No Sibling Coming

Updated on May 13, 2008
J.R. asks from Bay City, MI
35 answers

My husband and I always thought that IVF would be an option to have another child, but recently learned due to my medical issues, having another child will most likely harm me tragically.
Besides my own grieving issues I am dealing with, how do I raise a non-selfish single child? I had always heard the phrase "1st child is for you, 2nd child is for the 1st child" My little boy is very needy...can not play by himself, always needs one of us to help pick up toys with him...etc. How can I get him to not be so clinging and selfish. I don't want him to think he's the center of attention now and continue on with this additude until he's 45.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks

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M.W.

answers from Detroit on

I'm also a mother of a 5 yr. old girl who is an only child, and I can definetly sympathize with you. What I try to do every Friday is playdates. I have been doing this faithfully for the last 3 years and it seems to help some. I've also gone the IVF merry go round, and unfortunately the frozen embryos didn't take for the 2nd sibling. Good luck.

M.

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M.B.

answers from Detroit on

hi jodi,
this is from a 50 year old parent who has raised four children - the youngest is now 17. i don't want you to think this is some platitude from a remorseful parent but the truth is you will not spoil your son with too much affection, love and attention. the time will come all too soon when he will begin exploring his indendence and begin moving away. what he will need to make this a healthy transition (especially in a crazy world) is the confidence that comes from these early years of unconditional and unwavering love that values being with him and loving him for who he is and not what he does or what he can be. love these moments - you will not regret the investment.

1 mom found this helpful
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N.O.

answers from Detroit on

I have a girlfriend who has an only child who is 12 now. She was so worried about the same issue as you. What she does, I think is just wonderful to help him become and level headed kid who is not selfish (for the most part, I dont know a 12 yr old that isn't selfish to some extent)

He knows now that all his old clothes, toys, bikes, anything that he has grown out of or doesn't use anymore goes to a shelter were their is children who dont have much. She has done this since about your childs age (5) and she said that it has given him a new understanding of how fortunate he is to have all his things.

Every couple of years they help out through their church for thanksgiving feeding the homeless and she makes him volunteer. Yes they do this on thanksgiving night, when they probably could be home with their extended family, but they make their thanksgiving a different night. She said he loves doing this and makes him feel so good.

She has him in sports were's he's made good friends which she's hoping will be life long. And she said that when he was little, just gave him as many playdates as she could.

On another note, have you ever thought of adoption?

Good luck!!

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C.M.

answers from Detroit on

Have you considered adoption or even fostering some needy children? Your son should be learning about sharing, self -centeredness and picking up after himself anyway, from you. He is not going to learn that from a sibling.

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N.A.

answers from Lansing on

I am so sorry for your sorry for your situation. I am sure you are grieving right now but later down the road you might want to consider adoption.

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S.R.

answers from Detroit on

If you want another child you still have options - adopt, use a surrogate.
As for having an only child, why not focus on the positive aspects of having an only child? Not all only children are self centered - it depends on the parenting and how the parents respond to and cultivate the child's disposition. I'm sure there are books out there about parenting only children.

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A.H.

answers from Detroit on

Hi Jodi
My daughter is 5, and often want Daddy or I to play with her too. I've discovered she mostly doesn't want o be alone. We do so much together, cooking, school work, reading, playing, sewing. I tell her she needs to do magical play by herself. The worlds kids create on there own is amazing. I moved her doll house into the computer/sewing room so it's not isolated in her room. She loves it, and plays independently so much more now. I do help her pick up some, but not all or I get the toy for x days. We talk through the selfish things. And I think they'll grow out of the cling thing. I try to get her playing with lots of other kids. Some of her favorite friends are older than she is. And I see her looking confident acting on her own. She still checks in to see if stuff is ok, Mom can I have there gum? And I give her home work. Like we saw tadpoles in a pond. Went home looked up there info. Went back and collected them. Next I'll print out a life cycle for her to color. My husband and I back each other up; you can't talk to mama like that, or I get to spend time w/ Daddy too, you have to share. We stress manors, I think thats what makes them a better when there 45. Speak it for a life time, your bound to act it out. I asked my FIL if I could borrow a tool, when asked if I was taking it home I said "May I?" He laughed and said "Yes you may" whit such a big smile. And I'm hardly older than you. So theres always hope they"ll end up like us.
Happy Mothers Day, A. H

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T.B.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Is there anything in your area like other Mother's that get together for "play dates" to where your son could be around other children his age? Or possibly someone in your family who is close and has a child around your son's age for him to play with?
Possibly getting him into T-ball or soccer?
Any of these ideas could make him not so clingy to you.
But with you being the one home with him, of course he is going to come to you as he wants interaction.
I have a 5 1/2 yr old and a 4 1/2 yr old and they still want my attention and are still clingy to me because I am Mom......I honestly don't know how to respond to your "clingy" situation. But they are still children!!

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M.V.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Some thoughts that popped into my head, Jodi:
- is domestic or international adoption an option?
- being a foster parent?
- supporting a child, like through World Vision, and taking an active role in that child's life?
- being a big sister?
Like I said--off the top of my head. Others may have more in-house suggestions.
Blessings. And may your grieving process be healing.

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J.H.

answers from Detroit on

Jodi,
I am an only child myself and have been told many times that I don't seem like a "typical only child"... Which (I think) basically means that people don't think I'm as spoiled as many only children. I think they best way to raise a well-rounded only child is basically the same as raising any child with siblings: don't spoil kids and teach them how to be respectful. As for bringing your son out of his shell, you may want to try to enroll him in activities where he interacts with other kids. I was enrolled in dance classes and brownies/girl scouts to help me interact with kids outside of school and those two things really helped me.

Best wishes and I'm so sorry to hear that you're unable to have more kids... But, take it from me, being an only child is not such a bad thing. I feel that I'm so much closer to my parents than I would be if I had siblings. There are definitely perks to either situation so it always helps to look at the advantages of your situation rather than the disadvantages :)

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D.V.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Have you thought about adoption?

I have a cousin who was and still is an only child. You would never know he was an only child. My Uncle and Aunt have raised him to understand people give you something because they want to not because its expected. He had chores to do and was rewarded for doing them and punished when he didn't.
I have another cousin from my dad's side and she was an only child after about 15 miscarriages. She was close to her cousins on Mom's side (age was a big difference between us I'm 14 yrs older than she is). She is married and has a stepdaughter and a son of her own. She was never given everything she wanted but had to earn it or take care of her things. She wanted a horse, she got it but had to care for her horse or my Uncle said he would sell it. She was sick and in the hospital, and told the doctor she couldn't stay because she had to take care of her horse or her dad would sell it. My Uncle explained she was sick and he knew she would care for her horse but she couldn't due to being sick.

Its all in how you as the parent raise your child. I might suggest a play group.

Best wishes,
D. V.

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J.B.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi Jodi,
My guess is that your son will be fine. You are just grieving right now which is understandable. I also had infertility issues. We finally had one baby girl who is now 6 and we adopted a son from Korea, who is now 2 1/2. They look completely different, but they are the best of friends and I can't imagine it any other way. So whatever you decide will be the right decision for your family. More and More families are choosing to have only one child, and it's fine. Don't let the pressure of what everyone else has done or what is "normal" impact you too much. Do what your heart tells you is right for your family.

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J.H.

answers from Detroit on

My son is an only child. We can't afford another one, besides not daring to run the risk of having another disabled child.
Jacob wants to sit and play and chat with us alot. He has asked for a little brother or sister. We have found that keeping him involved in play groups <for him, both disabled and non disabled> makes him more open to sharing and cooperating with others. We have him involved in greyhound adoption with us and also Boy Scouts. Since you still have a little guy, Cub Scouts starts at 1st grade. They learn giving and serving others is a nice thing. You also discuss the subject on his level and terms too.
Also, enjoy some of the 1 on 1 time you get with him now. Mine is nearly 12 and not as interested in playing with boring old mom and dad...his computer and legos are more fun. The one on one time we get, we are able to chat with him and talk about day to day stuff in a quiet undistracted way.
Also..... if you really would like a sibling for your son. Adoption is a wonderful thing. I'm sure you've probably heard that from others too. My sister is adopted, born in Korea, she is wonderful!.... I'm actually getting ready to be her matron of honor for her wedding. :) I'm 9 yrs older than she is, but I talk to her everyday and love having her in my life.

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L.N.

answers from Benton Harbor on

Well, he IS the center of your attention and I think that's okay. Your challenges as he grows up will only be different, no more no less! There are plenty of advantages to having one child, as Im sure you know. I think that being aware of teaching him to be social is the most important thing, which you are obviously doing. He may be needy regardless of how many children he is around. Think about the personalities this world is made up of, there is a spot for your child just waiting for him to fill it! Perhaps God gave him to you BECAUSE of the inability to have more children, so you would be able to meet his needs the way he requires. He won't be selfish or clingy...just think of the security and acceptance that he will grow up with having 2 loving parents at his side! I think you have an amazing opportunity here and I just know that you will do amazing things with him!

~L.

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P.L.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I also have an only child and was an only child myself. Your son is still little and just learning about himself and others. One of the best things to do is to plan lots of play dates with other children and start him at a preschool. This will help to "socialize" him. Other children help to establish rules of "good" play behavior like sharing etc. and you can also encourage that. If he is a little clingy right now, let him be. That will change quicker than you know as he starts to care what his peers think. Now that you know you will only have one child, and every "first" and "last" will just be once, don't wish anything away. They grow so fast. Treasure the moments you have with him. Being a good example on how you treat others will also help him to learn to be loving and giving. These are things that we model in our family and discuss often. You definately will need to be a playmate at times. Just look at it as an opportunity to relive some of your own childhood. You didn't mention if he has many cousins or not, but if you do try to spend time with them as well. A lot of only children become strong leaders because they have had so many more opportunities to spend time with adults. Look at it as an advantage and he will be just fine. Best wishes to you.

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R.H.

answers from Cincinnati on

Jodi,

I have one sibling... who is 12 years younger then I. So... essentially I was an only child. I think it is completely possible to raise a loving, caring, thinking of others child whether you have 1 or 18 like the Duggars!

First, I want to say, I think your son's personality would be like this whether you had another child or not. In my opinion, having a 'needy' child has nothing to do with whether they have siblings or not. A friend of mine has 4 children, no one child has a personality like the others. Each is very unique and very different from their siblings.

That being said... I think Amy has really hit the nail on the head. Your son just needs to be around you more. There is really nothing wrong with that actually. Try to encorporate ways your son can be near you more often. Also, as Amy suggested... model good behavior. If, when you are done working, you show your son 'when mommy is finished I put my things away'.... then he too will learn that is the appropriate thing to do. Also, having someonoe to help pick up toys is not really a bad thing. Work is always more fun and less 'work' when there are more helping hands.

I have to say, I love my mother dearly...she is my mother... but very very early on I learned she would not play with me. She was not going to be any kind of companion for me. Her soap operas, books, and other interests were just more important. It was always 'we'll do it later' ... and later never came. Consequently I was a very very independant child. I played well by myself for hours on end. However, once in school it was very hard for me to make friends. I never had many. Even now... I have maybe 2 or 3 people in my life whom I consider 'friends'. I can get along with just about anyone in any situation... but I am very 'arms reach' with most people.

Later, when I was older and stretching my preverbial wings more... I became even more detached from my mother. Then, she wanted me close. It never happened. Even now, I know there are times she grieves the relationship we never had. But, it was the choice she made. I now make a conscious effort to have my daughter around me as much as possible. Even though I will take time for 'me' to catch up on e-mails and what not... even when I am doing that... my daughter is playing near me. I take time every day to play with her and let her know she is important.

My sister, as I mentioned is 12 years younger then I. She had me, yes. My mother, although she attended to my sister a bit more... was still distracted by her own life to a large extent. But, because my sister had me to step in ... and even at times call my mother on her actions... she grew up in a very different environment. She is very social. She has many many friends and although she does not open herself to everyone ... she is more 'adjusted' at her age then I was. She has told me directly that the person she is... was molded by me more so then by our mother.

My point is... your little boy is only a little boy for so long. Take the time to be with him. Learn his needs and together you can find a way to help him grow into a strong, caring, wonderful man. Providing a consistent, caring, nurturing, loving and attentive environment will help him achieve all he is meant to be.

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C.B.

answers from Detroit on

Jodi,
I am sorry that the brakes have put a stop to your dreams. Better however to know you succeeded with having one, and be the best you can be. You will!

Y'know at the malls there are those play areas. That's one possibility. You'd meet other moms, he'd interact with other kids. There's also preschool, which would serve him well too. And there, in a structured environment, he'd learn that everyone contributes. We all play, we all put away. But at 5 he's old enough to understand he can put stuff away. If he can get it out of the toy box,e.g., he knows where it came from and can put it away. I just don't want you to get trapped into that "I can't do it by myself" stuff. When they do that it's "I want mommy to do it for me" and then they'll never learn to fend for themselves, or help, etc. Kids know.

Good luck. Hey, another thought would be if your church, if you attend, has youth programs he could get involved in.

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G.B.

answers from Detroit on

My heart goes out to you, Jodi! I think he'll be fine because you "get it"! I'd keep in involved in sports like soccer, play dates, swim lessons, scouts, and anything that helps him make friends and learn to share and be part of a team. As long as you don't let him be a prima dona, he won't be. Foster a feeling of your family pulling together to clean house, cook, have fun. The onlies that I know who think they are just so "special" and deserve to be catered to have learned that from their parents! The very fact that you see the challenge puts you in a position to do a great job with your son! Go for it!

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C.J.

answers from Lansing on

Jodi,

I have a six-year-old son who is an only and in need of a lot of attention. However, I have found that if you give that attention early in the day and fill up his emotional cup, then he is able to play more by himself in the afternoon.

I am also encouraging any and all friendships he has at school. He is in kindergarten and has a friend who comes over every Monday to play at our house for two hours. He also has just started going over to a cafe a friend's mom owns to play on Thursdays.

Both of these other children are also only's and it is great for all of them to learn how to listen to each other and respect each other's feelings. They argue, but when they come to me to fix it I tell them they have to come to a compromise on their own. How they deal with the situation is their own business and I don't want to know the details, but it is important that they learn how to compromise without yelling, calling names, and getting angry.

You might also want to try the House Fairy. www.housefairy.org

She has a program that teaches children how to pick up toys and be responsible. She has a reward program that the parents use when the children follow through with their responsibilities. My son loves the House Fairy and I love how he is learning to work for his rewards.

We also use a control journal that has his morning and evening routines in them. I based this journal off of FlyLady's control journals. http://www.flylady.net/pages/control_journals.asp

I just use one page for the morning routine, which has about 7 items on the list, and one page for the evening routine, around 8 items on his list. Now that he knows what he is supposed to do and does it every night it helps. Sometimes he dawdles and we have to set a timer and if he hasn't finished his routine in 15 minutes (he can do it in 7 usually) then he loses his story and doesn't get to finish the rest of his routine. He really wants to finish the routine so this truly is a punishment.

I don't know if these suggestions will help, but hang in there. Just keep in mind all of the great memories you will be building with your son. We are planning on taking ours and a friend on short family trips as he gets older. We are able to go places on short notice because we don't have two and we are financially able to do activities that may have been prohibitive with two children. Try looking at the positive aspects of having one and enjoying those.

I realize that you are going to be grieving for the loss of the potential for another child. Give yourself time to grieve this loss. It is not selfish to need that time, but try not to let it affect your relationship with your son.

Remember, if you and your family really want another child you can always adopt. My brother was adopted at the age of 14, 4 years before I was born, and I am so grateful that he is part of our family. I love him as much as any sister loves her brother. Ties of love are the only ties that really matter in the end.

There are many children here in the US that need a loving family, yours just might be the right one to support a needy child.

Good luck.

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C.N.

answers from Detroit on

Hi Jodi. I have an only child. She is 23 now and the nicest person I have ever known. Nothing wrong with your child knowing he is the center of your universe but what is important is to teach him well. I made sure my daughter went to day camps every summer when she was young and as she got older she would go to camps for 1-2 weeks at a time. It was very important that she be independent....that is what we need to strive for as parents. And while I loved her like crazy I was also very firm about what I expected from her and time-outs happened. It isn't easy being a parent whether it's for 1 or 2 or 3 or 4. What is important is that they know when you say something you really mean it. Communication and respect is essential....and that goes both ways. Respect your child....teach them to be the kind of person you want them to be. It's alot of work but the payoff is incredible. My daughter is now moving to France and we are so proud of her. Your child does not want to disappoint you....if you tell him he's the most wonderful person ever...that's what he'll try to be...just as if you tell him he's selfish etc.....he'll be that. It'll be okay and maybe he'll give you lots of grandchildren one day. Good Luck and God Bless. C.

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C.B.

answers from Saginaw on

A playgroup might be an idea. However Adoption is a blessed option, also. Good luck!

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S.M.

answers from Detroit on

Hi Jodi,

I have to start by saying that I am a wife of an only child and I applaud your concern!

I do have a couple of suggestions for you:
1. Put him in preschool for the summer. My son was so clingy at 18 months that when I left the room while Daddy was holding him he would scream his head off. Putting him in preschool (actually a daycare but they had a curriculum for them) did wonders for him. It's only for a couple of hours, too!
2. Get involved in a support group like Mothers & More (www.mothersandmore.org). Getting him around other kids and showing him how to share. Have playgroups at your house so that he learns that he has to share his toys with others.

I am a tough Mom. I love my kids to death and I want them to grow up to be responsible, independent adults. I also want them to have friends along the way.

The Mothers & More group will provide you and your son lots of learning opportunities. You will be able to see how other Moms handle it and your son will see how easy it is and how much fun it can be. Mothers & More will also give you an opportunity to find support wherever you need it.

I hope that helps!
S.

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

I am an only child. I dont think that I am selfish.. and I dont think that all only kids are necesarily selfish..

I have 2 kids.. but my oldest child always played by herself. she is very independent - from the time she could crawl I put her down on the floor to play first thing in the morning while I made my tea etc... she learned to play by herself..

Your son may be needy but that might just be his personlity and not have anything to do with not having a sibling.

Does he have cousins or buddies.. Try to make an effort to have as many playdates as possible to get your son aroudn other kids..

-- As I said I have 2 kids.. and I wouldnt trade them for hte world.. but there are a lot of things that I cant do with my 2 becuase there are 2... I cant take them to the grocery store (it is too hard right now) we probalby wont be taking some of the vacations that you can take as the costs are a lot more for 2 kids... You might be able to pay for private school or othe things that we will not be able to afford with our kids.. There are some advantages to 1 child families..

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S.R.

answers from Detroit on

You got really good responses to this! I am the 6th of 7 kids, and I have 3 myself. I can't speak at all from the only child perspective, but I am struck by the comment: " the 2nd child is for the 1st". I've never heard that and not sure I get it. By itself, having siblings doesn't make you unselfish. In my experience, I've seen many more selfish youngest children than only children. My oldest and middle boys are both very alpha-male and the competition is rampant, regardless of our attempts to minimize it by giving them individual attention. (I do believe they'll be friends someday, though. They really admire each other) My youngest is a girl and very unselfish, but I think that all comes from the big picture, and the individual personalities. I agree that your concern will prevent serious self-centered behavior, but don't go too far the other way. Spend as much time together as possible so when you need him to be independent he's satisfied. Probably the worst thing would be to give in to him if you've said you can't do whatever with/for him and he pleads. All the advise about sports, and play-groups is excellent, and benefits most kids. I did assume my middle child was ready for that sooner than he was, and he had difficulty, but again, thats him. And, you'll make mistakes. Its human. Kids learn from their parents regardless. Enjoy the opportunity for the special attention you'll be able to give him and still have time for yourself. No question, thats the toughest thing about having many kids. (I don't know HOW my mother did it) One more thing... In the end, his relationship with his father will have the largest influence in his life, and if only you were providing the attention, and the limits, that would send a message.

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K.N.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I think it will help as he starts school. Let him go to friends houses and bring the friends into your home.

If you would like more children and know you can't have them - have you thought of adoption?

K.

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S.M.

answers from Saginaw on

Hello Jodi, I'm sorry to hear that you cannot have more children. Thank God that you were able to have one. Please rethink how you see your son. He is not selfish or needy. Go observe a Kindergarden class and you will see that this is normal development for your son. If you label him, it will be hard for you to see who he is, because you will be focused on who you have labeled him to be. Read some books on child depelopment and parenting. You can greatly improve your son and his bond with you by learning how to address his social needs. By teaching him independence you can improve his future. He won't learn this on his own. By addressing his needs you can raise a confedent young man. He doesn't know what they are either, that is your job to find out. At the age of 5, you have 13 more years to turn him into a resposible man. This is the parents responsibility. My favorite book was "Making children mind, without losing yours" by Kevin Leman. It's good for all ages. Good luck.

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L.K.

answers from Grand Rapids on

My son is an only child.He had many friends and cousins that were regular visitors.He also atteneded pre-school .
He started school at 4 years old .He atteneded church with many little kids.He never was spolied so to speak.He was top of his class all through school .He attended leasdership conferences due to his ability.He is actually written up in the whose who of High Schools .He was also a state ranked wrestler.Honor role all through high school.'
The reason I mention this is too show you ....only children get a bad rap .He is now married,a father of 2 and a very successful business man.He is a devoted father himself....his sons run to the door when it is time for Daddy to come home .His wife is treated like a jewel ,which is what we should all be treated like.
Only children are usually smarter and more successful.Do not think he is being deprived.And as soon as he gets just a little older ,you will be wishing he was still clingy .Trust me .Been there .They grow up way too soon.A 5 year old still thinks you are the world.Enjoy it .It will not last.
L. -mother of one 33 year old...married 35 years to my high school sweetheart.

J.A.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Jodi,
You deserve to "grieve" your situiation right now. It is a valid feeling, and until you feel at peace, (no matter how long that takes), no amount of options for foster care, adoption, etc. will even penetrate your heart. You wanted another child of your own. It's not looking like that is going to happen, and it's sad. It hurts. I'm really sorry. :( Many hugs. I'm also positive that you are entirely thankful that you have your son. You are not less thankful to God, just becuase a 2nd on is not on the way. Wanting more children of your own is in NO WAY a sign of you not being thankful for the one you have. Infertility for whatever reason is NOT a punishment from God, either.

I am raising an "only" child also. Not by choice, but by what is. We don't have the money to adopt, and at this time are not headed towards foster care. My son is going to turn 4 soon. We have built up relationships with friends from the library laptime, church, and family. He both enjoys these, and it is still in the context of family. I don't just leave him with others for socialization...indeed I don't even think that is the issue here. The issue is not raising him selfishly.
I think he is most likely age appropriate. He will not stay at this developemental stage forever. As he is able to process seeing where you are not selfish, he will follow your example. You are just his playmate right now. You are giving out unconditional love. That's perfect!!!! That's building self esteem!!!! That's called loving your child!!! And, certainly what my little guy thrives on.
Also, my son has many "things," or toys, but he is not spoiled for it. After all, he doesn't know what constitutes a lot or a little. It's all in what he does with his things, or how he plays with them. If he can share, and how You can praise him at the times that you see him being selfless.
I'd say, just keep modeling a kind heart, and you are going to bring your son up with that in his character bank.
Best wishes to you, as you go about being the wonderful mommy you are.
J.

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A.W.

answers from Detroit on

I'm 36 with a 10.5 year old daughter. My husband & I only wanted one child, and have worked really hard to make sure she isn't a brat as so many only children can be. I know the one thing we did as a team consistantly was to let McKenna know that while she is the world to us, she is not the center of the universe. I started her in preschool as soon as she was potty trained and made sure that she played with her friends in the neighborhood. I work full time out of the home so daycare was a big help in teaching her how to share. If your son isn't already in school, perhaps you could sign him up for a day camp over the summer so he can work with other kids and learn to fend for himself. Good Luck, I'm sure you'll do great.

A. W

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L.C.

answers from Saginaw on

Oh, I am so sorry for your grief. I always knew I'd have more than one child, and can't imagine the difficulty I'd have had to live through it that had not worked out. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this at all. I wish everyone could have exactly the family they desire.

A couple of things come to mind. The first is that by the time a child is 5, they have spent so much of their formative years alone that even if they have 4 more siblings after that, they're effectively 'only's in birth order theory anyhow. So, whatever miracles occur in your family after this, that possiblity has passed.

I married an only, my dad (one of the most generous and patient humans I have ever known) is an only and my daughter's gregarious, helpful boyfriend is an only. They don't ALL turn out selfish, attention seekers (women who were the youngest in their familis are more often in that position, in my experience).

I wonder if you might look at your son with a slightly different perspective, which might help... Your little guy adores your engagement with him (this means 'you have been a great mom to him'), and prefers the company of people he loves to solitude. He prefers to work in groups rather than alone. He likes being connected to people and actively seeks out the company of others. Have you ever noticed how many people are seeking advice on exactly the opposite: children who don't make friends or never want to spend time interacting with their families?

What a five-year-old is and what he'll be at 45 is a huge, huge difference. How much 'the same' are you in attitude, understanding, wisdom and responsibility compared to your 8 year old self? You at 17? We grow and change... and the best way to become our best selves is to live in an environment filled with love.

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B.S.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Maybe this is the Lords way of helping you adopt and neglected unwanted child. I have 3 siblings that were adopted and it is a wonderful experience for the whole family especially the precious child that you rescued from not so good circumstances.

You can adopt for much cheaper than 30,000 dollars like alot of adoptions cost, you just need to look around for different agencies. You can also do foster care for infants or little kids and maybe something will open up there with a child you are caring for and you could adopt them. That is how my littlest brother was added to our family.

Something to think about

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K.S.

answers from Detroit on

Hi Jodi,
Adopt!
I honestly don't think that your son will grow up and continue to suffer from his 5 year old "issues" if he remains an only child. He sounds like a typical first born! Give serious consideration to adopting a child if you truly want more. It will bless your entire family!

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N.L.

answers from Detroit on

Get him involved in organized sports to help him learn that he is not the center off all activities - that good sprotsmanship is important (sharing, taking turns, and so on).

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M.H.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Jodi,

There is always adoption! We adopted in 2005 and it is a wonderful experience. We have a little girl. She was 3 days old when we brought her home from the hospital.

Don't think your son has to be the only one. They make kids everyday as my hubby says. They are just like one of your own. You think no different of them.

Good luck!!! Happy Mother's Day

M. H.

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L.C.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Dear Jodi R.,
Check into the WeighDown workshop because the principles that their Bible studies teach, will teach you how to be self-less and then you can teach your child. It began as a way to lose weight, but the same principles work for all sins.
This seems like it would not be related to your problem, but I have been a part of this group for nearly two years and all the little children in this group of people are the sweetest and gentlest, and quietest little ones I have ever witnessed in my entire life. They learn to wait until Mom or Dad allows but while they are very very young, their every need is attended to immediately.
WeighDown.com is the website to get you started.

L. C.
Zeeland, MI

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