Too Sensitive - Question to the Moms of Teenage or Young Adult Boys

My son is very sensitive, he cry's at movies, likes the sappy one's, cries when he feels life is being unfair, etc. He has been the scrawny kid and the scrawny kid, now he is a handsome almost 18 yo with lots of friends, muscular, has a job where he's respected and a gorgeous girlfriend that he has been dating for 2 1/2 years. He very rarely cries around his guy friends, but I imagine his girlfriend has seen him cry when they argue. Personally I love it, it shows that he's a caring person. He's very caring of his girlfriend and loves little kids, he loves to hold the babies as much as I do. It sounds like he's a feminine kid, but he's not he's played football each year in HS, lifts weights, goes fishin with friends, does everything a guy does. Don't worry some woman will be lucky to have a man who can show his emotions and not be a stoic man who can't show how much he cares for people.

One of my sons seems to be very prone to yeast in his gut - when that's flared up he seems more emotional.

Definitely look at diet (lower the sugar if need be) and possible food sensitivities (we no longer eat wheat or dairy).

When my son was very thin, besides dietary changes, we had success with L-carnitine - seemed to help him develop some muscle tone and better coordination, both fine and gross.

My son is going for his black belt in Karate and is a very happy, well-adjusted "tween" (almost a teen). So - in my non-medical opinion - some of these issues can be very physical in nature. Of course there can be underlying psychological causes too (just wasn't the case with us). Wanted to share our experience.

Have you checked the medical possibilities? Diet issues? Could he have an allergy to wheat or gluten for example? Has is DR raised any concerns about his growth and development? Thyroid? I'd check that stuff out before worrying about the crying. Another possibility- my overly dramatic 8 year old daughter loves to turn on the waterworks to get her way (most people cave when the little blue-eyed beauty cries). I tell her that this is not fair to other people- because no one gets their way all the time and if we all cried about it the world would be a sad place indeed! I also use the word "manipulative" (which it is) but she understands "fair" better.
He could be crying to get more of your time (and that's a hard thing sometimes to find). Keep being a loving, caring mom and he'll be fine either way. And try not to be hard on yourself. You didn't make him the way he is, you just love him the way he is.

Wait a minute, he is only 9, he is too young to have muscles. I showed this post to my 12 y/o and he said that may be your son is dealing with some issues that make him that emotional (at school or at home). Does your son have any friends? Does he gets along with peers?
My son said that kids tend to tease children who are too emotional so the only way to help your son is to teach him to controll his emotional responces (ignore the kids, learn to chanel or deflect the negative energy). Children are like a pack of hyenas - when they see blood (emotions, screaming, tears) - they attack more until the victim is destroyed. Teach him to be a lion - ignore the hyenas, they are beneath your majectic persona. That takes self control and your boy has to learn it anyway - it is part of growing up.
One more advise: less video games, more sports
Good luck.

Updated

Wait a minute, he is only 9, he is too young to have muscles. I showed this post to my 12 y/o and he said that may be your son is dealing with some issues that make him that emotional (at school or at home). Does your son have any friends? Does he gets along with peers?
My son said that kids tend to tease children who are too emotional so the only way to help your son is to teach him to controll his emotional responces (ignore the kids, learn to chanel or deflect the negative energy). Children are like a pack of hyenas - when they see blood (emotions, screaming, tears) - they attack more until the victim is destroyed. Teach him to be a lion - ignore the hyenas, they are beneath your majectic persona. That takes self control and your boy has to learn it anyway - it is part of growing up.
One more advise: less video games, more sports
Good luck.

I have a boy who is turning 12 soon, is thin, and he used to cry and whine A LOT, and definitely is on the sensitive side, but as he gets older his behavior is clearly changing. He has plenty of friends and is very boyish. I think he is just a sensitive personality is some ways, slow to adapt to certain kinds of changes or events, a little more fearful...
There IS a *rare* syndrome or disorder, chomosomal or hormonal, that is about boys with more female characteristics, if your son looks very feminine or isn't growing much and you are very concerned. My son's doctor asked me if I was familiar with this syndrome, and I looked it up as she suggested (she was new to meeting my son and just mentioned it casually during an appointment). I read about it online and decided it did NOT match my son, but I thought it was nice that she even thought about it, just in case it had matched him, she would have done us a big favor in calling our attention to it--that is her job.
It seemed like the main issue with this syndrome or whatever it was, is just that they may not develop for puberty, or at least be delayed in puberty, so they might need hormone therapy to make sure they grow properly, physically. I'm sorry I have forgotten the name, but if you are interested you could do some kind of internet search about boys development and female characteristics...just to rule it out, if you want.
But otherwise, don't worry. Some folks are just more sensitive than others, and some are late bloomers. I just saw some photos of boys I went to school with 20 years ago, and they have grown and changed a lot! =)

First of all, congratulations Mom on being so sensitive yourself and so in touch with your son and the way he handles things!!! Every child is different and each of them grow and mature on their own time schedule. Be sure that you don't talk about "whining" or being "overly sensitive" where he can hear you!! It can become a self fulfilling prophecy!! Talk to him about his FEELINGS..."I see you are feeling overwhelmed today would you like to talk to me about it?" Maybe he needs some suggestions from you about coping skills, or maybe he just needs an outlet for his fears and frustrations.
I Would also suggest that you make sure he is getting lots of physical activity, don't expect "muscles" at this age but you do want him to physically fit and the muscles will come along when they should. Do you both have bikes? Go for a ride together! Does he like to play tennis, baseball, soccer? Encourage him to get involved in a team sport,it teaches self discipline, teamwork and is a great way for the family to be involved as you all go along and cheer for his team at the games!!
Don't expect him to fit into some "cookie cutter role" that the world has defined as "normal"...HIS normal is what is normal for HIM...not for the rest of the children in his classroom!!

I think it is important to recognize that emotional responses are bio-chemical and the emotions we feel happen in a part of the brain that does not really change much after the first three years. What does happen is that we learn to control our responses to those emotions (in a totally separate part of the brain).

There is nothing "wrong" or "abormal" about your son. He is perfectly who he is. What he needs is some training in how to deal with these overwheming emotional responses to stimuli that would not be so overwhelming to, say, you.

You can talk to him rationally about this when HE is ready to make changes in his reactions and practice different coping techniques. I advise seeking professional behavioral therapy. Again, there is nothing wrong with him. He is perfect. He just has to learn to respond in a more mainstream fashion to his neurological functions.

Best of luck to you.

I have a boy who is clearly all boy, but even though he is bigger than me he still cries and whines many times a day. I put up with it less and less, but he simply often is overwhelmed, we have recently began to suspect other issues involved and are checking them out.

My son kinda outgrew it when he hit high school but not really. He hasnt learned how to vent his fustration. He still does it but not as much as he used to. In order to stop some of the whining you just ignore it and if he is hurt say I see no blood, no broken bones, so you are fine.

have daddy wrestle with him more and let daddy do the discipline when he starts whining and stay out of it. I think mines problem came with I was divorced and daddy never seen him(didn't care enough too) he had no male role models. Get him around more boys his age that are all boy. I don't know if this will help but boys pressure other boys to quit whining and toughen them up so to speak. I don't have a good answer I can just tell you why I think mine was so whiney. give you things to try and hope it works for you. :)

Updated

My son kinda outgrew it when he hit high school but not really. He hasnt learned how to vent his fustration. He still does it but not as much as he used to. In order to stop some of the whining you just ignore it and if he is hurt say I see no blood, no broken bones, so you are fine.

have daddy wrestle with him more and let daddy do the discipline when he starts whining and stay out of it. I think mines problem came with I was divorced and daddy never seen him(didn't care enough too) he had no male role models. Get him around more boys his age that are all boy. I don't know if this will help but boys pressure other boys to quit whining and toughen them up so to speak. I don't have a good answer I can just tell you why I think mine was so whiney. give you things to try and hope it works for you. :)

There are books and websites for parents of highly sensitive children. Google that term for many sites with suggestions and strategies to support your son and bring out his best qualities.

As a highly sensitive person myself, I did turn out "normal," in that I have good and happy relationships and have been quite a competent employee at a variety of jobs, and actually excel at work and relationships that benefit from greater sensitivity. It's also true that certain kinds of situations and relationships have always been and probably always will be challenging, puzzling, and even repellent to me. But I'll bet most less-sensitive people could say the same, right?

welcome to the world of boys! Yes, boys cry waaaay more than anyone would ever expect. Our oldest son cried until 8-9, but our youngest cried until ???12??? I HATED it! & we saw thru Scouts, religion school, & sports that this is a common factor in boys.

Sooooo, relax....it will pass. My concern is your mention that he could be the "perfect girl"....& you used the phrase "normal". What's up with that, Mom? Let him be who he is....& not your preconceived notions! Peace.

My 12 yo was very much like that, but since being in middle school, I can definitely see the changes. Some are hormonal; while some, no doubt, come from the middle school environment. His pediatrician is familiar with him, so I know nothing medical is going on.

My son is still tall and thin and sometimes lifts hand weights he keeps under his bed. He doesn't like sports, but he is "all boy". I probably tend to cater to his emotional side more than is necessary, because I am "too sensitive", too. (Seems to me the rest of the world is too insensitive. ;-) As he grows up, he is learning to have a better handle on his emotions for his own sake. I can see him being an awesome boyfriend and/or father some day, irregardless of whatever his sexual identity turns out to be.

Ignore the whining, give him attention when he's not whining as I'm sure you do, but please do continue to keep an eye out for bullying. Seems it's nearly insidious, but still incredibly harmful.

Your son's lucky to have you on his side helping him to make his sensitivity a positive instead of a negative. Give him a hug from me, if he's still accepting hugs, that is. ;-)

My boys are young, but I've had nephews who had more "sensitive" personalities. Some boys are just more outwardly feeling than others, just like some girls are more tough-skinned and aggressive. Relax. If it is just annoying that he cries easily, try to help him work on "skills" to deal with common triggers. Skinny gamers are just fine! :) There are lots of awesome childrens books (chapter books) with male protagonists who think and feel more than they act physically, and they can also be a great way to connect your child to himself (Wrinkle in Time books, etc.).

Some amount of sensitivity is probably going to stay, which is fine, too. My husband is not usually "overly" sensitive, but I will catch him crying at the ends of some movies or reading some books. He was a bit of a mess after watching Big Fish. :) He loves to blast metal, go fishing and golfing, but he has also read me the original Winnie the Pooh and the Little House on the Prairie books out loud (before we had kids). Be proud that you are also raising a son who will probably be more easily sensitive to other people as a young man. :)

During puberty boys can be just like girls. Crying and throwing fits like a girl in a teen movie. At about age 9 is when it starts and goes for a few years. So, if you have a sensitive boy to begin with, it makes sense it would get worse now.

My bet is that this sensitive child will be a sensitive adult. Empathetic, and a this will help him have strong relationships later.

In the meantime don't listen when he whines. Tell him that when he speaks in a voice like you are speaking Now (and of course use a normal modulation) then you will listen what he has to say. Don't put him down or call him a whiner. Just help him to learn how to communicate.

He's a little boy who is sensitive. If you think he is oversensitive, ask the pediatrician about childhood depression. Some kids are just sensitive and not fully matured.

Wow..you are so not alone. My son is 8~ whenever he gets overwhelmed he cries too....if he is tired..forget about it!
Would love to hear if mine will grow out of it..He has been that way
since he was a baby.
He cries whenever he is frustrated, just can't be held in.
I think quite a few kids mature later..

Hi - I have an 8 1/2yr old son - he is skinny and used to cry as though he had serious injuries with scraped knee, etc.

My husband and mother-in-law are always trying to tell him to eat so he will put on muscles. However according to the pediatrician ( and I fully agree with Cherryjam below) , he is TOO YOUNG.

These boys are skinny because they are boys. He will develop them when puberty really kicks in and as he develops into a man.

Also from your note, it sounds like he is your oldest child? Typically 1st borns are more insecure and those 2nd children are more secure/confident/outgoing.

Having him in karate is a great thing. It will help his character if you have a karate studio with instructors who are tough but caring with the kids . ( We do. )

Also, if he is a 'gifted' child, they tend to be more sensitive and experience things more intensely. See books from Dr. James Webb.

Remember though - this sensitive boy, may be mr rough and tough in a few years, too cool to come to mom for anything.

As he hangs out with dad/male role models playing sports, doing things, they can help me develop a more non-chalant - oh, I got hurt, is it that bad,…hmmm no, I can live attitude.

Our son has grown in this area, where the crying hurt time has diminished considerably and will continue to do so as he gets older. Hug him, let him know he's loved, after I have tended to the injury - if it needs it, I then joke around with my son:'Oh my , is it so bad we need to call the doctor to remove your leg?' 'Or should we put you in bed all day - no more playing?', stuff like that because we joke around a lot in our family and it helps him go:'Come on , Mom.' and roll the eyes at me instead of being so upset over his injury.

Be in tune with: has he been tired, rough day the day before, things that might be adding to why a minor injury is so upsetting to him.

Love and hugs to you! Hope this helps!

You know you're child better than anyone else, but from your brief discription here, I wouldn't worry. My third son was a very sensitive child. He was a skinny little runt too. He is now 19, and the last time he and all his brothers (older) were together, they were laughing about how little he was and how he used to cry at the drop of a hat. They were also reminding him of his whining and how mad that made them. This little runt now is tall, muscular, although still slim built, and is a great athlete. He is not as sensitive as he used to be. But, he isn't the kind of person you're going to know all about either. He does keep things to himself more than his brothers. But, that's just his personality. He turned out just fine! As a matter of fact, he and his older brother never got along when they were younger. They are great friends now, and he's always been close to his other brother. He's close to his sister too.
Like I said, you know him better than I do, but if he's anything like my son, he'll be fine.

both of my boys are very compassionate and sensitive but not sure how sensitive you are talking. They don't cry all the time but I have taught them that it is ok to cry and that real men cry when it's appropriate. I don't know where the macho thing started that men shouldn't cry or they are sissys.. I will tell you that men that don't cry are the sissys because they don't know how to cope with life and end up bottling up everything inside and most end up having anger issues because the only time they let their feelings out is when their bottle gets full and the top flies off, then they are yelling, angry and could be dangerous and abusive.

Real men do cry and they know how to handle life much better.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it and definitely don't shame him for crying. It will ruin his self esteem which a lot of men struggle so badly with.

My oldest is 17, just graduated high school, small for his age although he works hard and isn't a wimp by no means, he has been mowing since he was 8 or 9 and is a very hard worker although his muscles don't bulge out a lot and is 5'6 and weighs about 130 lbs. Still wearing size 16 and 18 boys but he doesn't let that bother him at all. He is very compassionate and cares about people, he plans to be a doctor and wants to go on a lot of missions trips and help others. He has tons of friends and is an easy going type person. He rarely gets upset about anything and once in a while when he is sad about something he will have tears in his eyes.

My 10 year old will also get tears in his eyes when he is sad or something upsets him. He will probably be very muscular and built when he gets older as he already looks like a football player and has no interest in football. He is also compassionate and cares for people.

Not sure on advice with the crying forever when getting hurt, they didn't do that and neither does my daughter. I guess I just wasn't compassionate enough when they were little and would tell them that unless they are gushing blood and need to go to the hospital then they were fine and need to get back up and shake it off. Sounds mean but it must have worked because it bugs me when I see kids whine forever about a little scratch or a boo boo that you can't even see anything and they just want attention. Kiss it and make it better and move on and don't make a big deal about it.