Hi, I was just hoping that someone out there may be able to give me some advise about an only child. I have a 4 year old daughter that is an only child. She, for the most part has been very happy and satisfied with being the only child. However, now that is not good enought for her. One of our neighbors across the street has 2 daughters (8 and 10 yrs old) and another neighbor with a son (2 yrs old) and expecting another. My daughter wakes up every morning now and wants them to come over or her go over to there house. The two girls across the street are a little older and I feel like they really don't want to come and play with her and the little boy we do go and play with once or twice a week but I feel bad invading everyday. My daughter cry's that she has no one to play with and doesn't want to play with myself or husband anymore. And continually says she wants a brother. She does go to pre-school 3 days a week as well as dance class. Although she doesn't know it, I feel sad for her, especially since I'm have 6 siblings and know what it is like to have brothers and sisters. Does Anyone have any suggestions or words of wisdom?
I just wanted to say Thank you for all of your great reply's. They certainly have helped me "emotionally" that is. No, I there is no chance of another child. In fact, I was never able to become pregnant and my daughter was adopted at birth. We are working on more playdates and she has now started back in her swimming class. Although she has some kind of activity each day she still wants to be with other kids at her every waking moment. LOL So, I shall continue talking with her and wait patiently for this phase to pass. Thank you all again.
Get a dog!! If you don't want to bring a puppy go to a shelter and adopt one - have her help pick the one you want (research the wanted breads first).
It brings a lot of joy into the family, she will have to learn how to share and be responsible for it (in a minor way. All the rest is on you :) and she will have someone to play with and be her best friend.
As an only child myself, I can tell you she'll get over it. Sure I was lonely and bored a lot, but I also know 3 different ways to play solitare. And when my Dad passed away I didn't have to fight siblings for the inheritance (just trying to lighten the mood) and for Christmas i got all the presents!
Make your home open for friends to come over, tell the Moms the reason you'd like the other kid to come over. Let them know they are doing you a favor by getting the their kid out of their hair. Find some activities to do like dance class, etc. Does she have cousins? That's a good route too.
Trust me it gets better. She's just bored. Like I said, I'm an only child and and my husband has 2 brothers. They are more trouble than they are worth! My family has far less drama.
I do not know if this is a suggestion or not. I have two younger sisters. I was still bored and lonely most of the time. My parents, especially my father, seldom talked with us. They never played with us, although my father teased us a lot, and we did not like that at all. He was somewhat abusive too. He told us what to do, and punished us a lot for normal kid things (skipping was not allowed; he viewed it as demolishing our shoes). We could not talk at the dinner table; that was interrupting. About all my sisters and I had in common was fear of my father. That is not enough to get a good relationship going. There were kids in the neighborhood, but we were "foreign" and I was the opposite of the neighborhood bully. I am glad I do not have to go through all that again. I see my younger sister every two or three years and talk with her on the telephone every week or so, and I have not seen the other in almost 20 years (she lives in France).
I feel for you and your situation... I have 2 daughters, my oldest is 7 1/2 yrs old and my youngest is 2 yrs old, so my 7 yr old was our only one for all that time. When I told her I was pregnant she cried and said "I want to be the only one!!!"
I'm just sort of brainstorming about it, but maybe you could join a play group, or even volunteer to help a friend with babysitting on a regular basis...it could be a win,win situation. Your daughter could get to have another child in the house on a regular basis and you could help a friend. Your daughter may even appreciate being an only child once she gets a dose of sharing her home, toys and beloved mommy everyday :)
I was sort of assuming a second child is not in your plans, that would be the obvious fix :) good luck with everything!! ...if it's any comfort, I've always heard that only children are more intellectual and mature than those with siblings.
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My daughter is 4 years old too, and she keeps asking me for a sister. She has been asking for probably three months now. It actually makes me sad to think that she may never have a sister.
BUT...she has a brother. My son is 19 months old, and they still don't play together a whole lot. I guess I'm telling you this because I think that a child asking for a sibling is a normal phase at this age -- whether they are only children or not. I was the youngest of three, and we children were always asking my mom to have more kids. Even when my little brother came along, we wanted yet another sibling. We watched a lot of Brady Bunch ;-)
My daughter also asks me to buy her a pony. She begs for a pony with the same fervor as when she begs for a sister. She's asking for something that she is not going to get. She will definitely get over it. So please don't feel too sad for your daughter. If you're giving her a loving home and she has friends at school, I'm sure she'll be just fine.
Your daughter doesn't need to be the one "invading" a neighbor's house if you invite the little guy to your house once in awhile. That should become easier as he grows older.
Ditto the two girls across the street. Why do you "feel" they don't want to play? They might actually enjoy the change of scenery, and might occasionally enjoy your daughter at their home if you don't take them for granted.
Participating in play groups is a great alternative in many areas.
My daughter is an only child, and she in turn has an only son. Both were/are happy being singletons. The situation is no more sad than a multiple-child household in which the kids argue and compete a lot. Both kinds of families have advantages and disadvantages. Don't just admire other pastures – cultivate nice green grass in your own!
Even kids who are not only children like to play with other kids, having a sibling doesnt guarantee a playmate - she could have an 8 year old brother or a one year old sibling and they wouldn't be doing much playing together.
When my daughter was little, she always wanted to play with other kids too. She went to daycare everyday, from age 8 weeks old, and I thought of the weekends as our family time, but at 3, mom and dad were just not enough for her, she wanted to be with other kids, so we signed up for Gymboree and story time at the library. When she was five and started kindergarten, it was half day morning kindy and every day, she'd get home on the bus, have lunch and ask "Can I call Melissa/Amanda/Danielle/Rebecca and see if they can play?" I had to set a limit, she was with kids every morning and didn't want to have someone over or drive her around during the baby's naptime every day and limited her to two after school playdates a week.
If you are a SAHM, I would try to set up a playdate with a preschool or dance class friend for the days that she doesn't have school. Look into local weekly playgroups, too. But it's fine to let her know that you can't arrange playdates every single day. Teach her to entertain herself. Kids can and should play with their toys on their own and learn how to keep busy without being dependent on someone else. This is an important skill. I would let her know that the 8 and 10 year old sisters have each other to play with, and have friends their own age, she is too young for them to really want to have playdates with her. Help her to cultivate friendships with the kids in preschool and dance class, these are her same aged peers
good luck
It really sounds more like she's bored, going through a stage, or trying to keep up with her peers. I can't believe she's actually lonely since she goes to a daycare center and plays with the neighbors' kids once or twice a week. I'm an almost only, so I had no one my age to play with at home. (Back then there were no daycare centers either.) I did go through the "Mom can we stop at the orphanage on the way to grandma's to pick up a brother around my age for me to play with?" stage. I think it was around 4, because I thought school was an orphange since Mom didn't tell me I was being tested for readiness for kindergarten. I managed to talk a little boy into coming home with me to be my brother. (That stopped the other mom from laughing at me asking kids who wants to be my sibling.) After that, I never asked for a sibling again. I discovered that I was lucky being an almost only. (Almost onlys are children who have siblings that are too old to be interested in playing with them....I was 4, but the sibling closest to my age was 19.) Once I got in school, I got to hear all the stories from other kids about how much they "hated" their sibling....all the fighting and jelousness...toy breaking. I was really glad to know that I had a sanctuary at home.
The best thing you can do for your daughter is to explain things to her and teacher her how to enjoy being alone. She needs more arts and crafts projects, more interesting books to read, etc. Explain to her that if she had a baby brother/sister, they would be too young to play with and that babies are not the same as a "living doll baby." Explain how much care babies need and that you may not have as much time for her. Explain how noisey babies can be and how long it takes for them to get to the age where they can actually play. How old would she be at that age?
Can you consider welcoming another baby in to your life? I was an only child and had lots of scheduled activities, but it is just a fact that she will be lonely. A sibling is the only cure for that.
If that is impossible, just accept that she will be lonely.
It means you need to find more kid outlets in your neighborhood/town. Join a MOPS group (mothers of preschoolers). Go to the local library story hours. Do you go to church - lots of families there. Strike up conversations. After meeting a mom a twice, invite her to meet you at a park for a play date. Then invite her over. If your daughter is a real extrovert, get on the phone Sunday evening and set up a play date (1.5 hours seemed good for my kids at that age - maybe longer) each morning/afternoon. Start your own playgroup. There are lots of lonely isolated moms out there. Kids love schedules. Monday MOPS, Wednesday local library, etc. Scholastics or Lakeshore Learning sometimes have weekly craft sessions. Get outside going to parks every day. Get a map of your town and go to each of the parks one by one and make a note of times when families tend to be there.
You can do it!
My first daughter was an only child for 8 years, she always complained she had no one to play with too! I hurt for her so bad, but she has two close friends from school and one from the neighborhood whom she sees every week.
At first I felt like a pest asking their parents if they could bring their children for playdates but after the initial awkwardness they brought their child every Saturday or Sunday, they love it! they get a break and we love having them over.
We still see them every week even after the baby. We alternate between friends let's say Tommy comes over on Saturday and Cynthia comes over on Sunday. During the week Sarah would come over one afternoon after school so that's three playdates per week.
sometimes all of them come on Saturday and they play all together; they have also taken my daughter for sleep overs and playdates so we get a break too.
in your case you can have playdates with the neighbors and the school kids (when she goes to school) which makes for a lot of playdates. other than that there are the children she meets during activities like ballet, soccer, that's plenty of social life if you ask me,
good luck to you and your little girl, I know it's tough to see your child feeling like this but it gets better when they are older and have more activities.
I think she is a little bored. Also, I think that many children go through a phase where they ask for a baby sister/brother (even if there are other kids in the house). I was an only child. There are disadvantages to it such as being the only person to take care of elderly parents. There are also ENORMOUS advantages. Only children are often brighter, more independent and more mature then their peers with siblings. Think of what you can do for her!!!
Definitely make your home open and welcoming to friends and neighborhood kids. Try to do a lot of playdates if possible. If she has cousins (especially 1st cousins) in her age range try to foster relationships with them.
Maybe try to network with other parents of only children?? It is so much more common to be an only child today--there must be a lot of onlies out there in the same situation.
You know your daughter may just be a little bit infatuated with the girls across the street. I have have 2 girls 2 1/2 years apart who play well together-- yet the younger one is completely taken with a neighborhood kid. She asks to play with her, will ALL the time! Named several stuffed animals after her...
The great part of being an only was having my parents take me everywhere. When you're just one and well behaved sometimes the parents find it easier to take you along-- restaurants, theater, vacations, Europe. I grew up VERY working class and so often my mom would say, you know I would have liked to have had more children, but it didn't work out that way (it was the sixties--way before in vitro!!) BUT LOOK AT WHAT I can do for you -- I can give you so much more because there's only one kid.
What about cousins, does she have cousins she is close with?
My son is an only child and unfortunately will remain that way as I am now a single mom and not a young one either (42), so the possibility of having a second is dwindling by the day. When I first split from my husband I was devastated at this thought (although thankful at the same time we did not have more together), but I have since accepted my fate and have embraced it. I have several friends who, for various reasons, only have one child -- we feel like we are in a little club. We have all figured out all the blessings as to why it is a good thing. Here are a few:
1) All your energy, love and wisdom go into this one little person, instead of having to split your time
2) The financial strain of raising children is a stark reality. One is better than two or more for that reason.
3) Explain to your daughter that all she has -- toys, books, clothes, etc. would be split between her and a sibling if there were one -- she would have to share, you would not be able to provide double, see point number 2! Haha! Have her realize she gets all the spoils of being the only one!! LOL!!
These are just a few I can think of offhand, but we figured out more reasons than that. She will be fine, just give her lots of love and affection and surround her with as many family members and friends as is possible. No situation in life is perfect. You just have to make lemonade out of lemons. :)
Good luck,
D.
the biggest gift you can give your children, is siblings. Especially when the time comes and you and your husband are no longer here, they will have each other.
Honestly, I am an only child and I really didn't/don't enjoy it. When I was younger I wanted an older sister so bad! It was impossible to have an older sister obviously, but really I would have been happy with anything. To make things worse my friends who came from families with siblings always said they felt bad for me! It made me feel bad for myself. I always imagined what it would be like growing up with siblings and how fun it must have been....
I guess there were good parts I always got a lot of clothes or toys because my parents didn't have anyone else to buy things for.
Now going to my parents house there really isn't much to do I come with my husband and 5 kids but that's it. No cousins; and it makes me feel bad because the kids have no cousins to play with on my side of the family.
Sorry if this was a downer just sharing my experience!
i agree with some of the other replies. a play group in your area would be a good thing. also taking in a child during the day to help out others would be good for her too. she would definetly appreciate having you all to herself once the other kids are gone.
Why can you have another child? you don't say
is there any chance of another?
Why not have another child, is that in the cards? Maybe adoption if you cannot have a child yourself?
Maybe when she goes to kindergarten next year she will make more friends and can have playdate? I know this doesn't help now but I'm sure she will make more friends and also will be going every day so she will be around her peers and occupied. I worry about the only child thing myself because my son is our one and only. We had him when I was 42 so he isn't going to have any siblings. As for myself, I was the only girl with older brothers (4 and 5 years older). I was alone a lot of the time growing up but one thing it taught me was how to use my imagination and be independent.
Hi
I know that I am very late in responding, but your post really spoke to me and I felt that I wanted to share. I am an only child and my child is an only child. I always thought that I wanted several children, but that wasnt in the cards for many reasons and I (at almost 43) am now resigned and frankly very happy with my one 12 year old. He used to ask for siblings, when he was younger, but now appreciates the priviledge of being an only child. I just wanted to say to you that a) having an only child is FINE, no matter what society, your friends, relatives, your child, etc have to say about it. b) your daughter will get over it. Make sure that she has lots of playdates and time with you. Or, and I know this might sound weird if you are not of this mindset, but you could get a dog. We have two and we always say that we have 3 kids, 2 with fur, one without. My son is very social and has lots of friends and also enjoys his alone time and not HAVING to share everything. That makes him even more generous and kind about sharing with others, as opposed to the stereotype about only kids not being able to share. Hang in there, as she gets older, she will develop more friends and relationships. I also suggest that you try and find a friend with a child her age, or befriend one of her peers' moms. That way, you both win! And good for you for being concerned about this, but let yourself off the hook! hope that this helped and again, sorry for the late post.
