Janice's response brought up a wonderful point about how we all are proud of our children and want to feel good about how we do things, and that her motivation may not be about bragging, but really about insecurity.
There is no way to know where her comments come from without asking her. To assume you know her motivation means you will have a reaction to her comments based on what you think you know, and it may not be so. When I would learn something new-like the connection to sugar and a depressed immune system, I told all my friends and parents of my dau's friends. That didn't mean I thought I was bragging that I'd discovered this, or that I expected anyone else to use the information in the same way that I did. I just knew that I wished someone had told ME stuff before I faced it...like when my toddler got sick from the heat one year after we'd been faithfully keeping her cool in a shady pool and making sure she stayed hydrated by having her drink lots of water. AFTER she gets sick someone tells me she needed salt and that they give kids salt tablets at camp in hot weather. Nobody told me that before!
I know there were times when parents acted annoyed or flat out told me they thought I was 'bragging' about being a vegetarian or birthing at home or any one of a number of things I might have done differently than they did, when really all that happened was I was taking care of my own child's needs or it came up in the conversations that mothers have. But because I did something different, another mother assumed I thought the way she did something was wrong. I never did. Like Janice said, we all do things differently, and for our own reasons.
Make no mistake, I realize there are women who do like to feel 'better than' and we can't know if this woman is one of those. I have a friend who frankly told me the other day she feels completely justified in feeling righteous and 'better than' mothers who have made certain different choices than her and it made me cringe. I didn't argue with her because I know that her judgmental attitude comes from a place of defensiveness about other choices she's made that she knew in her heart were not best in retrospect. If I didn't know her and know where this came from, I would see it differently.
And there is one other variable. Sometimes we feel uncomfortable when people mirror something about us we don't like about ourselves, or when we feel uncomfortable about a choice we've made that they remind us of. Since I've learned this, I look at annoying interactions in an entirely different way. I always ask myself if this person gets on my nerves because they are reflecting back to me something I don't like about myself, or am I annoyed because I wish I'd done something differently? If I am really confident about what I've done, I find that I don't even notice comments about how anyone else does something. I just know I did the best with what I knew and when I knew better I did better, and I don't hook into an emotional reaction.
Either way, it's not about you. Another person's drama is always about THEM, even if they seem to be directing something at you. So if you just don't take it personally, it should bother you less. The Four Agreements is a great little book with fab advice on how to avoid conflict. It's a quick read and it's made a huge difference in how I see the actions of others. Sometimes just stepping outside of myself and trying to see the situation from a different vantage point makes like really interesting!
Good luck with your next meeting!
K. Wildner
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www.kimwildner.com