Okay I Need a Little Help with My Husband

Updated on April 24, 2007
A.R. asks from Baxter, TN
6 answers

First of all my husband is a great man but I think he is terrified of me getting pregnant again. We would like to have four kids but after what all I went through with our first has got to him. Let me give you some info about it. It started out fine but about six months in I started having problems. First there was the swelling no big deal right boy was I wrong I was swollen all over and it hurt to walk it felt like my feet were going to bust open but I could handle it. Then they thought I had a stroke turns out it was just Bells Palsy the little man was just laying on a nerve he should not have been. Half of my face was limp. Then there was the blood pressure issue they had to induce me a few days early. Then after 12 hours of labor they had to do an emergency c-section which terrified me but everything worked out fine. Now everytime I bring up the question of another baby he says great lets do that but when it comes down to it he thinks it will be like last time and is afraid for me. Any advice on how I can reassure him that things will be okay. I am running out of patience because all I can think of is babies. I have baby on the brain in a big way and could really use some help before I go crazy. Thanks in advance.

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D.A.

answers from Nashville on

The visit to the OB/GYN is a definite you can reassure your husband and get conceive vitamins too. I think your husband loves you and is afraid for you, himself, and your son. One spouse is always more practical and fearful of changes...sounds like he's just afraid of the unknown. I know you guys have talked about expanding your family..but it sounds like you have a major case of baby fever......are you sure he's not just agreeing to make you happy. Your first pregnancy was hard on you (of course you literally experienced all the good and bad) but your husband stood by unable to help eleviate your suffering, worrying that he had lost his young vibrant wife to a stroke....THEN he had to live through a dangerous delivery that endangered both his wife and unborn child...(plus he didn't get to feel the little guy grow and move)....hey your husband has been through the ringer...of course he is gun shy. Have you talked just about how the first pregnancy affected him? He may have to talk through everything you guys went through from his perspective to come to terms with jumping into the fire again. (Lets face it there is very little room for how Dad feels during the pregnancy and newborn phase....we as soon to be Mommies are very needy and self-centered...as we should be... and then it's all about the baby) Sounds like Dad needs reassurance from a doctor AND to deal with his suppressed feelings from pregnancy #1
I'm sure he'll come around.
Good luck and may you be blessed with as many beautiful healthy children as your hearts can love :)

1 mom found this helpful
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J.P.

answers from Memphis on

This is a great age to have another baby. I think the best thing for you to do is make an appointment with the doctor for the both of you to attend so that he can be re-assured by the doctor that everything will be ok.
Jen

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M.C.

answers from Nashville on

What you can do, is talk to your doctor about the future consecuences of getting pregnant again and your doctor can talk to your husband and that might be something that can make him know that everything will be alright. Let your husband know that all pregnancies are different. Good luck!

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C.G.

answers from Chattanooga on

Hi A.-
I'm sorry to hear you had such trouble with your 1st pregnancy. Mine was no picnic but you really went through it! I'm actually pretty impressed that you are so anxious to have another child. But, then again, babies are fabulous aren't they?!

Anyway, maybe you could schedule an Ob/Gyn visit that your husband could attend with you. You can't reassure him that everything will go right this time because nobody knows that for sure. Also, I'm sure there IS some legitimit risk of complications again. But, if he were to hear from the doctor's mouth what those risks are, how likely they are, and that it is safe for you to have another baby (assuming that it is), he might be more comfortable. It sounds like he's the type that isn't going to budge without some facts and figures to rely on and that could provide them.

I hope someone here can help. And I hope when you do have another that all three of you come through it safe and healthy. Good luck!

C.

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A.R.

answers from Hattiesburg on

Hi A.
Sounds like you had one heck of a time with your first baby, but I am glad that everything turned out okay. I completely agree with what DeeDee said...And to go along with it... I don't mean to sound trite or insensitive, but you are young. I completely understand wanting to have another baby, but there is plenty of time. I think that if your hubby is hesitant about another baby you should take some time to explore that together. And, although he may say "OK", obviously there is something in his way. Whether it is the pregnancy issues or something else, his feelings are just as important as yours are when it comes to adding to your family. I wish you the best of luck with your husband and future pregnancies! Take care.
A.

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J.C.

answers from Tuscaloosa on

I too think you and your husband should have a discussion with the OB/GYN. Explain to him that every pregnancy is different. My first was horrible, I had to go into the hospital at 5 months for hyperemesis gravidarum and weightloss, I was there 2 weeks and the day they released me I started bing sick again the second they took the IV out. The labor and delivery was textbook, everything was great, and I needed no drugs or epidural.

My second pregnancy was with twins. I was told by my Dr and others that since I was so sick the first time it would be worse with twins. But the pregnancy was a breeze, no morning sickness at all, and because of that I gained 80 pounds :( and then the labor...I was in labor for 4 days, only dialated to 4 cm and they decided to induce. No cookie, it didn't work. They finally decided to do an emergency c section after my BP went high and I passed out. They were afraid of Preeclampsia, but I think I was just stressed out from 4 days of labor.

Anyway long story short, every pregnancy and labor is different, and you only know how it's gonna happen when it is happening. Every mom I know with more than one child has had very different pregnancies each time. Not a scientific study, but it seems pretty convincing.

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