Paranoid? How Much Worrying Is "Normal"

Hello Limabean, As the mother of 5 one being a foster child we raised that just never left home, and now many grandchildren. I just have a few thoughts that you can think about and discuss with your councilor.Logic has nothing at all to do with being a parent. This is not a business deal but family and that is the most illogical thing on the planet!
I used to worry until I realized that they modeled Curious George after my 3 oldest children- the onesthat at age 3 that were dismantleing the toaster to see how it worked kind of children! I have one daughter, that has 3 children. She fears everything, even unrealistic things . She knows that camping is good we have all done it for 30 years and yet she starts with the "what if series of things" a bear comes, someone steals the kids from the tent, the food goes bad, he gets lost, even had a manager put a inside rail on a window because she feared the child getting out(the wondow was locked) and on and on. IT RUINS everything for everyone and now the rest of the family doesn't want her around. When a child gets sick a parent feels compleltly helpless. This is why you try and make sure thier world is as safe as possible with thier immunniztations and proper food not just McDonalds 3x a week. Once your child starts school you will really need to have some of those fears under control so the child doesn't panic-- my grandchildren have been taught to panic just from seeing thier mom 's reaction to things not her words. I just want to share my theory of parenthood, and see if it helps any.
When my children were young, and I raised foster children as well. I was strict and conservative which worked great becasue as they became teens I am told it made the choices they made better( some are still questionable) but they knew what the family standard was. Then I took on the moto" Parenthood is like a theme park adventure ride" and it saved my mind and bacon! Parenthood is like the adventure of a theme park ride, lots of twists and turns, lots of scares at every turn, and a thrill a minuet, times with laughter and times of screams. But when the ride ends you are filled ith relief, laughter at your self and others, and will consider going on it again. ABOUT YOU ~~ So crazy most likely not,~~ concerned mostlikely yes,~~ but overly so is one that you must over come so that you and your child(ren) can be healthy and enjoy the pleasures of life. I wish you many happy adventures with your parenting. Its a job like no onther and one that I treasure and am proud to have been apart of the adventure. Nana Glenda

Worry to the point of anxiety is not typical, and if it interferes with your life, it is time to seek treatment, which I am sure that your counselor told you. If they didn't, you should seek a second opinion about good standard medical intervention! It works, and is well tolerated and so helpful to many people.

We all have concerns about our children's safety, and we all take precautions so that our children are as safe as we know how to make them, but there is nothing worry will do to make your child any safer. I don't have any specific fear for my children unless I see something dangerous to take action about.

If you know that you are worrying about things that are not real threats, or are illogical, or are so remote that it is not probable, then you should really find a way to get some releif from your pain, because you cannot prevent bad things from happening, but you sure can keep your son from experiencing good things by default.

My mother never waited up for me when I was out as a teen. One day, I asked her why, because all my friends mothers were waiting in the living room until they were home safe and sound. She told me that if something bad was going to happen to me she would be just as sad when the phone rang and woke her up as she would be if she was still awake and tired when she got the bad news. She thought that she would be better equiped to handle it and do what ever needed to be done if she was at her best. Good advice. Find a way to be at your best, and that would be without illogical or debilitating worry and anxiety that limits how you live your life.

M.

I just wanted you to know you are not alone and it does get worse the more kids you have, that's more children in this world you would do anything for so of course the worry only adds on with another child. I noticed my worrying got much worse when my second child was born. I worry about EVERYTHING, I even worry if I have a nightmare about one of my kids dying that it will come true, and pregnancy nightmares are the worse!

When my daughter was in school last year and the H1N1 came out, I was worried sick, they wouldn't give her a vaccine since none of us qualified for the first sets of them and sure enough she caught the darn H1N1. I was terrified (at first) but she recovered so quickly it was nothing really. I think with the h1n1 as long as you catch it soon enough, it can be treated much quicker. After my daughter caught it, my 1 yr old caught it soon after and again we took him straight to the pedi where he was treated and symptoms were gone in one day. So all that worry was for nothing! :)

I remember saying when I was kid I would be sooo layed back with my kids and never "worry" about them the way my mom worried about me and my sisters. Boy was I wrong, you never realize just how much motherhood will change you until it actually happens and how much you will love those children of yours or even die for them the day their born. It's only normal to worry about your kids, I think it just means we love are kids more than anything and wouldn't want a thing to happen to them. If you're seeing a counselor I think that's great but don't let anyone make you feel like worrying isn't normal. It's very normal for mothers especially when you have young kids.

Take care and good luck with everything!

You are not crazy...you just love him SO much! However, if it is causing you that much anxiety then you should continue to see your counselor and I am sure that he/she will be able to help you get control over your anxiety. Kudos to you for seeking help!! That is a big step and in the long run it will probably help all of your relationships. Please don't think you are crazy though! Take care!!

Aw, you are NOT crazy at all. You are a mom who worries a lot! I have always been a worrier, but it has gotten much worse since I've had kids. And you are pregnant right now, anxiety heightens in pregnancy. I got really worried when I was preggo with my second because I started having panic attacks (which I have never had before). My OB said it is very very common in pregnancy.

I say keep up with the counseling, it will probably give you some coping mechanisms. And don't be too hard on yourself. Once you become a mom there is a whole world of worries that we never even knew about before!!

I worry like that too. I worry about my son getting hurt or dying from all kinds of ridiculous things that would never (probably!) happen. Like, recently we were all walking on a bridge over the harbor, and my husband was carrying our son. My son started to squirm and because the rail of the bridge was below the level of my son (my husband is tall), I was terrified to the point of panic attack that he was going to wriggle away from my husband over the edge and sink like a stone in the dark water of the harbor. I also lay awake at night sometimes just thinking of all the peril that could befall him (drinking himself to death in college -- he's 19 months old). I like to think this is normal mom behavior... as long as it is not interfering with your life and your ability to enjoy time with your son, I think you are ok!

You aren't crazy, but you sound like you are spending a lot of time worrying. I think a lot of times we, as moms, hover over our children because we are so afraid of something going wrong. My suggestion to you would be to be AWARE that your anxiety could one day become your child's anxiety if you don't begin to relax a bit.

I had my daughter by c-section and was in the hospital for several days. I was released to go home about 10 p.m. It was 8 1/2 years ago and I remember tears rolling the entire time because she was in the backseat in the carrier. I couldn't see her, couldn't hear her over the noise of the car engine, it was dark, and I had never been so worried and frightened in all my born days. I was quite certain something in me was just going to snap if that level of fear continued. Near the end of the ride home, it occured to me that even crack-moms often manage to keep their kids alive so chances were I could at least do that much. These days my faith has taken the place of such a dire measuring stick. Knowing that there is very little I can truly control, I made a conscious effort to identify what that is - that I can actually control - and as much as possible let the rest go. Whatever I may or may not influence, whatever I may or may not do that may or may not have repercussions - if I can't actually control it, I pray and try to move on.

I think your level of worrying sounds perfectly normal.

I think there is a limit to HOW protective a parent can be, but with that said You are normal.

I have a 2 y/o and a baby due in 3wks.
As a mom you automatically worry. It's just what we do.
And you said it right, you can't protect them from everything.
They're going to fall, get scraps & bruises..and OMG they're going to bleed at one point or another.
It also is A LOT harder, or so I have noticed, having a 2y/o and being pregnant.
I know I'm usually not a HUGE worrier but this whole pregnancy I've felt like I was becoming more and more paranoid. I say its hormones :)

It is normal to be fearful of the big things (kidnappings, disease, development) but if your fear prevents you and your child from functioning normally or partaking in normal activities (i.e. looking out a window) then I would say it is a little out of control.

It sounds like anxiety to me (my husband suffers from this and has taken Effexor for years for relief) so it is good that you are seeing a counselor. I would look into a firm diagnosis and a plan for addressing the problem.