Odd Way of Asking

My eldest did this for a while. It was very irritating. My theory is that they talk 'around' the request for fear of it being denied. Every time he did this we made him rephrase it to a direct question. After a while he grew out of it.

I think you should respond to appropriately to the way he phrases it. He'll learn.

"This big boy likes to take toys in the car."
"That's nice sweetie, I like listening to music."

"I like pizza don't you know."
"Really, I like mushrooms."

this big girl thinks it's cute=)

no honestly, for it to be such a big deal that you're asking your first querstion about it i think you're concentrating on the wrong things.

sounds like he may be making hints as to what he wants to avoid being told no?

my daughter did that at that age and still does occassionally. when she's with people she's not used to instead of asking for a cookie she may say "wow that cookie looks good" hoping they will offer one

honestly if you're getting your panties in a twist over him speaking in third person what are you going to do when he does worse things?=)

ETA
My daughter makes toys into people and she is fine. if you only have him every other weekend perhaps he's J. not used to you yet?

Yeah it is....for some kids. Not all of them do it. I find the kids most likely to phrase things that way are afraid of being told no. It's okay to be told no, when you really haven't asked a question..

Just keep working with him.

Maybe he is uncomfortable asking so he is dropping (not so) subtle hints.

Does he watch a lot of TV or movies? Do you recognize any of the phrases from what he's watching? My son would use phrases, usually pretty much appropriate, from Toy Story and other movies all the time. My son is mildly autistic and he had speech issues.

M

Whatever has caused this, it's become a habit and will take time to change his way of talking. Does anyone in his life talk this way? He could have been taught by example to do this. I've seen adults too fearful to ask directly for anything. Could his mother or another caretaker get angry when he asks directly?

I would also rule out a speech issue. He may not be able to process language in the usual way. I'd start with his pediatrician and if the pediatrician suggests a language evaluation, I'd do that.

His father, or you with his permission, could call the school district and ask for an evaluation. Federal law requires that all school districts provide an evaluation and treatment, if needed, for any issue that can hinder success in school. Call the district office and ask for the office that provides that service. In Oregon it's called the county's Education Service District.

I don't want to sound like a nervous nellie here, but I really think that this little boy needs to have a language evaluation done by a licensed speech therapist. Speech therapists and OT's work with kids who have trouble expressing things appropriately.

Instead of it driving you crazy, you should look for an opportunity to get him some help. This is really going to hurt him in school if he can't figure this out.

Dawn

yikers, so you were in the picture before he was born??

and you aren't actually married so you aren't really this kids stepmom.

and his parents are hard on him.

yikers, poor kid,

I would also suggest modeling it for him,. You say to BF "May i have a piece of pizza please?" and DH says "Certainly, i'll get it for you right now" and then DH says to his son, "son, would you like a piece of pizza?" and kid says yes and AS Bf is handing it to him bf says "Son when you want more pizza, you can ask me like this..... Dad may i have more pizza?"

Could be autism or just a very very sad family life. where he is belittles or ignored.

I agree he may have had people mock him for asking for things or discouraged the open asking for things. Your best bet is to assure him of your "safety". You need to be entirely calm. Never show your irritation about talking to him.

Calmly answer him the same way he just spoke to you.
This big boy likes pizza.
I like pizza with mushrooms. (no attempt to get him pizza)
Continue till he asks for pizza.
Oh, you wanted pizza? Sure!

He will learn. Just don't get irritated because that's what he is trying to avoid.

Does you boyfriend talk in the third person?

I don't know if it's a learned behavior or what, but I've seen several kids do that. Perhaps it's because the adults in your boyfriend's son's life jump at even a vague request. So he doesn't have to say "Can I have pizza?" in order to get it.

One of my girls usually says "I wish we could watch a movie" or "I wish I didn't have to buckle my seatbelt" instead of "Can we watch a movie?" or "Will you buckle my seatbelt?". She's almost six. I ask her to reword her request every single time, but she still slips back into the "I wish" a lot of times.

Interesting...

I would probably keep practicing how to ask for things with him. However, I probably would also talk to his dr. and see about possible speech/language testing. Being that it is your boyfriend's son makes that kind of difficult because you might not want to "step on any toes".

What does boyfriend say about it? What does boy's mother say about it? What does he say when he has to go to the bathroom?

At 4, a child should be able to express their needs and the vague way he seems to structure his questions would concern me...

Sounds like maybe people or a person consistantly talks at or about him "This boy likes pizza, doesn't he?" or "This boy likes pizza, wouldn't you know?" as they are giving him pizza so he figures he should say it to get what he wants.

Ask your bf if he has noticed it too and see if you can work with him....it's not his fault. Bf could also check with his son's mom (you have to tread lightly to avoid sounding like you are criticizing their baby or momma bear will surely appear!).

Suzie Q is right. All kids do this in some way. I explained to my kids that they are not asking me a question, therefore they will never know unless they ask me directly.

When he does this just say "you need to ask me for what you want".

My two year old says some odd things sometimes, and I think she probably picks them up from shows. Not that they are inappropriate, but today she told me "Mommy, come take a look at this!" instead of "Mommy, look at this!" and I JUST heard her tell her sister, "Now, THAT'S a good idea."

No two year old naturally talks like that, because I don't think she really understands intricate sentence structure. But she's using them appropriately, so I'm really not concerned, and I don't want to correct her because it's so darn cute.

The "this big boy", he probably picked up from whoever is still talking to him in baby talk. A grandmother, maybe? Irritating, but nothing you can do about it. I agree that you should respond, "I like to do -x- in the car." And don't refer to him, when talking to others, as "this big boy."

As far as "I like pizza, don't you know..." that's just cute. Nothing wrong with it. Next time, say "You know, I do too. Would you like some?"

4 is still really little...so I wouldn't be too concerned if this and the fact that he can play for hours with 1 toy are your only concerns.

I agree with the others that you should just start modeling how you should ask for things and then when he asks in an 'off' way, just kindly tell him how to say it..."Next time you would like Pizza you can say, Pizza please" or something like that.

~I wouldn't be worried by these things, if I were you...if they were the only things you notice that are 'off'!