Pacifier and Daycare

Good Morning Dawn,
My third of four children did basically the same thing but...it was his thumb. He never sucked his thumb until he went to a program that was two mornings a week and one child sucked her thumb so...
My thinking is that your son in involved with a group of children who are still allowed to have the pacifier so you standing your ground is not going to make things comfortable for him or the others. If he was 14 years I would say stand your ground because you will not always want to allow behaviors just because the other kids are allowed but...he's 14 months and you can't even reason with him yet. Either change groups for him or for now go with the flow and start weening him when he is home during the day and keep explaining to him that the paci is for the time he is with his friends. No it won't be easy because as I said he cannot reason yet but...when he's 14 years it won't be easy either. This approach (a gentle tough love) will be the beginning of you determining what will be allowed and him understanding you make the rules but don't expect him to grasp your thinking right away he's pretty young. Good Luck and go gently.
M. C

My daughter was 2 before she gave up the passy. She only tok it at bedtime after she was 1 but had one to squeeze in her fingers as well. Then when she started daycare (I stayed home until she was 2 and a half) they didn't allow them and she saw all her friends without it so she didn't want it anymore either. My middle child(son)didn't take one, butmy new little man does and I am going to let him decide when he is done with it, especially if he takes to the kind that are shaped to not prevent natural teeth growth like the Nuk.

I suppose if it is that important for you to take it now then I would look for a new daycare that doesn't allow them. But he is going to change his attitude. This is his first "social" experience and he is going to demamnd to be a part of the crowd. Your mom keeps him 40+/- hours a week (you said you have a full time job that she keeps him for) but that isn't like a babysitter, or daycare; thats grandma. Then you and your husband only have this one child and that is full time attention as well. He depends on his paci, becasue he has to it is his constant comanion and he knows it will always be there for him. (I know it sounds funny, but its true) there is nothing you can do it is a security thing. And unless you spend on of induldging him all his life, which I suspect isn't the case becasue you are trying to take his paci at 1 y.o., then let him have his security; at least until he is settled and more secure in his new environment. He is however able to understand that he can only have it when he is there. Ask if you can just leave it there.

Hope that helps~
T. (mommy of 3)

hello dawn, how are you? i hope good. I hope its not to late to this response. i havent been on this website for a long time. i work full time and go to school full time. Hopefully i can help you. Im actually a toddler teacher at a daycare center. i have a couple that depend on there paci all day. and others only get it at nap time. for the ones that depend on it all day. myself and my co worker make sure there paci doesnt get taken away from the other children. and the two that depend on it all day i actually have taken it away until nap time. im very open with my children parents and i work with them. so i hope your childs teacher can work with you also. one of my students that i broke them completly off the paci her parents got her back on a paci again after breaking her at home. but i feel ur child can do it. if you dont want your child on a paci all day and only for sleep then that teacher should honor that and work hard. i should know because i am a toddler teacher.

I wish I knew what to tell you. My son just turned 3 yesterday and I wanted him off the paci a long time ago. Of course, I don't have the support from my husband at all, he thinks he should keep it as long as he wants it. I have always heard being consistant is the answer, so the teachers would have to be consistant with him as well. Sorry, don't have a great answer, but wish I did.

To me, 13 mo old and in a mmo program is young to go without your security. It also keeps him from putting other things in his mouth. I think this is your call though, either way, I think he will be fine, just more secure right now with it as little as he is. This is not one of the biggies in life and not worth getting uptight about. K.

None of my 3 children took pacifiers for the simple fact that the rooting reflex goes away by 3-4 months and after that a pacifier becomes a habit. My oldest one is almost 5 and had no problem not having a pacifier at all.. I'm not sure what "problems" taking it away can cause. I've never read in any book or heard any doctor say that your child has to have a pacifier or they gonna grow up insecure and with emotional problems. Every parent has their own opinion. Some choose to let their kids have a paci til they are old enough to go to school and at that age how hard would it be to take one away? I'm raising 3 with no pacifiers and let me tell you that they are not insecure, scared or have any emotional problems because they do not need another habit for me to have to break. They are healthy and occupy themselves with other things like playing with their toys and I must add that they had always went to bed at their bed time and had no problem going to sleep... other than those crazy nights when they were newborns... Some parents let their child go to sleep with a bottle of milk, and that's even a worse habit (and it is a habit) because those parents will spend thousands on dental care for that kid..

I'm not trying to offend anyone. I'm simply offering an opinion because nearly all replies were from parents who let their children have pacifiers past the time when it becomes a habit. My suggestion is take it away slowly or convince your som that he is now a big boy and that you gonna give the paci to.. well pick like a cartoon character, maybe his favorite one and convince him that they need it more... I don't know how it works but I've been told by a friend that it worked well for her daughter...

My only, and maybe best advice is to take it slow. You don't want to take it from him too early because it can have bad consequences, like biting. It is probably just his security blanket and he also see the other kids with it. Some kids have an oral fixation later on because the pacifiers were taken too soon. He'll be ready before you know it.

I was in the same situation. My daughter (now 16 mos) was so dependent on her paci, and her pediatrician wanted her to be broken from it by the time she turned 15 mos, so when she turned 14 mos, we decided it was time. I was terrified she would have a complete meltdown, and also try to take the other kids paci's at her day care. One Friday, we just went cold turkey. We got home from day care and did her normal routine, and when she started asking for it, I just told her she was a big girl now and the paci went "bye bye". I was on pins and needles, but, to my surprise, she did not have a fit, in fact, she acted completely normal, slept thru the night, and maybe asked for it 3 or 4 times throughout the weekend, and that was the end of it. At day care, I just explained to the teachers that she no longer had a paci, and if they could try to make sure she didn't become a paci stealer. There's no telling if she did take the others pacis or not, but all I know is that I was worried for nothing, and she is doing just fine without it. (She is a big thumb sucker now though, but whatcha gonna do?) GOOD LUCK!!

My daughter did the same thing. I decided not to fight that battle. I just let her have it during school. The teachers would usualy take the lovies and pacis and put them in their backpacks at the end of the day for them to go home. I wouldn't give it back until nap time.
Stick to your routine at home and only give it to him when he sleeps.
We waited till the summer break after her 2nd Bday to give her paci to the paci fairy. She had a couple of months to get acclimated without being around whole class of kids with pacis. She did great!
Whatever you decide just stick with it. He will get it Eventually! :)
Steph