C.H.
answers from
New York
on
sounds like she wants attention..
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My family just moved to a new location. We are staying with my cousin and her family until our military housing comes through. We're not too far down the list so I'm thinking it will only be a few months.
She (my cousin) has 2 girls ages 8 & 4. The 4 yr old is constantly blaming my son for things. For example, hitting the cat when my husband is standing right there and can see no hitting took place. Or she'll complain that he's not sharing HIS toys. He's 2, and an only child. He's never had to share before and is still learning.
Also, when my husband and I are trying to have a little "family time" with our son, she'll come sit right in the middle of everything, and do things to get our attention. We've tried explaining that this is our family time and we'll all play together later, and we do follow through. Or when my son is trying to eat his dinner she'll play right next to him, or play "peek-a-boo" with him. Even after being asked by myself and HER PARENTS to move, she'll still continue to try to distract him while he's eating.
I hate to drag this out, but one more thing, she lies... almost constantly. She loves soda, and bubble gum. She'll go get one or the other, then when asked my her parents who she asked to do these things, she'll look @ my husband or I and say we allowed her to do it. When I know damn well she didn't ask me anything. Or she'll get into things or break things, then blame my son for it. My cousin is expecting a baby in the fall and I'm concerned these behaviors will continue or get worse when the baby comes.
I don't know what to do. We've gone house hunting for temporary housing, but the houses we've looked @ are discusting and a safety hazard for our son. Please help. Any advice given will be greatly appreciated.
sounds like she wants attention..
She wants attention and is acting out.
First off try not to react.
this is what she wants.
NOW as for family time, easy sovle
give the girl 15 minutes of attention BEFORE family time.
trust me this will work.
as for her lying WELL she is just 4 and there is a fine line at that age, they don't really know what it means to lie,
she is using her creative mind , probably because she feels lonely, and needs attention.
As for the bubble gum and soda, well she is getting it herself and knows an adult needs to say yes.
she is independent and knows how to get what she wants.
which is a good thing, but her parents don't enforce boundaries so there is no consequence. no limitations.
no one actually physically gets up and puts her in her room for a time out ( not your place)
I suggest you focus on your family. and realize that your cousin is doing you a huge favor. at an inconvienience to herself and her own family.
realize that as annoying as it may be to you to see her reactions and actions and hear her statements.
and see the lack of parenting ect.. that this simply is not your call,
realize that if your weren't there she wouldn't have to constantly reprimand her daughter. she wouldn't be in anyones face. couldn't blame your son, ect..
your focus should be on your son,
read him books, teach him letters and numbers,.
play with him. and monitor him and his exposure to this family.
And lastly, help him learn to share,
which is a lengthy on going process which takes YEARS.
I know its frustrating being trapped in this house.
but its all you have for now,just keep looking for something.
Good luck, I wish you all the best.
Children learn very quickly what they can get away with, but they are smart enough to also know who will allow them to get away with these things. Even if these behaviors are acceptable to her parents, you can make it clear they are not acceptable to you. Stand your ground and make it clear that it is not acceptable to lie to you and that when you say something you expect her to do it. I hope your housing comes through quickly, sounds like a nightmare situation. Good Luck!
It's definitely a sign she wants attention. She might also be upset that your family is staying at her house though she's too young to understand her feelings. She probably had some sort of routine and she was the youngest in the house. Now that your family has moved in for a few months, her routine has changed. Worse she has to complete with a younger child for attention.
I agree with the other mothers. Include her in your family time and try to give positive reinforcement when she does something good. Maybe you can make a game of it and ask her to help your son learn how to share. Or make up other games that will distract her from causing trouble.
Maybe you would rather be a parent to your son rather than her but obviously she's not getting diciplined by her mother. Which poses the uncomfortable question of whether or not you need to sit down with her parents and explain that their daughter is learning bad habits that need to be corrected right away. Good luck and I hope your housing comes in quickly!
Hang in there and remember it's only temporary.
Sounds like her parents don't set limits, supervise or discipline their child. So feel free to keep reminding her over and over not to do this or that and encourage her by redirecting her to other good behaviors.
As for your family time - sounds like she wants to be included - so for your own piece of mind, include her! Sounds like she needs some positive attention.
Also, be sure that your son shares his toys. It's the perfect time at two to learn to share! And you will be the bigger person for it!
As for the lying - don't know what to tell you except to call her out on it. Ask her if she is telling the truth. And if she says yes, explain to her that she is lying. This kid sounds like she needs discipline and there is little you can do except for pray for a quick housing solution!
Good luck!!
