My 53 old son has shown signs of ADD for many years now. Now and then the subject has come up, but he shrugs it off. How do I encourage him to get tested without making him feel like he is being attacked. His behavior has had an effect on his family life. If indeed he has it then there may be a solution that would help improve his daily living.
He's an adult.
Whether he chooses to get treatment is up to him. NOT YOU.
He might not be ADD, he might be bi-polar. Or this just might be who he is and he doesn't want drugs.
53?
he gets to shrug it off if he wants to.
i suggested to a family member that he might want to get it checked out. he did, and he does have it, but had he shrugged it off, that would have been the end of it.
all you can do is put boundaries around what behaviors you'll permit in your presence.
khairete
S.
Even if you did convince him to get tested, I think your hope that it could be the first step to finding a solution to the problems you feel his behaviour is causing is likely misplaced. A diagnosis doesn't come with a magic bullet, unfortunately. If his behaviour is problematic, he is going to have to find a way of dealing with it himself. If his behaviour towards you is problematic, that is worth a conversation. But otherwise it seems very unwise to try and diagnose a grown man much less push him into any sort of action based on that armchair diagnosis. This is perhaps when "just love him through it" is the best course to take.
He's an adult.
He's only going to do something about it if he sees it as a problem and then wants to do something about it.
Until then there isn't much anyone can do.
If you can write down the effects you feel it is having, and others have noticed this too (and they write down their observations), then maybe you could do an intervention.
he is 53. this means that for 53 years he has been how he is without the label of add. why bother making him get labeled now?
i wouldn't bother going thru the process to attain a label. just let it go
I don't see how you can do much if he's 53. He's been an adult for many more years than he was ever a minor in your home, so it's entirely up to him.
If he's not listening to what you've already said to him, you probably need to back off. Yes, there are a variety of therapies for ADD, but they aren't necessarily quick fixes. So undergoing testing and treatment often presents a lot of challenges.
What you can do is write down the concerns you have, list the negative effects and behaviors you see, and put it in a very clear letter to his physician. The physician will not respond to you or share info with you at all, so don't expect anything. But the physician may choose to ask certain questions at your son's next physical, or use the info you provide in helping to evaluate your son's responses to standard questions. Whether that leads to an opening up by your son or a move to testing is entirely out of your control. But the symptoms you list may also be indicative of some other condition or disorder, not ADD. So who knows what course of action they may pursue? It's important that you do not diagnose your son, but just list your concerns to the doctor.
There are also non-medical, non-pharmaceutical approaches to imbalances, some of which have (in my experience) had remarkable results. But again, without your son buying into it, you have no recourse. He's 53 - it's his life, his body.
My son has ADHD. We were giving him meds at one point, but he is currently not taking meds for a variety of reasons. What has really helped him is working with his teachers (he's at a special ed school) on various strategies to help him cope.
If your son is 53, he's likely already learned many, many coping strategies. At this point in his life, I would think a diagnosis wouldn't be as helpful to him as possibly learning some strategies to cope with any current challenges that he has.
Maybe make a list of things that you believe are the most challenging for him. Then do a little research on those specific topics.
Some adults do benefit from ADHD meds, but mostly they learn how to adapt. I'm sure your son has learned more than you realize.
S., the others who responded make a good point. While it may hurt you to see some issues in your son, at this point it is up to him. He needs to want to make changes and maybe he doesn’t see what you see in him. That being said, I am a holistic nutritionist who specializes in mental health. I approach ADD from a root cause, dietary perspective. Sometimes people can improve their diet and as a result reduce or eliminate their ADD symptoms. I recently posted this blog on herbs for focus and concentration for test taking but all of these are great for ADD sufferers as well. Here is the link http://trufoodsnutrition.com/final-exams-what-you-can-do-...
He's not interested. He is a grown man and is responsible for what he's doing to his family. His ADD is not responsible for what he's doing to his family. If he wanted to be a better father/husband, he would. He would listen to complaints and make adjustments. People who are habitually late can set alarms for themselves, prepare the night before, have things organized, already in the car, etc, etc. People who forget things because they aren't paying attention can ask for accommodations, like a tap on the shoulder to get their attention, notes and lists and written reminders. These are just examples.
People who don't care what their actions cause problems with aren't going to care what the doctor says either. Maybe it will take his wife saying that she wants a trial separation to get him to care. What won't help is his mother trying to get him to go to the doctor.
Your son is set in his ways and it will take either a kick in the butt or a realization that he needs to show his love for his family before he will try.
