Not Wanting to Go to Bed at Night Claiming Loneliness

My son is 6 and does the same thing. And it breaks your heart when they say they are lonely and miss you. He would be up til 11 pm sometimes and if I went upstairs for something he would say he was lonely and wanted me to be with him. I know I probably shouldn't do it but a lot of nights, not every night, I lay down with him for a little bit in the dark in his bed and we just talk about things or I just lay there with him til he falls asleep. Usually I am there at most for 15-20 minutes. If I have a lot to do I tell him that I can't stay with him tonight and tell him all that I have to accomplish. But still many nights he'll lie awake for an hour or 2. I figure that the same thing doesn't work for every child. He can fall asleep on his own but there will come a time when he won't even want me around so I don't think it's too bad to just spend a little time with him. Also, if I think he's going to want me to stay I put him in bed a little bit earlier. I think it also has to do with how school went and how much time I spent with him after work. Good luck.

Hi M.,

You are right. Two things, One is that you let her sleep with you and two you have moved into a new home.

Now you will have to break the habit of her sleeping with you. Be firm, tell her it is bedtime and you understand that she feels lonely but it is bedtime.

Good luck. D.

You have set the example for her to follow. By letting her sleep with you when fiance is gone, you are showing her that you are lonely when you go to bed by yourself. Kids are great at doing what you do instead of what you say. You'll have to take it one step at a time and be more patient until it happens since you started her habit for her. Good Luck.

First, no more weekend sleeping in your bed when your fiance is gone. That is just sending mixed messages to her and will make her resent him for being in the way. Then.. just consistency. Keep making her go back to her bed without much fuss or conversation. The less you address her, the quicker it will happen. The more you engage her, the more she will continue the behavior. Spend some special time with her before bed, like 1/2 hour reading, talking, singing a goodnight song or whatever she likes. Then when time is up, its up and time for sleep. She needs her sleep and she needs the consistency. It may be difficult for a little bit, but once she realizes you're serious and not going to change the routine, she will adapt to it and stop trying to change it. If you're getting married you may want to have children with your new husband and you'll want this issue taken care of before that happens.

First, Bless you and your new life and happiness. Sounds like new and exciting changes for everyone, love, home, etc. Change can always complicate things. I agree with the on and off again in your bed sceario, don't give in or it will get worse. And I also agree with the talking before bedtime. Sometimes my son can talk for almost one hour about his day and his feelings - and he keeps it all in until bedtime and then you can't stop him. Maybe she has new fears and needs reassurance that you are there for her - new home, new stepfather. Also, we take advantage of the spring weather and stay outdoors later playing at parks and being social and come in just for dinner, bath and a story. His head is barely on his pillow and he is asleep.

My 5 year old did this for a bit and also was getting up at night claiming he was lonely. We tried a few things. One thing we did was set up a responsibility chart. We put going to sleep and staying in bed as part of his tasks. If he does them we reward in the morning with a star. Also, we tried letting him sleep on a sleeping bag in the floor of our room. That worked for a little while, and then we tried rewarding with extra time on the computer. He has kind of grown out of it at this point and mostly goes to bed when he is supposed to (we don't hear the lonely excuse) or we discuss how he is supposed to sleep in his room at home but when camping or on vacations where we have to share it is different. Not sure if this helps but good luck.