Not Listening - Killeen,TX

Hi E.,

my 3yr old was the same way, still tries to get away w/ things at times.

ok, first, you have to give him instruction, make him reapeat what said if necessary and tell him, "ok, you have to be obediant and listen to mommy and if you do not you will get consequence and if he disobeys then punish him w/ time out or whatever method you use. but tell him he will go in time out if he does not listen because he HAS to be obediant and then MAKE HIM listen

L.

Whatever he's playing with, remove it and keep it removed until he responds to you. If he cries and puts up a fight, then set him in a chair (alone but where you can see him) until he calms down and listens. As long as he can get away with ignoring you, he will, and as he gets older he'll show disrespect in other ways. Nip it in the bud now, while he is little. He needs to learn early who the boss is.

my girls are 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 and they are the same way, i think it's perfectly normal =) i just tell them "look at me" and wait until they have stopped what they are doing (sometimes i need to tell them to stop and look at me), then i say what i want them to hear, then have them say "yes mama" (which i still have to remind them of), then if it's something important i really want to sink in, after i'm done i say "what did i just say?" and have them repeat it back to me so i know they understand what i said. that way, if what i said was too confusing, i can simplify it for them and have them repeat the simpler version back to me

My daughter is the same way.She is a high sprited child. I am giving her choices. Example. If you want to walk in the store you need to put and leave your shoes on.If not you are in the basket.Period. She makes the choice I tell her good choice if she choices then when she choices bad we still stick with it but we talk about it.Shortly.3 minutes or less.Remind him that was what he choice. He will eventually catch on to I need to listen to mom.

Also there is a book Setting Limits with your strong willed child by Robert J MacKenzie EDD.Great book to go along with this.

Good luck S.

I thought this was a genetic trait that my four children inherited..from their DAD of course, LOL!
Seriously, I have seen this at times with all four of my children. For starters, make sure that there are no hearing issues... Then, what I do is literally get down (physically) on my child's level..almost nose to nose..to assure eye contact...then talk to them. It needs to be very deliberate (but kind). My kids will get so involved in an activity that they will not even be aware that someone is calling them. There is no malicious intent.... This technique has saved me from shouting and feeling frustrated. Good luck, and hang in there.

Spanking will get his attention. He is caught up with what he is doing. But, once you've broken that eye contact, then he is just ignoring you. He has to be taught that is not acceptable. You need to punish him when he doesn't respond. I usually start counting to 3, as we do in my family. My kids respond right away when they hear that, even when they didn't hear what I had said. They immediately get up and tell me that they didn't hear me, if that's the case. I repeat it and they get to it. But, 9 times out of 10, they just get up and do it or answer me, which means that they HEARD me loud and clear and were just ignoring me.

I completely feel your pain. I have a 4.5 year old and I have to repeat constantly. I am trying something that I read on this site about a chart and getting stars for doing things and that includes listening, paying attention at pre-K, going to bed on time, etc. We have only been doing it for a week but so far it has really helped. I told him that he will get these stars but for everytime he doesn't listen or do as told, I get to take two away.

At the end of the month, if he has X amount of stars we go to his favorite place Incredible Pizza. He is so excited about it and so far so good. Hope this helps

E.,
I know what you're going through. My child is one-tracked as well at times when it comes to listening. I have to go over and turn the t.v. off or count to three. I'm hoping it's just a phase he's going through because kids have so many things they are learning and adjusting to and sometimes it can be hard to categorize everything.
I'm also a parent of an only child like you and would love to find parents with only one child for the same reason you are. Feel free to stay in touch.

-Jen

It might be Autism.Have his hearing checked first and Check out some of the Autism sites for more info.There is a ton of it out there. If it is autism he will need ABA Therapy as soon as you can get it started. Good luck:o)

Just a thought--it may be a combination of things that he as a little person dealing with--ie divorce, missing Dad, and moving??

Praying for you---

I am so glad things are improving for you! I had the same problem with my daughter (Who is actually autistic) and it was so frustrating. For her, I eliminated gluten from her diet and within a couple of months she was MUCH better. Caesin (found in milk) can also cause attention problems for some kids.

Anyway, keep up the good work and if you have problems again do have his hearing checked (even if he can hear you sometimes the brain doesn't interpret signals correctly and it's so much work to figure out what is being said that it's easier to ignore mom!) You can also look into food sensitivities such as food coloring, wheat/gluten and milk/caesin.

S., mom to 5

My 8 year old son is just like that and has been his whole life! My son has very intense concentration on things that are interesting and says he doesn't mean to ignore but that he really didn't hear me. Now after years of yelling at him for not listening, I talk to him when he is not in deep thought. It was always hard because I thought of his behavior as complete disrespect, but now believe that it will have a great purpose for his future. Breaking the eye contact and talking when he's not in the middle of an activity helps alot.

I'm sure a couple of moms have said it already, but you may want to have his ears checked. I took my son in for his follow-up to an ear infection and discussed with his pedi that I thought he was not just ignoring us, but really not hearing. Besides feeling like he was ignoring us, he always has the radio/tv loud and when we turn it down, he says he can't hear it. Turns out he actually has fluid on his ears that didn't clear with the antibiotics. I'm taking him to an ENT tomorrow to get it checked out further.

I'm not saying your son has the same issues, but if you think his "not listening" seems excessive, it doesn't hurt to get it checked out.

Hi E.

Its funny cause I had actually been thinking of how I also have to repeat myself several times and even raise my voice to get my 4 year old attention. Just like you said they are so focused that they completely ignore us. My husband thinks its no big deal, so now that I hear you have the same issue, maybe it is a bit normal. So maybe you should give him some time, but if it really concerns you talk to your doctor about it.
I also would like to find some playmates for my two boys, so I'm open to getting together. I have a 2 and 4 year old and we moved to san antonio about year and half ago, being prior military has made it quite difficult getting used to civilian life, the hardest is making friends. So drop me a message if you would like to meet up sometime. Good luck with your son. N.

Totally normal:) My 3 year old is doing the same thing. Hang in there....we'll all get through it.

For both of you there are free play groups here offered by some of the churches. This would be a great way to have your child play with others and for you to meet others also. Give it a try. Good luck. Ps have you had your childs hearing checked there might also be a problem would not hurt to check this out also.

"HI", E.. Have you had your son's hearing checked. My husband and I were yelling at our son, when he was younger. He had fluid backed up in his ears. He's had 4 sets of ear tubes put in. His last set was in February of last year. We're hoping that he won't need any more. That might be the problem.

Where do you live? I live in San Antonio. I have 2 small businesses, and I was wondering if you would like to find out more about what I do. Maybe you can help me get some leads. I've posted my businesses on Mamasource.

Take care and Good Luck.

Rosie

Hi E.,
The best result I got was to place my hand on the child, have him look at me, then repeat back to me what I said. Make your sentence short and to the point. A teacher told me that having physical contact seemed to be a primary key. Talking to the back of his head or across the room is useless. I also specified that he look at my face, not my leg or in my general direction. You must already know that "How many times do I have to tell you?" "Are you listening?" "Do you hear me?" are all useless.
HTH. Peace, C.
ps. When my son was young and wouldn't follow direction, I often put my hand on the back of his head to keep him moving toward the goal. He would say, "Stop driving me!"lol

Hi E., unfortunalety, this is pretty common of the age. It's all about being in control. The best thing you are doing is making him break eye contact with what ever he is doing and look at you.
Where in Texas are you located? I am in El Paso and have a 19 month old. If you are here, maybe we could meet and let the kids play( somewhat) I don't have a lot of friends here, so a new one would be nice.

L.

Hi E., I agree that children do tend to ignore when they are so focused on things. However you might want to put your mind at ease by having your son's hearing checked. At least you can rule out any hearing problems. Perhaps have your pediatrician order developmental testing to make sure your son is reaching all of his milestones. Again just to put your mind at ease. I hope you are not offended by these suggestions and know that I only suggest them because I come from a place of profound experience with my son. This is not to say your son has any issues whatsoever but by following through with testing and ruling out any problems you can put your mommy heart at ease.

My 4 year old daughter is the same way. She is definitely a spirited child. I use a trick I learned from her day care teachers. If she doesn't respond the first time or I know that I don't have her attention I tell her to please put on her listening ears. She reaches up and pretends to put and turn on headphones. Once I am finished I thank her for her attention and ask her what I said. It works about 95% of the time.

Have him look at you when you are talking. THEN make him REPEAT what you just said to him. Have him explain to you what you meant. Usually my kids would say "yes maam" then go back to whatever and when pressed, they could not tell me what I had just told them. Sometimes I say "In your own words, what do I need you to do?" Or "Now, tell me what it is you are supposed to do." That way you can clear up any questions right away (avoiding the "I didn't do it because I didn't understand what I was supposed to do." excuse). He may be three but he can get this as long as you are not asking for too broad of a project to be completed. "Clean up your room." is too vague. "Put your toys in the basket." is specific. "There should be nothing on your floor except furniture." is another fave of mine. And by the time he gets to be ten or twelve-he may actually listen and respond like you want him to.....it's an ongoing thing. :-) Good luck!