My Husband Wants Me to Have a Tubal Ligation...

Tell him to get a vasectomy and see how well that goes over. Tell him that if he doesn't want another child, then let him get the operation. I agree with you, 22 is too young to have that operation. Good luck to you.

I would tell him to get a vasectomy , why should you be the only one worrying about birth control? Tell him that he should be made sterile. See how he feels about that then you can explain to him where you are coming from

Terri,
I don't mean this to sound harsh, but if your husband is so sure that HE does not want more children, have HIM look into a vasectomy. Simpler procedure with a very short recovery time. I am a firm beliver in "put your money where your mouth is" don't impose your will on someone else. Seriously, at 22, you are too young to even consider doing that. Good luck to you.

I don't want to be depressing or anything, but I think you have to consider some things. Life throws us curve balls all the time. God willing, nothing will happen to change your marital status in anyway, but what if in 10 years time you find yourself married again to someone who wants children with you? 32 is not too young to be having another child or two...I didn't even start until then. There are so many other forms of birth control out there. I would wonder if your husband is pushing for you to do this, if he doesn't have other worries or concerns...it just sounds a bit more like a control/jealousy issue to me.

Like every one else has said. You are so young. I am 28 and haveing number 4 and getting ready for a 3rd c-section. So it makes sense for me. Even thou i would rather not. But it is a heath issue with me.

I would stick to the mirena, you are young and i understand where he is coming from. But i would not get it done.

I wouldn't get it done if I were you. You are definately too young and may want one more. I had it done after two but i was 39 years old. I have heavier periods now and feel more moody. I think it screws up your hormones. Don't do it. Tell him to get fixed if he wants it to be permanent. I wouldn't do it before you are 35. God forbid you guys split up not saying you would but then he could have another family but you'd be done.

You never know where life will take you. It's kind of risky to do something that is basically permanent at such an early age. It doesn't sound like you are sold on it - so I definitely wouldn't go for it. If he is set on it, let him have the procedure done. MANY of our couple friends have decided (in their mid-30's) that after 2 or 3 kids they were done. In all cases, it was left to dad to have the snipping done. All of them said it wasn't a big deal. Unless there is a health reason, you are older and having a c-section already, I think it pretty much doesn't make sense for the tubal because of recovery and risks and such.

Terri:
Thanks for asking everyone's opinion. I've read the responses and must agree 100% with everyone.
NO ONE should tell you what to do with YOUR body....now I want to qualify that, as I am not jumping on the "your body your choice" bandwagon, as I am Pro-Life (yeah, I said it!). I am also pro-birth-control...if your hubby is pushing examine his reasons..tell him he can do with HIS body what he wants eg get snipped.. good luck, sweetie...

I agree with everyone else here. You are too young, plus you don't want to get it done, so why should you. If your husband doesn't want any more kids, he can get snipped himself. I think your husband is looking at it this way; you'll go into the hospital to have the baby and while the doctors are there they can just go and tie you up (which they don't do like that). A vasectomy is a quick surgery. 3 men that I worked with had it done. They did it on a Friday, they were in and out of the doctors office (not the hospital) and just took it easy over the weekend. They said they were a little sore, but they were able to walk and stuff. I know how pigheaded men can be, so you'll need to somehow find a way to talk to him about it. Maybe get a paper and make a column of pros and cons for each surgery (and keep in mind where you stand on the tubes issue) so when you try to talk to him, you have facts to give him. Stand your ground on this. Good luck!

if you don't want ot do it don't let him talk you in to it! Tell him to get a vasectomy if he is so intent on one of you not being able to reproduce. My best friend had her tubes tied when she was 26, she is now 32 and her and her second husband would like to have a child. It is very costly to reverse the sugery, and there is no guarentee it will work. AND insurance doesn't cover it. DONT DO something that is 90% permanent if you aren't 100%sure you want it! Good luck... your hubbie sounds a bit unresonable!

Please do not do this to yourself !!! You are not comfortable with this decision and this is MAJOR !!!!
Tell your husband that if he is so concerned about another child that he should have a vasectomy. This proocedure is done on an outpatient basis and is much less dangerous then what he is suggesting for you. I know of many of my friends husbands who have had this done and they had no comlications whatsoever.

Never have an operation unless conpletely neccesary, they have major everlasting effects on your body.

Good luck and God Bless.

If your husband doesn't want to have any more children, tell him to have a vastectomy. You are way too young to make that decision. I doubt you will find a doctor who will do it anyway. You have a full life ahead of you and you might want a child someday. Let him protect himself and tell him he is being seriously selfish.

I haven't read any of the other responses yet, but I don't think you should have it done. You're only 22, and in 10 yrs you and your hubby may want to have another child (or before or after 10 yrs!) The point is, permanent is permanent. Yes, some woman get them reversed and it works, but many others get them reversed and still never get pregnant. Maybe because he's a soldier he's afraid of what would happen if he died and you had 3 or 4 kids to take care of by yourself. I suggest keep talking about other non-permanent options. You obviously know that this isn't a decision to be made lightly or quickly. Good luck.

Don't do it! You obviously don't want it, so you shouldn't do it. This is serious surgury & not something that is likely to be reversable. If your husband wants perment birth control tell him to get a vasetomy. At least many of those are reversible later if you both change your minds. I'm 30 this year and will be having my second. My husband & I only want 2 kids. I will be having a csection b/c my first was a csection. I will NOT be getting my tubes tied. There are MANY forms of very effective birth control out there. there is no need to do anything permanent. ONLY do this if YOU are the one who wants it & it very much sounds like you don't. And I think 22 is WAY, WAY too young. I think 30 is too young for such a permanent decision.

You are extremely too young to have this procedure. some dr.s may not even do it for you. If your husband is adament about not having any more children, Make him have a vasectomy. it is much less invasive and less dangerous for him then a tubal is for you. I'm not bashing your husband in any way, but don't let him bully you into doing something with your body your not comfortable with. the more you let him bully you now the more he will bully you with other stuff the rest of your life. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, it's just that men are like that if you let them. good luck. I hope I didn't offend you.

This is a tough decision to make. Perhaps you could suggest that your husband have a vasectomy. That would take care of the birth control reasons for sterilization, and you wouldn't have to be the one to do something you don't want to do -- you are very young to be having this procedure. And vasectomies are reversable.

Is there another reason he is so insistent? Is he deployed and worried about leaving people behind?

Good luck to you and your family. And God bless your husband for being a soldier in these crazy times.

I am a mother of 3 children ages 8, 3 and 19 months. Immediately after the delivery of my youngest, I had a tubal ligation done. Since the delivery was via c-section, the doctor was able to do the tubal at the same time. Women who deliver vaginally need to wait at least 6 weeks after the delivery to have the procedure done. Anyway, I did not have any adverse effects from the procedure. I do not regret having the procedure done. I think it was the best choice for us.

My husband and I decided together that we did not want any more than the three kids we now have. Even if someday in the future we were to change our minds, there is the option of adopting or fostering a child. There are so many children out there without homes.

I agree with the other ladies- I think you are way to young to consider this. As I was reading this I found myself getting upset, so I can see why you are! Why does he want this surgery- is it control? Is it that he doesn't want more children? If he is that set against having more children, HE should get the surgery! (or is this a pride thing?) HE can get his surgery reversed down the road if you decide on more children. You both need to agree on this - it is a decision to be made together and if he is getting defensive and mad about it, he needs to step back and consider what he is asking you to do.

If he doesn't want any more children, have him get a vasectomy. It is a much safer and less invasive proceedure, unless you are already planning a c-section. I had a tubal, however I was 35 and it was after my third child was born via c-section - you are only 22! That's too young to make such a permanent decision, especially when it's being made for you. A good doctor would refuse to do the tubal since you are so hesitant. Good luck to you.

YOU'RE 22 DON'T YOU DARE GET YOUR TUBES TIED! Life happens, things change, and I think it would be a mistake to alter your body so drastically (and permanently) at such a young age. Tubal ligation is a major surgery which requires major recovery. If he's really set on not having any more kids, let him get his "tubes tied"! It's out patient surgery for him with local anesthesia - no biggie. Go back to Mirena after this baby or try the other long term BC (can't think of the name).

It's easy for men to tell you what to do with your body because it's something they don't have to do to theirs. An anes doc at work told me to just have another c-section instead of trying to VBAC - um, when's the last time you had a c-section? Yeah I didn't think so!

Good luck with this, but don't do this if you don't want to!
J.

I had my tubes tied 5 years ago NO PROBLEM!
I Had a Partial hysterectomy last year due to health issues. NO PROBLEM!
however i am 37 and it was my choice with 3 children.
My husband totally supported me and talks about more however that is with the mouse in his pocket.
You have a life in front of you. stand your ground.
God Bless.
K. B

Has your husband seen what the surgery entails? It is a whole other surgery, and it is not like the tubes are right there. If he does not want more kids, a vasectomy is a MUCH easier solution. Your body has to have surgery where he would only need one stitch. I think it is unfair (and potentially unsafe) for you to have this done if it is something you don't want. Plus, it is much easier to reverse a vasectomy than it is a tubal ligation.

I agree with a lot of the other ladies here. If he doesn't want more kids, then he should get the vasectomy. If you don't want the TL, then don't get it. Put your foot down and be firm. He loves you, so he should understand and be supportive. You have another method of BC that works great for you, so if you don't want the TL then you can go with that. I didn't even know they did tubals on woman as young as you. My friend had 4 kids at 21 (including a set of twins!) and they made her wait until she was 25 to be sure. She did it, but right now that we're almost 30 she's regretting it since all of her kids are older now. She'd like another baby.

Terri, You have answered one of your own questions. You are too young to even think about it and you obviously are not comfortable having it done, so DON'T! Why is he so set on you having the surgery? It is much easier and less costly for him to have it done. If he is so sure HE doesn't want more kids then HE shoud go under the knife. D. J.

I have had the operation, and everything went fine, but if it is your husband that wants sterilization - not you - then he should have a vasectomy.

You are WAY TOO YOUNG to do this! And even at any age, it is your body and your decision. I agree with all of the posts. Go back on the Mirena if it worked for you, and you should be the one who is angry with your husband's demands, not the other way around! UGH!

Well after my last baby i was gonna get the tubal and couldnt for health reasons. i got the mirana iud after some major research. the mirana is actually more effective than the tubal and easier if you decide to reverse in later years. ask your ob/gyn for some research pamphlets on both options and you will see that a tubal is appox. 95% eff, while mirena is 99%

Terri,
Do not get it done if you are not 100% sure. There are so many other ways to go without doing something permanent if you are not sure. Further, if he is the one who no longer wants the children, I would ask him to get a vasectomy. My husband was the one who was dead set against anymore kids after we had our second. I told him that was fine, but he was responsible for getting "fixed". I also think that you are very young to do something so permanent when you are unsure.

Good luck,
A.

Hi Terri
I think you are too young and feeling a lot of pressure from your husband.Some moms brought up very valid points.Most doctors likely wouldn't do it on someone so young,have your husband come with you for a doc app and discuss it with your doc.I am sure the doc will explain the risks and tell your husband why he should be the one getting it done,not you.

Hi Terri
I had a tubal ligation done when I was 36 years old and giving birth to my fourth child. I was 100% certain at that time that I didn't want any more children. The tubal was done at the time of my c-section, and is completely permanent. There is no changing your mind later, down the road. Ok....after I had the tubal, things went down hill from there. I proceeded to bleed very very heavily, for months at time. I'm talking soaking thru my clothes, couldn't even leave the house type of bleeding! This went on for 13 months! Then I had to have another surgery to try to take care of the bleeding problems...basically, I was told that "this can happen" after the tubal ligation, it's just a small percentage of women that have those problems. Had I known that beforehand? I'd have never had the tubal! 6 years later now? I still have horrible heavy messed up periods, but still not to the degree that it was after I had to tubal done. Bad decision on my part....I feel now, that I should have done my homework/research before I had that surgery done. Also....you are soooo young! Please don't consider something so permanent at your age. What about the depo-provera shot? get a shot in the rear every three months? There are so many other options that don't require you having a serious surgery like that....and risking being the small percentage of women who have complications afterwards. Do some research on this...the tubal surgery...look up complications and such....arm yourself with knowledge and tell your husband "no"....we need to think up a different alternative to major surgery. Good luck!

Terri,
22 is way too young to even consider such an option. Life takes so many twists and turns. I know it sounds cliche, but you don't know what tomorrow holds. An older relative once advised me to not have my tubes tied. He gave several life scenarios from losing your family to a tragedy and wanting to have more kids to finding yourself married to someone else and not being able to produce a child together. That was over 20 years ago, but that advice has always stuck with me.

I would follow the advice given by many in this posting and ask your husband to have a vasectomy. This is easily reversible. Plus, you don't want to resent your husband years from now if the desire arises to have another baby.

All I can say is do not have a tubal ligation. Even if you did not want any more children you are too young to decide that now for the rest of your life. At 22 you have you whole life ahead of you. There are so many options for birth control out there that it is silly to do something that has permanent consequences. If your husband is so set on not have any more children then he can get a vasectomy. It's your body he is trying to change. Do not let someone else decide what is to be done with yuor body.

Tell YOUR husband to go fet fixed if he doesn't wan tany more kids. It is YOUR body. Now the plug your tubes and when you want more kids they pull the plug.
jade

Hi Terri,
If your husband is dead set about not having any more children, then tell him to get a vasectomy. It is an out patient procedure with much less risk for him, then for you going under anesthesia to get a tubal ligation. You are very young and many OB-GYN's won't even do someone your age. My advice to you, is stick to your guns if you don't want it done. Your husband can get the vasectomy done if he is the one who is so sure. Good LUck with your pregnancy!

Dear Terri,

By NO means should you get a Tubal Ligation unless it is 100% your idea. Your husband making the demands that YOU do it is "forced sterilization". There are so many other options out there besides a TL; he can have a vasectomy, you can go back on Mirena, he can use condoms, or any of the other birth control methods.

Do not think I am against TL. I am in fact trying to convince my husband that I want a TL instead of him having a vasectomy BUT I am 37 years old. I have had 2 healthy children and 1 miscarriage. We are both agreed that we are done having babies and I am 5-10 years away from pre-menopause.

You at 22 are in a very different situation. And you do not sound at all convinced that you want a TL. Do not let him convince you to do something you do not want. You will only end up resenting him in the end and holding him responsible for any complications you might have or bad feelings later in life. For its consideration a TL is permanent and Mirena is temporary, just with upto a 10 year coverage. In 10 years you will be 32, I was 31 when I gave birth to my first child. You wanting a child at 32 is not beyond the realm of possibilities.

Follow your heart and your gut! Speak honestly with your husband and be firm.

I had mine done during my c-section with my triplets. It is surgery.

I would like to say that it is absolutely not fair for your husband to insist on something like this. Pregnancy or contraception is a two way street. You are way too young to have this done and you may find that many doctors won't perform it on such young women. For you husband to insist that YOU get sterilized is on the road to abusive. It is less expensive and much easier for the man to get sterilized. If he doesn't want anymore children then maybe HE needs to take care of the contraception part of things, not you! If he doesn't want to talk about it, fine. Don't talk about it. That means don't do it!

All I can say after reading your post is "How dare he!"

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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No matter what your age is, NEVER have a medical procedure because someone else wants you to. Never. Even and especially your husband. He is completely in the wrong in every way to request this of you. There are many alternative ways to avoid pregnancy. A surgery at age 22 to permanently sterilize yourself when you aren't sure about it is insanity.
You may think you're pleasing him for the moment, but the resentment and damage to the relationship in your future will not be worth it. Sounds like this may not be a match made in heaven, so don't eliminate your chances of another family later in life.
Rather than telling you to divorce him immediately for having major control issues, I'm telling you to find a nice way to say, "Sweetie Pie, I love you more than life itself and would do anything for you, but I am too scared to have that procedure, and I'm too young for permanent decisions like that. I will take birth control pills AND implant an IUD and we can use condoms, but I'm not having the surgery." If he leaves you or gets mad and causes trouble, get the hell out of dodge and be glad you escaped.
Take it from a 38 year old, you are YOUNG. Your future possibilities are endless, you haven't been with him long, and he is not God. I mean no disrespect, he may be amazing, but you have to be a strong woman for your kids. You and only you should decide what to do with your body and how many children you have in your lifetime.
ps the only one who should get sterilized if that is his idea of a good idea, is him.

I let my husband and family pressure me into having it done and I regret. 22 is young and if you feel like you don't want to have it done. Don't do it. If he doesn't want to have anymore kids then he can go and get a vasectomy

hi by your letter it sounds as if you are not ready for something so final(tubes tied) if you are not ready dont do it you dont know what your future holds you are still very young if he wants no more kids tell him he can get fixed Atyour ageihad 2 kids then ended up getting divorced i went on to marry again a have another child so you never know S.

WOAH, sister?! Have you asked him to tie up his testies? Since when does he become the boss of your body. If it's the BC that's he is complaining about then honey, either one of you guys need to face the music and get some kind of protection here. You are a young chick-and you are right, you don't know whether you may want to stop having children or not. Your body decides that for you, not him.
My husband tried that same nonsense with me and like I told him....I'll do it unless he went through it too. We're like bunnies...forever getting pregnant! But I now have 4 children and after the last pregnancy, my body told me enough is enough. No man was going to tell me how to deal with my body and niether should yours. You married him, giving your word in matrimony, not your body. And yes, another thing---you have a greater chance (*note GREATER) chance of getting pregnant with your tubes tied to those that don't. I did it but, fortunately for me I haven't gotten pregnant-YET! And yes, I was mistaken to think that getting your tubes tied would prevent pregnancy-but not so. So if your hubby's so worried about babies....then he needs to look at himself.
Another thing-the tubal ligation isn't so bad but definately a longer time healing and you (at least for me) will have lingering pain once in awhile every so often either near the middle of the month or when your menstruate. The scar will never go away and you will always have a pouch for years to come. These are the things that happened to me-BUT please understand, I wanted it and I knew that after my last pregnancy---I was okay with it. In fact, it was while I was in labor that my husband "asked" me not to do it just in case I wanted another!!! The same man (yes) who wanted me to get a tubal ligation in the first place. HA! Don't waiver and be strong....you've only been married for 2.5 years....the going will get tougher and you have to be tougher than tougher. You'll have good days and bad, but in the end...it'll make you stronger together.
*However-I would like to note something about "reality". "Amanda K" said it perfectly in another post to you. Life has it's curve balls and plenty of them, and what she mentioned as well is something else to consider.

Best wishes~mom of 4.

It is much safer for him to get a vasectomy, my hubby did and ut was not problem. If he is a soldier I'm sure he has the guts to go and do this as most men do. End of problem. You are too young to have your tubes tied, let sterilization be his roblem, you had the babies, didn't you? It's the least he can do for you.

Terri -

You are very young...way to young to consider this type of surgery. Do NOT do it! Honestly - at your age - I would be surprised if you can find a surgeon who would do the surgery.

Best of luck!

PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT!!! You are only 22 - that is way too young to even consider it. If he wants an operation, then he should be the one to get it done to himself. There are plenty of other methods of birth control, please don't do something so drastic. Stand your ground. Do not let him talk you into this. Do not do it to make him happy or to save your marriage or whatever other reason. Be srong and good luck!

I say if he wants it so bad, maybe HE should have the surgery. At 22, I don't think you should limit yourself. It almost sounds like it may be a control issue for him. Or possibly he's just freaked out about having another child. Just be careful and use your best judgement.

Hi Terri,

My opinion would be to avoid the surgery. It is an unnecessary surgery and you are way too young to have to done. It is also a major surgery. If he wants to avoid having more children, then he should opt for a vasectomy. A vasectomy on a man is an office procedure - it doesn't require surgery and is done in the Drs office, not the hospital. A tubal ligation is major surgery. Besides - you are only 22. What is this marriage doesn't work out and you get remarried when you are 30 - you may want to have more children. That happened to my sister - she had her tubes tied when she was 28 after he 3rd child and now she is going through a divorce and in a new relationship and wants to have more children. If the IUD worked, then continue using that - or ask your husband to get the easier, less invasive procedure.

Good luck with your decision. And congratulations on your current pregnancy.

J.

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Terri,
I'm so glad you opted to share your concerns regarding this personal decision. It's really important to have perspective.

Please, please, please do not have your tubes tied. What bothers me is that your husband who loves you would even ask such a thing of a 22 year old woman. I agree with many of the other Moms, tell him to get himself neutered. This is a no-brainer. There are so many more less permanent options.

J.

Hi Terri,

I had a tubal ligation done 2 years ago. I had no problems at all. In fact I was back to aerobics in a week. So I would recommend it. However, 22 is young. I was 33 with a 7 and 5 year old. Have you talked to your Dr. about this? Because you are so young, he/she may not do it. If birth control works for you and your body, I would recommend staying with it for a while longer. Hope this helps.

You should tell him to have a vasectomy. It's outpatient surgery as opposed to the tubal ligation. I wouldn't suggest tubal ligation for someone as young as you. If the threat of another pregnancy bothers him so much, he should get sterilized not you.

I don't usually respond to these, but your story got me going. I wouldn't do it if I were you. First of all, it is YOUR body and your decision alone, not his. Second, I was told my husband shouldn't even get his vasectomy until our youngest child is 3 years old. Now you might like to think of a terrible thing happening to your young ones, but accidents do happen, sadly, and you need to protect your reproductive rights. Third, what is god forbid, something should happen to him whether as a soldier or if he left you? You don't want to think of any of these things but I have seen the most seemingly ideal marriages dissolve. so pritect your rights and please just find a diffrent way of birth control for now. Good luck to you!!!

Hi Terri,

I had recently had my third child and had my tubes tied during my c-section. I am 31 years old and this was a decision made primarily by me along with my husband agreeing. I had it done a month ago and knock on wood, I have had no changes or complications. What are some of your major concerns? On the otherhand, I do think that you need to wait to at least you are 30. I have 3 boys and I am happy I waited till I was 31 years old to be 100% sure this was something I wanted to do with no regrets.

hey Terri,

My first response...is you are too young for that. You may change your mind (or your husbands for that matter) and ten years down the road wish you could have another one. I would go with the contraceptive that you were using or talk to your doctor about a different one. I am only 30 yrs old and thinking about the same thing. (Due in feb with 3rd child.) I am not the person I was when I was 20! People chance so much. There is protection out there to help you not get pregnant...there just isn't anything you can do to reverse getting your tubes tied! It isn't an easy decision to make. I know...I am trying to make it at 30 with 3 kids. Good luck!

I don't think you are too young to make this decision, if it's what you want.
My dr explained that a vasectomy was a much better option, I don't remember all the reasons, less invasive, faster recovery, cheaper etc etc. My husband got one and was back to work in 3 days. I think the surgury it's self was 15 mins at most.
This should be a joint decision though. Did you guys ever talk about what you both wanted before you got married? who changed the plan?? You need to be able to talk about this, together. Even if he won't get counseling, maybe you need it.
I hope you and hubby can reach an agreement.

Hi Terri,

Have you thought about an IUD? I have a paraguard that lasts for 10 years before it needs to be removed and replaced. Ask your obstetrician what IUD they recommend. There are many other options besides tubal ligation.

I hope this helps?

A little about me: I'm a work from home Mom of 4 with my own home based business my Family loves to help me with. I have 2 girls ages 23 and 3. 2 boys ages 19 and 5. I'm also a Grandmother of 1 little boy he's 1.
www.trisharaycandles.scent-team.com

I am 36 and I am having second thoughts on getting a tubal. A LOT happens in 5 years. Look at the last 5 years of your life and think about it. 5 years ago, I would not have even considered having my 3 year old. And here I am with a 3 year old who was a Planned pregnancy. Who is to say where you might be in the next 5. I am only saying this because you are having second thoughts and you are so young. Please think before you do this. You are only 22. I did not even get married till I was 23 and that was a lifetime ago. I am sorry I am being so blunt, I do not usually give advice this way. But I know that you will probably even have trouble getting a Dr. to do a tubal at this age. I DO NOT promote lying in a marriage, but maybe you could just tell the Mr. that the Dr. refuses to do the procedure on a 22 year old and buy yourself another 5 years with the Mirena again. Best of luck and I am sorry again for being so blunt.

I had the surgery done with my last pregnancy. My reasons were that we had two healthy kids and a new healthy baby. All three of my children were born by c-section and I had some complications (gestational diabetes, problems with anesthesia, etc.) with each of them. I did not want to take a chance on getting pregnant again. I wanted to risk not being here for the children I have to have another child later (even though I would have loved any future children but not planned them).

I have had no problems with the procedure. They did the procedure while they still had me open from the c-section. For me, it entailed very little.

However, if you are going to have a natural childbirth, I would bring up the Vasectomy option with your husband. Quite honestly, it is less invasive (although men don't usually see it that way! However, surgically it is less invasive.) It has a lot shorter healing time (it is outpatient and requires day of rest). It does take a few months before it is completely effective, though. My husband and I had discussed it. The insurance had a lower co-pay for the vasectomy as well. However, since I was already going to be opened up, I couldn't see putting him through a procedure as well for something that would take my doctor an extra five minutes during the c-section.

Quite honestly, with the effectiveness of the birth control out there, I don't think I would opt for this procedure at your age, especially given your hesitations. It is pretty permanent. Although there have been cases where they have been able to reverse them, it is very hard to do and more than a little risky should you change your mind down the road.

My recommendation right now... Talk to your doctor. Some doctors won't even do this procedure for someone as young as you are. Yours may be one of those doctors. Talk to him about your husbands "request" and your other options. Once you have all of the information, then go back to your husband with those options and your choice. He may not like it but when it comes down to it, it's your body and your choice. If he doesn't trust you with it, he has options with his own body.

Anyhow, I hope my ramblings help a bit and wish you the best of luck with your dilemma.

Hi Terri,

I know everything has pretty much already been said, and I'm glad you are not having the surgery. If he is too scared to have a vasectomy, which is a much simpler, shorter, outpatient procedure, then he has no right to expect you to have the tubal ligation.

And I know that it is very rare, but I actually know someone personally who had a tubal ligation and still got pregnant afterwards. It was several years ago, but just knowing that, I would never have it done myself. And at only 22 years old, you would have a very difficult time even finding a doctor who would do the surgery anyway unless you already had 3 or more kids or something.

And besides all that, if he is a soldier, he has to consider the possibility of something happening to him and where would that leave you and your future if you had already had this done at such a young age? He has to think more about you and your feelings and less about his own desires and fears. With so many alternative options, there is no reason to even consider having this surgery at 22. I hope everything works out for you and congratulations on baby #2!

you're too young to get your tubes tied.

Def go back to mirena or tell him to get his junk cut lol.

This is a very personal decision and at least for us, not one that the other person gets to make. Yes, Dh and I have input into each other's decision, but ultimately, it's my body my choice and his body, his choice.

We've talked about it and I refuse to get a tubal. I'm not happy with the success rates for the surgery (1 in 50 fails from one source I read), which is a very invasive procedure to be considering post baby when you're still healing, unless you already know you're having a c-section, which is a whole nother can of worms.

I did the pill for 8 years straight and will not ever be going back on hormones. I can't believe the difference not being on them made for me, all around.

When we're done having kids, DH is open to the idea of getting snipped. It's also possible to test him to make sure that it's working effectively. Plus, selfishly, if anything were to happen to DH, I am open to the idea of remarrying and having more kids.

S.

22 is way too young to do anything that permanment. How many of us 10, 15 years later can't beleive what we were thinking about at 22.

Don't let him pressure you into it. If he does, seek counseling cause then something wrong in your marriage that he fees he can dictate to you.

Let him do the vasectomy then if he so dead set against having another kid.

I don't know if anyone stated this as I didn't get to read them all but a young neighbor of ours, about your age, just had her 2nd. She wanted to get her tubes done while at the hospital after delivering her 2nd. The dr told her that they would NOT do it. That only after 3 kids or she reached a much higher age (can't remember exactly).

Not sure if that is all doctors but I remember thinking it was interesting that the dr would refuse to do this procedure.

So...you might not even have the choice w/ the dr.

I do agree w/ everyone else. If you have an effective form of bc & are happy w/ it, you should do that. It is your body & making a permanent change to it that you do not want is ridiculous. And v's are not that bad. My dad & step dad each had one & after wards, they both felt like it was no big deal at all.

Hi Terri,

First I'm sorry you have to deal with this right now. It must feel awful sometimes.

Next let me echo what most of the other women have already said - if you're not sure about sterilization DON"T DO IT. This is a major decision and not something you should do unless you are sure it is the right thing to do for you. You are the one who will have to live with this choice for the rest of your life. There is only one thing that is certain in this world and that is that things change. No one else has the right to force this kind of decision on you. Like I frequently tell my daughter - your body is yours and it belongs to you!

Now some advice for dealing with your husband. There must be a reason he gets mad and defensive about this topic. Assuming that his behavior isn't part of a larger pattern of abusive or controlling behavior, I think finding out what is fueling this particular reaction is really important for your relationship. In the 20+ years I have lived with my husband I have come to understand that men are just as complicated emotionally as women but they are different. There must be something going on with him emotionally to cause this strong of a reaction.

There are so many things it could be I wouldn't dare hazard a guess, but I will share my own experience to make this point. My husband had serious trust issues where birth control is concerned because his mother had 10 "accidental" pregnancies. His father complained about this throughout my husband's childhood as if he had nothing at all to do with it. I thought then and still think the whole thing is/was utterly ridiculous! I mean fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Ten times, huh?!? But as crazy as that sounded to me, it took us years to get past it. On an emotional level my husband really feared being forced into fatherhood against his will. I know that if I had gotten pregnant before he was ready, I would have seen some very strange behavior on his part. Had I not taken the time to understand and been patient with him I doubt we would still be married. We have both grown and he has turned into quite a wonderful husband and father, so it was worth the investment.

Your pregnancy is fairly new and so you have a little time until April. Tell him exactly how you feel right now, then I suggest not talking so much about the tubal. If it isn't up for debate, don't act like it is. When it does come up be honest, you really aren't sure you want to do this to your body right now and you need some time to carefully consider all of the implications of permanent sterilization. You have the RIGHT to take all the time you need. If you aren't willing to have the procedure, then be kind but firm and tell him the truth. "Honey I'm not willing to do that to my body at this point in our lives." I think it is important to tell him this clearly every time the subject comes up and often during the conversations. When he understands how you feel, maybe he will come to see this as a drastic solution and he should be willing to work through this with you to find an answer that works for both of you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I wish you peace and all the luck in the world.

K. L.

Terri, at 22yrs old NO if you are not sure, or have any doubts don't even think about getting a tubal! First of all you are too young! (LOL I can say that because I'm old enough to be your mom!) Second of all it is a personal decision...not one that your husband should make for you. Sure, you should discuss birth control with your hubby and if he is so sure that he doesn't want any more children then why doesn't he consider having a vasctomy? It is less invasive, has a much quicker and eaiser healing time, and something he can do NOW right at his doctor's office! Why does the birth control have to be your responsibility for your family? Aren't you two supposed to be partners? I would ask him that! After 3 c-sections I told my hubby that it was his turn to take care of any permant birth control responsibility and he handled it quite well! You might even want your doctor to talk to him about the risks involved...it is far less for him than it is for you! Best wishes

Ask him if he is willing to get a vasectomy. It's a lot easier for him to have that done then for you to have the tubal. And if he is the one that is so convinced that he is done, maybe he should be the one having it done. Otherwise, there is no reason for you not to use the type of birth control you want. I'm scheduling a tubal, but I am 11 years older and positive that I'm done. I can't convince my husband to have the vasect, but he doesn't want me to have the tubal. It has to be your choice.

You are so right! It's your decision. and if you feel that he is deciding for, then do not have the operation. Tell him that it is much safer and easier for him to get a vasectomy. My husband and I decided that he would get the vasectomy, because of the risks involved.

If he's set on an operation, let him have one! He can get himself fixed easier than you can. You are way too young to have that done and should not let anyone tell you what to do with your body.

First I want to say that this is no different than any other operation, there are risks and you do hear horror stories. Most tubals turn out just fine! My concern is that you dont want to do it..DONT!!!! if you dont want this done I suggest you have your husband go under the knife instead of you.. When I had my son my ex wanted me to get fixed, I wasnt sure thats what I wanted and I refused. We were divorced 3 years later (I was 24 at the time) and I remarried, and 13 years later I had another child.. I wouldnt give her up for anything she is such a sweet child and if I had done what HE wanted me to do I wouldnt have her.. think about it long and hard and dont do any thing your not 100% sure of!!!

do not let ANYONE decide what is best for you or your body! For goodness sake you are only 22 years old and have many more years to decide if you want more children. If I let my ex decide for me I would not have the 2 beautiful girls to the man I am married to now! My oldest is 16 and then a 4 year old and a 4 month old. I would not have the surgery at your age. A lot of things can change in the future. In the end it is YOUR decision not his....think long and hard before you do anything drastic! Good luck...my prayers are with you.
J.

You're only 22. You never know where life will take you. what if you were remarried later on in your thirties and that person wanted kids too. Your babies then might be 8, 9+ & 6, 7+ by then... maybe you WOULD want more kids.

Bottom line - you're young and it's YOUR BODY. Don't do it because HE wants you to, only do it if it's what YOU really want (which i don't think you do if you're posting this).

Best wishes!

22 and a tubal ligation? Don't do it!! You don't know what the future will bring, and you are way too young for anything like that. If it's so important to him for you not to get pregnant again, tell him he can get a vasectomy. Since it's his issue and this is something he wants done, it should be his responsibility. If he's not willing to do something so permanent to himself, he should not expect the same from you. I guess he would just have to settle for other methods of birth control.

I agree with everyone else. If he wants no more children, then he can have a vasectomy. Have you even talked to your doctor about it? I doubt that anyone will actually do the procedure at your age. You have a lot of life to live, now is not the time to be making that kind of permanent decision.

Glad you took a stand.....

First of all, if your husband wants sterility in your relationship he can get snipped himself! A tubal is major surgery while a vasectomy is a short, out-patient ordeal. Second of all, I will also be younger (28) when I am done having children and I have been informed by my doctor that if you have your tubes tied at a younger age, there is a greater chance of pregnancy later on in life. After 10 years, you actually have a 15% chance that you will get pregnant. What a surprise that would be to your husband then! Don't sterilize yourself at such a young age...you will only regret it later!

When my now X-husband suggested this, an older woman friend of mine said to me, "Girl, if you ever want to get child support from him you better make sure he doesn't have more children with someone else!" At the time I thought this was harsh, but it turned out to be providential... though I still got very little child support. I refused to have my tubes tied, and my reasoning went like this. I carried and bore the babies. I have contributed my fair share toward the fertility of this family, now it's your turn to take responsibility, and he had a vasectomy.
Good luck,
N

Hi Terri,
I had a tubal in April and can't say I've noticed any physical changes/side effects. Once I knew I was scheduled to have a c-section, that is when we decided to get it done. (I am 34 and know that we are happy with 2 children.)

I am curious as to why your hub wants you to get the tubal. Is it because the IUD hurt? Or because he doesn't want more children? If that's the case, he could consider a vasectomy and avoid both! :)

Good luck!

I agree with a lot of what the other Mothers are saying to you. I always tell my sons father if he wants to be done he has to go get it taken care of. So if I was you I would be telling your husband the same thing. Then you can wait and see if he gets defensive about his body. If he does there is your argument for him. Good luck and remember none of us know what the future holds.

Terri ~ my husband wanted me to have this done after our 4th child was born, I however was not ready too. I told him if he felt that strong about something permanent being done then he could have a vasectomy! Not only because I wouldn't have the surgery but also because his recovery time is only a weekend, less invasive (outpatient, while ours is major surgery!) Like another said have him go to a dr.'s appt. and have both surgeries compared, when it comes from a professional it seems to make all the difference in the world! Hope this is helpful. Blessings ~ J.

At 22, you will be lucky if you can find a doctor that will do it. My neighbor was 24 when she tried to get it done and they told her she was too young and hadn't had enough children yet (after her 2nd child). And I know of at least one other person that has said something similar. There is no reason to go through that at such a young age. I am 33 and can't imagine decided to do that let alone having my husband decide for me. In the end, it's your body and you decide what gets done. If he's so interested in sterilization, then maybe he needs to get a vasectomy. It seems to be more of a control issue for him. If you don't want it, don't do it!

I am 24 and so is my best friend and she actually wanted to get her tubes tied and the doctor told her she was too young and they pretty much refused to do it. Make him get snipped, at least this way if you ever decide you do, in fact, want another baby his is reversible. This is a HUGE decision and don't let him talk you into it if it is not something you definitely want. Good luck and listen to your heart!!

I am sorry everyone, but I have to go out on my own on this one...
I do agree that 22 is young, but age is just a number. If you are ready and want the surgery then do it. Of course if you are not sure then don't.
I had a tubal about a year ago and have no side effects at all from it. I have one little scar, that's it. The healing time for me was pretty quick and easy and it was not done right after I had a baby.
This is something that you and your husband need to sit down adn discuss. You need to find out from him why exactly he is so set on you having the surgery. I understand that most men do not willingly go get "snipped", but sometimes they do need to do their part.
You need to make sure that there are not other issues going on with him prompting his determination on this.
Good luck in whatever you decide! Just make sure that it is YOUR decision and are comfortable with it.

K.

22 is WAY too young to even think about getting your tubes tied !! maybe you and your husband should go to counceling and discuss this before making a decision. you carried your babies .. ask him to get fixed .. thats a better option !!!

I think 22 is too young to have a tubal ligation. hopefully,this pregnancy come out okay but you are only 10 weeks along. what if you want to have another one down the road? what if something happens and you and your husband do not stay together. most people do not have any problems with the tubal ligation after birth. i would do the mirena again if you do not have any problems. why does he not want to have a vasectomy? the road goes both ways. a vasectomy is much easier on a man than a tubal ligation is on a woman.

If he is so adament about no more children, suggest that HE get a vasectomy. It is a much easier operation than a tubal ligation and is done in the urologist's office. My husband was out mowing the lawn the next day.
Birth control is not "your" job alone.

All I can say to you is "it is your body & don't let your husband force you into doing something to your body that you are not 100% ready to do"! Being that you are only 22 years old, and having only your second child, you may in fact have difficulty finding a doctor that will do a tubal ligation on you. My cousin - who will be 24 in Nov and has four children (7, 5, 3 & 1-1/2) had difficulty finding someone to do this procedure on her after she had her daughter (who will be two in Feb). And she was positive that she wanted no more children after having 4 by the age of 22.
I had a tubal done about 8 months after I had my son (when I was 31) and had no difficulties after the procedure. It was done laproscopically (spelling?) and had minimal recovery time.
All I can tell you is that you have to be the one making the decision - it is your body not your husbands - and if you are not 100% sure that's what YOU want, then there are many other methods of birth control and I would recommend following that route.
Good luck, and please remember that you are in charge of your own body, and you don't want to do something that you may regret later if you decide you want to have another child. With all the birth control options out there, I would take your time and don't rush on your decision. Best of luck to you.

I can't imagine why he would want you to have such major surgery at 22, and after 2 kids. I agree with the others that he should consider a "trip to the vet" rather than you-- it is much less invasive for him. But I am REALLY concerned that he would get defensive and mad about you wanting to discuss such a major step with him. That is a huge red flag to me, and there is NO WAY on earth I would even consider his request. Get your OB to tell him that she won't do a TL on someone so young and that Mirena is the better way to go, and then get him to actually tell you what's up. Maybe he's just afraid that he's going to get shipped overseas, or that another baby would be too much financially right now, but you guys have to talk about this. If he really won't talk about why he feels the need for you to (sorry to be so dramatic) mutilate your body for no reason other than his wishes, then you need to know that too.