Out in the Open??

I would recommend some counsiling. I loved the video seminar by Gary Smalley called "Keys to Loving Relationships".

You're doing the right thing, you are letting him know that you expect him to always be honest with you just like you are to him, there is nothing immature about that. He might have trusting issues from his past. So, you have a bit of an attitude, so does every women in America! Keep building a strong relationship with him and eventually he will open up about things. Always build up the conversation based on his daily activity, if he senses your deep interest in him, he will open up further than what you can imagine...

You know, my husband used to do this too. I realized that I had put him in the "child" catergory. I think us moms tend to the little ones so much that when confronted with an adult situation, we have the tendecy (sp?) to treat them like children and "explain" to them what a huge deal it is. I found that when I switch places with my husband, I think I would be afraid to tell me too. They are adults just like us, and we tend to forget that being in baby land all the time. I am in no way saying this is you, I am just saying that this was my experience. Since then, I have taken over all the financials and understand that we all make mistakes and it's really not such a huge deal, there are worse things that can happen....Good luck to you, and don't be so hard on him, he probably just doesn't want you to worry or feel overwhelmed with things he feels he's capable of handling.

Bobbie,
good questions, it seems to me people lie when they are afraid of others reactions to the truth. That may not be due to the relationship but because of thier own self esteem. However if we are in a relationship where we cannot share honestly without being judged that makes it even harder. People who find it difficult to communicate often lie by omission just because they hate to open up a conversation they are already judging themselves over. Try understanding and open communication yourself and see if that helps.
K. @ The Nestingplace

I would recommend counseling as well before just saying that's it, you lied to me and I'm out of here. Marriage is hard and you have to work at it, and if we decided to leave at every little thing, than trust me, no one would still be married. Every situation is different.

Some things to ask him. Why are you afraid to tell me these things? Maybe he knows your reaction and doesn't want to see/hear it. I know I can overreact myself. My husband has gotten tickets and not told me because he knew I would blow it out of proportion and think it was the end of everything. lol. But knowing more about myself has helped our relationship. I try to stay calm more when we talk. Communication to me is the number one thing in marriage.

Men aren't easy to open up, but just try talking, and if you feel the conversation heating up, stop before you end up hating eachother and continue later or try writing letters to eachother. first.

Without trust, you really don't have much of a relationship and it isn't much of an example for raising children either. If you can't fix it and you get the strength to get out of the relationship, he will probably try to come around, but know that old habits die hard. He will probably lie to you again in time.
You deserve a partner you can depend on. He's out there, but for now I'm sure it seems impossible to go from something, (even if it's bad), to seemingly nothing. There is much to be said though for being queen of the remote for a change!
Good luck to you!
C. S.

My husband is the exact same way, especially about money. We had one fight per month and it was about money. Somehow once a month the account was short and i didn't have money to get groceries. He got tired of the fighting and asked for a divorce after only 2.5 years of marriage (and 3 years of dating). It took him a month to realize his mistake. 6 months later, we are back to living together, with our 2nd baby on the way. Things are still rough but we're working on them. He's admitted his spending addiction and I now have full control over the finances, he gets an allowance. It took quite some time, but I've finally convinced him that lying or hiding stuff isn't the way. Its better to let me get pissed off and get over it, than for me to find out a month later and get even more pissed off about something that isn't really important.

Its hard, and maybe a separation is the answer. He can either realize what a woman he had to care for him, or you'll realize he wasn't the person you thought he was and move on. You can give counselling a try. I'm not an advocate for divorce unless you've tried other things to make it work. But sometimes divorce is the answer. You have to decide whats best for you and your child in this situation.

get some christian counseling...i am a big advocate for communication.

Bobbie - I wouldn't take this instance of the ticket as a blanket characteristic that he's a liar...everyone lies in their relationship. If we were always honest, we wouldn't stay together. I know that a lot ( a LOT) of women rationalize that if he lies about the small things, he'll lie about the big things, too - but this is not good logic. My husband lies to me about little things like cleaning the toilet, or making a phone call, or that my butt looks good in my jeans....but these are forgiveable. They are lies that are meant just to keep the peace, not conceal wrongdoing. And vice versa - I tell him what he needs to know, which sometimes isn't everything.

Perhaps he feels that you overreact to certain things, and therefore has made a wise (in his mind) choice to simply not tell you about them. Like - how would you have reacted if he did tell you about the ticket? Blown up? Or does he think you would have blown up? If I were you, I'd have a good, long heart-to-heart and figure out why he feels it necessary to lie about things. Figure out what "category" the lies come from and then reorganize your lifestyle to take those into account. For instance - if you get upset with him for spending money, make sure your budget includes a set amount he can spend without your input or knowledge.

At the end of the day, it's a matter of trust - you should trust him to tell you the truth when you need it, and he should trust you to react in a way that makes it okay for him to be truthful.

It's hard to keep a relationship strong in the early years of having kids - you do have to work at it. And you have to be very firm in your commitment to making it work. I wish you lots of luck - S.

From one whowas there for fourteen years.........RUN ad don't look back. My girl's dad did the same thing to me and it NEVER stops.Wait until you go to the grocery store and the money you thought was there ISNT now you feel like a fool.Then he tells you he was going to put it back efore you knew it was gone.I know it is hard for you, it was for me too.Good Luck