I just don't understand it. It's my 4 year old and my 7 year old again. Now the 7 year old is giving me and her father the silent treatment. My husband and I have had the "feelings" talk with her, and let her know that if she is mad at us she can tell us. She says she's not then goes back to the silent treatment. I don't know what to do anymore. We have even had talks with her mother to try and figure out a solution, nothing there.....Stressed on that note.
To my 4 year old - Gosh is this kid going to make me pull my hair out. No matter what you say, he does the opposite. "don't play on the steps" he plays on the steps - "don't get in your sister's face" he gets in his sister's face (and I mean RIGHT THERE) constantly. "Don't play with the cat" and he is playing with the cat once I turn my back. It's like he doesn't care that he has to go sit in time out.
Help me out here...I am really at a loss now. My husband and I have tried EVERY DISCIPLINE METHOD AVAILABLE. My son can be a very well mannered child - please, thank you, you're welcome, can I help? but it's the things he knows he is not allowed to do he does them and gets in trouble. He and I play together all of the time, so it isn't jealousy. (I have chalked my 7 year old up to jealousy but she is just going to have to deal with it.) Please, some advice on is this normal for a 4 year old? Oh, and mocking everything you do too!?
Okay, so after many months of deliberating about the dicipline of the kids, my husband and I have come to an agreement. As far as my 4 year old goes, spanking is out of the question...it doesn't work. As far as the 7 year old...we aren't going to take her until after he gets off of work. Since it seems to be a problem with me we are going to find out what happens when she isn't WITH ME. Thanks for all of the advice.
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I am a SAHM also of 3 teenagers and an autistic son. I have no idea what to tell you to stop your 4 year old but I can tell you be consistent. Never let him get away with it, never. Every time discipline him when he does it, he is testing to see how far he can push you. I have seen this with many many 4 year olds. This too shall pass.
C.
Tipp City, Ohio
www.workathomeunited.com/mommymorris
I have a four year old boy as well and I stay at home. He does the same thing. I finally found the most important thing to him and that is what I take away when he does the bad things he knows that he shouldn't do. You may want to try and see what is really important to him. Like a favorite toy or activity. In the summer taking pool priviledges away works for my two boys. I hope this might help some. I am a sahm of two boys and one on the way in Nov. Not sure what the baby is yet. I had a little boy last May named Jeremy Michael and he lived 17 minutes he was born with no kidneys or bladder. So keep us in your prayers. We saw a bladder on the last ultraound so that is a good sign.
Hi J.,
I think your 4 year old is just testing his limits - he is trying to figure out how much is within his control - he is probably wondering if he has to do what you say and what happens if he doesn't. Maybe try sitting him down and explaining that you have a new rule for listening because it is very important that he listen to you. Explain that when you tell him something, you are only going to tell him once and if you have to repeat yourself because he isn't listening he will go straight to time-out. If you tell him no and he does it again, just immediately say "you are not listening" and put him in time-out. I have a very strong headed 3 year old and she has definitely been testing me lately and doing exactly what I ask her not to. This seems to be working for her - at least for now. Also, we made a chart and if she hasn't had to go to time-out for not listening all day then she gets a sticker for that day. When she gets enough stickers she gets to go out for ice cream. Good luck and hang in there! I keep telling myself that even though its hard on me now that she is so strong-headed, it will probably be a good trait for her when she grows up. I have no idea if its actually true, but it makes me feel a little better when I feel like pulling out my hair!
Hi J. -- not sure what you mean about the 'feelings' talk -- and the four year old seems to be trying to ascert that he is independent and needs to feel he controls something in his life. There are so many feelings a child can have -- it's safe to say they may not have a name or the language to define what they're feeling or what they need at any given moment. It requires a lot of interaction with the child, mainly listening and observing to determine just what a child may need in a specific situation -- as opposed to what you might need -- which includes that you want them to say what's bothering them when you want them to and how you want them to or that they do or don't do what you want or tell them to when you want--notice the empahsis on meeting your needs versus the child's needs. It's also difficult because the oldest child is only present in the family part of the time -- a complicated dynamic for her since she feels she is "second" in having her emotional needs met when compared to her half siblings and then the other children have to flex to accommodate another child's presence part of the time and may wonder if you are paying too much attention to this interloper (from the child's perspective) that's only there part of the time. I would recommend reading "Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason" a wonderful book written by Alfie Kohn. I think it could be helpful to you and your husband rethink the way you interact with your children and go a long way to helping create a blended, loving and accepting family environment for all the children.
