior, that discipline will follow at a more appropriate place and time. A child should not be disciplined in front of others.

If the ultimate purpose is kept in mind when selecting discipline for a child, a parent will usually fulfill that purpose eventually (although the purpose may not be achieved in the parent’s ideal timeline). The ultimate purpose of discipline is to ensure that the child does not repeat the misbehavior.

You've gotten a lot of good answers. The only thing I would recommend is for you to see if you can get a break, a 1/2 day, a 1/2 an hour, a maid or laundry service, a weekend away. If you come back feeling stronger and refreshed, you will be better able to deal with some of the challenges.

good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Awww. You poor exhausted M.. I don't have much advice for you, but your son sounds a lot like my niece. She is about to turn five, and she has been a handful since birth. She is always on the move, doesn't want to be told what to do, and is constantly testing the boundaries.

Her mom, my SIL, is a wonderful M.! She is always there to keep her daughter out of trouble, but this little girl is just so defiant all the time. My SIL also has an older son. He has been an angel since birth. My niece and nephew look so much alike, but I think it's funny that their behaviors are polar opposites.

I guess my point is that some kids are easier to handle than others, and much of that is due to their genetic disposition rather than discipline. (Although discipline helps tremendously!)

A lot of the previous posters gave you great advice on how to set up your son for success. I hope things get better for you soon.

he's a boy and he's 2! Enough said! I know it's not easy but I am going through this with my second one right now. I would agree with the other mom's on the 123 magic. It worked with my first one but I am not sure if 2 is old enough yet. As far as the drinking from a cup, I use sippy cups for everything but water if they are anywhere but the kitchen table. Sometimes I get frustrated but then I remind myself he is 2, he is testing his boundaries, and that I should try to limit the situations where he is intrigued to be bad. I also try to limit the multi-tasking when with him. When shopping I try to keep him in a cart. We actually had a little back pack for my oldest that had a long leash like thing attached. We only used it when in very busy places where he could easily get lost but we also wanted to let him get energy out(airport, zoo, etc.). The backpack was nice because he could keep snacks and toys in it. Good luck!