Normal Creature of Habit or Possible OCD?

Nope, doesn't sound typical at all.
Sounds like a three year old running a household, and two (I am assuming?) fully functional adults.
Good luck to you ALL, glad I'm not a part of THAT scenario.

Some normal. However, father can't come down because she did not have her milk. I don't think so. She does not run the show. That would end now.

A lot of it sounds like typical 3-year-old behavior - they like order and routines and knowing what to expect. However, like others have said, you need to start teaching her that she is not in charge and she does not run the household. AND if she wants something moved or taken away, she needs to do it herself, or ask you nicely to take care of it for her. At that age, if our daughter had expected us to stay upstairs until she was done with her milk, we would have told her no way, Daddy can come downstairs anytime he wants. And if she threw a fit about it, she would have been put in time-out for it. Based on some of your other posts, it sounds like you are letting your child have too much control, instead of being the parents that every child needs.

" Don't let kids be in the driver's seat - they make lousy drivers."

She may or may not, but she has control over her surroundings. Let her know that she can move her things if they are not where she wants them. And she will have to drink her milk regardless of who is there. If you continue to let her run the house at 3, you're going to be completely screwed when she's a teen.

Next time she calls you back to remove a sippy cup, tell her she has to move it. Same with the toy. If it bothers her that much, she can move it herself. If your husband comes downstairs while she is drinking her milk, he needs to tell her that she doesn't run the house and that she can drink her milk while he is there, or she can choose not to drink it, but that he is staying downstairs.

You're giving her way too much control in your home. It's only going to get worse if you don't set limits now. If something bothers her that much, she needs to take care of it herself or learn how to deal with it.

3 year olds ARE typically trying to make sense of their worlds by preferring routines and familiarity.
3 year olds are not mature enough to be in charge of the family.
you and your husband need to quit being so docilely submissive to your toddler's demands.
if she's supposed to be lying down, i would accede to a REQUEST (please take the cup, mommy) to remove the sippy cup. model and expect courtesy.
if a toy is not where she wants it, she can move it.
under no circumstances does she get to tell adults when they can move about the house, or demand that her parents yield to her eating preferences. even if she asks politely. this is not reasonable and should not catered to.
she's only 3. treat her like a 3 year old.
khairete
S.

Your child controls her dad? That is more of a concern than the possibility of OCD.

Doesn't sound OCD, just sounds like she pays a LOT of attention to detail and can't stand it if things aren't the way she's used to.

I agree, if something isn't the way she likes it then give her the control to fix it. She can remove toys or put away sippy cups.

Most young kids are sticklers about routines. I've substitute taught in classrooms and the kids get SO UPSET if things aren't a certain way! One group of kids made me sit on the teacher's desk a certain way because that's the way their teacher did it. They will let you know they they get a drink of water AFTER they go to the bathroom, not before. Etc.

Some things she can change. Others she can deal with. I agree, if your husband comes down before she has her milk, she's just going to have to deal with it. If she has a crying fit, so be it. Some things she can change, but the whole world isn't going to cater to her and she's at the age where she needs to learn that.

A little too control-pushy, I think, mama...

I would not comply with her to go back upstairs. She needs to learn that she doesn't get to "place people" like this. If she wants the sippy cup or toy moved, she should move it herself and you should tell her to move it herself.

Letting a child tell you what to do like this is setting your household up for some major drama later. You do NOT want to allow her to do this. Changing the dynamics now may actually help her stop being SO ritualistic quicker.

If it continues into school, then you know you have a child with OCD.

For some things it's ok.
Like needing the bedtime routine to be exactly the same all the time.
My son wanted to hear his favorite story every single night - which was ok - but we compromised by reading 2 stories and the other one had to be a new/different story - and eventually he moved on to a new favorite story.

For the going upstairs until her milk is finished - some days you've just got to roll as is no matter how fast or slow she is with her milk drinking.
You need to figure out which situations are ok for her to have some control over and which situations are not ok.

3 yr olds have tantrums - it's true for every 3 yr old - there are no exceptions.
Don't fear tantrums - some are inevitable.
You can manage them to a degree as far as outings are concerned by making sure she's well rested and fed.
But as far as control issues regarding the coming and going of family members on their way to work - if she's going to lose it over Dad coming down before her milk is finished then LET HER MELT DOWN and eventually tell her she can pitch a fit in her room and come out when she's finished.
There are things I want that I can't have - (I'd like to win a really big lottery and retire but I don't see that happening when ever I'd like it to happen) everyone has them - we've learned to deal with it and we start learning about it at 3 yrs old.

Your 3 yr old does not have a problem. You have a problem.
You need to make it her problem but H has a problem doing that.
If she eats new things and transitions well, she is ahead of the game.
She has way too much power. I fear your feelings of disconnect are going to get worse as she gains even more power over your life. Stop it now.

My son was recently diagnosed with OCD, he's 7. OCD can be like another poster said about door locking, my son checks our door 7 times before we leave the house, if he mis counts he starts over. But it can also be certain things that have to be a certain way. Like I can't tuck him in at night because his blankets have to be just right. Fully covering his bed with no sheet showing. My husband worked late the other night so I had to tuck him in and well he spent a good hour screaming because his blankets weren't right. I don't think your daughter is OCD, stop giving in to her and see if the behavior changes.

ES, I don't think it is OCD. Here is what I would do. First, I would get the book 1-2-3 Magic. It is a great book and I have been really impressed with how it says to handle whining and tantrums. I sure wish I had read this when my kids were younger (my youngest is 5). It is a really simple system and I think it will help you enormously when your daughter insists on things always being her way.
I would stop agreeing to every request/demand. Get your husband on board with this. I am assuming she is an only child, otherwise I think your husband would probably no longer think,"aw that's cute" and walk back upstairs. I would consider whether 1- her request is reasonable and 2-whether she can do it herself. Doesn't want a toy left in the room? Sure, honey, you go ahead and pick that up yourself and put it in the toy box!
Listen, I am not trying to be mean. I was THE kid who had control of the household. Everyone walked on eggshells because if you set me off, I was a real turd. I was great at punishing everyone with my sour mood. I was very aware of this power and even now I think someone really ought to have let me have it (by let me have it, I mean tell me "you are not in charge" and then stopping letting me have control! I was so rarely punished as a kid.)
I suggest you try these things and see if she changes. As time goes by, you can talk to your ped about OCD if she exhibits further behaviors. I am no expert, but I am fairly sure I had OCD and it included behaviors like having to walk an odd amount of steps to the bathroom and if I landed on the wrong foot, having to start over, having to flip the light switch and odd # of times and check under the bed 3 times in a proper sequence, things like that. You can watch for things like that and then talk to your ped about your concerns. Good luck!

I don't think it's OCD. I think your daughter is enjoying running your household.

3 is all about having control. Totally normal. Each 3 year old will express this need differently. I would think its a problem if is impacts transitions.

I agree with B, let her tantrum. This stage passes at by their bday.

Thats not OCD.OCD is when you have to lock the door a million times or something.If she still had this behavior as an older child then get her some help.

I don't think she's OCD. Sounds like she just likes routines.

My son is like that. Cup of water in the kitchen, nightlight in the hall,
socks by his bed in case his feet gets cold etc. Everything else is fine.

That is a little alarming...but not overly so. It isn't typical, but not so out of the ordinary that I would make a special appointment with the doc. But, I would mention it to your pediatrician when you go next. Or, if you want to, give a call and see what the doc says. No, its not normal, but its not super abnormal either.

I don't think that sounds too abnormal for that age. My 4 year old is much worse, so I am actually concerned about him. When I talked to his pediatrician about it (and struggled to remember helpful examples) she was not too concerned but did give me a reference. She said it's not that unusual for kids that age to have those kinds of quirks because they are struggling with independence and routines and the need for some control in their lives.

Have you already tried any of the suggestions you've received: talking to her about it, asking her to move the cup herself or reminding her that Daddy can't always wait until she finishes her milk? If you have and they haven't worked, I feel your pain. I feel like I've tried things like that with my son, and it's all been in vain. I keep trying, and my parents and SIL tell me that I have the patience of the saint with him (as if I have a choice).

This really is normal, to an extent. What you kind of have to do is make a list of the things you notice, the things you've tried when you're trying to help her work through it and grow out of it and anything else you can think of. Don't worry for now and just keep working with her. But making a list will help you to be more helpful when and if you talk to her pediatrician about it.

Good luck!!!