Our Almost-18 Month Old Fussy/clinging After Coming Home from Day Care
Updated on
March 29, 2011
M.T.
asks from
Saint Paul, MN
4
answers
Hi, our son goes to day care from 7:45 or so (I drop him off) to 5:30 (my husband picks him up). He usually is fine at day care, but once my husband and he come home, he's very fussy and clingy. For example, today, I guess the day care provider told him that he had a great day, and when my husband went to pick him up the provider's teenage daughters were holding him and tickling him and he was laughing etc. However, once he came home, he was crying. We think he may be fussy because he's hungry, so my husband tries to feed him a snack right after coming home. He eats well some days, not so great on other days. I guess today, he was fussing as he sat on his high chair eating (he ate well, my husband says).
After snack, he just wants to be held and is very upset/clingy if my husband doesn't hold him. When I came home, he had tears on his cheek, but when I held him, he smiled (of course - I was holding him!). He didn't want to be put down, although when I set him down and sat on a chair where he could still touch me, he eventually ventured out and started to play with toys around him. He also seemed still hungry, so I fed him some more milk and crackers, etc. (getting good at indicating what he wants through pointing etc.).
Just wondering if others have experienced this and why this may be. My husband is so stressed and worn out from our son's screaming and holding him by the time I get home at 6:30 or so. Is it fatigue from day care? Is day care being more stressful than we think? Or is it normal for a 1 year old to want to have some time in his parents' arms after being at day care all day? Are we spoiling him by picking him up when he fusses?
Take a deep breath... Yes separation anxiety is normal and common in one year olds. I have been through it with two children and it is NOT fun. My best advise is to introduce a comfort item. It can be a stuffed bear or blanket or what ever is easy to wash, (because it will get dirty). Spray this item with your perfume or even your husband cologne. This item is given to your little guy when he is feeling sad. Not just whenever he is fussy or tired, but when he is showing the anxiety behaviors with the clinging and crying. Chances are he does do this at daycare, but he can be easily redirected until he gets home and realizes he spent the whole day with out you. Have the daycare provider give him his comfort item when he is stressed and also do this at home. A constant and consistent response is needed. Reassure him when you come home by doing some one on one with him holding his comfort item. Give him time and he will begin to understand that you always come back and he won't need his comfort item any more.Good luck! And remember, it will get easier.
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C.C.
answers from
Sacramento
on
Having been through this with both of my kids, I can tell you with absolute confidence that he cries and fusses and generally saves his worst behavior for his Mommy and Daddy because he knows you love him best of all! He knows the day care lady likes him and cares for him, but he does not feel secure enough with her to melt down. He saves that for you because he knows you'll still love him even if he cries and fusses. ;) So actually this behavior is a compliment to you, his parents! (And it doesn't mean anything bad about the day care, necessarily.)
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B.C.
answers from
Norfolk
on
Yep. My son did this. It seems the strain of being good all day wears thin at the end of the day, and since your child loves and trusts you he saves his melt down behavior for you since you'll still love him anyway when it's over.
You are not spoiling him by picking him up. You are building trust by letting him know you are there for him no matter what through thick and thin.
They do out grow it eventually. When I mentioned this behavior to our pediatrician at a regular check up, he said it was common and actually a good sign that strong parental bonding was occurring as it should.
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K.P.
answers from
Seattle
on
It just sounds like he is over tired. I know that happens to my son if he is overstimulated all day, and is over tired from playing all day. And yes he is probably hungry. I would take him home right after day care, feed him dinner give him a nice warm bath, and then read a book and cuddle with him. Having a routine when he gets home is what he needs to feel calmer. It is his security after being away from you both all day and he just needs some extra cuddles.
