Old Fashioned Luncheon Turned High Tea...

I hope the volunteers, understand... that the wind was taken out of their sails. Because it is they, that is being honored, and they had a 'consensus' on what kind of luncheon they wanted.
Maybe OCD Boss needs to be reminded of that.

I am alittle lost! What is the theme? It sort of sound like back yard picnic meets the Queen.

High Tea Party should be lite finger sandwiches (cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches, eggsalad,salom ect) Scones and preveres and jams, Finger desserts and different flavors of tea and or coffees. And the tables should be dressed in WHITE table cloths. With some color to dress the tables. Music should be playing softly in the background such as Harp or Pianio. I had worked for a Victorian Restraunt in WI for 6 yrs that this is what we did for ever and it was a great hit. I have also have done this for my own volunteers where I work now and they LOVED it and I had to plan it and set up for it by myself. So i do know how stressful it can be. The day of I had people to help w/ setting up,serving and clean up!! BUT I planned for this a mon. ahead of time and made things that could be froze ahead of time.The one thing that I found that made it easier on everyone was if we had a TRI-LEVEL tear stand for each table. That way we served eveything all at the same time and If they wanted refills we serve them what I had left over.

You need to tell your boss in a nice way that if she wants this done right, she needs to get it together and work w/ u on this. Maybe she will see that she is asking for things that don't make sense at all!!
I'm sorry that she as u so confused. But no matter what you will get threw this.

I would just ask her what she's gotten so far, and verly plainly tell her that you've already asked the attendees what they want, and that they were very specific about what would make them happy. In other words, take over of her taking over.

Then tell her that you've already taken care of much of it. If there are specific items that need to be addressed still, give her very clear descriptions of what they are and where she can get them. If she chooses to do her own thing, so be it, but that should at least limit the amount of high maintenance involve.

And if she doesn't listen at all, and is indecisive, then all you can do is remove yourself from the situation and planning. If the event doesn't come off, it's not your fault and you can play dumb! In other words, if you can't bowl her over with your own control, then stop trying all together and make it her problem to deal with.
That's just what I'd do.

I would nicely ask her, you want our help, but you don't want our help when we offer suggestions or aid. So, why don't you make the decisions and hand the plans on to us on the things you want us to do. If you don't have time for that, then rememeber we've done the research and plans, so we can fall back on that. Remind her that you have taken a poll on what the uest on honor would want, and have created a menu and theme based on that.

Really, sit down, write a list in front of her of what she wants you to do, with a list of what you have already done. If she says, "I don't know", then clearly ask, "Do you trust us to come up with something for that, or to use our idea, because I know you are busy and your time is valuable. If not, then let us know your plans by the end of the day so we can go out and purchase everything first thing in the morning."

Then remind her that the volunteers will be happy with whatever is decided and putting the emphasis on having a good time is more important than making sure the colors match perfectly.

Could you ask for a time to simply talk with your boss privately in her office? If so, explain to her that while you truly appreciate all the effort she's putting in to make this event "perfect", you think that since it's to honor the volunteers and you've already found out what they think they'd like best, you really believe that doing what they would like is much more honoring to them. Maybe even offer to have her give you the authority (and the time and funds) to do all the purchasing and planning yourself. It sounds like your boss comes from a much different cultural perspective than the rest of you, so the plan of a picnic type luncheon may seem to her to not be the type of celebration that honors people. You may need to get her to just try it out this once and see for herself that the volunteers do enjoy and appreciate this type of plan. Maybe ask her to trust you in this for this one time and if it doesn't work, promise to do it her way next year.
Or... and maybe this is mean... (and if things have gone too far already this may be your only alternative), just let her take over and do it her way next year, and get one or two of the volunteers to ask 'innocently' at the party "what happened to the nice picnic lunch we had requested?"

I just wanted to let you know that I totally relate to your last few sentences... Our former boss "came back" after taking a few years off during maternity leave- wants to take the reigns back, but doesn't fully take charge, blames everyone else but won't let anyone else take control. It's so insanely frustrating and no one can really stand up to her. She doesn't listen to suggestions or ideas.. Your situation sounds like what would happen in our office as well. Just wanted to share that you are not alone!

If the food is ordered go with the flow…to late to complain! If you and your colleagues are expected to carry out HER wishes and prepare the food, I suggest a mass mutiny! Tell her she is on her own if she is not willing to accept anyone’s opinions/suggestions but hers.

Blessings....

I feel for you. The poor volunteers :( I would much prefer the home cooked menu myself. Is there any way that you can explain this to her? Gently tell her that they had their hearts set on a more comforting menu?

Hello E.,
I have been an event planner for some time. I have had to work with people that are very insecure which is what your boss sounds like.
If the food is being catered then leave it in the hands of those people believe me they do know how to attend tothe problem and she will get charged for the experiance! If you are the one doingthe work on the other hand--- I might suggest that you find out from her why she gave the assignment and then wanted to micro manage it. If she is honest then she will tell you if not then all you will have is the knowledge that you made yourself heard.
Some people are just not able to be anything but compulsive about the smallest details yet forget the BIG picture.
The only way to deal with effects of the day is to make sure that the volunteers are not aware of the problems brewing. If there is a good attitude and a rose on each persons place setting it will go along way to fixing all te little things that will not be seen by anyone but those of you in the know.
I appreciate that you are frustrated and concerned and well you should be. It is very disrespectful to have her do this to you. Next time something comes up & it will! Be sure to get a written memo of who is in charge and then stick to a plan and only include her in the parts that show her you are doing well and don't need her to fix anything. Sorry for this experiance. It could still turn out with some team work and effort. Please let us know how it turns out I really am interested. Glenda

That's so difficult :/

It's so much harder when this is your boss. First I would say all the ladies in the office should address it as a GROUP- that way no one person is the 'fall guy'. Let your boss know politely that many of the arrangements have already been made, linens purchased or rented, etc. and it is just too late to make changes at this point.

I would put together a very 'official' and organized checklist of all the things that are already done, all set, etc. Be very professional and go down the list, ticking off to your boss everything that is DONE. Wrap it up by saying-"The only things left to do now are X Y And Z. Would you like me or Jane to handle them or were you planning on working on that?"

At least that makes you all look efficient and prepared - and makes it clear that any last minute crisis are not coming from YOU.

As for the changed menu, etc. It's too bad it won't be just what your volunteers might want. But- either way, volunteers like to know they are appreciated and I am sure the luncheon will please them, even with the changes.
Good luck- it's a tough spot!