Paternity Test/Child Support

Hello sweetie!! my name is K. and I totally know where you are coming from with you situation. I have a ten year old boy with aguy i barly know also! I was thinking the same thing you are. It is soo hard to decide something like this, I decided to take my sons father for child support,and needless to say i don't get anything anyways, he is aloser, but out of this i have met some of his other kids and there moms. My son is 10 and he has abrother that i never would have known anything about if i hadn't taken him in for child support, they are as close as ever even though there dad doesn't have anything to do with them, either of them. So I guess what i am saying is in the long run he may have brothers or sisters out there and they didn't do anything to deserve no to know each other!!! It actually can be agood thing!!! I know my son and his brother are very close and I'm very glad that I took there dad for support.

Take care
K.

Hi A.,

As someone who has had almost too much experience in this subject..I would like to tell you your son's feelings are way more important then "letting another one get away". If you guys are doing ok and not needing for anything, I think your son should be the one to decide(when he's old enough)if he wants to meet his father. Rejection is difficult at any age but it is especially hard on children because they don't understand that its not anything they have done. In this situation the cons outway the pros. My 7 year old son is trying to deal with having his biological father in and out of his life, and I wasn't fortunate enough to have a choice in the matter, the court told me I had to let my son go with him.(even if he was behind or not paying child support, and if he was I had to meet him half way) Nothing about this is easy I know, the most important thing is protecting your son. Try to be as honest as possible when he starts to ask questions, so he doesn't feel betrayed by you on top of everything else.

Hello A.,
It's up to you what to do but my advice is make him take a paternity test and pay child support. These days it is very hard to raise a child on one income unless you can afford to do so. But then, think about it, what will happen when your son grows up and starts asking about his father? You don't want to look like the bad guy. Even though you don't know his father much it is also his responsablity. A child is concieved by 2, not 1. You never know his wife may have an positive influence on his father be a part of his life. Having your child have a step-parent is not as bad as others make it out to be. My oldests father is remarried and lives on the other side of the US. As long as you are mature about it and they can be also things may work out for the better. If he pays child support and is unable to see the child that is his bad, not yours. Like I say, this is just my advice but give him a chance. You never know the outcome unless you try. Also, since he lives out of state you can file for full physical and legal custody and have him have visitation rights only. This is just my advice but do what your heart feels is right. He is your son and you are him main care giver.

if you are ok the way you are right now, forget about him. you are not the first or the last single mother. you are doing the best job you can and at least you are thinking it really carefull. other womans will just jump ahead and do the whole paternity/child support thing and then regreted it. if he hasneet been there for the past year, thats the hardest, forget it. and like you said, then you have to "share" the baby with him and you dont know how he is and his behavior. you never know if he is a killer or a child molestor, so just forget about him, keep doing the good job you are doing racing your child. like another woman said, surround your kid with male role models so that when he sees his friends with daddys you can say "well you dont have a daddy but you have uncle joe, and uncle tom..." people just focus on the fact that "later on the child will need a father and will ask about him" his real father doesnt want to do anything and maybe thats the way it should be. what if he starts being in his life and turns out he ruins it? forget about the bastard. good luck

A., Go to court and file a child support order. The child support is a legal right to your son. Unless he files for a paternity test,don't suggest it.
If this man does not want anything to do with your son then so be it. Surround your little boy with good male role models.

Don't worry about what it will do to his marriage. He should have thought about that before he slept with you. He knew he was married.
Good luck and let us know the outcome.

I don't know what other people are saying but I will tell you from my experience I would rather do with out the money and the hassle of my ex in my life. Along with the child support is their "rights". If I could do it over I would tell me ex to keep the money and stay out of our lives.

I went through the same thing. I was more mad than anything. I guess that I wanted to get what my daughter deserved, wich was child support. I went and got the paternity test then the state took him to court and now I get my child support. They cant let him have any kind of custody unless you agree with it. I live here in Va and hes in Illinois, he will never see my daughter. I think that its worth it because child support makes a difference and you get the help that you should have been getting along time ago.

Even though you dont know him make him do the test. You can get full custody. Get a lawyer and file for that. Who cares if it ruins his marriage. He didnt tell you he was engaged if he was. Thats his fault not yours. Your son needs to know that he does have a dad but that his dad is the jerk and not you leter down the road for not telling him. it could possibly hurt your son him not knowing just think on it and stop worrying about your fears. one more thing when you file for child support dont ask for a paternity test. Let him ask. Those things can cost up to $900 so make him pay.