No More Kids? - Lewisville,TX

I would sit down and talk to hubby. He should not be the only person making this decision. He can say he doesn't really want more kids but he is not the final say. It is a decision that both of you must accept and be okay with. You will eventually be resentful of him if this is not resolved for both of you. Is he going to divorce you if this becomes a breaking point? Is it something he just doesn't want to think about? Then you both need to talk about it and maybe getting a third party involved to help you and him resolve this would be the way to go.

You know, my husband did not want to have more kids and I went through the period like yours. Then, one night, my 4 y/o woke up at night asking for water and after I gave it too him after being aroused from a deep slumber the last thought that went trough my head before I hit the pillow was "I will never have to wake up to feed a baby in the middle of the night ever again!" The other epiphany hit me when I was going into a store, alone, while the kids were at school, wearing a dress, having a nice hair day and I saw a frazzled young mom balancing a baby, a stroller and a screaming toddler trying to finish her shopping and not to attract too much attention as the kids bawled and writhed. Again, the thought crossed my head "It will never be me again! I am done with all this! Hello freedom!"
I still smell my 4 y/o 's hair though, as I know that he will become big and smelly in no time - so I enjoy him. But a baby - no way!

Becoming a foster parent may help some. You can decide and determine the level of commitment to a troubled infant, child or teen you can deliver.

Baby sitting others little ones under 2 years old may also help.

Getting a puppy may help as well. They require just as much care and attention but they never grow up and out of your house.

My husband and I are trying but have had no success yet. So wether we like it or not we may be finished. We are also considering becoming foster parents in the meantime and between time.

I have no deep insight except to focus on the three children that you have already been blessed with. I find that laughter and a positive out look heals the heart faster then anything. Make light of it with thoughts like, "3 out of 4 isn't bad." As women we often get so emotional over children that we forget the rational side of things. I am sure you are aware that children cost money. Not only do they cost money, but that pregnancy and baby stage does not last for long. To most men, every time they hear the "B" word they start to think of scary things like 2am Mcdonalds runs, their hands being crushed in the delivery room, a whole year of late nights, diaper runs, less sex, and less time with you...and lots more.

Hi D.,
I'm not sure how old your boys are, but I had three boys first. When they were very young, I was so overwhelmed. I thought I didn't want any more children either. I was seriously done in my mind. After a couple of years, my heart changed, and I desired another baby. We now have 6, and I still want more! So, just because your husband doesn't want anymore children today, that does not mean he will never change his mind.
Oh, and I still haven't gotten to the point where I don't want to be pregnant again! But, I'm only 44. Maybe by the time I'm 60. ;)

Leaving emmotion and maternal instint and biological clock out of it...I know hard to do...

The logic sets in.....$$$$$$ + time........As much as I think about a 4th...Ideally to have one more girl so I have two and two of each...the reality is that three kids are a lot of work..each demanding attention and we as parents needing to be there for their needs...The going rate these days for braces is $5600 not to mention minimum $10K a year instate college etc...How about wanting to have 1:1 time with your husband and date nights and being able to take reasonable family trips you can afford..

With that being said I hear ya!!!!

Wow! And THIS 4th one would probably be Daddy's little girl, right? Maybe he'll change his mind. Do you have any friends who have little girls? Maybe you could spend some time with them .... or offer to babysit or something so he could see ......

But it's a good agreement you made - nobody decides on their own.

Good luck!

Seems like your boys are between the ages of baby - age 7. While those are busy years they're still the years where the kids think their parents have all the answers, they still admire and respect everything their paretns know and everything they do (except the discipline and saying "no" part). In a few years your older one will become a pre-teen and then the attitude begins. It happens with the best of kids - the kids who are wonderful helps, respectful and sweet. The teen years are really difficult - they're really rewarding - but emotionally they are really, really tough. The kids go through all of this self-doubt, they want to be nothing like you and your husband, and everything like the kids at school that they like. Bascially - they reject you as they try to extalbish themselves as their own person. It's not personal - it's what they do as they try to establish their own being. Most days are fine - and there are days when you are so proud and pleased of the good decision they made, or how mature they acted - but there are days that just tear your heart out. When they're young they come home to you to have you help them feel better when the've been hurt. When they're teens they go to their peers instead and you have very little idea of what's causing them pain. It can be that a friend dissed them in front of other kids, of that someone said something mean, etc. You can't fix it for them any more and they don't want you to - they want to deal with it on their own. Again, it's what they're supposed to be doing - but it's tough.

SOOOOO - when you have the yearning for another baby think forward to those teen years and remind yourself that as it is you'll "only" have to go through it with 3 boys... Once you get there you'll know what I mean. (And don't believe the adage that boys are easier than girls - they are different - different things hurt them, they respond differently - but getting boys through the teen years has it's own challenges...!

I have been with my hubby for 12 yrs. we had our first after 3 yrs it was great the one & only we did try for the first then the second we tried again after that it was more of a if we get pregnant that is ok so after our second was 18 months I became pregnant with our third I said I was done with having anymore I was happy felt fulfilled with having my 3.So I began using contraceptive,I could not get myself to go through the permanent procedures,or the IUDs.So now i'm 9 weeks pregnant with our 4th he isn't mad upest or anything he is a great provider & dad to his children.I had dreams of becoming pregnant,I was going through the I want a baby stage where I would just glance at baby clothes & items but didn't think about really trying for another.Well we weren't trying nor did I use my contraceptive & BAM here i'am expecting I feel great, nervous,but overall I can manage 4 kids I feel that this baby was given to us as they all have been gifts from God.Unsure on your end wanting another but hubby says NO & feeling like you'll resent him for not wanting what you want.How is fatherhood to him & what did he expect it to be?I will have to ask my husband how did you feel when I said I was done having babies,this is our last baby 4 is enough for us ok well for me.

D.,
I am so glad you asked this question! I feel exactly the same way only I have 1 child. My husband is wonderful. I love that he is a provider, he thinks I am attractive even when I feel I am at my lowest and is just an all around great guy who would do anything if it meant I was happy....except for the kid thing! He is satisfied with only having 1 where I yearn for the 2nd. I keep trying to convince myslef that one is okay (I have a sibling and he is an only) but it isn't easy. I understand the feeling of not wanting to resent your husband...I go through it weekly. I guess the only thing to do is just be happy with the family you have, like some others have posted: look forward to getting back to your life with your husband and prepare for those teen years! I will be checking back for other responses so I can cure this pain I feel in my heart as well. Hugz and best wishes from a mom who understands this all too well.

Think about college tuition for the three you have, and I think you'll get a new perspective. That's probably what your husband is thinking about. It won't be all that long before you'll be expecting grandchildren and then the joy really begins! Time passes so quickly.