Parents W/ Multiple Kids-can You Love One More than the Other???

You are definitely not too old to feel that way!! Personally, I think they should know how you feel. Write it all in a letter (try to be non-judgemental, but be sure and get your feelings accross). You can mail it, or not, but if you REALLY want them to know how you feel, send it, you may be surprised at their reaction.

They may not even realize what they are doing. Have you always been the strong, independent one? Sometimes the strongest child (pereceved) is the one who gets the least help as they figure you can take care of yourself. Don't get me wrong, I am not defending them, as I find it VERY insensitive to do this to your child.

I only have two children, and they are young, but I cannot imagine treating one child better than the other. Even if I have a favorite, I would do my best to not show it. I'm sure it gets harder as they get older, but my mom (3 of us 48-40 years old) STILL trys not to favor one over the other even though my sister is dirt poor and my brother is a millionare (literally).

L.,
Me and you must have a lot in common as far as parents. I understand your questioning about favorites but have come up with a solution to help me deal with the money issues. See I was born with a cleft pallet and my adopted parents paid for the first surgery but wouldn't do the rest. Last November I asked to borrow $400.00 so that I could have the next surgery. That is the amount after our insurance pays and medicare pays. They refused. Said they don't have the money. My father gets $80.00 per hour and I know he works hard for his money. I have a brother with AIDS that I know they help out with and they also help my other brother it seems like everytime I turn around it's something. I think my parents wanted me to be more responsible as a child so that I wouldn't give them the same grief and also they consider me as having my life together now more than the other two.

I now need another surgery, yes we came up with the $400.00 on our own, but the surgeons won't accept our insurance this time around (my surgeon retired) and Medicare only pays 80% of the bill. Will someone explain to me where I'm going to come up with the money I ask.

I think since my parents adopted me it should have been their responsibility to give me ALL the corrective surgeries I needed growing up.

No, I wasn't abandoned at 16.... I was abandoned by my birth-parents at 14 months of age. Probably hurts worse at 16 I'm sure.

Hugs,
A.

i think it happens in every family. my mom even has a favorite grandchild and will tell anyone who'll listen. I hope that i don't do that to my kids but i know it happened with my siblings. I don't think you are ever too old to get upset about it, you just have to be the grownup and let it go. I don't "hate" my mom but i don't go out of my way to visit her or anything because of that. I don't feel any different towards my siblings except I feel sorry for the ones that get the special treatment because the way i see it, they will always be indebted to my mom and she will NEVER let them forget it so the way i see it... i get the better end of the stick:-)

I just go about my life even though sometimes it is not so easy and show them that i am just fine without her help. I no longer even let her know if i am struggling, i just deal with it.

Good luck, don't let it ruin your day or your life.

Wow...my heart is so heavy after reading all of this...

I struggled with a lot of feelings of inadequacy, unwantedness, and pain from my upbringing as well. I had the awesome (yet sometimes painful) experience of working through all my hurts, habits, and hang-ups in a support group this past year. I had been through other types of therapy and tried to deal with some of the ideas that I grew up with...but through Celebrate Recovery, I really found hope and tools to deal with this stuff. It is Christ-centered, and completely changed my life and feelings about being worthwile and important in this world.

I often have to remember (and once had to even start believing) that God is my Father first and foremost. God has NO adopted or step or second-favorite or not-so-great children. Sounds trite, but I really have to remember that a lot. Even this past week, I had to get in touch with remembering and knowing that I am worthwile to God.

I would love to talk more with you about this, so please feel free to PM me.

Take care...and I hope you know that God not only loves you, he picked you!

I understand your pain. My parents treat me the same way (they kicked me out when I was 18 one night cause I failed to do the dishes on time and every special occasion while I was in school was a nightmare with ridicule) and I would be considered the perfect child as well. I am always the one to come through for them when they need it, where as my other family tends to turn the other cheek. Honor student, never got into trouble, never did drugs, and did everything ever asked of me. I still find myself trying to seek their approval and their love. My older sisters and younger brother were problem children. I don't know the reason parents do this. I hope I never do my children this way. My husband has told me it is because they know no matter what I can take care of myself and maybe my mom is a tad bit jealous of the person I became. He says they look at me and see the child that turned out right so they don't find the need to help me out or show me support even when I desperately need it. All you can do is be the better person. They, no matter how unfortunate, are still your blood and in the end you have to do what you feel is right. For me it has been continuing to be there when needed in hopes that one day they will see that I deserve the same. Lately they have been in a real bind, a lot of trouble where they had to relay souly on their children. At the beginning my mom just wanted my sister and when she didn't get a hold of her she called me to get a hold of her...not to help her mind you but to get a hold of my sister. Well I still packed my bags and went there. Now about a month later they have both needed tons of help..each time she called my sister first. However each time it was me and my husband bailing them out of it because my sister never came through. It has killed us money wise but now I hope my mom has a new prospective on which child she can count on.
Keep your chin up and remember no matter how horrible they are, you turned out alright.

I dont think you can love one more than the other. But you can love them different. Im not saying this is right but some parents treat boys like babies and expect girl to be more mature. But that doesnt explain what they did to you when you were 16. You need to tell them how you feel, it will make you feel better. But they may not change. Adopt another family. lol