My 3 3/4 year old son was born two months premature and has always been a little behind. He started preschool at 3 years 4 months and I wanted him in the 3-4 yo class After a few days the director said he was way behind the other kids and we switched him to the 2-3 yo class.
When we had parent conferences, they told us that he had a lot of issues and we should look in to getting him evaluated. They said that he does not talk to the adults and looks down when they speak to him, but he is very social with the other children. My mother noticed at the Christmas party that he seemed to be afraid of the director and did look away when she spoke. But with adults he knows, he will look them in the eye to ask or answer questions. They also said that he seems sensitive to loud noises, is very tactile, and likes to line up toys when he plays with them. As a kid, I was very shy, I always had to touch everything in a store, and my favorite thing was to line up my little people. I am still sensitive to sound. Today, I am a science teacher. They did say, though, that he is the most active participant in circle time.
At home, he has an excellent imagination and is always making up elaborate stories of great adventures. He can play well by himself, but is also good playing with others. He is extremely social and always talks about his friends at school. When he lines up toys, it is usually because they are going to race or have a parade.
My husband who has a Masters degree in special education and a brother with severe autism did not make the conference, but was very upset at the fact they were trying to say he was autistic without actually coming out and saying it. He doesn't see any of the signs, but he works with more severe cases. Because of his connections, he is trying to set up an unofficial evaluation by one of his colleagues who evaluates preschoolers for special education. I figured it couldn't hurt getting him checked out.
I don't think the issues that the preschool brought up merit an autistic diagnosis, but I have other concerns. At 2 1/2 my husband and I went back to work (we are both teachers) after spending the entire summer home with him. At that time he was an only child. He threw horrible tantrums on a daily basis for about three weeks. He had a lot of difficulty with change. Anything from leaving a location to changing his clothes or diapers could cause a tantrum. Skip forward to the present. Now he is having transition problems again. He is whining a lot and very irrational when he has to do something he does not want to do. It doesn't seem like he is trying to be defiant, he is just truly and deeply upset. It is like the type of meltdown you get from an extremely tired kid, but more intense and every day. It never lasts more than 15-30 minutes, though. I don't know if his schedule was thrown off too much by winter break, if it is just a 3 yo phase of pushing the limits, him being a little spoiled from having grandparents watch him while we are at work the first 3 year of his life, him being overly tired, or if it is a real problem.
Each item can be easily explained away, but when you combine them, it seems like too much. I don't know if I am over reacting or not reacting enough. Please let me know if you had a child with similar issues. Was it just a phase or did he/she have a real diagnosis?
Edit:
We call him our huggy bear because he loves to hug and kiss. He always wants to snuggle up with us when watching a movie or reading a book.
He actually plays with other kids, not just parallel play. He will come up with a scenario, assign characters to different people, and have the characters interact. The last play date we had at our house, he got very upset and had a minor meltdown because his friend did not want to play the way he wanted to play. But he is usually alone with his own toys and used to playing how he wants. Last night we were at a friend’s house and he played wonderfully with a bossy 4 year old girl. He had no problem playing what she wanted to play at her house.
I work so I don't get to see him at preschool, but I do take him to a gym class for 3-5 yo. To me, he seems more mature than many of the other kids and follows direction very well. If other kids are goofing around, though, he will sometimes join in with them.
So my son loved to line up all his cars by 3's, so? He also didn't like loud noises, turns out ears were full of water and needed tubes and after tubes came out he was sensitive to loud sounds because he never "heard" them before(check his hearing). He was held back in kinder as he was immature for his age. He has seperation anxiety disorder. He is social can totally play on his own, but if doesn't like or know and adult(in authority) only, he wouldn't look at them. He also at your sons age was super shy. Cut to the present he is 8. Perfectly happy, social, eye conatct, still hates loud noises and he is a typical child, no autism, no other issues from school. Since you have an inside, yea get him tested to relieve your anxiety, but just sounds like a typical little boy to me. IMO
3 moms found this helpful
Report This
S.H.
answers from
Honolulu
on
Your child was born premature... it can take time, for a child to catch up.
They are not necessarily, at their numeric age.
So keep this in mind.
It can sometimes take years... for a premature child to catch up, per their numeric age.
Google Search it "how long does it take for a premature baby to catch up" developmentally.
For a kid that age, he does not seem unusual to me.
And maybe he is just a little shy. That is not bad. My daughter... was the type to take time to warm up to people.... she went by HER cues.
all the best,
Susan
1 mom found this helpful
Report This
J.B.
answers from
Louisville
on
Yes, I have a son with Asperger's autism, who was diagnosed when he was entering the 4th grade. Looking back, there were a lot of signs, like the things you describe, but we and others missed them. If your son has autism or anything similar, the earlier the interventions, the better. When you say he plays well with other children, is it parallel play, or is it playing in the same room, but not necessarily doing the same things? How does he react if someone changes the line-up of the parade of toys? Meltdown, or can accept it?
I would encourage you to have him evaluated as so many things can look like autism. And if he does have it, take a deep breath and realize it is not the end of the world. He can have a great life, and will need extra help with learning certain things that come naturally to the neuro-typical kids. But he will do it! And with the kind of family support he has, he is already ahead of the curve.
1 mom found this helpful
Report This
B.S.
answers from
Saginaw
on
I have an extremely shy child. I actually think she is a "highly sensitive child" according to Elaine Aron's book. Anyway, she is in her second year of school and the first year was terrible. She cried the whole first week every time I left. The first month she wouldn't even color a picture, they had to hold the crayon for her. It took two months before she would even really participate. But every day got gradually better. She is in Kindergarten now and her teacher said she is a perfect student. She listens well, participates and has many friends. When I told her that my daughter is not fond of school, she simply was shocked as she never got that feeling from her. My daughter also has problems with transition and sometimes loud noises. But while at school she doesn't seem to exhibit these issues, or at least I've never been told they are issues.
My daughter is extremely shy. However, a very bright, happy, caring, lovable, sensitive but shy child. When in her element around people she loves and cares for, none of the shy behavior shines through. She however is cooperating in school and showing no problems. She was also watched by grandparents before entering school. What I am getting at is, kids are very adaptable. It sounds as your son is still not adapting...which has caused concern from his teacher.
I think its wise you get an opinion from someone else not related as you have stated. If that person says, I don't think you should worry, then just assume its probably just that director that is either having the problems or your son having problems with the director. And then look into other options for schooling.
1 mom found this helpful
Report This
H.J.
answers from
Spokane
on
Two of my cousins have sensory issues but dont have tantrums. They were both diagnosed around 5 years old. It was really just them not wanting to be hugged and having issues with loud noises and some other minor things. And my husbands cousin has a horrible case of autism which doesnt sound like your son at all.
Have you tried seeing like a children's therapist?
there may be some things that can teach you to deal with the tantrums.
Report This
D.K.
answers from
Pittsburgh
on
If you are worried, have him evaluated. But nothing you are saying sounds necessarily abnormal. DS liked to line up his stuffed animals and cars for parades and school. He was 'shy' with new adults at that age. Now at 5, he will walk right up to them, shake hands and introduce himself. He doesn't like loud noises - with the major exception of those he makes himself (I don't like loud noises either). Maybe he does need more sleep - you are right being overtired absolutely makes everything harder.
Report This
J.D.
answers from
Los Angeles
on
Go to http://www.talkaboutcuringautism.org//learning/inclusion_... and just look around. You need an evaluation and the school is not to evaluate or give a diagnosis. They can get in trouble for that. TACA will be very helpful with you, on the phone, through email, online, so talk with them.
