Overstressed M. Needs Help Please!!

Hi, Meriah. I recently got re-married, but I was a S. mom for almost 3 years. I also work full time. My ex-husband has no contact with my girls, and he gives me no financial help either, so it was all me, all the time. My girls were 6 and 3 when we separated, so I can totally relate to your frustration. I love my little girls with all my heart, and I was not always proud of my parenting style, but I was EXHAUSTED.

While I was S. my parents kept my girls overnight once/week, and that was a nice break for me. At least I had a chance to go grocery shopping or run errands without having to drag along 2 tired, cranky, bored kids. Not sure if that's an option for you, but if so, ASK.

I can tell you that it will get easier. Your kids won't be 4 and 3 forever, and as they get older, they will follow instructions better and they won't require as much direct supervision.

My girls are now 9 and 6, and life is much easier. I have spent a lot of extra time teaching them to make their own beds, do their own showers, brush their own teeth, tie their own shoes, buckle their own seatbelts, dress themselves, etc. Sure, it would have been faster/easier to just do it myself, but I considered the extra effort an investment, and it paid off. Those little things add up, and I have a lot more time for other things now. For example, I can fold laundry or pack lunches while they take their showers. (Not exactly the 'me time' that we all dream about, but at least I'm not up until midnight getting everything ready for the next day.)

Just recently I started leaving them alone for 30 minutes in the evenings while I take a walk. FREEDOM!! :)

If I may make a suggestion, I would start with cutting the routine of laying on their floor until they fall asleep. Yes, they'll throw a fit every night for the first week, but I bet it doesn't take more than a few weeks to completely break that habit...and you'll have a few extra minutes each night for something else.

Hang in there, and as another mom said, be consistent. Remember that the extra effort now will pay off, and things will get progressively easier.

Meriah,
It sounds like you and your family are going through a really rough time. Don't discount how your children are feeling. Their world has been turned upside down and they are going to need time. If you are feeling stressed about all the changes imagine what is going through their little heads. Give them some good old ashioned TLC and allow yourself some time also. When they are with their dad allow yourself time to do what you want. Walking spending time with girlfriends whatever. Then when you get them back you will be refreshed and better for them.
I wish you all the luck with your children, they are special gifts.

Hi Meriah: I relate to the no "Me time" scenario quite well. And I too do not have that much family support. Mine are younger 18 mos and 5 mos. My advice is for you to get the father more involved with co-parenting. Do not sleep on the floor and wait for them to fall asleep-they are manipulating you in needing you to do that. Try cuddle time with them a half hour before their bedtime. Read them a story or play with them in their rooms till bed time comes. Keep a latch at the top of their bedroom door on the outside so that you are not having them wander out of their rooms. Also Jo from Supernanny says that you keep putting them back into bed if they get out and refrain from engaging in conversation if they have issues going to sleep at bed time. I would say the rule of thumb is consistency and repeated behavior. I know it is easy for the kids to kind of tagteam cry at the drop of the hat-trust me if one of mine cries the other follows and it can get very nerve racking. I would say to you also to connect with other mothers in your area Akron right? It gets lonely sometimes and everyone can use a friend and fellow mom to talk with. If you can keep your anger and frustration under wraps when they act up they may stop some of the behavior if you don't give them the attention they want when they are bad but praise them more when they are acting good. Just a thought hang in there it will be ok.

I am totally not in your situation, so I can only offer ideas that might work - not tried and true...

Follow everyone else's suggestion on behavior modification. My little one's only 15 mos. old, so I have NO expertise in that area! For the 5PM - bedtime time, why don't you try to find FREE things to do together: playgrounds, feeding fish at a local lake/pond, maybe mall-walk if it's raining then a merrygo ride at Chapel Hill if they're good. This will accomplish 2 things: family bonding time AND exhaust the kids into going to sleep at night! Good luck to you and your littles.

Wow! We are in the same situation! I am a 26 yr-old S. mom of a son, 4 and daughter, 3. I work part-time, but am in school full-time. So I can totally understand what you are going through! What I can say about getting the kids to listen is something I learned from the Positive Parenting Program offered at Children's Hospital. This is how you ask them to do something every time. First, start by getting arms length away from them, use their name and say "So and so... I want you to do (put task here) please." Make sure you use the please. Then count to 7, this could be the hardest part! If they don't listen, say "So and so.. I NEED you to ..." Again, count to 7 and if they don't listen, then it's a punishment. Something that would fit, like quiet time, if that doesn't work, a time out. The major thing here is to do this consistently. Because then you will get to a point where when you say NEED, they will snap to b/c they know if they don't, a punishment will follow. It takes time, but it has made things easier for me. If you want to chat further, you can email me at ____@____.com b/c I know what you are going through and it's always helpful to be able to talk to someone in the same situation! Good luck :)

I cannot even imagine being in your situation. I don't have any advice for you except - hang in there. There are some very helpful opinions on here. Whenever I have problems with my daughter, I always think - soon she will be 16 and this will all be a wonderful memory.

Good Luck, and I hope you find your "groove".