OCD And Passing It On

If you did, then you help them with the coping skills you learned. Worrying about what you MAY have passed on (but MAY not have) may be part of the OCD anxiety.

I would also try another behavior therapist. A short time may not have been enough, or you may need someone else with whom you have a better fit.

I think the best thing you can do to deal with this is to return to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and to consider medication if needed. You as a parent need to show your children how to actually deal with life's difficulties. Not seeking treatment to the point that you are pretty much always trapped in your own head is no way to live. It is also, I am sure, not what you would want for your children were they in fact to develop OCD or anxiety. Please know that I am trying not to be harsh and am trying to give you words of encouragement. I know of what I speak. My husband has OCD and my son was diagnosed with it 6 months ago. It has been very, very difficult, but with an excellent doctor and treatment I have every expectation that my son will be able to deal with this and live a full life. You deserve better and so do your kids.

What you pass on more than anything is your actions. So you do need to work on your compulsions. The kids grow up experiencing the things that you focus on and they learn they aren't good things.

I would like for you to consider this. IF you had a seizure every single day and a pill would help you stay normal, would you take that pill?

If a single pill helped you because you had diabetes? It would help you get your blood sugar down?

Why not take a pill every day for the rest of your life that fixes the chemical imbalance inside your head? It's the same thing.

hard to say, really. nobody was using this term back in my childhood, but my dad clearly has some OCD and tourettes, and most of my siblings and i have varying degrees of the OCD (and ADD thrown in for good measure) too. it's not bad in any of us, more amusing when we recognize it in each other. my own kids have very mild versions- my older can't stand to be 'divided' walking down the street, ie if you're walking next to him, both of you have to pass a streetlamp or trash can on the same side, no splitting to walk around it.
it makes for great ways to torture people.
:)
the problem with it when it's as severe as yours is that your anxiety over it is FAR more debilitating than the disorder itself. but i also know that it's one thing to appeal to the logical part of your brain and tell it 'i can't help whether or not the disorder has been passed on, so there's absolutely no point in obsessing over it. so i'm deciding not to obsess' but quite another to expect the OCD part to pay any attention to it (other than to obsess over THAT.)
if you're like my sweet MIL, the only way to end one obsession is to find a new one to angst and 'distroy' yourself over.
and that's why you should re-think taking the pill. AND returning to your CBT. you need relief, and your kids need to see you handling it. whether or not they've inherited it, this constant stress and suffering are having an impact on them as well as you.
if you're not in a place (or, as seems the case, your degree of OCD is so severe) that you can relegate it to 'amusing family trait', you need to be very proactive about managing it. your kids will then either know how to manage their own, or take the bigger lesson that challenges can be faced and dealt with, and no one has to suffer endlessly and helplessly.
khairete
S.

I think the biggest question is... how do YOU handle it? What do you want your children to see? How do you want your children to see you manage your medical situations?

If the best way to handle OCD or Anxiety is with medication and cognitive therapy, then show your children how to manage properly, rather than letting it control you.

If it were a different medical condition that required medication to manage it, would you also take that standpoint that I can't see taking a pill every day for the rest of my life? I like the corollary to diabetes.... easily managed with medication and diet... no fun, I agree, but manageable....

I think, (and granted, I'm not a medically trained professional), is that your anxiety over the OCD is what is controlling you at this point. Some way, you need to find a way to be the controller in this situation.

(I hope you understand what I am saying...... it is your reaction and your actions that you will pass on to your children.... how do you want them to see you?)

I suffered from this really bad in college to the point where I was afraid to leave my apartment. For me the changing point was when my mom said to me... "All your fears may possibly be true. I'm not saying they aren't. I just don't want for you to live in fear. Because today is here and tomorrow will come no matter how you live it. I just want for you to get the most out of life you can." Hearing my mom acknowledge my fears were real was huge for me. I can't say why. After that conversation I chose to start going out and facing my fears and making the conscious choice to learn to live with and function with my OCD.
It's been a lot of years now, and I can now say I feel pretty much OCD free. So I just want to pass those words on to you. If your children turn out to hav ocd too... Acknowledge their thoughts and don't dismiss them. Just convey to them your real heart felt wish for them to live their lives to the fullest and own their thoughts. Learn to own your thought and fears and you too in time and become free of OCD or at least live the way you want too with it.

It depends on your behavior when your OCD acts up. What is your ritual?

Children are mimics. Monkey see, monkey do. They will mimic you, they may not have the OCD anxiety you do, but if your ritual is "big" and "obvious" they will see it and think it's a silly game.

Get back into therapy. Do what you have to do to be the healthiest version of you as possible. If that means a pill every day for the rest of your life, do it. Why would you turn down something you know works?

I have some tendencies as well. For example, I count EVERYTHING. Window panes, tail lights, stop lights, everything - and I want them to be in multiples of 5, so I will make it work out one way or another. I remember when we were in our first Halloween at our house now (8 years ago), my then 4 year old daughter walked next to me and said "I don't like that house" - when I asked her why, it was because it didn't have her number of windows.

Mind you, I NEVER count out loud. I never have, I don't think I ever will. It only comes out loud when someone randomly asks me how many lights are in a room or how many pictures are on the wall...I immediately answer because of course I counted before I let myself get comfortable. Is it annoying? Sometimes....is it life-altering? Not at all.

I don't know if my daughter still does it or if either of my boys do it, but it doesn't seem to bother them if they do it either.

Perhaps you need the combination of CBT and medication to get it to work for you. Perhaps the CBT on it's own wasn't the right management plan for you. Or perhaps the therapist wasn't the right match. Therapy is a VERY individual thing.

Get the help you need to manage the anxiety and OCD. Take care of yourself.

Ditto Letty. Even if your children don't end up with it pathologically, just watching you all the time will surely be internalized. That happened to a friend of mine who was always messing with her children. Washing their hands, straightening their clothes, messing with their hair. Her son as a 4th grader was spending an hour in front of the mirror trying to make his hair do "just so" every morning before school.

Please do what Letty is saying, if not for you, for the kids.

I have OCD tendencies but my kids don't seem to have them. You don't need something else to stress you out. Try to stop worrying about this. We can't control everything and we can't make everything perfect for our kids, nor do we need to.

At least you know what to look for in your kids, so if you notice anything that seems like OCD, you can get them to a specialist early. But try not to fret over it.

Even if they don't get the hereditary side, they will learn and repeat your tendencies and worries. Please get healthy. It is a difficult disease but not intractable.

My sister has severe OCD. She showed symptoms of it when she was younger but it wasn't until senior year of college that it started getting out of hand. Now, she's 36 and receiving disability because she can't work, let along live. She never leaves the house and has a difficult time functioning in life. I'm glad that you're not this bad but I have seen the OCD tends to get worse without treatment. CBT and meds are a great combination - my sister refuses both which is why she is where she is. As for your children, you can't control what genes they may have inherited but you can control how you raise them. Living with a mother who has untreated OCD will inevitably affect them - even if you try your darndest, there's no way you can completely shelter them from what is going on with you. By treating your OCD, you will not only give them a better home environment but you will also teach them that mental health, like physical health, can improve with treatment. I hope your kids do not struggle the way you do but if they did get the raw deal and they find themselves saddled with OCD or any other mental illness, you want to have set a good example of how they should treat it. They, and you, can live healthy, happy lives. Please seek treatment. Best of luck,

It's all a game of chance. Our son has extreme ADHD with no parent history of it, even though it's highly hereditary. He did manage to get my husband's OCD, but on a less severe level. It's managed really well with medication. The one good thing is that my husband can talk to him about the condition and our son doesn't feel alone with it. He doesn't have that benefit with the ADHD -- no one understands his world dealing with it. Our daughter has no brain disorders.

I wouldn't stress about it. Your child may completely neurotypical or have medical issues that aren't even brain disorders. You'll love your child all the same. There's a risk with every pregnancy and you can drive yourself batty thinking about every single possibility.

You do not have to live like this! Seriously, behavioral therapy can work if you do the work. Take care of yourself if not for you then for your kids. Also, if your kids develope this get them help. I believe it is easier to retrain a young mind than to retrain someone who has been dealing with this for years. That is not to say though that you can't get better, you can too!!!

Here's what I know: Behavioral therapy combined with medication therapy has the highest rate of success. So, you should do that. Heck, even if you have to be on medication for the rest of your life...if it means that your anxiety and compulsions are significantly reduced, or even eliminated, so that you can function peacefully and you and your kids can not have their lives controlled by your OCD...why wouldn't you do that?!

Don't stress about passing it on. You can't control that. But you can control whether or not you allow it to negatively impact your lives by not committing to effective treatment. Don't let silly stigmas deter you. If your kids do end up having OCD, you'll want them to seek treatment so they can live full funtioning lives. They'd want the same for you.