My 6 year old son, jack, hates school. He did 2 years of preschool through his daycare and loved it. Did a year of early 5s (all day) and he acted out and was suspended basically all year. Lashing out at kids and staff. He has an i.e.p, and has been going to regular therapy appointments since early 5s. He was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder. I hated how condescending his old school was, and despite my best efforts to get him to enjoy school, I had cps sent to my home twice on their behalf for neglecting his mental health. I put him in a new school, and the staff seemed to be more understanding with his disorder. He acts out so he can get sent home. That's his game. His new teacher assured me she wouldn't play that game. Well, that just means he ups the game now. Now he knows the only way he can get sent home is by talking about self harm because by law the school makes me take him to the er at that point. We've done that. They evaluated him and determined its all a ploy to get out of school. But now he keeps doing it. This is a kid who is an absolute doll any other time. His room is full of stuffed animals and I still have to kiss his boo boos. He shows no issues at daycare. Never has. It's only at school. I'm waiting for an opening with a neuropsychiatrist, but in the mean time, jack is constantly getting kicked out and sent to the er so they can send him home and bill me for it of course. He doesn't get a lot of screen time, i like doing crafts and getting out of the house. We don't lounge much. I know this probably doesn't make a lick of sense.
He also has some sensory issues, like with loud noises. He can't flush the toilet without wanting to cover his ears. I thought about home schooling, but his father would fight me on it because he "wouldn't be socialized" even though he'd still have to go to daycare part of the day.
I'm at the point of just crying over it. I don't know how to make it better. He only has issues at school. He's allowed to take breaks, pace, use chewlry, a stress ball, and a couple other calming techniques in the classroom but his failure to read social ques can just set him off.
Stop using the word hate, imo.
All of you go to counseling asap.
Ques: when he comes home from school like this what happens when he gets home???
Your son needs a functional behavioral assessment, which will find his triggers and ways to eliminate or avoid them as well as how they will be handled. This MUST be written into the IEP where you have an equal say. This would definitely state DS is NOT to be shipped off to the ER, at your expense. He also needs a full sensory integration assessment. There isn't therapy but modifications are definitely in order. Your DS definitely needs changes in his IEP. These may include a 1:1 aide, noise cancelling headphones and even being pulled from the regular classroom and being placed in a small group setting. The school is responsible for obtaining assessments for your son's issues that are affecting his education.
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Your son needs a functional behavioral assessment, which will find his triggers and ways to eliminate or avoid them as well as how they will be handled. This MUST be written into the IEP where you have an equal say. This would definitely state DS is NOT to be shipped off to the ER, at your expense. He also needs a full sensory integration assessment. There isn't therapy but modifications are definitely in order. Your DS definitely needs changes in his IEP. These may include a 1:1 aide, noise cancelling headphones and even being pulled from the regular classroom and being placed in a small group setting. The school is responsible for obtaining assessments for your son's issues that are affecting his education.
Our son has different challenges, but when he was 6 I thought I was going to lose my mind. I was getting calls from the principal almost daily. He was only sent home a couple of times, but he was having meltdowns and crawling under the desk and kicking things. It was horrible.
We are so fortunate. The school informed us of an alternative school that works with kids with various issues, and they had a class that very much fit his challenges. We also continued with various private therapies. Both of those have been HUGE in helping him learn skills and strategies. He is a different kid! He will always have challenges, but he is a different kid!
It is so hard to know how to find resources. I will talk to the school and see if there are alternative programs. You could also call the doctor who diagnosed your son and ask about private therapies or support groups or anything that might benefit you and your son.
Our son recently received an Autism diagnosis. This qualifies him for things that he might not have qualified for otherwise.
It's really hard, because the resources are hard to find, and the challenges you are describing are unique to your son. The challenges my son faces are different from those of his classmate who also has Autism. There are just so many different challenges, and that makes it difficult to find the right people to help. But you have to keep trying. It is so worth it!!!
Homeschooling may or may not be the right option for you. I don't think I would be very good at it. But this is so much bigger than just making sure he receives an education. He needs to learn how to socialize. He needs to learn how to follow rules and be able to listen to adults and be a part of school or programs. Those are life skills. It might not be realistic for him to be in a regular classroom right now, but you do want to make sure you are finding ways to help him grow in that area. If you do homeschool, maybe also have him join Cub Scouts or go to Sunday School or a regular class at the YMCA. Just something so that he does work on those skills.
Keep asking until you find the right resources for your son. They do exist. Keep looking!
ETA - Just to restate my thoughts on homeschooling. Your son is facing many challenges that are likely beyond your ability to address. Unless you have extensive training or education in behavioral disorders, it is beyond your experience. If you are able to find the right people in the school district (and they really should exist), your son will greatly benefit from working with them. You just have to find the people with the right training and experience to address your son's needs.
Your son's been getting lots of help.
Have you?
Some therapy for yourself so you have the tool set you need to cope would be a good idea.
Care givers to special needs kids need support.
Make some appointments for yourself and your husband and ask your counselor these questions.
Find a support group for families of special needs kids.
I agree with Sharon. Request an IEP meeting asap, and advocate for modifications. No way should he be shipped off the the ER at the mere mention of self-harm. Someone, mostly definitely should recognize that he's playing the system. (I do have experience with a child who when struggling with mental health issues did this, and we made enough connections and noise to absolutely convince the ER behavioral health psychologist to NOT admit her when she acted out. She was older, but most definitely trying to escape being at school) You need to get records of his hospital evals for the schools, use those professional observations to make your case. Do you have an individual or family therapist? I recommend getting him some professional help independent of the school system.
Welcome to mamapedia.
Have you thought about having your son committed? He's six and that's really young, but if he is already manipulating the system at that young age? He needs help you can't give him.
I'm sorry that sounds really harsh, however, I don't know how to help you. What medicines do they have him on?
You need to have the ER contact the psychiatrist the next time he's taken in. He needs to learn the lesson the hard way and be kept at the hospital for a few days. Then he will realize he can't play them anymore.
STOP enabling him. STOP allowing him to manipulate the system. Meet with the principal, teachers and school therapists to get everyone on the same page. It needs to stop. If it can't be dealt with? Committing him may be the way to go. I'm sorry.
I'm glad to hear you're getting in with a neuropsychiatrist, so you can finally talk medication. Our son has a host of brain disorders and while therapy is helpful, it's useless for him when he's not on medication.
I agree with others on getting more power out of your IEP. The repeated kicking out of school/sent to ER is not ok. Book that emergency IEP meeting now.
I would really push for the home schooling. Your husband has to realize it's the best thing for your child at this point. Good luck!
homeschooling sounds like your best option. daycare will give him the social part. your husband needs to get on board and at least let you try it out for a while.
I haven't gone through this but just wanted to offer my support - a good friend of mine has jus gone through this although not to this extreme, but it went on a long time and it was very draining and she felt very frustrated and alone. So I feel for you. Good advice below. It does take persistence.
My friend's child had some processing auditory disorder type issues and school (having to concentrate) while hearing noise etc. was setting him off. The whole wanting to crawl under desk thing mentioned below sounds very familiar. So hard for a teacher trying to teach and so hard for parent getting calls at home wondering what to do to make it better. Hard, so very hard. And so hard for the child.
Throwing in these trips to the ER ... must be a nightmare.
Is there any one else he can see in the meantime while waiting for his appointment with the neuropsychiatrist? Someone who can advocate for you/him on his behalf? Like a child psychologist or someone who can work with the school for you? Or work together with the school counsellor? Again, I haven't been down this road - but just for your own sanity - to have someone else on your side until you get some professional help for your son and some help with a diagnosis. Keep us posted
You and your husband need to go to counseling about your child. He is too young to be allowed to manipulate you like this.
Is he in OT? You know he has sensory issues, so he should have been in OT to get help for it.
You mention that he doesn't read social cues. Have you had him evaluated for being on the Autism scale? They used to call high functioning autism "Aspergers" - is that a possibility?
I would seriously recommend that you veto your husband's arguments and homeschool your child. Continue with the other early intervention you are doing. However, you would have to make a big change at home if you homeschool him. No more coddling him. You have to have a REAL schedule and demand it. If he fights you, that bedroom of him with all the stuffed animals starts emptying out. You take the reins because as his "teacher", his next bid will be to renew his manipulation. And you can't allow it.
Your son needs real limits. You have to give them to him. You need to work with the doctors on this. But you also need to change your attitude and show him that you are the boss. He doesn't believe that now. He has learned that he gets to be the boss by threatening to hurt himself. NO 5 year old should even know this. It's very unfortunate that your son figured this out.
I don't know if homeschool is the answer if you are concerned with him being socialized. How can he still go to daycare if you homeschool him? Don't get me wrong I am not against homeschool we homeschool my youngest but he does competitive gymnastics so is in the gym at least 9 to 12 hours a week and is around his teammates.
I would see if you can call the neuropsychiatrist office and see if there is a way to get him in sooner rather than later. Let them know what is going on. I would think that if they keep taking him to the ER evenly they will admit him but that may not be where you want him to be.
