Out of Control Teen

It sounds like there is a lot of anger and resentment built up inside her. I am a huge advocate of counseling. My brother is actually a counselor of out of control teens (in OH) though. You really need to get her to someone before it's too late. I believe that the following organizations are free of charge but I cannot be sure. You will need to call the number and ask the person who answers to help direct you appropriately. These numbers were given to me and are centers/shelters: (all 615 area code)202-5252/242-0411/256-5959/242-9260/242-1199. Again, I do not know for sure the premise behind the services offered but it is state funded and I am pretty sure completely free. It won't hurt to try!! Best wishes to you and your family.

Unfortunately you should take a bit of your own advice and get her into a program, because if you cannot enforce her punishments and her listen to what you say then she is pretty much become the boss. I have two teen girls myself and when they try to get their way a little grounding goes a long way. I hate to hear of your plight and wish you the best of luck.

L. E.

Hi D.:

I had a daughter that was out of control just like you said your's is. I made an appointment with a Mr. Williams at the Wetumpka Juvenile Court. He is a middle-aged black man who will talk to teens really strict and make a believer out of them. He is a very stern person but as nice an individual as you'll ever meet. He turned my daughter around 360 degrees. He put the fear of God in her. I know that's not a good phrase to use but he will make a believer out of her. I would be glad to talk to you more about it if you're interested and tell you more about him. If you're interested, call me at ###-###-####. It would be worth your while for you and your daughter to meet and talk with him. It sure would ease your sanity. It surely did mine. My daughter is a totally different person now, thanks to him.

Sounds like you have your hands full. But i must admit i was exactly like that when i was that age. Me and my mother use to fight everyday. But now we are very close. She never put me in a boot camp or anything like that. The only thing that really helped me change my attitude towards her is that we actually started spending time with each other. It was just us. So sibling or anything. Lookin back at it i think my biggest problem was that i felt like she did and cared more about my siblings than she did me. So i guess my advice would be don't but her in a boot camp just try and work on the relation ship between you too first. Even if it means you need to seek help from a professional. But i hope some of what i said helps you cause i use to be just like that.

hi D.,
i can't give any great advice, seeing as how my kids are all small still. but i will tell you things that will help. my neighbor is in her 20's and she said the worst punishment her parents EVER gave her was grounding her FROM her room. she had to stay right with her parents for a week she hated it.(ha,ha)
a teenage girl was with her friends-which were trying to get her to do something her dad had told her not to, one of the friends said; you afraid he'll hurt you?? she said; no, i'm afraid i will hurt him.
this other thing i hope is very helpful. since the discipline is not seeming to work, read this: one christian dad could see his son spireling out of control, much like yours, the Dad actually left his career and found another job to have more time, so he could focus on his son. it was a big sacrifise for their family but the dad loved his son and new he hadn't showed him how important family was-because he was always so busy. he felt his son was just not getting what he needed from his dad and this is how he reacted. THE DAD WAS RIGHT. the son wrote an article about how that impacted his life so much. the son NEEDED his father, so not only changing jobs, but changing his life to make his kids part of his life and listening and investing in his children. this is the last opportunity you have to invest in your daughter, she will be grown and gone soon.
when i feel my small children are really acting out, even though i am ssoooo angry, i will spend some quality time with them. it makes them feel loved. and they seem to act better.
have you did anything really special for her or with her lately? maybe that can be her next punishment, don't tell her what you are going to do, but take her somewhere special-dinner, or what ever and just talk to her. leave all your anger behind and smile at her.
this sure would have made a world of difference when i was a teenager. a therapist recently said, if you do acts of love for someone, they can't help but to feel it. he suggested to do 10 loving things for the other person. even if you don't want to. hope this helps.

hi D. -

put her in one of those boot camps - i gave my mother much of the same grief when i was her age and that's what she did- i'm about your age now...

it'll be the best thing for everyone - it removes her from the situation and u know she'll be safe so u can get some rest! it will change both her and your life - i can almost guarantee it.

J.

I was alot like that when I was about 18. The only difference between her and I was that I already had a child. I thought that I knew everything and no one else knew what they were talking aobut. I ended up moving out of my house with my mother and moved in with my boyfriend. I jumped from place to place for almost a year. (with my son) My mother even went as far as having my (horrible) boyfriend arrested. I had lost basically all of my "true" friends and my family was barely speaking to me. They finally gave me the option of moving to GA (into my grandmother's house) with my son or taking me to court over the custody of my son. Needless to say, I decided to use my head and I went to GA. (Best decision of my life) Maybe if you giver her an choice : Bootcamp or live by my rules, strictly. I don't know if that would work with your daughter or not. You could continue taking things from her, just don't give them back until she acutally starts trying. Do you have someone close to you that she can stay with for awhile? Maybe if she has to realize that she has to pay for her own bills, etc. she might change? Something will eventually work out, it just might take sometime for her to grow up. good luck!

D. - Take a deep breath. Girls are HARD. Teen girls are darn near impossible. I have had many of the same problems with my 14 year old (!) and I finally found what worked. I stopped taking things away and started giving her more responsibility. Give her jobs at home or a job outside the house. These are not "punishment" chores or anything like that. It is more like "giving her purpose". She is so close to being an adult, the only way to get her to start acting like one is to treat her like one. Try it and if it doesn't work, well, then break out the bootcamp brochures ;)

There are many programs out there, especially in knox county, that may be able to help your daughter and your family. One that works with behavioral teens in Peninsula Lighthouse. They have counselng from one time a week to three hours a week in your home, to 5 days a week (8:30a-3pm ish) at their facility. If you contact me, I can exchange info and tell you all that I know is available.
From experience working with teens and families, this is not going to be easy to do on your own! Help is out there!!! Don't give up...that may be what she may be expecting! Show her your stronger than that!!!

"A woman is like a tea bag, you never realize how strong she is until she's in hot water"

Hello D., first of all where do you live? Do you have any more children and if so are they her half siblings? ok here goes, I went through all of that and alot more with my son but thank god and alot of love and it all turned out great. you need to find out if she is on drugs? It really sounds to me like she is, my son was. is she in school? if so what grade? how old is her boyfriend? does she have a job? does she do anything around the house? did you buy cell phone and the car? if so then take them away and do not give them back to her!!! you think she hates you now wait til I finish with her but don't worry SHE REALLY DOES NOT HATE YOU!!!! does she smoke cigarettes? again if so and you buy them then stop!! do not buy her or give her anything except to feed her and put a roof over her head..etc...how long has she been acting like this? how long have you been remarried? if her real dad remarried? do you and her dad live close to each other? when did her dad give up on her or stop seeing her? I know I am asking alot of questions but I really need to know the answers to them so I can help you with where to go next.. I really want to help and I know how you feel so just hang in there and I will try everything to help you and your family through this..D.