Adjustment Disorder? Neuro-Cognitive Problems?

A.,

Your son is 3 years old, and 3 year olds are not always nice and well behaved.

My 10 year old son did the same things in pre-school, he kicked over a bookshelf, had tantrums in class, ran out the classroom, he was aggressive with others. I thought I would loose my mind. I was embarrassed. The teachers told me to take him to a therapist. I did, and the therapist told me my son was fine, just a normal little boy. I believe the same is true for all little boys, including yours. My son is a normal 10 year old boy, he likes football and helping me cook, he has come a long way and we a long way to go, but I know he’ll be just fine, no matter what.

Please have patience with your son and understand he need time to develop and grow. No one is born with social skills we have today, it took time and good parenting.

Mom, calm down, raising children is a process, nothing happens over night. When raising children you must be firm, consistent, unafraid, patient, smart and loving. Giving them a pill or taking to a doctor does not change what you need to do; they still need your firm hand to guide them. Parenting is a hard job, there’s no way around.

Continue to taking your son to the play groups, he will adjust, remember he is ONLY 3 years old and to a 3 year old the world is a big scary place. Let him develop at his own rate, don't rush him. Make your home a positive place for growth, use his bad behavior as a venue for positive correction.

And so what if he acts up in class, we all did, it's all part of the process. He doesn't have any disorders or cognitive problems, he's a 3 year old little boy. Have fun with him; love him.

We would try the Alexander Center which specializes in children's social, developmental, emotional issues. The Doctor there is Dr. K. Holtmeyer through Park Nicollet. She is a child psychiatrist who is now helping our child with ADHD/Inattentive. The care is doing wonders for our child who finished now 2nd grade. She did not like school or situations but did halfway through that year when we got her a extended release ADD medicine and boost for after school. It made all the difference in getting her to do her homework and do much better in school. A neuro-psychiatrist can get really detailed from a neurological scans and testing. Yoga and tai kwon do helped my cousin go from a frustrated bright child who could NOT learn to now a college Straight A student! He did Tai Kwon Do during his precollege eductional years and whith out medication! I personally feel the lowest effective dose of the right medication is a big help. Look up the word Oppositional.

When I read your post, I am getting that he's simply not yet ready to be socialized. It sounds like he is being put in social situations that stress him out. I personally think 3 is too young for preschool, and to be expected to "sit still".

If you want to socialize him, don't put him in a room full of other 3 year olds and 1 or 2 adults. Put him around other adults and older, well-behaved kids that can be a role model to him.

I hate medical diagnoses that are based on behavioral observations and not on actual, physical observable body issues. I know it is hard to diagnose things that are going on in the brain still, but the medical community seems to diagnose and medicate, but we don't know the consequences yet.

Okay, having said that, have you looked at Sensory Disorders? It looks at the environment and how the child is interacting and interpreting it and tries to teach strategies and make environmental modifications. Everyone will suggest "The Out of Sync Child" which references Autism and Aspergers a lot. I prefer "Raising a Sensory Smart Child."

Good luck in whatever you do. It sounds like you have been through it with your other two, and this time is throwing a curve. Above all, trust your gut and your mother instincts. Those are more true than anything else.

Thom Hartmann is one of the leading specialists in the field of ADHD and the alternative treatment and care of children/adults who have it. Here is a page you can go to to read more about his work:

http://www.thomhartmann.com/index.php?option=com_content&...

Thomm says:

As in so many other areas, a revolution is happening in the treatment of ADHD. Genetic scientists now suggest that ADHD is not a disease, pathology, defect, or disorder.

Instead, AHDD is a genetic difference that would ideally suit a person to life in a hunting/gathering world, while those without the ADHD trait are better suited to a life of cautious, methodical agriculture.

Along with this reframing of ADHD itself has come a redefinition of the best ways to help people who find that their Hunter skills don’t always serve them optimally in this Farmer’s world.

Coaching, it turns out, is one of the most powerful and effective ways for people with ADHD to achieve success.

Have you done any reading about Sensory Integration Disorder (now known as Sensory Processing Disorder) SID/SPD? You can google it or get get some books from the library (my favorite book on the issue is The Out-of-Sync Child". Did he show any of these behaviors before attending preschool or did the group setting set it off? My son was extremely aggressive in group settings and we discovered that it was because he was overwhelmed by his intense senses (noises especially set him off). We first noticed the behavior problems in daycare so we pulled him out but didn't understand what was happening. Then in 3 yo preschool his techer noticed things were off and he was constantly pushing, shoving, hitting as well as flopping on the floor a lot, refusing to participate, and seemed to need much larger personal space than other kids. When we went for his Early Childhood screening, they had us do the emotional/behavior survey and he scored such that they recommended seeking additional evaluation. We had him evaluated at Children's and they found moderate SPD. We did some occupational therapy and learned some techniques to teach him for coping better and things are certainly improving. We found an amazing preschool for this past year (Dodge Nature Preschool) where they really helped him socially and they were willing to use the techniques for helping his SPD. It didn't hurt that the school has the kids outside a ton. Another good book for you to read is Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder, especially since you have kids with ADHD. Good luck with everything, it sounds like you are a great advocate for your kids.

Is he aggressive at home or with you? Or only in this school setting?

You don't say much about this school, and whether your son likes it there. Maybe its a bad fit such as he doesn't like the teacher(s), or there's a bully, or maybe there is something about the activities of the day that is triggering this behavior. Perhaps its his diet. The types of foods we eat can greatly affect how we function and behave. The bottom line is, there clearly is something that is making him unhappy. I'd sit down with him and find out why he feels he needs to act out in this way. After all, this is one teacher's assessment of his behavior. If tests are coming back negative, I'd definitely want to know what is his side of the story.

While I'm not an expert in child psychology, I personally think some kids just aren't preschool or daycare material. Some kids need to be home a little longer because they're actually more sensitive and needing a little more nurturing and one-on-one attention. Sometimes we're a little quick to give everything a medical diagnosis, and really its a matter of changing his circumstances to something more tailored and fitting to his personality and developmental needs.

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Adjustment Disorder is treatable, yes. Good "problem" to have, in that you can definately help him get through this. My understanding is an AD diagnosis alone can be turned around in a relatively short time period (6 months).

I don't know the particulars about your son, so I can't tell you specifics. Therapy could range from working with a good play therapist (if you have the resources to do this, it could help- often LISW are trained in play therapy- ask around), to just doing more pro-active socialization and bonding with him like you're doing (Tiny Tots, etc.) Perhaps making it a point to have 10 minutes alone time with him every day (easier said than done, but you could do something like 10 minutes before bed he gets your total attention, etc.), to give him 10 hugs a day, to make sure you have experiences every day that include eye contact, listening, perhaps touching, bonding. These specifics really depend on the situation and are more geared to kids with attachment/bonding problems, but can also help with adjustment problems. If he has sensory integration issues, his needs may differ! Surprisingly, though, even if he has tactile sensitivities, touch therapy is still important but often deep pressure is needed, rather than a lighter touch or hug.

Don't worry. It's great that you listened to your gut to have him tested. Finding out info about him doesn't necessarily mean he needs medication. There's no need to be alarmed at his testing results. It looks like they're being thorough in investigating possible neuro-cognitive problems. There may be something that would be good to be aware of. Again, I think information can be very helpful. You're being a wonderful advocate for your son. Your experience with ADHD in the family will serve you well.

Blessings,
Susan

Boys take longer to develop socially than girls. I personally think 3 year old pre-school is ridiculous - if you are able to spend time with your kids and are reading to them, they are going to be ready for school academics wise. The structured environment of school can be too much for some kids, esp. boys (hence the not sitting still!) And while we think it will teach them social skills - I think it can hurt their social development if started too soon!

How is your son at home or at other shorter social interactions like church or play dates? The Tiny tots programs you mention sound like about the right amount if they are just 1-2 hrs. If he is fine here, I'd consider keeping him out of pre-school next year and just continuing with some maybe slightly longer programs.

You might also look for a book called, Bringing up Boys. I've only had time to read parts of this book and those have been good. Friends have said the book is great.

Without knowing much about your home/work schedule, I would suggest thinking about what "socialization" means to you. I home school my children and am very selective about how and when we socialize with other groups of children. Just because your child is around others who are the same age as he is, does not necessarily mean he is getting good social interaction. Preschool is not a needed academic activity. Possibly, he would be better served by keeping him home from preschool and having a more controlled environment. You can still have children over to play or go to their house to play, but have a more constant presence and deal with misbehavior as it happens.
As for the summer activities, I think we need to just let kids play and not be so structured. I certainly didn't take a bunch of classes to keep busy during the summer when I was a child. Kids need to have time to have unorganized play time and figure out what to do. Instead of paying for classes, head to Target/Walmart and load your cart with play-dough, paints, markers, paper, scissors, etc and have craft time each day. Then head to to park, have a picnic, play tag outside (you get the idea).
Lastly, please remember that children are little people and learn skills at different times. Just as babies learn to roll/sit/crawl in their own good time, your little guy may be taking longer to learn appropriate ways to behave than others around him.
Best of luck to you!
H.

It sounds like you still need more information. I would try not to worry until you've had a chance to meet with the psychologist / neurologist, and gotten a second and third opinion if necessary. The mental health profession is in a phase of over-diagnosing and over-medicating, so I would consider all options presented to you carefully. Sometimes, however, the appropriate medication can help a child get along with others and this can help reinforce appropriate behaviors. You know your child better than any doctor, so observe him closely and notice what works for him.

I am a martial artist, and do know of many cases where any form of karate, taekwondo, etc. can be of great benefit to children with ADHD and related difficulties. The physical activity, mental focus, and challenge of martial arts seems to engage the whole child and improves their control over their behaviors. It also creates an opportunity for them to receive much positive feedback for good behavior. Other intense physical exercise (swimming for example) can also work. Children aren't meant to "sit still".

Good luck to you.