Off Punishment?

You told her she would be off punishment if she got her grades up. She did it. It's time to let her off punishment. You can't decide after the fact that she wasn't punished enough and change the rules in the middle of the game.

If you decide to keep her punished, be prepared. Next time, she won't get that grade up, because in her brain it won't matter. As she'll see it, either way she'll be in trouble with you, so why bother? Trust is a two way street.

I agree with the others. She met the requirement you set. She needs to be released from punishment.

If I were you I would be asking myself why I want to continue the punishment beyond what you said? If you are waiting for some grand sign she gets it you will be waiting for a few more years.

Let her off the punishment like you said you would otherwise your future punishments will be worthless. Nothing good comes from sliding the finish line.

Keep your word and end the discipline. She did her part and for the sake of consistency -- kids need consistency -- you can now do your part.

One other thing, though. She's a good student, she gets good grades, and very suddenly...she tanks on three assignments and isn't turning up with her materials for class? All at once? I realize you think she's being "lackadaisical" but if that is not her usual character, I'd be wondering if something else is up. I would be trying to keep channels of communication with her wide open because I would suspect something else is going on besides just her deciding to turn lazy almost overnight. She might be bored stiff in class and therefore not making any effort; she might be equally bored and blowing off other classes but the teachers don't e-mail parents the way the Spanish teacher does; she might be getting down about something, or having trouble with a friend. None of these might be the case, but usually I find any sudden, out-of-character change for my child means something else is going on with her. I'd focus less now on the punishment than on ensuring she's overall on an even keel and doing OK personally as well as academically. Maybe she did just slack off because school's so easy for her -- and if that's the case perhaps it's time for some changes at school and/or some activities outside school to interest and challenge her--?

The only lesson she is going to learn from you continuing her punishment is that you don't mean what you say, that you are punitive, and that there is no point in getting her grades up because you will just dig your heels in on her. And then she will dig hers in and "pay you back".

A teacher did that to my husband when he was in 7th grade. He worked hard to get his D up to a B. He was so proud of his grades. Boom - his report card came with a C on it, and when he went to her with his averages, she told him that anyone in her class who made a D on a test early on didn't deserve a B, no matter what the end grade was. She affected him for YEARS over that.

So you should think hard before you show your daughter that kind of attitude. Personally, I think that you should never have told her told her she could have her privileges back as soon as she got her grades up, if you didn't mean it, no matter what you think that she has to learn. Learning that mom doesn't keep her word, or if she really holds you to your word, deciding that you are a liar, is a bad lesson.

Dawn

You have to let her off. You did tell her that she was punished until she brought her grade up - she did that. If you don't let her off punishment now, she will not trust what you say in the future.

You told her she was grounded until she got her grade up and now her grade is back up. Time to release her.
You do want her to trust you and your word, right?!

She did just as she was asked so take her off punishment. What kind of message are you sending if she does what you have asked and still continues to be punished

You set the bar, she reached it. I know it stinks.

I know there's a lot to be said for encouraging a child to do their best.
That said, I'm not a fan of "requiring" certain grades.

In your case, seems like she was punished specifically because of her grade slipping to a B.
Now she's brought it back to an A.

Seems like a no-brainer!

Stick to what you said or she will lose trust in you. Next time just be sure to set a different bar for her too reach. At this point in her life you don't want to lose that trust.

I would stick with my original punishment...she fulfilled her part, her grade is up, it would be unfair of you to back peddle and add more time, just MO.

You determined the requirement ahead of time, and she has fulfilled it. Consistency in discipline is key. Don't threaten a consequence and then not follow through, AND don't change the consequence after the fact. You will lose credibility and your daughter's trust. Why do you think she hasn't learned school is be taken seriously? She took you seriously enough to get her grade back up, and I'm sure she'll think twice before jeopardizing her access to technology again. She earned the privilege back.

However, if you think she needs to learn a further lesson on the importance of education, there is nothing to prevent you from taking steps to impress this upon her. I wouldn't go the punitive route this time though. Have her research and teach a family lesson on the importance of education :) Or have her volunteer somewhere that can connect with this value.

You need to keep your promise.

She did what you asked her to do, so she should be off of punishment. Now she knows the expectations as well as the consequences for not meeting those expectations. If she does it again, she does it knowing full well what will happen.

I think she did learn her lesson!

if it happens again make sure to dot your i's and cross your t's. Yes bring your grade back up and hold it at the grade for 1 full month, no more missing assignments and being unprepared for class. Or the punishment will be 2x as long. gotta be on your toes mama.

I would take her off. You told her to get her grade up and she did. If this repeats, then remember to give additional criteria. My older kids are 13. They are also very smart and get excellent grades. They "forget" to turn in homework, or forget they had to bring it home to do. But this does not happen all the time. It seems like they have so many things on their minds at times that only so much can fit. Last night I told my daughter to do something--cannot remember what it was--and she got to the room and forgot what I told her to do. She was that engrossed in her artwork or story she was working on. This doesn't happen all the time, though seems to be increasing with all of them. If your daughter keeps her grades up and takes all her stuff in, then I would not worry about it. But give her the extra reminder now that if this or something similar happens again then there will be more and let her know what that is.
My son's grades fell after he got sick and he was restricted until he brought them back up and kept them up for a while.

I wouldn't punish her like that next time. I think it was too severe, and too quick. It would be more helpful next time if you try to figure out WHY it happened, and how to help her handle things better.

She sounds like my son -- 14, gifted, school is easy, all A's. When one of his grade slips, I ask him why, and let him know that he must take care of it. He knows I'm serious, so he takes me seriously, and he fixes the problem to get his grade back up. There is no anger or punishment or resentment in the picture.

You need to follow through with what you said. As long as she got her grades up as your expectations outlined, you need to follow through with the "contracted" agreement. A lesson needed to be learned and it was. It may have been easy for her to get them back up or not as long as you envisioned, but she did it. I would just keep a close eye on the grades to make sure they do not fall again - then if they do you can re-inforce the grounding.

She fixed it. Give the stuff back or this could affect her trust in your word.

I think honesty and consistency is very important in raising children. You gave her a clear punishment. You didn't specify a time you gave her something else. She kept up her end of the bargain now you need to as well. If you don't in the future if this happens again she might go why bother I'll still be grounded anyways and not bother trying to rectify the situation. She took her grade from what a C to a high B. That's pretty good! She wouldn't have done that had she not learned something! Count your blessings that your daughter was instantly motivated to fix what she had done wrong. You are obviously raising her right. :)

I get those same answers from my oldest she sounds a lot like him. I get onto him when he has a B because I know he's not trying. I would say since she took her grade up and you can see it if that's what you told her I would give her stuff back and tell her you will be keeping a close eye on her grades and as soon as they go down ground her again.

Good luck and God Bless!

I would continue to stand my ground with the punishment to show her that you are serious. If anything, keep her grounded the first half and let her play the other half. Or you could give her a choice. She could either have her ipod, wii, etc back or she could have her spring break.

I, myself, was a straight A honor role student growing up. But when I got to my freshman year of highschool my grades started dropping and I got careless. I begin to focus more on my clothes, friends, and of course boys.... especially boys! My [arents stuck to my punishments even though my grades came back up. Needless to say I kept my grades up so I didn't get in anymore trouble.

My advice all in all would be to give her something for bringing the grade back up but stay firm with her about continuing to keep her grades up. It worked for me.