Moms, this isn't a big issue, but i've felt guilty for the last 48 hours. This weekend, one of my kids had a friend over to play for the first time. When the mom came to pick up her son, we were standing in the doorway commenting how well the kids played together and the 2 hours flew by. I jokingly said "wouldn't it be fun if "Johnny" lived with us so they could play longer, or perhaps I should send my two over there. My oldest, who is 7 said "No way, I don't want to live in an apartment". The mom was very gracious, gave a little laugh, we finished talking about getting them together the next week, and they left. So I talked with my son as soon as I closed the door about how his comment might have hurt "Johnny" or the moms feelings. That some people live in houses, some in apartments, with extended family etc. What's important is creating a happy family in what ever place you call home. I explained that both his dad and I grew up in apartments and how hard we worked and how much we had been blessed to have and be able to a keep a house. I think he gets it, but now I'm feeling guilty that I didn't apologized to the mom right then for what my son said. And since I didn't, should I call her today and apologize? Could I be making more out of it than it really is? I don't know them very well, no idea of their situation (do they want a house, is this a temporary home, etc.)Oh and we have friends and family that live in apt's, mobile homes, so this was a shock to hear this thought from him. Part of the reason I might be holding onto this is b/c I've really been trying to teach our kids to appreciate the things they have and not take things for granted. Wasting food, take care of their clothes and personal items and not expecting everything all of the time have been regular converstaions in our house, but now after this comment, I just feel like all the lessons, and talks, and examples have been for not.
I wouldn't even bring it up. I live in an apartment and if a kid said that to me I wouldn't be offended or expect an apology. Kids are honest I would just let it go. I would be more offended or embarrassed if you tried to apologize or explain the situation.
You might be assuming that she found that offensive. Why would she? I wouldn't be offended if I weren't embarassed about my living situation. So, you would be in a way, saying that it must be embarassing to live in an apt and sorry my son embarassed you. I have lived in an apt and wasn't embarassed. Some of them are super nice. I think the best thing would be to invite them over again and not mention it.
One time my daughter (4 yrs old at the time) and I were at the checkout at the grocery store. There was a fairly large, let's say "pear shaped" women in front of us who was bending over getting things out of her cart and onto the belt. My daughter turned to me and said (in a very suprised, enthusiastic kid voice), "Mom, look how big her butt is!" I was so embarassed! The women did not look over, so I'm not sure if she heard or not. I got down to my daughter's eye level and quietly explained that we don't need to talk about things like that, it's not appropriate or nice and I'll explain when we get home. All the while, my daughter trying to interupt me with "Ya, but it's so.......Look" etc
These things happen with kids. I like the immediate apology approach the best. Then discuss the topic/appropriateness later with your child...
You're WAY overthinking this! Kids say all kinds of stuff that we put too much into. I'm sure she just shrugged it off. No need to worry about. You talked with your son and you'll have to do it again. He's a kid and still learning the ins and outs of life.
I understand how you would be totally mortified. I come from a very wealthy family, and I used to feel sorry for "poor people". Now that I am "poor people", I realize there's nothing here to feel sorry for. I wouldn't apologize. I think that would make it worse. I live in an apartment, and if your son said that, I would not feel that you needed to apologize. If you did apologize, I would think that you thought that your life was so much better than mine just because you didn't live in an apartment.
There is a lot more to life and happiness than where a person lives, or how much money they have, etc. I'm happy with my daughter, I love her with all of my being, and we are working toward a better life--but that doesn't mean that anyone owes me any apologies for having a bigger place to live than I do.
Talking about it would almost be as bad (to me) as saying, I'm not racists because I have black friends. That's how I would feel if you said, I have friends who live in apartments and mobile homes, so I'm not judging you lol.
If you REALLY feel like you have to say something, then just use your own personal experience with growing up in apartments, and put it in an encouraging way. I'd say, I hope my son's comment didn't offend you. I don't know why he would say that, he knows my husband and I both grew up living in apartments...or something...I don't know really. If you know they are working towards something better, then say something encouraging about that. If they are happy where they are, then just say something nice about how you grew up. Just whatever you do, don't say something that makes it sound like you're above them, or that you feel sorry for them.
Good Luck!
Oh don’t feel bad! Your son just gave an honest response. You did the right thing in talking to him about it after. You’re a great Mom and you sound very compassionate so don’t beat yourself up over this. You ARE teaching your kids now only with words but by example. As they grow and mature you will see a difference and realize that all you’ve said in done HAS made a difference!
Get together with her next week and have fun. If you get the sense that she did take offense, explain to her the way you did to us =-)
It sounds like "Johnny's" mom was very gracious and understanding. She probably knows that sinking feeling that we get when our kids say something that we know is rude, but they have no clue. (like "Why is that man over there so fat?" at the all you can eat buffet restaurant...) If it still bothers you when you see her again, you might just offer a sweet little apology for his words, letting her know that he didn't understand that what he said could be hurtful. He might just like having a backyard or something. You just never know what their minds think when they say stuff.
I would continue to invite them over. Sometimes things like this end up being a catalyst for a deeper friendship.
Since it is still on your mind, and you feel an inkling to apologize, then I would do it. Just explain to the mom that you talked to your son and explained to him that all people make different choices on where to live. Just as some people like living in the city and some in the country. Many people who have a lot of money, still like to live in apartments. They don't have to worry about all the 'cares' of their own home. Some people have both! It is hard, I remember when my husband and I were just starting out, and I would do all the work on our cars when they broke down, and his cousins, who were handed everything, would say "why don't you just get a new one?", I would feel very defensive and heated, knowing how hard my husband and I worked to earn money and knowing that these 'kids' would never understand since to this day, their parents are still paying for their schooling. I love that my parents raised us to work hard, be self sufficient, and never take anything for granted! I only pray that I can instill the same in my children as you said you are! Wish you the best!!!!
HUGS
You will make it very awkward if you say anything. Just leave it be. I am sure she didn't mind...it is what it is. Most kids 'would' rather live in a house.
For a 7 yr old to know to say "No way, I don't want to live in an apartment" obviously comes from the parentals, gulp.
You probably should call her and just say something like "You know yesterday when my son made the comment about not wanting to live in an apartment? I really feel bad about his condescending attitude. I'm sure he's heard my husband and I talk about our struggles and finally having our own house and the benefits of your own yard and no rules to follow etc... AND hearing him say what he said really made me realize that I need to discuss with him about what a HOME really is because it made me realize that I gave him a skewed thought process. I feel embarassed and just want you to know that. It really put me in check and I've since talked to him again about the differences and the bottom line being a roof over your head and the love of the family that lives under that roof. It made me think that even tho I feel fortunate right now that it could change in a heartbeat and we could be living in our car...... so even tho I'm feeling bad for what he said it opened my eyes and was a good topic to discuss at the dinner table last night."
Your friend will probably say "Did he say that? I didnt even hear it.".. lol
Nah...it's not all been a waste of breath! They get it...eventually. I have a 7 yo boy too and I think what you DID do was exactly the right thing. I wouldn't mention it at all to the other mom. I understand you probably feel embarrassed by your son's lack of sensitivity. Just keep trying to make him aware of diversity.
hi,
I am sure she is fine .Kids say offensive stuff like that all the time.My own children say offensive stuff like that to me or hubby all the time .They are not meaning to be hurtful .Mine are still very young(all 7 yeas old and under) and so still learning .They are still learning correct social behavior.However if i was feeling that bad about it ,next time i 'll get together(or i might just even call her) with her i will just say something around the line of"By the way i felt really bad about my son comment the other day,i am sorry if he did inadvertently offend you but i just wanted to make sure to apologize for him."She probably already forgotten it and we'll say something along the line "oh it was nothing ,don't worry about it".Hope this help.
N.
If you feel really guilty then I would when you get together with her next mention quickly that you feel bad for what your son said and that you talked to him about it, and that you hope she didnt take too much offense to it.
She should understand, and shouldnt be too big of a deal.
Kids are kids, and sometimes they say stuff at the most inappropriate times!
