Panicking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;

It may be time to sit down with your 14 year old and make sure she understands the difference between wants and needs. Needs are clothes, food and shelter. Period. Name brand clothes, fancy cell phones and all the latest and greatest gadgets are WANTS. Let her know that while you and your husband are not working, she may not get the "everything else" all the other girls have, but she will have food to eat, clothes on her back and a safe place to sleep. If she WANTS stuff, she can work at finding a job, like babysitting or helping elderly neighbors for a small fee.

I teach at my local high school and our community has nearly 20% unemployment. I've seen a lot of families go from nice, middle class lifestyles to poverty in a matter of months. These girls didn't get new clothes for the school year and they shop in second hand stores. They got jobs ("paycheck" jobs or informal "babysitting" type jobs). They gave up their cell phones and started riding the bus to school to save on gas money. Some even gave up their cars. Yeah, it stinks but, you know what? They managed just fine and they took it in stride. As one student told me, "It's hard to get upset about losing my cell phone when giving up the cell phone means we can eat."

Your daughter may surprise you with her maturity on this point.

Having said that, make sure you approach the situation in a matter-of-fact, I'm-not-ashamed way. These things happen. They happen to good people. Just because you can't afford skechers, a Droid X or the latest version of ipod, doesn't mean you're "bad" or "stupid." It means times are tough and choices have to be made. Her "real" friends will understand this; everyone else doesn't matter.

Remember, you will provide the basics (food, clothing and shelter). The rest is just icing on the cake and too much icing can make you sick. <wink> When you and your husband are back on your feet, the icing will come back, slowly but surely.

Hang in there...

Could you go through all her current clothes and see how you can 'alter' them to make them look new (patches, bedazzle them, make some pants into capris, shorts, etc)? Just an idea that wouldn't take much money.

Also, I'd look at Craigslist for clothing or freecycle.

Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers!

If you need stuff for school, try posting on Freecycle. Most cities/metro areas have Freecycle (www.freecycle.org to find one near you). You can post stuff that you're giving away, and ask for stuff that you want/need.

Definitely contact St Vincent De Paul.

Also, you might want to contact your local/county social services agency. They may be able to give you other suggestions/ideas/help.

Don't be afraid to ask friends and family for help. Maybe one of your daughter's aunts (or other family, or family friends) can treat her to a trip to the thrift store for clothes, etc.

Your family will be in my thoughts!

Try your local church - St. Vincent De Paul helps folks in need as well (and you don't have to be Catholic).

Also some areas have victims funds set up to help in circumstance like this...

Good luck - I will say a prayer.

When things got really bad for us one time, I printed flyers and hit the nicer neighborhoods on foot, going door to door looking for housecleaning. You can make 25-30 dollars an hour (or more sometimes) but you just have to get out and look for it. Remember, it is not pleasant, but it is temporary, and we do what we have to in order to get by. And it is quick money.

Do you have charitable organizations in your town??? Angel food ministries to get your groceries, some of the schools here collect school supplies from churches etc and donate them to kids. you could always go to a church and ask for help. since you have computer access try freecycle.org maybe someone has clothes in your daughter's size they are ready to part with. try the thrift stores. cut back on your expenses, if that means cancelling your cell phone, or cancelling your cable. Look to see if there is something you can do in your neighborhood like babysitting or dog walking or cleaning houses, anything to get you by for a little while. good luck.

Use social service agencies, places of worship, etc.... Anyone who has offered to help.......accept. When you are back on your feet you can help someone else someday, so please accept any generosity you can find.

As far as your daughter.......find the local resales stores, garage sales, goodwill stores. Friends and family with older children .......ask for hand me downs. You will be surprised at the bargains you can find if you are diligent.

Take any interim job you can. Package at the grocery store if you have to. Any money coming in will lessen your financial stress and if something better comes along you can give notice and move on.

I'm so sorry. I bet you are scared. Of course you are scared! Do your best to see a positive future. Literally. Go sit in a chair, take a deep breath through your nose and let it slowly out of your mouth. Then close your eyes and see what you want. Ask for it out loud. I believe things will get better.

have you applied for disability?

Dear N.,

Sometimes we forget about the "dance" when the rain is coming down hard.

That's the time you turn it over to the higher power....(Just say "God, can you please take this one on for me, because obviously, it aint happening for us right now"?)

Please stay faithful, I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Blessings.....

I am sorry your family is going trhough this. We had a similar situation and one of my biggest worry was my 12 year old. I like Stephanie F. post, and she is right. My 12 year old surprise me in how good she adapt and how suportive, mature and strong she is.
I buy clothes from Craigslist and most of them like new and I even got some brand names for her (Aeropostal, Abercrombie, etc)
We are slowly go back in our feet but that situation made us A LOT more stronger and closer, and it allow me to see how great daughter I have.
Look around Craigslist for your daughters needs, and maybe she can also find a job as a babysiter or even you.
Good luck and hope a fast recovery for your husband.

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dont be afraid to seek help from government sources (its what they are there for) I see too many people not use them when they should be, and too many people take advantage of them when they dont need to.

my husband and i have been there, we really should have gotten food stamps, visited a food pantry, sought assistance in paying our bills, unemployment, welfare, wic, medicaid....etc...but we did not.

dont be proud, seek help

I agree that your daughter needs to understand what tough times are like and to differentiate between wants and needs. However, I feel your pain with wanting to make her high school experience a good one.

I don't think it's too late for weither of you to get jobs. Retail is always hiring. Restaurants, too. Also, she can check out local pools and camps since kids often quit or get fired adn replacements are needed.

Kepp up the good work, mom!

sign up for your local freecycle and see if anyone can help you get the things you need for free. http://www.freecycle.org/