Nonstop

I also have an only and had to force her to learn independent play by showing her an example of it. Instead of engaging her, I'd sit next to her and quietly build something with duplo blocks or stack things, or whatever. Then when I was done I would get up to go do something and if she'd follow me, begging for more time, I'd sit her back near the toys and tell her it was quiet play time and that mommy needed to do X. X being whatever, read an article, fix dinner, clean something, go potty. Whatever.

Done enough times, she eventually learned to sit and play without me. It also helped to have the radio on or something. Now that she's six, she plays by herself and hums or sings songs if I don't put on any music.

I suggest that she's trained you to play with her nonstop. Be sure that she has different toys and other items with which to play and you be busy so that you don't play with her. To start with you may have to get her started but then leave after telling her you're going to do the dishes/laundry, etc. She will whine/cry. Keep talking to her in a soothing voice but do not play with her. She will learn to entertain herself.

Later: I spend the afternoon at my daughters and watched my 18 mos old granddaughter play. She has a couple of bins with toys to include household items that aren't made to be toys. She dumped the bin and chose a couple of toys with which to play. She carried things around the house. She would "check in" with one of us by showing us a toy and then wander off again. I was most surprised when we were at a restaurant for lunch. They had a bin of Legos. Her mother started her playing with them. Yes, we were right there but my granddaughter played with herself. When lunch arrived her mother put a few Legos in the bin and my granddaughter put in the rest by herself. At 18 mos she already knows how to put toys away. lol she didn't put her toys away at home but then neither of us got her started.

Your daughter can and will play with herself if you're consistent in setting her up to play and then do whatever you want to do. It does help to be in the same room and having voice contact. She will come to you to show you things but that doesn't mean you have to play with her.

Later 2: After another afternoon with my daughter and granddaughter I will make a suggestion of how you can involve her in your work. My granddaughter handed her mother clothes out of the hamper as my daughter put them in the washer. She sits on the counter "brushing" her teeth as her mother brushes hers. When my daughter puts on makeup she has some empty containers in a bottom drawer that my granddaughter plays with. While my daughter spiffed up the bathroom she emptied a basket that held bottles by removing them one at a time and set them next to her. Her mom then quickly scooped them up into the basket as they left the bathroom. My granddaughter was busy while her mother was busy doing adult things.

Time to put stuff down in front of her on the floor and then let her at it. You sit at the table and work on your stuff.

"Mommy, play with me!" "Susie, Mommy's working. Tell me about your toys!" and keep doing your paperwork while she babbles on. Interject something ever so often so she sees you as part of the fun. At some point, work in the kitchen and do the same thing.

When she follows you around whining for you to play, put her to work helping you with what you are doing. Holding clothes, carrying, etc. Make a big deal out of it and tell her what a great helper she is.

She will hold you hostage to playing with her if you don't wean her off. Ignore the pleas and whines. "Mommy's working" is what you say. Don't get tough and don't put her in time out for this right now. You have created this problem by giving in to it from the get-go, so you have to wean her off of it without being harsh. But you have to wean, not give in.

You can do this - good luck!
Dawn

She CAN occupy herself, she just doesn't have to because you cave when she gets upset. If you can manage to keep up the constant playing, go for it, but if you want her to last longer without you, you have to stick to your guns, let her get upset, and leave her alone sometimes. Also, at 2 1/2, she is WAY old enough to be disciplined for tantrums -she's no longer in attachment infant stage. She's also old enough to play alone for over 20 minutes while you shower, fix dinner, clean up the kitchen, whatever. My clingiest are my daughters by nature. My first (now 6) needed constant interaction (and I was able to give it when she was the only child) until I drew the line, made her play independently and with others at play dates, etc, and disciplined her at home for fits so that with a warning I could be sure she wouldn't throw fits in public when I told her to play with others for a bit. My third (now 3) was just more demanding by nature, but naturally self-entertained with two older sibs...but I still had to be firm, leave her alone, enforce when I said, "not now" etc. She's the queen of holding me captive and crying if I put her down when carrying her in public (she's no dummy), but I'll say quietly to her, "I am going to put you down now, my arms are tired, you will not cry or throw a fit, got it? here goes." and then I put her down. With the warning, she doesn't try the break down, without it, she squeals the minute I try to set her down.

It's very normal for her to want you ALL the time. But if you can't do it and you want her to be happier on her own, you have to take charge and weather the storm for a bit until she gets it.

Well, how is she going to learn how to play alone if you've never allowed her to learn? You're basically getting worked by a little kid!! It's okay to say no & it's okay for her to be upset. The world will not end. If you continue to give in to this now, you will have many, many battles & a little girl with too much control on your hands, in the future. She now knows that all she has to do is whine & pitch a fit & mommy will get tired of it & give in. She has no boundaries, and they need to be set.

DD had toys all over the house & was allowed to play with them when & where she wanted to. She also started watching TV/movies at that time, in case I needed to get anything done. I tried to have activities on hand that were easy for her to do - Play Dough, puzzles, Duplo blocks, etc. I guess I just never made me being her 24/7 entertainment an option & as a result, we didn't have this issue. She is an only child, too, and she had always been really good at entertaining herself.

I hope you're able to break her relatively easily. Good luck.

By 2.5 years of age, my little ones could do many chores with me. The easiest to teach was sorting laundry. Followed by giving them dusters and play vacuums and they helped me clean. They could tear the lettuce leaves for the salad spinner and they could set the table, because we only used plastic dishes when the kids were small, so that they could set the table. I taped up a hand-made picture on the refrigerator for them follow. I cut out plates, silverware, etc and taped it on a piece of construction paper.

I also played a lot of music so we could dance and sway and hum and they would learn to do that on their own without me.

Having toys on a big play surface is helpful so they can sit down at any time and roll around and push their toys and learn to pretend.

GL!

It appears you are her playmate and don't do anything to stop it. If you continue to spend the entire day with her and play with her all day she depends on you to continue that so just stop doing it.

Tell her repeatedly to go play with her toys. Make her take her toys back in her room over and over. I had to make all the toys that found their way out of the bedroom go into time out. They got lonely for their friend but they learned that toys stay in the bedroom. Once that was figured out they little ones soon followed suit and played in the room for longer periods of time.

I think it's lovely that your daughter wants to be with you all of the time. It does not mean you are raising a spoiled child who will give you trouble later, as some have suggested. It means you are forming a very close bond with your child that will be to your advantage later. I never discouraged my kids from spending all their time with me (except for one daily quiet time - which I will mention later) and now as teens, we simply have no problems that most parents do with teenage rebellion and such. All my friends ask me "What are you doing? Your kids are such good kids!" They really are good kids. They enjoy spending time with us. When they have problems, they always come to us and confide in us. They really don't have any peer dependence issues and are their own people. Sure they have lots of friends. But I feel we have such a great relationship because of all the time I put in when they were younger embracing them, rather than pushing them away. And then as they got older I made sure we continued spending lots of time with them. She WILL learn to play independently eventually. That being said, of course you need time to get things done around the house. So include her in what you are doing. Have her help you do the chores around the house. If you are really needing quiet time start initiating one. I am assuming she has stopped napping since you say you are playing with her all day until your husband gets home. That doesn't mean she can't have quiet time. Put her in her room on her bed with some books. You can even use a CD with soft music or books on CD to listen to. The first day tell her, "We're going to have quiet time. You can look at these books or cuddle your dolls but you need to stay on your bed." Set the timer for 5 minutes. Tell her when the bell rings quiet time will be over. Each day increase the time gradually until you have one hour. This can be your special time to read or just enjoy the quiet. After the bell rings you'll greet her with a smile, telling her how good she was and then you'll play something she wants to play with her. The quiet time will give you the quiet you need and will also teach her to enjoy just being quiet and on her own for a while. Good luck and remember to embrace these years that fly by before you know it. :)

Learning to play by oneself is a learned skill. I expect my kids from birth to spend time alone each day. You need to gradually change her habit of needing you to play, to her being able to play by herself.

My 2.5 year old rarely wants to play with me. He is too busy in his own imagination to include me. He likes to include his sister and a few of their friends, but no mom, because Mom does other things --like play board games, push the swing, read books, etc. His sister is the same way.

I have a few friends whose kids won't play by themselves. They always entertained their kids, so they have never developed the skill of entertaining themselves.

Just gradually tell her to play by herself for a few minutes each day. Set her up with an activity, and then tell her you need to go do laundry. Then come back in a few minutes, check in, and then go do another task by yourself. She will gradually learn that mom can be present and available, without actually always being there.

My son was like that till he was about 3 1/2.
He had some Duplo (large Lego building set) and he wanted me to build with him all the time.
We built all kinds houses and fire stations (for his fire trucks).
I kind of enjoyed it.
They do out grow it eventually.

ES:

My son is five, also an only child, and still has days where he seems to 'need' me *all day*.

You are right, 45 minutes nonstop is a lot. And it is still seemingly not "enough" for them. Let's just acknowledge this right now: you are trying to fill up bottomless pit in some ways.

So time to back up and see what you are needing.
Know that toddlerhood is tough. Know that doing what you need to do is okay. At this age, I gave my son a small amount of playdough, and here's the 'bad mom' part.... When I gave him playdough, I gave him no more than I wanted him to eat. Because he often did. But I really needed him to be busy for that five minutes. So, I'd give him playdough and craft sticks to poke into it, and then I would hope for the best and try to get some dishes done. Luckily, I usually caught him before he got a couple of bites of the stuff in his mouth, but I realized a long time ago that if I wasn't willing to let a little folly happen, I'd burn myself out real quick.

All that to say, do what you need to do. Some kids at this age love a dishpan of water on the floor... if you need to keep your back to her, give her a soapy sponge and a cookie sheet and let her play with that on a towel on the floor.

I don't know if I shared this with you before, but I also had one bluegrass dvd that helped me get dinner made for a few months. My kid watched far more television as a toddler (not a horrid amount) than he has ever watched since. I needed it to keep me sane.

So, do what you must, use the tricks that work, and know that this will pass. I promise. It really does!

I am curious as to what happens when you try to have her play alone. My kids sometimes struggled, but eventually discovered the joys of individual play. We played a lot together, but they also had to accept when I could not be the entertainer. Maybe you need to stick to your guns a bit more?

Honestly, I felt the same way as many of the moms that have already responded. Until I had a kid that WOULD NOT play by herself. It just didn't happen. To her, it was the worst punishment in the world, a fate worse than death. She would rather have a time out than play by herself. I'm not even saying I wanted her to play quietly in her room by herself. She was able to bring toys out by me and play with them, but she wouldn't touch them unless I would play with her. Instead she would follow me around and talk to me and I would have her help me with whatever I was doing. She still won't play by herself often (I can think of two times in the last year - she's eight) but at least she's a great reader so she'll read by herself or play with her little brothers. So at least you know if the tips you've received don't work, it does get easier.