Don't Know What to Do About Pesky Neighborhood Kids

I agree with the other posters. Lock the door. I would suggest in addition that you make an actual list of rules. Rules should be phrased positively (e.g. Ask permission before getting food. Stay in the same room as an adult.) You could make a section of rules entittled "When friends come to play..." and have that right near the door. Be sure to involve your daughter and anyone else living in the home to suggest rules. Also suggest "consequences" such as going home, losing a day to play, losing 2 days to play (depending on the offense). That way the boys will know what their consequences are and that they will be inforced (they may need to test those boundaries, but it is important to be firm). As a whole, children crave structure--in fact some children will develop anxiety disorders in the absence of structure.

Just a couple really important points I wanted to reitterate:
- SM noted that there is a liability issues if one of the boys falls or gets hurt. That is right, but what about food allergies. You don't know if either boy has a food allergy or if they will discover one in your home.
- Teresa stated that this sets up a pattern where your daugher is not appreciated for being her. By doing nothing (while it may seem like you aren't passing judgment), you are actually telling your daughter that it is okay to treat her that way and that you approve of that.

Let me know if you need help with the rules. I have helped may parents in this area.

I think it is important to let children know what the rules of your house are. There is nothing wrong with explaining what you consider to be acceptable behavior in your home. If they act like maniacs in your neighbors house and think that's ok in your house... who is to tell them differently? You.

Simply correct the offending behavior by explaining what is not acceptable and then offer an acceptable alternative. Do not yell. Look them in the eye and make sure they respond that they understand. Do not wait until they offend you so much that you can not talk calmly. Be consistent. For example, if they grab a drink... you can say, "Jack, it is not polite to take food or drinks with out asking. When you are in my house, you need to ask me. I will decide if you should have it. Do you understand?" Or if they are misbehaving (a problem I've had with relative's children), "No. We do not stand on chairs in this house. Sit down."

As long as you are not yelling at them and as long as you don't back down, children seem to accept things like this. The children who offend in our house, are usually much better behaved in my house than their own only because I consistenly tell them what is unacceptable. If their own parents don't tell them, who will?? I have never had anyone get upset, get offended (at least no one has ever expressed this or shown it in their behavior) or ask me to stop. Actually, the opposite has happened.

Discipline would be putting them in a time out, correcting them is simply explaining your expectations. IF the children give you resistance, I'd simply explain to them that you'd really like for them to come over and play but that they will need to behave acceptably. If they are unable to behave properly in the house, then tell them they are welcome to play outside but they are not welcome to play inside until they accept the house rules.

You will be so much happier if you feel you can trust the children and they will be so much happier if they earn your respect.

Good luck to you. I hope it turns out well. We have next door neighbors who are rather undisciplined and we have made a rule in our family that we are not allowed to go inside their home. Why? Because if they can not behave acceptably (and the offenses are really bad and appear to be just to get attention) then we do not want to be a part of it. My children (3 & 5) accept that and are happy to play in the yard.

Take care and best wishes.
Liz

p.s. As for the coming in without knocking or ringing the bell, again I'd explain proper behavior. Simply state, "Jack and Ryan, when you go to someone's house, you need to ring the bell or knock on the door. It is not ok to just walk in. You are a guest and should be invited in. You should tell the people what you'd like... can I come in and play? Can Sarah come out and play? I'd like you to remember to do this every time you come to our house." If they don't, take them outside and ask them to try again. Some day, these kids will look back at you and think... man she was weird, but I guess it was good she taught us how to behave. Kids need teachers! Be one.

Hi J.,

Too long is right! The first time should have been their last. Like Dr Phil says, you teach people how to treat you. You say you don't feel you have a right to discipline other people kids. You have every right to let them know what you expect of their behavior and what the consequences of them not respecting that are. You are the adult here. Do not let them run all over you and your daughter. Ever read the book Lord of the Flies?

I used to run a home day care business when my first born daughter was small. I took note of behaviors I wanted to nip in the bud before they started with her. Things like handing their moms their garbage when they could throw it away themselves. The kids just get into bad habits and don't even realize how self-centered they are being. I would suggest retraining the boys. You need to not only tell them what it is that is inappropriate but what they need to do instead. I.e., please throw your trash away in the trash can. Keep it simple, but firm.

Also I would definitely would talk to the parents to ask what the rules concerning feeding their kids are. I do not like it when my son comes home to eat dinner and come to find out already had dinner across the street. He must ask permission to eat there, IF they invited him.

Also if they are coming to play with her things and not her, find her new friends that appreciate HER. Don't teach her it is alright to be used because she is desperate. Fast forward ten years if you need an incentive to make the change today!

Let us know what happens. We will be here to support you!

T.

J., most importantly, please don't let your daughter believe that it's "okay" to be run over by the whims and bad behavior of others. Don't let her under-value herself by believing that she must tolerate rudeness just because she's lonely -- no, ESPECIALLY because she's lonely. That loneliness makes her very vulnerable.

Ordinarily, I'd say that a child her age should take some responsibility for her guests, but in this case I think you will need to establish your own authority before that can become a reasonable expectation. You are the ADULT, and right now, your daughter must feel very helpless to manage this situation. If you can't control these boys, how can she expect to do it?

Start by locking the front door. Well-bred people do not barge into each other's houses, even if they are best friends. (and frankly, regardless of how rural your neighborhood may be, it isn't safe to leave the door unlocked -- most suburban crimes are crimes of opportunity, and there's no need to invite that).

If these boys attempt to help themselves to a snack, you need to stop them. You don't have to be the wicked witch here, just stop them and explain that if they'd like a snack, they need to ask first. YOU tell them whether they may or may not have a snack, and if so, what is available, where they may eat it, etc. If they ignore you, or you catch them running by with contraband popsicles or whatever, send them home. Truly, that doesn't even count as "discipline".

Again, you don't have to be a jerk. You can keep your tone light but be firm: "Excuse me...what is going on here? Does this look like a snack tree? Were you raised in a barn? At our house we ask for snacks or there are no snacks. Got it?" Once the rules are established, don't debate, just do it.

If they don't "get it", you need to have to a casual talk with the parents without any of the children present. Just tell them you've been having a "little issue", no big deal, but the boys have been doing X (helping themselves to snacks or whatever it is), and that's why you had to send them home. Chances are they'll be mortified, and will have a chat with their boys about manners.

Your daughter may be disappointed or sad to lose her playmates at that particular moment. But remember that you will be helping the boys to become better playmates in the future, and she will benefit from this. Again, above all, demonstrate to your daughter that expecting good behavior and manners isn't "mean" or "hurtful" -- it's what everyone deserves, and anything less is not an option.

You might also consider having the boys over one at a time...sometimes children do egg each other on, and children do tend to behave better alone, than in packs.

Outdoor Friends
A few years back, my daughter (also an only child, in a mostly childless neighborhood) had a friend who was a handful. She dumped out every toy in the playroom and refused to help clean up. She snuck food into parts of the house where it isn't allowed, turned on the TV when after I said "No TV", etc. Essentially, she was distrepectful to me, my daughter, and our home in general. She did NOT behave this way around her parents, who were very nice people and very strict. When I brought this to their attention, they were horrified, and insisted that I send her home whenever she acted this way. Now, my daughter did like this child, but eventually she suggested that we play with her "in the park" or in venues other than our home, which turned out to be a delightful compromise. "I think she's basically an outdoor-friend," my daughter told me.

You are certainly right to expect respect in your own home. . . perhaps even more importantly your daughter has the absolute right to feel safe and comfortable at home.

Because our home has a pool, we are well aware of the importance of consistent guidelines for behavior. I never mind have a few extra kids around--if they understand that they have to behave. We make sure the young people in our neighborhood understand our rules--which we have also shared with parents on occasion. We have both indoor and outdoor rules.

We had a situation a few summers back when one of our oldest daughters' friends was creating problems for our younger son. We told the young man that until he could learn to get along with all of our children he would have to stay away. We also shared with his parents as well as the other parents what was happening. We felt strongly that our son needed to know that his home was a haven for him.

Likewise, we believe in lots of active outdoor time. Some of our neighborhood kids stay inside and play video games for hours. Our children have lost friends because we insist that they play other games when they visit our house. Everyone is different, and you can't expect children to understand and abide by your rules if you don't share them. The rules may be completely different at their houses.

This might be a good opportunity to get to know your neighbors. If the boys won't follow your rules when you explain things to them, by all means chat with their parents. You can handle it without making anyone angry. Just let Mom and Dad know that you enjoy having their children visit, but that some of their behavior makes you uncomfortable. Ask them what they would like you to do if the boys misbehave at your house. Do they want you to send them home? Or handle yourself? Opening the lines of communication is a key.

First of all, that is your house. If their parents were concerned with you discipling them then the parents would have introduced themselves. Now, this is my house. You do not disrespect my rules. One rule is that they do not take without asking (that is like stealing to me). I do not have a problem with telling them. Please understand, we are here to guide the children. When it comes to them telling your daughter they don't have to listen to her, you have to let your daughter know that this is her space and show her that you support her space. They are intruding. That would not make me feel comfortable. I have 4 children and I am constantly inviting other children of all ages into my home. They have learned the way things are here. If they want to come back they will respect my home, my children, and me; or they don't come back. Now, you could let them know on a situation basis. As it happens, tell them that it is not acceptable in your home. If they don't obey then the next time they come over, remind them of what they did the last time and tell them maybe tomorrow if they think they can obey your rules. I have found that the children who do not have boundaries set in their home tend to respect me even more after I have followed through with my actions. Please let me know how things are going. I will pray for you and please be strong and confident in the fact that you are a mother who wants to take care of her home.

I think the other posters have it right for the most part. But just to emphasize the importance of dealing with this situation -

Imagine if one of them gets hurt - falls down the stairs, pulls over some furniture, cuts themselves, etc. There is libility for you associated with that, if not in terms of actual costs, then in terms of your reputation and well-being. You need to supervise kids in your house.

I also would emphasize that these kids are not respecting your daughter and you need her to demand respect. I know she likes playing with them, but maybe she shouldn't like it. First, they could get her in to real trouble, if she is "desperate" for their approval. Second, she should learn that true friends don't bully you.

If you don't want to immediately say anything to the parents, I suggest you go for 100% supervision of playdates. She is only 8 - she shouldn't be running over there on her own anyway. First, offense, tell teh boys that they have viloated the rules or your values, and leave or ask them to leave. Then tell the parents.

You have every right to set standards of behavior in your house. The consequences of not following those standards should be sending them home. As for coming in your house without knocking, locking your doors will stop that.

If they will not comply with your rules, then they are not good play companions for your daughter. It appears to me that they feel very entitled to whatever they want. Tolerating that sets a very bad example for your daughter, and sets her up for allowing others to take advantage of her when she is older. Setting boundaries and enforcing them will teach her how to do the same, something that will become critical when she starts dating and forms long-term relationships.

Sometimes it's better to hurt a kid's feelings than it is to put up with rotten behavior. You DO have the right to discipline them in your home. Your house, your rules. If they can't listen and obey, they don't have to come over. Period.

If you really want to keep these kids as playmates for your daughter, I would talk to them and lay out the rules and talk to their parents and describe what has been going on. If that doesn't resolve the situation, then they should not be playmates for your kid. She doesn't need friends she has to police and/or get into constant trouble. Bad friends are not better than no friends. I'd get her into a club or activity where she can make new friends and not focus on putting up with these two.

I also agree to lock the door so they HAVE to knock. Tell them no snacks and to go home to eat. My mom did this because otherwise the neighbor kids would eat her out of house and home. You don't need to feed everyone all the time. Tell them it's off limits.

You say your daughter is easy going and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings...I get the impression that she gets that from you. There's a difference between assertive and aggressive. It would benefit her to see her mom stick up for her and your home. This is a good opportunity to show her that she doesn't need to be pushed around.

J.
Lock the doors!
Alright, on a serious note, I am wondering what do the parents think their kids are at if they're at your place and they haven't come to check on them?
i am sure you don't know the answer. how about go to the neighbors' place, introduce yourself, tell them you like that your kids are friends and that you don't mind having the kids over but that you're worried about their kids munching on stuff while you don't know whether they are allowed to, whether they have had their lunch/dinner what not. start there. see their reaction. if they ask well are you offering them food? say, no not really but they'll go around and get whatever they seem to find. you should be able to find a solution at that point hopefully with their parents' initiative,
on another note, you may run into inconsiderate parents. if that is the case then maybe try keep the contact between kids at a minimum.
i have a neighbor's son (who is 4 years older than my girls), has a terrible attitude and frankly seems to have a few wood panels missing :)
in any case, we are friendly with his parents but i have made it clear he can be over at our house only if the mom is present. i thought that would solve the issues i had with that boy's anger issues and behavior towards my girls. the time came when he'd just get into our house, with his mom right behind, and say give me juice. a few times i did give him juice he complained about how small the juice box was. and the mom said NOTHING, she just smiled. the last time he commented on the juice box, and his mom said nothing, i said how about you go get your juice at your house and come over. no need to bring any for my girls. he said, my mom doesn't buy juice. alright, obviously not my problem. but it was the last straw. i didn't have them over anymore, and even if i got trapped while entering my driveway i'd say no no playdate today, we're tired.
good luck.

There isn't anything wrong with enforcing the rules of YOUR house when these little boys are over. You can be firm and friendly at the same time: "Billy, in this house we ask before we take food out of the refrigerator, and we only eat sitting down at the table." Etc. As far as their letting themselves into your house, why not lock the front door? Or latch the screen door in back? Then when they ring the bell, let them know if it is a good time for them to come over or not. You will actually be doing these boys a favor since clearly nobody has mentioned manners or how to behave when you are at somebody else's house. Don't apologize to them, this is YOUR house and your daughter's house!

Good luck!

J.:

Hello! You have every right to STOP this behavior in your home! You don't have to yell, scream, hit or anything like that. Discipline does NOT have to hurt. It's NOT TO LATE TO RECLAIM YOUR HOME!

1. LOCK your doors.
2. When the boys come in, CLEARLY state the rules of YOUR home.
a. WE KNOCK before entering a person's home OR ROOM!
b. WE ASK for food and drinks BEFORE we take.
c. YOU WILL listen to the adult, if you cannot do that, YOU MUST LEAVE
d. ANY OTHER RULES YOU HAVE. If you have to do it every day, then so be it. They've been able to walk all over you up until now so they may be resistant. However, you MUST be consistent and you MUST state your rules.

I would also talk with their parents. Instead of putting them on the defensive with "your kids do x y and z" - just say "I'd like to let you know since summer is coming up and the kids will be playing together more often, we have certain rules in our home that I expect your kids to follow" and state the rules. Sometimes parents don't realize what their kids are doing when they are playing outside and ASSUME that everything is fine because no one has said anything to them. On the other hand, there are parents out there who just want their kids out of the house and don't care what they do when they are outside. Bad, I know.

Let me know how it works out!

Take care!

Here's how you discipline neighbor kids in your home: You beak my rules you go home and don't come back for so many days. Let them know that they WILL knock on your door and WAIT for it to be answered and be invited in. They WILL ask for a drink or a snack and WILL NOT help themselves. They are restricted to certain areas of your home and the moment they are disrespectful to ANYONE in your home they will go home.

Take a little trip to the neighbor's house and talk to the parents. Let them know that you will have to institute these rules and penalties.

It is always appropriate for an adult to correct a child when that child is in their home. Whether the parents of that child are present or not. The saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. This very true. Children need to learn the social graces and that starts by understanding that not all homes have the same rules.

Obviously, the ideal would be to involve the boys' parents. Making introductions is awkward enough without the added burden of starting what you know will be an awkward topic of discussion. My suggestion is simply, don't. If you're making you're first real attempt at talking to your neighbor, don't even bring this problem up. Invite your neighbors over with their boys and observe the parents' behavior. This will be very telling. Do the parents actually watch their boys? Do they correct them for anything? Or do they just ignore the kids and their behavior? Do the boys' behaviors change with the presence of their parents?

If the boys start straightening up their acts with their parents there, then you can take a cue from your neighbors' parenting style and correct their children accordingly in your home, without the discomfort of not knowing if you're crossing any lines. If there is no change in behavior with the parents there, then it is up to you to set an example for the parents. They will often follow your lead if you stop the kids and simply state "this is our house rule" (whatever that rule may be) in front of the parents. The rules apply to everyone in the house, whether they're yours or not, and you need to reinforce them for everyone. Often, once the parents realize something is inappropriate in your home, they will be the ones to correct it when it happens again, and let's face it, kids are kids, it will likely have to be said more than once, especially if they've already settled into bad habits. Sometimes setting the example is as simple as asking the right question. For instance, you're sitting there chatting with your neighbor and their boy heads right for the fridge. You could address the child and say "are you allowed to have that right now?" (it's your house and ultimately you need to confirm the answer). It makes both parent and child stop and think. While in the moment is the perfect time to say to the parents that you have concerns about the behavior. In doing all this, you solve the problem and make friends not enemies with your neighbors. If that doesn't work, then you have to ask yourself, are these the kind of people I want my daughter associated with?

J.,
I completely agree with the other posts: Your House, Your Rules. If the kids don't like it, they don't have to ever darken your door again. Period. I have had similar issues with the kids in my neighborhood bossing my kids around in our yard (I don't allow them into my house, they're way too rowdy). I explained to my kids that since we are the ones with the toys & my kids have to stay in their own yard which means everyone else wants to come over, we make the rules. I don't have even a small issue with disciplining other children when they are at my house, epecially if their parents are nowhere to be found, and the actions of the children require discipline of some sort. Now, if the kids don't like me telling them they are not allowed to curse or punch each other or throw my daughter across the yard or throwing rocks into the street (just a small sampling of the behavior I've had to correct) & tell their parents & they in turn don't like it, they're more than welcome to come on over & we can discuss it. That however has never once happened. If you don't want to discipline the children directly, go next door & introduce yourself & let the parents know what's been going on & how you feel about it, plain & simple. Let them decide how & if they're going to handle it & go from there. Good luck!

You have received many good responses! I just wanted to add that I see too many kids growing up with a false sense of entitlement. No one wants to hurt their feelings!

Do these kids a favor, and at least teach them how to behave in your home. Treating your daughter with respect is at the top of the list. If all they want to do is raid your 'frig and ignore your daughter, who needs them?

Learning how to behave properly in our society is a big part of growing up. Common courtesy and manners should not be a lost art form.

it's not actually disciplining someone eles's kids to explain and enforce the rules in your house. if your daughter was in another home and it was the rule not to run, or to stay out of a particular room, you wouldn't resent having this explained to her, would you? i would be kind but extremely firm. 'when you come to our house you must always knock first and we'll let you in if it's a good time to play. please do not just come in without knocking any more. if you are hungry or thirsty, you may ask me for something and i will either get it for you or you might have to go home to get something. you're not allowed to help yourself to food in our home.'
that sort of thing.
and when they mess up (and they will at first), a kind but inflexible 'you're not allowed to that here' followed up by 'i'm afraid playtime here is over for today. maybe tomorrow you'll be able to remember our rules better' if necessary.
being firm isn't being mean.
khairete
S.

It is YOUR house. You have the right to have it respected by anyone. Tell the boys to ask before taking and knock before coming in because that is the nice thing to do. If they don't abide then go to the parents or tell them they aren't allowed to come over until they can follow your rules.

Of course you can correct those kids! It is YOUR house! Where on earth did you get the idea that correcting other peoples kids is wrong? Disciplining them is another issue alltogether, but correcting wrong behaviour is defenately acceptable.

I don't have any problems if someone else tells my kids not to do something if they do something wrong. I can't be everywhere and I don't have eyes on my back.

Yes, I have two boys, but they are very polite when visiting, the roudiness happens at home. I would defenately want to know if my boys behaved like your neighbor kids do! Don't hesitate to tell the parents, they may appreciate your honesty more than you think.

You have the right to discipline in your own home. I mean there are ways to handle it without being ugly. You just need to tell them, this is your house and you would like them to ask before getting into things and just tell them they are not allowed to roam your home without your permission. Don't let them get away with it. That is your home not theirs. You can also talk to the parents about it but if you are uncomfortable with that then don't let the kids come into your home. I personally would let them know the ins and outs in my home. I have a 4 yr old son and he sometimes has his friend over. I have to discipline both of them and sometimes just his friend but jus do it nicely.
Good luck
S.

These children are old enough to understand the concept of rules. Set behavior rules in your home. If they do not abide by your rules, you have every right to discipline them in your home. If the behavior continues after you have set the rules, corrected infractions, etc., then you should send the children home and let their parents know why.

You may not want to discipline someone else's kids, but you do have the right to set the rules in your own house.
You need to explain, that they may not come in without ringing the bell. If they're there to play with your daughter, they need to be with her and not wandering around. When the playtime breaks down, and they don't want to listen- it's time to send them home.
It's YOUR house- you need to take control- for their good and yours!

You are the parent in your house so they have to follow your rules- or leave. Period. You are the adult. You can let them know in YOUR house, they must knock,must wait til an ADULT invites them in, are not allowed to have food/drink without asking (we have our neighbor kids eat lunch/dinner before they can come in for the very reason).

If they do not like it, they can leave and you can find play dates for your daughter. But you are the adult and they will do what you let them. Sit them down and talk to them in front of your daughter so she knows their rules too.

I would keep the door locked at all times so they have to knock or ring the door bell to get permission to enter your home. If you decide to allow them into your home then you absolutley have the right to discipline them and if they will not repect you and your family send them back home and explain to the parents what happened and why they are being brought back home.

Neighbors can be a blessing and a pain :)

Best Wishes!

YOU are the parent in charge of your house. The boys need to understand that there are limits and boundaries that they need to respect. Maybe start by keeping your door locked so they have to get by you first to enter. Good luck!

you may not have the right to discipline your neighbor's kids...but you DO have the absolute right to make the rules in your own house. Geez!

1. read 'em the rules
2. install some locks
3. inform next door parents of above

Hi, J.:

Very simply put: Your house, your rules. You have every right to tell them what the rules are in your house and to let them now that if they can't follow them, they can't come over. I would also tell their parents. People should know how their children behave when not in their presence. I hope the parents will be embarrassed and make behaviour changes but I am doubtful. Children behave away from home the way they behave at home. Also tell the parents that you have explained your house rules and they must be followed to the boys. As long as everyone is aware then nothing can be left to chance.

Good luck!

You will probably hear this alot in the reponses, but you DO have to enforce 'House Rules".
Do not enter without an invitation (at the door when they knock or ring).
Do not take food that doesn't belong to you unless offered.
Respect for your daughter and yourselves is required.
These are the basics. If they can't follow house rules then they can't come in. You will have this issue even with your own kids.
Your house, your rules. Common curtesy.

You desperately need to set some boundaries and fast!! These kids may be coming over all the time because they don't get attention from their own parents. They are also comfortable as you said, so they are doing things at your house that they would normally do at their own. Lock your doors and tell your daughter she is not to answer the door EVER.

You have gotten alot of great advice. Another thing - if these boys are running over your children in your home - teach your children how to stick up for themselves too! Peer pressure is such a HUGE deterent all through the school years. When kids point out to other kids that their behavior is wrong or rude - man it has an impact. And kids learning diplomacy and having power on their own behalf helps to ward off alot of stuff they'll encounter that other children have learned from various parenting styles out there!!! I "coach" my almost 3 yr old how to conduct himself on the playground in a variety of situations. He knows how to greet people, ask them to play, step back and let little girls go first. And if older kids are mean to him he says "Stop that - that's rude" And if they continue - he says "I can't play with you because you are being rude" and he goes and finds nice kids to play with! I realized he is a blank slate and it's my job to teach him how to be in social situations. I hope that helps!

Oh my! I would NOT allow that to be going on in my own house. I really have no problem speaking my mind to kids...it's when the parents are around and they do nothing about their own children, that makes me struggle a bit. Seeing as you don't even really have a relationship with the parents, I would just tell the children that they need to knock and wait for the door to be answered. Explain that this is your home, and you would not just walk into theirs without being invited. Remind them that your daughter lives there, and that she is their friend, and that is why they even come over...remind them to respect her in your home. And while you are at it...let them know that they are not allowed to just take any foods or drinks while at your house, and that if you offer snacks, they are welcome to have them, and if they are thirsty, they are welcome to ask for something to drink. You just need to lay down some rules....and seeing as it is your own home, you have every right to do so. But if afterwards, they still do not do what you have asked, or behave according- then you should probably seek out the parents to have a chat with them. Good luck!!
K.

Hi J.,
I was in a similar situation with the 4 yr old next door. He & my son sometimes play well together, and sometimes not. He would walk in, regardless of the time unless the door was locked. My son is getting better about remembering to lock the door when he comes in from playing, especially when he does not want to be followed. He is six. Your daughter may be old enough to have the responsibility of remembering to lock the door when comming in. It came to a head when the neighbor's manners were bad enough I had to call his dad, things have improved a bit since then. Possibly if you approach the neighbors in a plesant way asking if they would have issue if you did correct their children when they are in your house. It is possible they are unaware that the kids are making themselves "so at home" at your home. Personally, I feel if a child is at my house, especially without a parent with them, they will need to abide by my house rules. It is the only way to keep my son from trying to cross the line when friends are over.

If the kids are in your house then your rules apply. I do discipline neighborhood kids to an extent. I will tell them if they are out of line and what I expect and what behavior is appropriate. But I do leave it at that. I don't do timeouts or anything else but if they don't listen than it is time for them to leave and I tell them so and why. I've found that the kids do listen to me as the adult. I would talk to the kids 1st and let them know what is expected and what will not be tolerated. Tell them they have to knock 1st before entering and that they must ask if they want something. Whatever your rules for your daughter are. I would think they would either listen or if they didn't when they went home their parents would ask why they are back home so early and they will have to explain and then they will know without you saying anything directly to them. Good luck.

Lock your doors and pull you shades for 2 weeks. They will get the message.