Hello,
My FIL's 1 year of passing is coming up on the 6th of Dec. Anyone have any small/non-religious ideas that my family and I can do to honor him on this tough day? My husband is not very religious at all so the typical in church service is not an option. I also had thrown out to him to have a small "memorial" service of our own w/ a small group of people which he declined. Just wondering what others may have done to honor someone special in their lives.
Thanks much
It will be a nice dinner at one of his dads favorite restaurants. Thanks ladies for your advice and ideas :) and Angela, my FIL was a "comedian" himself so he'd definitely prefer us laughing than crying as well. :)
Jennifer to answer your question, yes he does want to do something he just isn't sure what. He wants to do something his dad would have enjoyed but both my husbaand and his dad are very similar in that they are just easy going, laid back kind of people so not doing anything would make sense but my husband feels there should be something. I don't think he wants a big "to do" w/ a bunch of people, that isn't his style. I do like the dinner and memories type of thing. And also my FIL nor any of my husbands immediate side of the family are religious.
You can make a slideshow or photo album, have friends/family write little memories down and include them. Make it little memorial of the person's life.
Maybe just let him mourn his dad, in his own way, and that might be alone. Maybe he feels that he already did that a year ago and dragging this back up might be more painful. Remember, men are NOT like us....and they don't grieve like us as well. Ask him if he wants to do anything. If not, then let it lie.
If YOU need to do something, then maybe put together a slide show on www.onetruemedia.com and you can send it out, as a gentle memorial....that you can watch alone or share with others, as you see fit.
I am sorry for your loss.
I have had the pain of losing several loved ones, but no greater pain (if that were actually measurable) than the loss of my father. Each year, it has been 7 now, that day is a tough day. None as tough as that first.
Your love for your husband in this time is so touching. The answer to this question is so different for each person. I use my own experience as an example, for me I wanted to talk about my daddy all the time, but for my younger brother the mention of dad was too much to handle.
Just remembering is the best healing salve for the wounded spirit. Do what you can to celebrate on that day. Celebrate that person and memories that are so greatly missed, with no focus on the pain of that day. My favorite times of memorial for my dad have been the times my mom and brothers have sat around telling stories and laughing ourselves to tears over the good times with Dad.
How about dinner? Maybe just you and hubby, or maybe other family members too. Talk about dad, remember and enjoy time with each other as you remember.
On the anniversary of my Dad's passing, my family went out to a Japanese Steakhouse to celebrate his life. We asked for a small room they had there so we could all talk and not have to yell. We told stories, laughed, my mom brought some pictures and a couple of his favorite jokes to tell, he thought he was a comedian :) She brought a copy of the jokes for all of us kids to have. My Dad was such a happy man and hated to see his kids cry or hurt so we honored that and laughed like he would have wanted us to (ok, I'm not going to lie, there were a few tears as we laughed through it). But it was a wonderful night.
I drink a bottle of Killians Irish Red for my grandpa.
My grandma passed Dec 6th too. But 2008 not 09. She was a religious person so we did the religious memorial for her.
I like the restaurant idea though too. That would be something the rest of my family would appreciate. My grandmother tried to get everyone to be a 'good Catholic' in our family... But it didn't turn out the way she'd have liked. I just made sure to honor what SHE would've wanted for her funeral, memorial, and celebration of life. It was about her... Not us.
I love the ideas of the dinners and special treats - my dad's favorite candy was a Payday candy bar (which I always thought was gross, but now Ilike it!). His passing will be 10 years in January. Hard to believe.
This is a somewhat religious suggestion, but can be interpreted in other ways - in the Jewish religion, we light a candle that lasts throughout the day. It can be bought in the Kosher section of the grocery store. We don't always say a prayer, but the candle is just a memory/flame to represent the life of the one we lost. It doesn't have to be religious, it's just a symbol.
Sounds like you have some good responses. Here's something that might help, either now or in the future.
http://www.reflectionsofmarlborough.com/
A woman I met owns this store - despite the name, it's no longer in Marlborough but is now in Bolton - still not too far from you. She has a lot of stained glass lamps for many occasions, including memorials. It's a nice accessory for many rooms, and she writes a verse for the occasion and puts it in a little frame. You can tell her you don't want anything religious but most of her verses aren't that way anyway. She also delivers.
Good luck with your plan.
If there is a place that had special meaning to your FIL -- a restuarant, sports venue, park (I know it is cold outside now so your outdoors may be out of the question) -- that you all can gather at a specific time and just share some fond memories of your FIL and maybe say a few silent words to him? You can also add some meaning to it by releasing a bird (it's tooo cold for butterflies, isn't it?) or maybe doing something to silly like blowing bubbles.
I know that when the 1-year anniversary of my mom's passing approached, all I wanted to do was get as close to nature as possible by taking a hike and spending some time in quiet solitude so that I could feel her presence in nature.
Anyway, I hope this gets your creative juices flowing. I hope your celebration turns out to be all that you and your family need and hope it will be.
Blessings.
What about a family dinner to remember him? Just get together and share your best memories.
OR how about organizing a collection for something in which he strongly believed? Transplant organization? Toys for Tots? ACS?
Also, was your FIL a religious man? If so, I think that should be taken into consideration.
