I am a mother of 2 boys, ages 21/2 and 5. This past July I found out I was pregnant, but had a miscarriage soon after. I would really love to have a little girl and my husband and I have been trying. Lately though, I am feeling a bit nervous and scared about going forward with having another child. My husband often works late and doesn't get home until 7:30-8:00 pm and he likes to sleep in on the weekends (nothing I do can get him out of bed before 11am unless we need to be somewhere). Has anyone gone through this? If so, what did you decide to do?
I am 22 and I have a 5 year old son and a one year old son. Pregnant with my third child in Aug. Come join my forum
http://supportmoms.proboards107.com/
H.
I would clock my husband if he slept in every weekend!!! We only have one child now and both work full-time, but it has taken my husband a while to understand that it is BOTH our jobs to think about/care for our child. Not just Mom's. He has needed it really spelled out that he can't come home and watch TV while I go from work to fully caring for our daughter, nor can he make plans to go off with his buddies every weekend, while I haven't left the house on my own in 5 months! Men will ALWAYS find ways to make time for themselves, while Mom sacrifices everything, going non-stop, for everyone else. I think you and your husband need to sit down and have a serious conversation about expectations for fatherly involvement if you have a 3rd child. If he also wants a third child, but is only involved in the "fun" aspects of parenting, then he is not really thinking about all the work this new addition will add to YOUR schedule. All children should be the equal responsibility of both parents, and that means even on weekends when you are home and can be actively involved, not actively asleep. Parenting is not Mom's Job to dole out to Dad if she "needs help"... It's Mom and Dad's job together. Adjustments will need to be made for 3: maybe you can discuss ways in which you will need more help and perhaps your husband can work fewer hours or agree to "take over" on the weekends to give you a break. Hey, When do YOU get to sleep in? I understand that when one parent works full-time to provide for the family, that deserves utmost respect. But the other parent who stays home to care for the kids doesn't work a 50 hour week-- she works the same full day and then goes into overtime 24-7 all year long. THAT deserves the utmost respect too! Your husband, just like you, needs to step up everytime your family makes the decision to grow in numbers.
Hello S.,
Before you get pregnant again, be very SURE that's what you want. There are no guarantees that your third child will be a girl. What if you'll get a boy? Will you be ready for it?
You already said your husband works long hours and takes his well deserved rest on weekends, are you willing to take care of 3 children with the little help you've got and a part-time job?
Search your soul, be absolutely positive about this before you fall pregnant.
I'm telling you this because you sounded in doubts. It's not the number of children, it's the preparedness, willingness, reasons and reality.
Good luck.
got 3 girls & 1 boy here..i know losing a baby is hard i've had 3 miscarriages myself..the last one was this year ..hubby sleeps alot as his meds he takes knock him out but he trys to stay up..got a few questions i hope he lets you sleep in sometimes..his getting home time not really too late but on having another baby just relax & it will happen..more you worry less likely you will be to get pregnant..last 2 kids we had my mother in law told me to get rid of them grr. i think you need to write down how you feel on paper & have your other half read he may not notice his behavior is bugging you
this is what pops to mind...... I would really love to have a little girl . . I think I would have been more supportive if you had left out the gender. I had two sons and wanted a girl, and I was blessed with one who has been like a best friend to me. Good luck in your decision :)
Hi Susan,
Here some suggestions, I uses to be the one that liked to sleep but my husband and daughter got annoyed so my dears family would take a leap on the bed until I was well on my way to being awoken. It did work and once your awake its hard to get going. So he doesn't get mad have one son jump on the bed and have the other holding a tray of breakfast so it just to cute to be mad. Pam
I am the mother of 3 kids (ages 6,4, and 2) I work part-time (about to work full-time). I think that unless you are a stay at home mom, who loves to be at home with the kids, you are taking a huge risk having a third child, unless your husband is willing to become more active. I have been blessed in that my husband has become a VERY active father. In the beginning, I had to push him hard (when we had 2 kids). I told him that if he wanted to avoid giving up the job he loved to work full-time at a more lucrative job,so that we could cut back and AFFORD for me to stay home, that he was going to have to be an equal partner in raising our children. He has exceeded my expectations. It is definitely a personal decision, and only you know whether you will feel like a single mother! I found two children much easier to balance on my own, than 3.
I am the mother of three ages 9,7 and 2. I get to stay home with them while my husbands works. I completly hear you on the husband issue, we have to same arguments!!!!!! He is starting a side business up and I just have to remind him that he gets to leave his job everyday and seperate the two as I don't. There is a good age difference between the second and third child, but I think that helped us out alot. The older two were pretty self sufficiant by the time the youngest came around. But you know what I wouldn't change it for the world. It's hard,tiring and frustrating but you get through it with the biggest rewards being hugs and kisses!!
no one can tell you what to do. this is a very personal decision. go with what your gut tells you.
Hi! I have 4 boys (ages 6,5,3,1)and am pg with my 5th. The U/S says it is a girl. I am in a similar situation with you. DH works ALOT, but I am a SAHM. Sometimes he does not get home until after 10. He leaves for work at about 7:30 am. There are times of the year where business is slow and he can get home earlier 6ish but right now we are in a busy season with his business and we are also building a house which keeps him out late as well.
That being said, you can try for a 3rd baby but there is no guarantee it will be a girl!! We were not trying for a girl, we just wanted a large family. This is something that I have taken on, knowing how hard dh works. It is not something I blame him for when he is not home. We decided to do this together and I know that being home with the kids is MY job. Somedays I really want and need his help but he is out there providing for us and that is equally important. He is home all weedend (usually) and we do everything together as a family on the weekend. DH is a great father, don't get me wrong but he is busy with work.
I think you have to decide whether or not to have a thrid child, not hold out hope for a girl. If you were to have a boy, would he be resented because he was your final shot at having a girl?
Read the comments from those of us who have issues with teens, they do grow up and fast. Dad may change, but your decision needs to be based on what it looks like today, just in case.
S.
I am also a mother of 2 boys 16months and three we two have been contemplating trying for a little girl. My husband sounds similar to yours he works late and doent like to get up early. I have been nervous about getting pregnant because I take paxil for panic attacks and I dont know if i should take while trying to conceive. I have heard good and bad things!!! I know that Im not much help but I know how you feel.
