Our Baby Is 7 Months Old and My Sex Drive Is Still Non-existent

I have been there myself. I think it was that I was all touched out from the baby and didn't really want or need any more physical contact. I never found a great solution other then to "fake it till you feel it". As my son got older the drive came back.

Depo did the same to me, so I stopped taking it and started Yaz. Much better, but I think all hormonal birth control suppresses it to a certain degree. Depo also made me gain about 10 pounds, when I couldn't keep up on the exercise. I hae numerous friends who have had the same sides effects or worse. I actually did better on the patch than depo. Good Luck!

Wow M., I have a 9 month old and have no desire for sex. NONE. This was never the case with me. I went to the doctor she said it was totally normal but to watch out for getting into the habit of saying no. She said it was hard work - which it is - but better to work on now then trying to break the habit later. Trust me when I say I feel bad for my partner too, but it feels soul crushing to "just go through the motions"

I'm chuckling because I feel like I'm the last person to give advice on sex drive. I guess I just feel your pain since I also had major setbacks in that area after each of my kids (& felt bad for my sweet husband). I think a lot of women do, so good for you for bringing it up.
For me, even though I knew that hormones & restedness were a huge part of my diminished desire for sex, I also struggled with, as you put it "feeling more like a mom, and not like a lover" So, that's what I focused on--being flirty with my husband, making myself initiate with him & basically just believing that I was fun & sexy still.
As moms, we have a lot more to think (worry?) about now. My youngest is 1 and I still have to be intentional about shutting my brain off for a few minutes, to have some fun adult time with my wonderful husband!

Hi, M.! From my experience, my sex drive plummeted as soon as I was back on hormonal birth control after having my kids. It happened after my second and third children and the problem was solved as soon as I went off the pill. (Of course that's how we ended up with our third!) We're considering something permanent now so that I don't have to be on any hormones. I haven't tried Depo Provera, but it seems pretty likely that it could have the same effect as the pill did for me. I have had friends who have had good luck with the Mirena IUD because the hormone is local to the uterus instead of systemic, so that might be a good option too. Good luck, and don't beat youself up over this. You've had a huge change in your life, and it's normal to need some readjusting time!

K.

It's natural to be so busy, so tired, so overjoyed that your 'need' for sex is really low. It's Mother Nature's way of making sure that you don't have two babies at the same time, about 9-11 months apart. Our pediatrician wrote us a prescription for a date night once a month once we had our first child. Dads have a tendency to start acting childlike, becoming more needy. It's okay too. This is all new to them as well. Take the time to talk with one another. While your sex crive may not be there, you can still a movie in the theater or on tv after the baby goes down for a bit. You can still sit on the couch next to him. Ask about his day. Closeness, that human contact that your baby needs and wants to calm him down, it's the same with your husband. It's human. You're getting yours from your son. It takes time to find, to make the time for all the different facets of your life. Talk to your husband. It will come back, believe me. If it didn't the world would be filled with 'only' kids and there would be no such thing as sibling rivalry!!!

I had the same problem with Depo. I only tried it once, before we had kids, and will never do it again because it killed my sex drive. I also had no sex drive when I was pregnant the first time with my twins, and have struggled with it for years since then. I just feel so exhausted by the end of the day, sex just seems like one more chore I have to do before I can finally get some rest. For me, I find it really hard to switch out of Mommy mode to hot, sexy wife mode. My husband knows he can help that transition if he takes over bedtime and gives me the night off to take a shower and put on a sexy night gown so I can "switch modes" and be more responsive when he comes to bed. My twins are 3.5 now, and I'm pregnant again. Interestingly, my body has been very responsive to sex this pregnancy, so that has been nice. Through all these changes, the most important thing in our marriage has been communication. It can be hard to relate and understand when you have such different desires and priorities. There have definitely been times where I, like you, have felt bad for my husband. I think staying open and honest is just as important as physical intimacy in a relationship. So hang in there, you are not alone, and thanks for posting this question.

i would definitely look into an alternate form of birth control. IUDs are a great form of long term birth control, with no pills, no rings, no shots, no patches, and it's long term. or, it doesn't have to be. i had mine out after a year, and i'll be getting another one after i have this baby.
another poster mentioned that breastfeeding is reliable birth control, but in fact it is not reliable past the 6th month. http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-cont... explains this. and also, you have to be exclusively nursing (no pacifier, no formula supplementing, and all of the baby's needs must be met at the breast for the lactational amenorrhea method to work.
http://www.kellymom.com/health/meds/birthcontrol.html has a chart of birth control options for nursing women.
one of my friends has a really low sex drive, and her midwife actually prescribed a hormone cream to be applied topically to help rev her engine up. i believe she was nursing when she started using it, so maybe you could talk to your care provider about it.

Gingko Biloba, the same stuff you take for memory, take 60 mg twice a day. Seriously, it works.

Hi M.,

I feel your pain! Depo shots can reduce your sex drive too, and the combination can be volatile for sex drive. I suggest you let that expire. If you are breast feeding I wouldn't use it anyway. (But that's just me), as when nursing most women don't ovulate anyway. I would perhaps talk to your doctor and find out if its even necessary that you use the birth control right now. If you have to, as you are a "fertile mertil" Then you should definitely use birth control but perhaps it will have to be a "barrier method" for a little while. Being tired has a big effect on sex drive too. I would suggest if you want to ignite things again that you do this without the baby in tow. If the baby is only waking once a night he is old enough for you to pump a couple of bottles for a sitter and you and hubby can go out and get to know each other again. You just need some "non-mommy time" perhaps. Its hard to differentiate between Mommy and lover when you deal with baby more than hubby on a one to one level. You and hubby need a "date night" :) I am sure he will enjoy that too :) Good Luck!
P.S. I should add that you might want to take a look at post-partum depression as a possible side effect of the depo as well. Depo did a number on my hormones that made that doubly bad. I ended up on anti depressants for awhile because of it. Funny...I got off the Depo and didn't need the anti depressants anymore. It's one thing to consider....and there might be something that will reduce that now..this is several years ago that this happened to me. I suggest you talk to your doctor about it. Anything with hormones in it will have side effects usually involving sexuality.

my doc said it would return after i stopped breastfeeding . in about a week. it changes the vagina walls too so sex can be really uncomfortable. i still breastfeed and just recently started thinking of sex again. my son is almost 10mths.-also i agree that since i had my first period my drive has started climbing. must be harmonal

My baby was over a year old before I felt like having sex. I tore during birth so it was uncomfortable, and my hormones are just now getting to be normal and she is 3 years. The being a parent thing does make you feel different. Take time to be YOU every once in a while. Maybe get someone to watch the baby so that you can have your special time together. Or just go spur of the moment and "be naughty" at an unusual time of day.

Hi, I was an older 1st time mom too, and experienced the same thing. I found that testosterone cream helped. Hopefully your husband understands that being patient and understanding will benefit both of you in the long run.

Have your doctor check that you are not having thyroid issues either...which can also make you tired, grumpy, and definitely not interested in sex! My doctor told me that this happens to a large majority of women by baby #3, but not with the first two pregnancies - although it can happen at any time, so never say never! You don't know you are imbalanced unless they do a blood test for it.

My sex drive went back to normal as soon as my period started again. This also was true for my best friend who has a 1 year old. I suspect that when your cycles get more regular you'll feel more sexual. It won't be too much longer. :)

I had the same problem after my second child. I don't want to scare you but mine took close to 2 years to come back. That doesn't mean that it will take that long for you, as everyone is different. My youngest is 4 now but, I remember with her my sex strive was non-existant pretty much from the time I found out I was pg with her unitl she was 2. The good news is that it DID come back. I will say that for me that Depo shot was horrible. I did the same thing after my daughter and I think that it may have been part of the problem. You might think about changing to a different form of birth control? In the end though, just know that it will come back. In the meantime remember that your hubby does have needs to and be sensitive to that. (Even if you have to pretend your in the mood for his sake...lol.)

M. I don't have any advice for you on this subject because I, too, am experiencing this as well. Just a note to let you know you are not alone! I breastfeed too and my baby is 9 months old and my sex drive is getting a little better....but certainly not amazing ....not even close! Recently my period returned and perhaps this is assisting with my sex drive coming back...sloooooowly? Oh, and I am not on birth control. I dont know...I am interested to see what other mom's experiences are! Thanks for posting this!

Hi M.,
I don't have any advice for you, but I just thought I'd let you know that I can relate, so it's not just you! I also read that nursing can reduce a woman's sex drive. Our baby girl is almost 10 months old and I still have no interest. I'm on the mini-pill, so it's not hormones (or extra ones anyway) that are causing it for me. So, I don't necessarily think that's the problem. I look forward to reading some advice you get. :-)

I've been there! We're using Mirena because I thought it would have less affect on my sex drive that the pill and it's very convenient (if insurance covers it). Once I stopped breast feeding I started getting some drive. But it's nowhere near where it was before. We just set aside a few days each week where there's no talking me out of it. If I watch a little of a romantic movie or read a romance novel it help get my brain focused off of kiddo and onto hubbo. It's worth giving up some sleep to get reconnected.

M.,
I had this problem as well. I really think it has alot to do with our natural hormones, its hard to want to have sex after having a baby. All our energy is focused on the baby. Our bodies are not keen on getting pregnant again so quickly. I agree with one of the other ladies...fake it till you feel it! Sex is very important to our male counterparts and I always felt it was better to just do it for him, if you have a talk with him and just let him know not to expect the normal fun and long love making hopefully he will understand and just try to do his best at being quick:) I dont know about your hubby but mine is down right miserable/grouchy if he doesn't get sex!!! I hope this isnt to much information but I found I was less inclined to be upset (I found that after awhile I was just inclined to say NO, without even thinking about it) with the idea of having sex if my hubby woke me up in the middle of the night...it is somewhat exciting to be awakened by lovng kisses and touching and I was easily put in the mood before I even new it or was even fully awkake....this worked for us because my hubby stays up way later than I do! Even now when everything is back to normal my hubby and I still occasionally enjoy middle of the night sex:)

On a side note...I got the depo shot in my early twenties and I gained almost 30lbs in the first 3 months. Silly me, I was so excited to not have to worry about taking the pill that I signed up to get a second shot and boy did that do a number on my body. I was going to college at the time and walking roughly 3 miles to and from and taking an aerobics class 3x a week and still gained the weight...ugh! I would never recommend the Depo shot to anyone! Hope you have better luck than I did with it!!!

K.

You are NOT alone. I think most moms go through this. One big issue is that you are nursing, so you have intimate contact overload. You get all the intimacy you need from cuddling your baby and nursing your baby, and when he doesn't need you, you just want your body to yourself and to not be touched. You are also so focused on caring for little one that your brain just doesn't have the room or energy right now to think about sex. Hormones has a lot to do with it too.

I suggest that you acknowledge that your husband has a legitimate need that is not being met and try to find a way to meet his needs with out feeling like you are being used by both baby and hubby. Maybe you could start by just cuddling with him or spending more time focusing on him and complimenting him. One of the biggest turn ons for a lot of moms is seeing their husband in a tender moment with baby. Let hubby help out more and you may find a new attraction as well as getting some more help. Also, I think that this is one of the things in life that feelings follow actions. Go through the motions for a while and you may find that you actually are more into it than you thought.

My sex drive was pretty much non-existant when I was on depo. I didn't realize it until after I stopped taking the shot. It's a great form of birth control - easy and effective, but I won't go back to using it because of the affect it had on our sex life.

Hi M.- I can completely relate! I have a two your old girl and a five month old boy. They keep me very busy, and it doesn't help that I just haven't had much of a desire to do that. So here's my advice its pretty cheesy........After you put your baby to sleep watch a romantic movie with your husband like "Twilight" or "Phantom of the Opera". I know that sounds silly, but lately I have enjoyed "at home" movie dates with my husband, its given me a much needed break and helped me to feel a little more romantic.

I don't really have any suggestions but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. During and after my first pregnancy my sex drive never changed, but during my second pregnancy it became non-existent. I hoped it would come back after the baby was born but it has been over three months and I still have little interest in sex. I am taking the mini pill for birth control and I am also breastfeeding. I still have sex with my husband several times a week because I know its important for us to keep that part of our relationship going, it's just so frustrating to not really feel all that excited about it even though I love him so much and I am very attracted to him. I'm going to try to nurse the baby until she is at least a year old, but once she is weaned if I still have no sex drive I will definitely be asking my doctor about it. I am hoping things will get better as my hormones go back to normal. Good luck to you and best wishes!

I'm not sure I worded this in the best way I could have, but here it is.

How many things do you do for people through out the day that you don't really want to do, or feel like doing at the time? Who are these people that you do these things for, friends, neighbors, in-laws, other drivers on the road? Do you ever ask your husband to change a light bulb, fix a leaky sink, mow the lawn, paint a room, rake the leaves, go to the store, make a phone call, do the taxes, clean out the garage, go to work...? Has he wanted to do each of these things every single time he has done them? Or has he done somethings that he didn't really want to do, but did them anyway because he loves and cares for his family? Have you ever not wanted to do something, clean something, get out of bed, go to a get together/party, exercise, eat something healthy, but then once you did, you liked it? A starving person is always going to be hungry.

When I got married, over 15 years ago, I was given a book. "The Act of Marriage; The Beauty of Sexual Love" by: Tim & Beverly LaHaye. This book is not 'gross'. They are very 'kind', for lack of a better word, with how they have written the book. I don't watch rated R movie, or many/most PG-13 movies, to give you an idea of where I'm coming from. Dr. Laura has some book out about loving and caring for your spouse if you like it more 'straight forward and to the point'.

I am SO glad that you are aware and concerned about this matter. I have heard that is all is well in the bedroom, then it's about 10% of your relationship, but if things are not going well in the bedroom, then it is 90% of the relationship. I thing I've worded that wrong, but I hope that you know what I mean. Everyone is different, but my mom would always tell me growing up, "If you don't use it, you loose it" and I don't see why it would not aply here too.

I hope this sounds caring and helpful, because that was my intent/meaning. I wish you all the best!

I think what you are feeling is normal. I felt the same way. It took a while to get back into the routine of things. The changes in a woman's body during and after pregnancy take a tole on everything.
Just keep at it and you may need to be more creative about the way you get intimate with your husband.

Good luck!

Yeah- I didn't start getting any kind of sex drive back until about after a year. Noe it's a year & a half later & still not nearly what it used to be. But fear not! I tried some hormone balancing tea & it really helped. They sell it at the Herb Shoppe in SE. Homeopathy also helped.

I also have an IUD. Its ther greatest form of birthcontrol for me. I dont have a period and its great. I got one after my first child and when we were ready for number 2 i got it taken out, my cycle litterally started exactly the same time it always had. I now have 2 kids and another IUD. No weird hormonal side affects.
That said, I think it is completely normal for you to feel this way. We ALL go through it. We dont feel sexy at all. Our breasts are feeding machines, such a contrast to what they used to be! :)
Here is what my husband and I live by in the bedroom. "For men, sex is 90% physical, 10% mental...for women, sex is 90% mental, 10% physical." help your husband keep this in mind. Its the little things my hubby does throughout the day to help remind me that he find me attractive that makes me feel in the mood by bedtime. Also, remind yourself that you actually ENJOY having that time with your husband. There is a book that a couple wrote about having sex for 100 days straight. Not that most of us could do this, its a very enlightening book. You mught consider getting it. Be open and honest with your husband. If yuo feel like sex is just another thing on the endless list for the day, tell him that, hopefully he will que into it and help reduce some stress. Let him know there is nothing sexier than seeing him washing dishes in the evening! Be silly if needed...Good luck!!!

I think this is something that the majority of moms go thru, but ends up being one of those "tabu" subjects. Please do not feel embarrassed.

I have been having the same problem. I pumped (daughter wouldn't nurse) for 10 mths. My drive came back BRIEFLY and left as quick as it came. Now, my daughter is 15 mths and I still don't have much of one.

I'll be keeping tabs on this... cuz I'd like to know what else to do!!