Okay Moms...I need help with Parenting with Love and Logic. Today my 3.5 yr old was throwing tantrum. So, I put her in her room and left the door open. She came out. I put her back in and closed the door. She came right out again. I locked the door. She knocked down her doll house and pulled all the books off her book case....I just cleaned her room yesterday!!!! I followed the books directions and she is being absolutely great right now. She is as sweet as can be and listening to everything I say. My question is....how do I handle using love and logic) the huge mess she made in her bedroom while she was mad for being in there?
I'd say " wow you really had a lot of feelings to get out. Looks like you got them all out, but now you've got a mess to clean up. Which side of the room are you going to start on?"
She was testing limits-- first by coming out of the room, then by trying to get your attention by making that big mess. Since you said she is listening to you now, YOU won this battle. She realized that if you put her in her room, than she has to stay. I wouldn't say a word about the mess. If she does it again, then have her help you clean it up, but make sure you have her do that AFTER she has calmed down from her tantrum
I'd say, "I'm sorry you were so upset earlier. I'll need you to help Mommy clean up the room in 5 minutes" If she agrees, great. Don't be too particular on how well she does it as long as she helps. She is only three. However if she fails to want to help when it is time I would say, "Hmmmm. Well you made the mess and I think you should help, but I'll do it myself if you like." Then don't say another word. Give her a minute to think about it then go in and see if she joins you. If she does not join you I would take all toys she threw and put them out of her reach in the garage or trunk of the car. When she wants them I would say, "Well you didn't clean up when I asked you to so I decided to put them away for awhile." You can return them in a couple of days or whenever you think appropriate. She will probably throw a fit. This will be your chance to be sympathetic....
"I'm sorry. I know you would like to play with your toys." But don't give them back.
If she throws another all out tantrum. Send her back to her room. If she throws things.......start over. I'm betting she'll help you clean up this time, but if she doesn't she will have fewer toys for a few days again.
Above all, stay calm and sympathetic. Avoid anger and let the consequences be natural verses punitive.
Love and Logic Worked for me.
Fun isn't it? Now that she is doing well, you may want to pose the question----I noticed your room is a big mess from your room time today----what do you think you will do about that? See what she says. Have a dialog about it and hold her accountable to the mess. Give choices too....do you think you will clean it up before lunch or after? Do you want to clean it up on your own, or would you like some help from Mommy? (at 3 messes are overwhelming, just remember to only work as hard as she is when helping). After she cleans the room, you may want to discuss other ways to express frustration that won't create more work for her. You may want to pre-think some things to share like how other children her age may vent frustration, like, pushing a wall, holding a pillow tightly, etc. Good for you on this technique. We love it as well and it is amazing how much it works.
I completely agree with the others' suggestions. We've used Love and Logic since our first son was 2 (our boys are 5 and 12 now), and we absolutely love it! Stick with it, and your daughter will just get easier and easier.
