Overweight

That's just plain mean! Google Phentramine (sp?)...it's a great diet pill that will help you shed the pounds fast, you won't know what hit you! My sis started taking it after a Dr. at the hospital she works at told her about it. My sis lost about 30 pounds in about 3-4 months. Now she's a size 5.

It doesn't matter how many kids you have, how long you have been overweight or how much you are overweight, for your husband to make disparaging, HURTFUL comments to you in an attempt to hurt, belittle, guilt you and shame you is WRONG. His behavior is entirely unacceptable and it is hard enough being overweight WITHOUT someone that is suppose to care about you making hurtful and hateful remarks.

If my husband made remarks like that to me, he wouldn't be shopping with me. He wouldn't be sleeping in my bed. He wouldn't be doing anything with me. I wouldn't even eat a meal with him. I would have a zero-tolerance policy. He is also teaching your kids to be mean to those that are overweight. He is telling your kids its okay to make hurtful remarks to mom, via his behavior.

As far as your weight is concerned, you said you feel horrible. I recommend that movie Food, Inc. It may sound strange, but eating homemade 'junk' is so much 'healthier' than eating store-bought junk. If you have that rule, (hard to always live by) but you will eat healthier. If you want to lose weight for yourself, than by all means, talk to other moms for healthy eating tips, work out tips, etc. But your husband can't be inspiring you with his hurtful behavior.

Plus, when a woman gets older our metabolism slows down. We may not move around as much. After 4 pregnancies, gaining and losing weight, it is not uncommon to put on a little more weight and it is more difficult to take it off. You could have your thyroid checked too if you are concerned that your weight gain is medically related.

Don't allow or justify your husband's hurtful comments. Make every day "Be Nice to M. Day" in your home! You are surely a great mom and allowing your husband to be rude and hurtful to you is teaching your kids it is okay for that love us can be mean to us.

Here is a question for you: Did he make hurtful comments to you, of any kind, before the weight gain?

Tell your husband to back off....forget anything he says after you tell him that...this is obviously your mission now...don't feel guilty about what you eat. Continue to eat what you like but do it in moderation. Exercise..drink plenty of water and make yourself feel good, however you can. A positive attitude is the best to have when dealing with something difficult..like working out!! It will get easier!! Good Luck!

First thing - your husband could gain from some sensitiviy training...but in the same light - he may just think that being hard on you is his best way for him to help you. Is your husband overweight too, even a little? If so - it may benefit you to "give him some of his own medicine" and when he gets offended about it, tell him how you feel when he says those things to you.

As for your weight. Losing it is really a lot easier than you think. Just stop eating the things that are bad for you. Exercise helps of course and you need to build muscle for permanent weight loss, but your energy level is going to come from food - and you need more energy first so you can get to exercising. When you eat the right foods your body responds amazingly well. You will be bursting with energy and positive self worth.

First, stop buying the junk. And the junk that's at home - either give it away to those in need, or trash it. Make your home a "no junk zone." That includes almost anything prepared, like: cereal, snack mix, cookies, chips, potato buds, cakes, sugared peanut butter, white pasta, anything other than whole-grain breads, salad dressings, bbq sauce, ketchup, etc.

Ingredients to look out for: high fructose corn syrup, monosodium glutamate, soy, wheat flour, enriched flour, hydorgenated oil, preservatives, food coloring. BAD BAD BAD! None of this is from the earth. Your body is an organic organism - it wants and craves what the earth produces...not what's packaged in some facility 2000 miles from you.

Change the way you shop. Find a farmers market or co-op that offers mostly produce. Go there first. Buy 2 weeks of produce - try to stick to about $70-80 for a family of 6. Then shop the deals. Look for lean meats (hamburger only if it is 90% lean or better) and other protein sources like beans, hummus, a little tofu if you like it, etc. Then your carbs - whole grain breads and pastas only. 60% of your food shopping should be produce, 20% protein, and 10% carbs. If it looks different than this - you need to change your priorities. DO NOT buy junk food just because it's cheap and your kids and husband like it. Take a stand - it's your house, your body, your family.

How to prepare your meals:
45% protein: lean meat, beans, hummus, avocado
35% fiber: vegetables - there is really no substitute
20% carbs: fruit, whole grain bread or pasta (occasionally), brown rice, baked potatoe, yams

Your meals should be simple, a few examples:

Dinners or Lunch:
Meat and vegetables sautee'd in olive oil and a little seasoning. Serve over brown rice with a little bit of soy sauce or bragg's liquid aminos.

1/2 cubed salted avocado on 1 pc whole grain toast (open faced). Green salad with kidney beans. Dressing is 1 lime, juiced - stire in 1 tblsp hummus and drizzle.

Roasted cauliflower pasta: chop and add cubed zucchini and yellow squash. Season with garlic salt, parsley, and pepper. Broil in oven for up to 20 minutes until golden brown on edges. Sautee 1 small chicken breast in olive oil and water. And serve meat and veggies over a small portion of whole grain pasta. Squeeze lemon juice on top.

Mexican: Lean fajita meat - sautee'd. Stir-fried peppers, onions, and fresh garlic. "Rice" cauliflower cooked like mexican rice (recipes online). Black beans boiled (add a little mozzarella cheese or sour cream) to make them creamy. Fresh Guacamole and salsa. Skip the chips and dip with sliced jicama.

Breakfast:
1 egg, 3 egg whites. Broccoli, mushroom, onion. Scramble together. Season with a little hot sauce. Fruit on the side.

1/2 cup granola. 1/4 cup non-fat milk or 1 serving yogurt. Add milled flax seed for nutritional value.

Smoothies:
1 scoop vanilla or coconut flavored protein powder
8 ice cubes
1/2 cup water (less if you are using melon)
1 tsp vanilla or coconut extract
1/4 cup oats (makes it creamy and is added fiber!)
1 packet no calorie sweetener like stevia, splenda, or pureVia
2 or 3 types of fruit like...
1/2 banana chopped up, 5 strawberries, 1/4 cup frozen blueberries, 6 blackberries, 1/2 cup melon cubes, 1/4 apple skinless and chopped up, 1/4 cup mango cubes, etc.

Snacks:
Vegetable sticks with hummus:
carrots, celery, cucumber, zucchini, egg plant, jicama

Any single fruit - except oranges (too much sugar).

1 baked potato with olive oil, green onions, parsley, garlic salt and pepper

The trick is to keep your meals simple, light, low-fat (except the olive oil used to cook them in or their natural oils like avocado has), and when home - make everything from scratch. UTILIZE the internet for ideas on using foods you know nothing about - or for finding healthier takes on classic favorites.

Invest in a good tasting chocolate protein powder - you can guzzle this instead when a sweets craving strikes. Find a multi-vitamin that works for you. Consider doing a colon cleanse to give yourself a jump start. Find a physical activity that entertains you: class aerobics, yoga, kickboxing, jogging, walking, hiking.

When you go out to eat...enjoy yourself. BUT don't overeat. In fact, eat less than you think you should and bring the rest home as leftovers for the kids to scavage on. All restaurant food is laden with ingredients and calories beyond what we presume. So eat less than you think a serving is and stop. If you need dessert, order a fruit cup. Or stop by your local Jamba on the way home and split the lowest calorie smoothie they have.

Fast food: Stay away from it as much as possible...but even I admit that it has it's place. Like when traveling. If you must order fast food, here are the options: Order a burger with lettuce, tomato, onion, but hold the condiments, and ask for it to be made protein/low carb style - add jalepenos if you like it spicy! Do not order fries. Ask for a cup of water or iced tea - instead of soda. If you opt for a salad, only use 1/3 of the dressing packet, and get your chicken grilled instead of crispy.

You deserve to feel good about yourself - and you'll be helping your family form lifelong healthy habits too. When your husband sees that you are making an effort for positive change - he will do one of two things: join you, or complain that he is having to change too. If he complains, tell him he is not being supportive of your goals...that will hurt him where it counts and hopefully he will stop with the attitude.

An easy goal to set is to walk a 5k. Not jog - just walk it. Drive around your neighborhood and see how far 1.6 miles is from your house. Start walking there and back 2-3 days a week. You'll be ready before you know it - and it'll be for a good cause - a charity and YOU. Better yet - get some neighbor friends to join you. There is power in peer pressure.

Good luck and best to you and your family!

If you are interested, I keep a little hobby blog that chronicles my cooking adventures - you are welcome to use any of my suggestions. I hope you find success!

http://quicklynutritiousanddelicious.blogspot.com/

First of all tell your husband to stop. That is down right childish. As a fellow overweight person, I was teased all my life that I was fat. Even when I wasn't. Him doing that to you is doing nothing for your mental state. Because I was teased when I wasn't overweight, I became overweight because I believed it. So tell him to stop and you'll lose weight your way and on your own time. It takes time to lose weight. I've been trying for years. When I finally said that's it! I'm doing it! Thats when I got pregnant. Now that my son is going to start daycare on Wed, I'm going to. I will. and you have to tell yourself that to. I am not to many pounds above where you are. Perhaps we can start an internet support with one another? Send me a message if you are interested.

Sit down and speak to your husband honestly. My guess is that he wants to help you, but that these remarks probably just make it harder. I also am betting your husband thinks he is helping you by trying to keep you on track. You need his support and you need to ask for it, but you need to make a commitment too. It sounds like you both are unhappy with your present weight. So try to work together to meet your goal. You set the guidelines and ask your husband for the help you want, but to back off on what you don't like.

All that said I have a great weight loss program I truly think could help you. If you are interested let me know and I will send you links to learn about it.
You don't have to keep "feeling horrible."

First off I want to say that it is NOT okay for your husband to talk to you like that. He is supposed to love and cherish you for who you are. I have gained 60 lbs since my husband and I first got together. I like to blame him because I gained most of it during the 3 years we dated before we got married. During that time we were always going out to eat and I was starting to eat and drink like him. SOOOO bad! LOL .. Anyway ... I have just recently started Weight Watchers and I have lost 10 lbs in a month. HOWEVER ... my husband NEVER made me feel like I needed to lose weight. He NEVER told me I shouldn't eat something & he never made comments about my weight. He made it clear to me (when I would get into my moods where I was upset about my own weight) that he loved me for me and that he thinks I'm beautiful. I feel for you because I would feel terrible if my husband ever made comments to me the way your husband has to you. I needed to come to the decision on my own that it was time for me to lose weight. Then I just told my husband that I needed his love and support for me to be able to go through this change for the better. You can't lose weight when someone is breathing down your neck and making you feel bad about yourself. I also firmly believe that you can't lose weight if you are breathing down your own neck and making your own self feel bad about yourself. Over the last 5 years I would have down moments where I would be totally upset with myself. Losing weight is more like a conscious decision to change yourself because YOU want to. Do it for you ... not for him. There will be ups and downs believe me ... I still have a long road ahead of me. But you need his support in order to continue. And I am also a firm believer in having cheat days!! You will never succeed if you completely deprive yourself. I figure as long as I do good during the week I can be "bad" on the weekends. So far it's worked. Good luck to you!! Don't feel down on yourself and don't let your husband make you feel bad about yourself. Shame on him!

you should tell your husband to shoosh his mouth, you have 4 kids and 225 isnt really even that big for that many kiddos, you should try to get back down to a good weiight, for your health and to feel good about yourself, but your husband needs to be told off.

tell him that his comments make you want to eat, and that the sweet taste of this food is the only good romance you have right now, maybe if he stood up for you and desired you (because a loving husband would) then you wouldnt want to eat as much.....

Losing weight is the lesser issue here... the bigger one is what is going on in your marriage. I would really suggest finding some marriage counseling on this one, because your husband is expressing some very unhealthy things. If you can't afford counseling, a lot of churches will offer it free to the community - you could try East Valley Bible or Chandler Bible. Wishing you the best!!!

There are three things that you need to do. Address your husband and tell him his comments are hurtful. Based on my experience, those hurt feelings are hard to overcome. Check with your doctor about your weight gain if you are not sure where it came from. And finally, if you decide to do something about your weight- do it for yourself. Check out weight watchers on-line, it is super convenient and effective. I have lost 45 lbs once and then somewhere close to the same amount the second time. Another great site is Spark People! However, it came in handy after the basics were learned through Weight Watchers- and it became more maintenance.

The only thing you can really control is what you think, so don't worry about what he says. Change the subject or think about something that makes you happy of feel good. If your thoughts make you feel good then you won't be as likely to do things that will make your body unhappy:-) Accept yourself where you are because you have to, that's where you are:-) then think about how good you will feel when you start losing the weight, how good it will feel to be in a healthy body you get the picture. Stop worrying about your husband and what he thinks, wish him well, and think about taking care of yourself. Think your own thoughts about yourself, not his thoughts.If they feel good to you than you are on the right path, one thought at a time. I wish you well being and much JOY it's who you really are:-)

I can't believe your husband is so insensitive. Makes me appreciate the man I ended up with. Of course you should be healthier for you children, and it doesn't have to be torture. Go for long walks with your two year old in the evenings with your two year old and just watch your portion sizes. You'll be surprised how quickly the weight will come off with good core exercise. And remind your husband that age has probably not treated him too well, so those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!

If the behavior is new on his part it could be something he is struggling with right now--15 years is a nice solid time to have been married and he could be hitting a mid-life issue of some kind that he is taking out on you. His comments are unkind and unnecessary. As a husband he should be encouraging and supportive. If you have asked him to hold you accountable or to help you make better choices, then he should be doing so lovingly.

If you want to lose weight, you need a plan which you can include him in, whether he is going to work out with you, plan meals and cook with you, or just be your champion and encourage you the whole way. Maybe he feels bad that you have gained weight and doesn't know what to do or say--if you are unhappy, he might be saying the only thing he can think of and it is coming out the wrong way. I agree that starting out with a physical is a great idea. You will know your blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar levels, medical weight, heart rate, etc. Knowing if you have any specific health risks to target first will help you and your doctor come up with a realistic plan. Everything might be perfect, in which case the only health concern you will have to focus on is healthy weight loss through proper nutrition and exercise. Invite your husband on a walk to get started with an honest, open, loving talk. Good luck!

M.,
I know how you feel because my husband is the same way with other issues on top of it. Now I've been a little over-weight most of my life, and I wish I could weigh as much as I did in high school. I've only had 3 kids too. My youngest is almost 4 and lost the baby weight right after I had him but slowly put on more and more. I want to lose weight too, but some times, I know this is so wrong but when he says those hurtful things I just want to eat more and more. I do use food as a coping mechanism, I know it's wrong, but I get so mad at him. My husband has gain weight since we've met, but he's a smoker too, I told him food is the same to me as cigarettes are to him, he says that's not the same. But it is an addiction. I think you are getting lots of good advice, I just also wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

First off hubby should keep his mouth shut as comments like that usually drive someone to eat more but if you are interested in weight loss...
I would highly recommend Medifast, I just tried it and in 5 weeks lost 24 lbs. I have another 5 weeks to go and hopefully I will have reached my goal weight of 40lbs lost. It is expensive but it is meals for 5 weeks and all prepared so worth it. It seems impossible to do because it is a restricted diet but that is also the beauty in it. Ironically because the diet is so controlled you have no chance to cheat...and the results are sooo fast that you don't want to cheat...(of course you get hungry and want to cheat sometimes but it just doesn't seem worth it, you know you can always have that cake later but for now you are doing something different and important.) Take care of yourself for yourself...then get hubby into a love and respect workshop with you so you two can work on communication and respect for each other it could help your relationship grow.

You could lose a lump sum of weight just by losing.......your husband!!! Ok, kidding (not really) but when someone is struggeling with weight TOUGH LOVE is not the way to go. Most people feel more defeated when they get negative responses from the ones they love. Tell hubs you get it, I know I have weight to lose but HELP me not HURT me because I won't be able to do it without your support. If you get a chance read Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. It's really about people who have emotional connections to food. If they are happy they eat, if they are sad they eat, bored eat, have a negative spouse EAT. talk to your hubs. If he is unwilling to support you than take a deep breath and take care of you!

Hi, M. -
I'm sorry for what you are going through. Your husband needs to be told that he's being judgmental, unsupportive and unkind. As I see it, you have two issues, your weight and your husband, and need to address both. The two problems are intertwined and that makes it difficult. If you want to lose weight, do it for you. You'll never be successful trying to do it for someone else. I lost 140 pounds last year with no surgery and no medication - just good old diet and exercise and now face the daily struggle of keeping it off. It isn't easy, but it can be done. Ask your husband and children for their loving support in your efforts, and good luck!

I would say counseling...Maybe that way your husband can be more supportive..Are bodies change after every pregnancy I believe. Have you had your thyroid checked...This could be one of the issues. Have you considered doing family activies like family night walks or possibly get a gym membership.. I know his attitude is hurtful and that could be one of the causes to your trouble with weight loss..If not with your family do you have any friends that could maybe work out with you..I don't know what your current physical activity includes..but I know working out is good for your mind and body..you will feel good about doing it...Also, have you told your husband how his choice of words makes you feel...Men unfortunately can be very rude at times...You should not feel guilty about wanted to indulge every now and then...that is normal...your husband is the one who needs to work on it. I have just started to eat more raw foods and im finding that...cookies and processed foods are not good for our bodies in general so maybe find things that are satisfying and good for you. like a homemade fruit smoothy or raw brownies..dont be so hard on yourself..you have had 4 children..your body more than likely will not return to what it was before your first child and remember it does get harder to lose weight as we get older...keep your head up..remember God made you perfect..i pray that things will work out for you and your spouse!:)

If you are not happy with your weight (and it sounds like you aren't), then get it checked out medically first. You could have a thyroid problem, especially since you've never had a weight problem before. I'm so sorry your husband is acting this way b/c you don't deserve that kind of treatment. Being a mom of four deserves a lot of respect and gratitude! Are you able to tell him that you are not happy with your weight right now, but his comments are not helping the situation and you would appreciate him being more supportive, and then specifying what that means to you? For example, what if he joined Weight Watchers with you or exercised with you or more realistically, watched the kids while you exercised? Best of luck to you!