Overreaction

Telling a child to stop melting down usually has exactly the opposite effect. But swooping in quickly to empathize: "Oh, my, you missed the start of the song! You feel sad and wish everybody can do it again! Well, sweetie, let's sing it again together, okay? Others can sing along if they want to…"

With a little practice, you can probably get pretty good at making molehills out of his mountains. Also, find many opportunities to talk with him when he's not upset, and give him alternative language to express his needs and wishes. Role-play, with him and his stuffed animals, different social scenarios. Often kids get frustrated when they can't express themselves clearly, or in a way that gets them heard by the people in charge. When he has some practice realizing he has alternatives, he will probably start using them.

Good luck. Sensitive kids do bring their own special challenges, whether these are genetic or learned.

Check out the book "The Out-of-Sync Child" and see if anything rings true for you. You're describing the behavior of a child who is under some type of significant stress. Possibilities include (but are not limited to) sensory/neurological problems, allergies, sleep deprivation, and a nutritional problem. I'd suggest an evaluation by a pediatric neurologist as a good place to start. Try keeping a journal of good times/bad times to see if you can notice any patterns.

The good news is that once you figure out why he's so on-edge, it will probably be something you can fix, either through modifying his sensitivity or modifying the environment.

In the meantime, remove him from the group when he is melting down. Experiment with what helps him return to calm. Don't place too much faith in strategies that everyone says "should" work. They may not work with your child. Trust your own experience, not books, professionals, or well-meaning friends.

If you get grief from other parents, say something like "This is not just a regular tantrum. He overreacts in odd situations, and we're still not sure why. We're working to figure it out. Thank you for your patience and your understanding."

I agree with having the child leave the situation and calm down. This helped my daughter a LOT. About a year or two ago she was having problems with this. She was getting better but it seemed to be a one step up and two steps back, sometimes she would do well, sometimes not. She would do it in front of others. Many times I felt she thought she would get away with it and get postivie attention, maybe not on a conscious level but that's what appeared to be happening.

So I talked to her and let her know no matter what if she started screaming and throwing a fit she would leave the situation to calm down so she couldn't spoil everyone else's time NO MATTER WHAT. If she missed something she missed something. I would handle it very matter of factly and as unemotionally as I could and tell her to leave, finding a place where she was safe. One of the last times was I made her leave her Birthday party and go to her room until she calmed down during a meltdown over something small. Another Mom was appalled that I followed through on "HER DAY" but it was amazing how fast she was able to calm down and come back to enjoy a pivotal moment (pinata). I didn't stop the action for her and she didn't miss anything. (not suprising, eh? :-) Seriously, I think it helps them get away from what may be overwhelming and regroup. Seems to have worked for her in learning how to settle herself.

Hmm, does he also freak out when there is a change in routine? I went back and saw that your son is also a "selective eater"...kinda reminds me of my son.

My oldest son had a very hard time if there was a change in routine, or if things happened differently than he anticipated they would. He's gotten much much better, thankfully. Anyway, my son also had other issues, but I got curious when reading your post if your son also has any other issues.

There was for many years something I just couldn't quite put my finger on in figuring my son out. There's a really looong story behind it, but we eventually found out he has mild ADD, anxiety, and sensory processing disorder. I'm pretty sure the anxiety came as a result of the SPD- Wish we'd found out before he was 11, which is why I refer people to the SPD symptom checklist whenever their child has a few issues- just in case- might be nothing or it could save years of frustration.

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-proces...

It helps a lot to let him know what will be happening in advance, like "in 10 min., we'll be _______" Then keep reminding again at 5 minutes, 3 min, 1 min. For kids who don't transition easily, it makes a big difference.

Best wishes!! =o)

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Don't let your child spoil other children's special days. Remove him from the situation and if he wants to sing a song again, let him.

As far as when he falls asleep, put him to bed. No demands about doing a movie again until the next day IF he behaves.

You may be projecting your anxiety on to you child. You should be concerned and don't give in to his tantrums.

Blessings....

I would handle them like any other temper tantrum. Either ignore him or remove him from the party. Never give in crying and screaming.

I would work at preventing the opportunity to over react. As much as possible let him know what to expect. Re: the party, I wonder why the hostess didn't wait until he got his hat on. I would sing it again if I were the hostess but not if he's throwing a tantrum. Talk with him about how when he throws tantrums, cries and screams, he's not going to get what he wants. Then consistently don't respond.

Now that you know how he'll react if he falls asleep, warn him at the beginning of the movie, what will happen.

I wonder if he needs more attention at times when he's being co-operative. Kids and adults need many more positive comments than negative ones. He may be doing this because he feels left out, not noticed, or ignored.

I totally agree with Dawn. Your son needs to understand he is overwhelmed, so he probably needs to leave the situation if he cannot calm down.

Try to work with him with how to handle disappointments, making mistakes and not always getting his way. You can do this while playing games and by showing him that even you and dad are not perfect. That things happen and it is ok. Also no one likes a drama queen. It makes people feel uncomfortable.

This sounds like pretty typical behavior. Is he overtired or over stimulated when these issues occur? The important thing is to know his triggers, and to try to prevent the issue. The movie issue sounds like he may have been over tired.

I don't think you need to be concerned. Once he starts school, if you notice an increase in this type of behavior make sure to get a referral for him to see the school counselor. They will be able to teach him some tricks on handling his emotions and help him adjust..

i would definatly seek some help with this anxiety! either some books to help you handle and neutralize the problem or some professional help. but truly my son does the same thing (age three) and its more annoying than anything. i think its just a kid thing. but if you suffer from anxiety then i would watch it and find out how to handle and give him an alternative way to react. and its totally ok to miss a part of something and ask him what he thinks is going to happen? the sky wont fall and its really ok. you can put him in time out for these tantrums...even at a birthday party!