Not Really a Question Just Need to Vent

Perhaps it's time to have the dogs put down. Sounds like their quality of life and yours are rapidly declining.

I think this comes down to who is making the treatment decisions. If you chose the current course without consulting him he is having a normal reaction.

My husband makes it clear my cat is my cat but if I ask him to do 'me' a favor he will usually do it. Pretty sure if I went against his wishes that would be out the door though. I have trouble holding human responses against people, I may not like them but I am okay with them.

Just sounds to me like he is having a human response, perhaps change your approach if you need help.

Have you asked your husband why he doesn't want to help? Maybe he feels that putting the dogs down would be a better solution. I know that is how I would feel in that situation and I would resent it if my husband put time and money into keeping them alive (possibly suffering), and then expected me to participate.

Maria:

I am sorry your dogs are sick. That really sucks. As much as I love my dog - I don't know just how much money I would expend to make him better. I know I would do what I could to make him comfortable, but if the doctor says it's bad, I will have to make the hard decision....

Is it possible that your husband is trying to detach himself from the dogs? That's why he doesn't want to help?

I know there are people who HATE to be woken up - doesn't matter if they are a parent to a dog or a child. So that would end up in a yelling match.

When you are both up and operational (having morning coffee and breakfast) talk WITH him - not TO him about what you need and expect from him.

Ask him why he seems to give you nothing when you ask for help - don't tell him "you are a pain in my rear..." don't start out the conversation with "YOU" statements. Start them with "I" NEED, "I" FEEL, "I" WANT...

You guys need to communicate with each other. I can't imagine the stress of what you are going through. Both my dogs that had cancer, were put down....and yes, that's after expending thousands trying to save them....yes, they were older - but still - it's a VERY hard decision to make.

Prayers to you and your puppy dogs.
Prayers to you to help you communicate with your husband!

Some people shut down when they realize a an animal is dying. Maybe his thoughts and feelings about your time, effort and the money you are spending are not what you may want to hear?

What is your goal for your dogs? Is this a cancer that can be "cured" or is this just giving them time to die? To keep them from having pain until they die?

Animals are not like humans. Their instinct tells them what they need to do when their health is not well. They quit eating.

Our first cat was an independent cat. She loved to be pampered, but she let us know when she was not in a good mood. Very meticulous about the care of herself.

When we found out she had cancer, and then a tumor in one of her back legs. The Vet told my husband, She was going to die. But she "could prolong our cats life, by amputating that hind leg."

I told my husband, "our cat is too vain to be able to handle that.."

The cost was also way too much for us. But I told him it would be his choice. Mine would be to maybe bring her home for a day or 2 with pain meds to tell her goodbye, and then have her put down, she was suffering. But my choice would be to tell her good bye and then let her be put to sleep.

My husband decided on the surgery. Our cat survived the surgery, but died that night.

The Vet called me when she could not get a hold of my husband. She told me our cat had died. I told her "it was probably for the best." The Vet told me, "I figured he loved the cat more than you loved her."

I told her,"no actually, I loved the cat so much, I had not wanted her to suffer for so long and to be put through a surgery, she was not going to understand and would be traumatized by the results. " I knew our cat was way too vain to go without a hind leg, that was just not her personality."

The vet agreed to let us pay just the cost of the surgery.

It took many, many years for my husband to work through this. I told him, he did his best and did not harm the cat, but with his tender heart he really felt bad. He learned a valuable lesson, it is not about what WE need, it is what is best for the animal. Their minds are instinctual.

Keep in mind. YOU are the one that wants to care for the dogs. If your husband did not agree, then he should not have to participate in this. It could be this is just too much for him, when he knows the dogs are not really benefiting from all of this and he feels this is just prolonging their suffering.

My dad is a vet. His thoughts on sick animals- make a list of the things that make your dogs' life good. Things like going for walks, playing fetch, eating treats. As those things go away, you will know when it is time to let them go.
I am so sorry you are going through this, I know how heartbreaking it is and it is so much harder without support from your spouse. Maybe he is hurting too and doesn't know how to deal with the coming loss?

There are a lot of missing factors to your vent. How old are the dogs? What kind of cancer do they have? What is their prognosis? Once we know more, we might be able to give a little advice and/or support.

I am so sorry your pet has cancer and you're going through this.
You are a saint to help your pet.
Try to look at it this way, you are doing this for your pet. You (and yes
you alone) are trying to make your dog feel comfortable.
It's worth it.
In my house, I am the sole one that takes care of the pets. I do everything!!!! But I am the pet lover so I don't mind. This way I know they get better care.
Don't ask him for help. Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear but
most men aren't the ones that take care of the pets. I would just do
what you are doing out of love for your animal.
Make your dog feel as comfortable as possible. Give him the love he
deserves. It does not go unnoticed in the grand scheme of life.
Can your husb help w/other things around the house?
Taking the laundry to the rooms?
Put the groceries away?
If I were you, I would not ask him for any help w/the dog. Just continue
to take care of your dog like you are doing (meds, love, attention, taking
them out at night).
Know he's not going to help, stop asking and find other ways to get rest,
get him to help w/something else (picking something up, getting the
kids dressed once in awhile etc.).
Know you are not alone and hang in there! Sending hugs & best wishes!

i'm so sorry. what a hard thing.
my mind immediately went to my brother and SIL when i read this. they just lost their beloved 13 year old wire-haired terrier. he was my SIL's entire world, and we're still keeping a nervous eye on her. she has indicated she might not go on without him.
they spent THOUSANDS trying to keep that old dog alive. the midnight trips with that big dog in their arms to get him outside in time. wheeled back-leg cart when his old back couldn't support his back legs any more. invasive medical treatments. reiki. begging him not to die. he stuck around years longer than he should have, all because he loved her and hated to leave her.
but he had to. my brother finally had to stand up and tell her he could no longer participate in torturing that sweet old dog. they finally decided to take him for a final swim, to let his useless old legs float along, to give him a thumping good meal of all his favorite things, and to let him go.
is your husband in that boat? i know there was so much tension between this nice couple, because my brother could see the end, and his wife could not.
this may not be your situation. i do hope you are prepared to let them go when it's time, and that your husband will be there for you.
{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}
khairete
S.

I am so sorry to hear about your dogs :(

It is so devasting to see a part of your family sick, especially with cancer. I'm also sad to hear that he is not being more supportive. I hope you can talk to him and explain how much his help would mean to you. Bad enough you have to lose your pets but to have him be so unsupportive just plain sux!!

Good luck!